Tina keeps dating men fresh out of relationships who say they're ready but pull back. Karamo tells her she's turning red flags green by trusting their words over their actions. His fix: write down what you want and say it on the first date, even if he leaves.
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Pragya, you're on air with Karamo. What is the tea? Welcome back to another episode of 1-844-KARAMO, where I'll be taking calls from viewers just like you.
I'm calling to talk about my friend Tina a little bit. She's a wonderful person, and I love her to death. I've known her since we were freshmen in college. That's where we met. She's been through multiple situationships, and I've just always wanted to see her with someone long-term.
So now, what is it about Tina that you think is holding her back?
Tina is a social butterfly. She has a lot going on in her life. She is a very accomplished and driven woman, but when looking at her love life, she just doesn't give enough time to that, or when she does, she always finds some tiny faults with, and it just never turns into something long-term.
What are the qualities in these guys and in the situationships that are, like, bad?
The types of guys that she finds are definitely people that don't want to get in a long-term relationship. They don't see that potential that I think that they should see because she is just such an amazing person and I definitely want that for her.
I need to hear from Tina now. Okay.
Hi, Karamo.
I just heard about how accomplished, how beautiful, how amazing you are, how you are the life of the party, and that your picker might be off with men. What do you think is going on?
I don't know if the red flags find me or if I find them. I might be the problem.— but I'm just looking for a guy who's also ambitious, also career-driven, funny, all of these things. And it's not like— I personally don't think I have high standards. And based off of my track record, it doesn't look like I have high standards. So I don't really know what's going on because back when I was younger, I thought by now I'd have like a ring on my finger ready to have the white picket fence. But that is just not my reality.
So when you're talking to these guys, what do they say to you? That then switches later on?
Oh my gosh, at first they're all in, and I've had multiple times where I end up going for guys who have recently just gotten out of relationships, and I come into the picture, and they say to me, I'm ready to date. But then as time goes on, it's like, no, I'm not ready to date, but I really love spending time with you, and I find myself in yet another situationship. Honestly, give me a crown. Queen of situationships sitting right here.
You in a lane, girl. I've been there too. Don't even worry about it. So they say first that even though you know they just got out of a relationship, they say they want to be one, and then they switch their tune later on. What else did they say to you?
So recently, a guy that I have had been seeing, he was like, I've just got a lot on my plate right now, and I can't give you all of the time that you want. But the thing is, I also don't have time. So, it's trying to find that balance.
Well, you said before that you don't know if the red flags find you. And if I can be real with you, it doesn't sound like the red flags are finding you. It sounds like you're turning red flags green and giving yourself this okay to go when you don't need to be. Because from the beginning, you're telling me that you know that these men just got out of relationships, you know they haven't worked, yet you're still continuing it. Or they say, I don't have time, and yet you're still continuing it. So, the question for you is why?
I take people by their words instead of their actions. So that's where I go wrong.
Do you trust yourself?
Depends on the day.
That's the most honest and beautiful thing you could say. And the reason I asked you if you trust yourself is because part of understanding and looking at someone's behavior is a part of trust. Do we trust that we're going to see it in enough time to protect ourselves? Do we trust that we've, we've done stuff to protect ourselves before in the past that will let us know and inform us now that we can protect ourselves? And sometimes as we're trying to figure out, like you just said, that on days you do trust yourselves and on days you don't, that's where you got these homegirls like Pragya that is here for you to help you open your eyes and to see that you can trust yourself. How often do you tell the guy in the beginning, this is what I want?
Not often.
Not at all, girl.
Mm-hmm.
We know that.
Not at all. Not at all. I'm going to ask you to trust in Pragya that she can say to you, hey, did you tell them up front? But secondly, I want you to write down exactly what you want. And the minute you on the first date with somebody, I need you to express it. And don't have this fear in your mind of like, what will they say? Will they judge me? Will they think I'm trying to move too fast? Who gives a damn about what they feel? This is about you and your life and what you want and what you deserve. And I think way too often, just speaking for my girlfriends, Women will take back and not share what they want out of a fear that the man will reject them or deny them or complain about that. Who gives a damn about what he feels? Can you make that commitment to write down what you want so that you can say it when you're on these dates? And can you secondly make the commitment that as you're growing to trust yourself, you'll allow the trust you have in your friend to be there to support you to make better decisions?
Give me the pen and paper, I'm ready to write.
I wrote this down as well, so I'm holding you to it, Tina.
Tina, I wish you all the best, girl. Thank you for all you have for sharing your girl's tea with me. Thank you. Don't forget to keep coming back for more 1-844-KARAMO.
