Karamo Reacts to a Single Mom Struggling to Raise Teen Daughters | Karamo's Cut | KARAMO

It's so funny because the thing that I remember about this moment is that I want to button that button so bad. But girl, I had just eaten and it was like, no ma'am, they were not buttoning. I hated it. I felt so bloated. This is why I'm like this the entire time. We all get bloated sometimes. Hi, how are you doing? Can I give you a hug?

Yes, sir.

Nice to meet you. You as well. Thank you. So you said that your 16-year-old daughter— Y'all see it, I'm still grabbing it. Tell me what's going on.

She just feels like she's the parent in the situation at all times.

She don't know— How many mothers can relate to feeling as if their child is outta control? That's the first thing I thought to myself. But for me, I always think to myself, there has to be something deeper 'cause kids don't act out just to act out. There's usually something that's happening that they can't process that says, Well, this is how I'm gonna get your attention. This is how I'm gonna get you to love me. This is how I'm gonna help get you to focus on me. And so you're raising two teens 'cause you have a 16-year-old Anaya and then you also have Aaliyah that is 13?

Yes, sir.

Yeah, so how's that affecting you?

It's just, it's making me go into a far deep depression and I don't know how to overcome it. I don't know how to—

So when I'm sitting here, I look for keywords. That's why y'all see me taking notes. So when she said, I'm going through depression, I immediately started saying, and she said it's getting, when she said it's getting too hard for me to do it, that was a key note for me to realize, okay, something is deeper going here. Because when mom is saying, I'm feeling overwhelmed, you see me writing because that means, could there be something that's happening here while the kids are starting to act out? So you told my producers that you feel like your household isn't stable. What do you mean by that?

With me being, I'm not gonna blame it on nobody besides myself. Me being in depression and not wanting to get outta bed, not trying to make friends.

Mom doesn't wanna get outta bed. So now it started to click for me already. If mom doesn't wanna get outta bed, there must be something else going on why the teen is acting out. The apartment that you got evicted because you were just feeling stressed. When did that start? A year ago, 2 years?

It started when my arm got broke. My wrist got broke. We had an altercation and I got shoved down some stairs by a significant other and it broke my arm last year. I was in a cast for 6 months. I still baby it as we speak. It's just—

Within the first 3 minutes of talking to her, I knew exactly where this family healing needs to go. I knew immediately.

I'm 16 and my sister Leah is 13. I've been taking care of myself since 12 years old. I help my mom with financial needs. How my morning—

A 12-year-old worried about finances, trying to go to work and school, trying to help their mother. That's a lot of pressure for any child to go through. And it starts to explain to me why a child could lash out.

And making sure that all the kids have their stuff done and make sure that they have everything ready.

This young daughter already immediately I'm realizing is is having the responsibility of acting as if she's the mom when she's just a child.

You're just always outside and— I'm not always outside.

And of course the youngest sister is gonna start rebelling because she's like, my big sister is at work trying to handle stuff, my mom is asleep all day. They just want their mom. Poor babies.

I'm with my mom just 'cause of the reason that she's just always at work or she's just doing something else. She could walk in the house and we'll already know like, Don't mess with him.

I know as adults we feel stressed sometimes and we start to get to that place where it's like, when I walk in the house, I need everything to be how it needs to be. I can't deal with the BS that my kids are bringing to me. But at the end of the day, we can't let our exhaustion from being adults affect how we parent. And we have to start to check that because it's very easy to be like, listen, I don't have the capacity for this. But you have to find the capacity and you have to make your kids not feel as if their problems are a burden because they get to have their issues. They get to be kids. They get to make little small mistakes without it being like you come in the house and be like, I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna do it. I don't wanna deal with it. Why is this not like that? One of my parents, I ain't gonna say which one, used to walk in the house all the time. The first thing they used to say before they said hello, how y'all doing, was, oh my gosh, look at the house. And it was like after a while, it just, it didn't make me wanna make the house better. It just was like, well, I want you to say hi to me first, so I'm not gonna start rebelling. So we gotta just remember those things as parents that sometimes you just have to take a step back and before you go into like discipline mode or aggravated mode, just ask your kids how they're doing and check in on them.

If you guys left the attitudes in bed and in your dreams, maybe I would have been motivated to get up Ooh, mama said if, then maybe I'd be motivated.

Then maybe you'd be motivated? Poor baby. My producers told me you're back here crying. What's going on? So listen, this little girl is 13 years old. I had to go backstage and talk to her 'cause I could tell that she was having anxiety and feeling very nervous about coming out there. And so I just wanted to talk to her calmly about what she was experiencing, what she was going through. So did you hear what Aaliyah said back there?

Yes, I did.

She feels like you don't give her any attention because you give it to Aniah all the time.

But she hit it right on the nose too because she said she don't help around the house. It seems like if I give her the attention, it's gonna be negative attention because she don't wanna help do nothing around the house. She don't wanna listen. She wants to just do what Aaliyah wants to do.

Yeah.

So I do kind of exit her out and, "Okay, Aniah, we're gonna do this. We gotta get this done. We gotta get that done. We gotta get this." Leah, she's just gonna procrastinate and drag it along and make the job harder than what it actually is. So I kind of X her out and put my focus on Aniah. Like, I know Aniah's gonna help me. I know she's gonna get the job done. I know we're gonna come together as a team.

I want you to listen to the language you're using. I want you to listen to the language you're using.

Okay.

And I know you're exhausted and I know you're overwhelmed, just like many mothers are around this world. But you're saying things like, I'm going to X her out. Listen, this is so important. Language, language, language. The language we use hurts. It matters. And so when somebody says to you, like a mother saying, you know what, she's X'd out, think about how does that affect you? You gotta figure out how you're going to communicate so that it's healthy.

It's just hard, Aaliyah, when you don't listen. You know I got a short temper. I get frustrated a lot. It's like, if you're slowing me down, I'm gonna, I don't wanna say X you out 'cause you will never be X'd out of my life. I will always love you and support you and be there for you. But it's like, you don't make stuff easy for me around here.

[Speaker] Even in this speech right here, she's giving more stuff like, if you slowing me down, your child's not slowing you down. She's the child. If you don't make stuff easier, come on. Mom, it is not her responsibility to make things easier. It is your responsibility to help guide her so she feels as if she can make the right choices. You feel sad a lot?

Not all the time, but sometimes, yeah.

Yeah. Are you struggling in school too?

Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, you said yeah.

We tried to get her tutor multiple times. Well, we didn't try to. My mom said that she was going to, but she just never dug deep into getting her tutor.

I wanna say something because you know how you just talked about being so sad and depressed, you stay in bed, you're just like, "I can't deal." You know, kids mimic our behavior. And then she starts to mimic her mom's behavior, which is the most heartbreaking to me. What I would love is for you two ladies to go back, get a drink of water, relax. I think y'all have done a very great job as, listen, at 16 and 13, I don't know if I could do it. And I'm proud of y'all. Like y'all did amazing, but I want y'all to take a drink of water. So I asked the kids to leave because it was like, now that I got the facts, it's time to have a one-on-one with mom. Because mom, at the end of the day, this is something that you have to fix. This is something that you have to work on with yourself and then with the kids. There's no more calling your kids out of control. It's about mom is not in control. So the first thing is that they said they need your attention. And so I get it. You say, well, they put me in the attitude. But one of the big things you can do to give attention is you have to find some way, and I know it's hard, and I'm gonna try to give you some more tools outside of this, just to at least get up in the morning. You see that little girl there? Every morning you fight with her and every morning your daughter has to fight with her. That's, she's mimicking your behavior. I'm too sad, I give up on the world. Can you commit to at least saying, I'm gonna get up in the morning?

Yes, sir.

You can? Trying to be for my kids, yes.

If that's gonna be a big help and to see some type of positive results, I'll get up bright and early cooking breakfast every morning.

Yes. I believe it, I believe it, I believe it. This is the second piece that I think we can commit to where you don't feel extra overwhelmed is that I gotta ask you, when you feel like they're not stepping up, for you not to react in a way that you've been reacting. Instead, react as like you're a kid. And I know that's hard. This is gonna be a big one.

That's the, you're asking for too much now. No, I'm just playing.

No, I get it, I get it. But they're 16 and 13-year-old. Like when your daughter just said she has 3 jobs, I know you're not asking for money. I heard it. You said, I'm not asking for your money. I'm not doing anything. But that's still too hard for a 16-year-old girl to have to do.

It's because sometimes they think they're the president's daughter and they, they're used to a lifestyle that I used to be able to support. And that's.

But the way you break them out of that is first of all by not saying it's your fault.

Sometimes I spoiled them. My mom told me, like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Because listen, I could have already pinpointed this before I even went there. That's language somebody put in your head to tell you, you know what, Listen, you spoiling these kids. And now the repercussions. Now you're like, oh, I did spoil them. No, no, no, no, no. Because that type of language is what's keeping you depressed. And That type of language is what keeps you feeling down on yourself. When people tell you, look what you did, and you start believing it, guess what happens? You start breaking yourself down even more. So you gotta remove that language.

Okay.

You were there for your mother and you provided for your kids. You gave. And now you don't have it to give.

Yeah.

It doesn't make you a bad mom and you shouldn't feel guilty for it. What it is is that that's life, ebb and flow. They gonna get it when they hit 21, 30, they gonna start understanding. But right now they kids. So that's when you have to show up as a mom and say, "I'm gonna give you extra love." Not rebel because you're rebelling.

That's where you love them louder and you say, "I see you." But how am I gonna love them louder when I barely even love myself like that? I hear you.

That's the bravest thing you ever said. Can I have a hug for that? No, you sit. I got you. Come on, let that out. It's all right. And this is where you say to your kids, listen, I know, I need you to tell your kids you love them louder. The more you can tell your kids that, the more you can support them is the more that you'll see behavior change. And of course there's always special situations, but at the end of the day, you can't fight negativity with children with more negativity. You have to support them with more love. The reason I asked you to go upstairs stage is because right now mom is going through a hard moment. She's going through a real hard moment and that shouldn't be shouldered on y'all. But I'm gonna tell y'all this, as someone who's just met your mother, there's a strong side of y'all mom and a very amazing side.

Yeah.

That once she starts to make these commitments that I just talked to her about, y'all gonna see. Now one of the things is y'all know that financially y'all going through it right now, right?

Mm-hmm.

Y'all know it.

Yeah.

And so there's two things that I heard. And I wanna do this for you and for you and for you. I wanna send you to a dentist. I'm gonna make an appointment for you today.

Today.

And for you, and for you, 'cause I know how hard school can be, especially when you don't have the support. I'm gonna get you that tutor. This was a moment for me. That now that I saw the breakthrough, I also understood mom needed some support. And I was like, mom can't leave here 'cause she's still gonna feel overwhelmed. So I was like, you know what? We have dental issues, we have tutoring issues, I can pay for that. And that was the support that mom needed just so she needed a little bit of help to feel as if maybe I can make it one more day, take it day by day. You gotta make some commitments too, okay? Your mother's saying she's gonna commit to waking up. You said you gonna commit to wake up with her. Now I know you're going out because you want that attention. You don't feel like you're getting it at home. You feel like all the focus is on your sister. When you feel like you're not getting attention, I need you to be the young woman I know you can be. And I need you to calmly say to your mom, I need you to love me louder right now. Because I think as young people, especially as young women, we don't know how to scream out that way. We start screaming out in other ways. This goes for you too. I need you to love me. Me louder instead of going out in the streets, instead of being upset. And this is the same thing for y'all when y'all talking, because it's easy for everybody to catch an attitude. I already know this, full of attitude in this house. Yeah, you be catching attitudes, you catch attitudes, you catch attitudes, right? 4% we all get them. Okay, but that attitude is actually just because y'all are hurting.

Exactly.

People don't realize that. Then when you see sisters and mothers catching attitudes, 'cause everybody's just hurt and they don't know how to say it, right? So instead of saying, instead of like having the attitude, Just say, I need you to love me a little louder right now. This was a great family. I just wish them all the best. I love them so much. I mean, I still think about these young women and what they experienced and what they're going through. And I just think to myself, I just pray they're doing well because they really do deserve a great chance to have the life they want. And I also hope the mom is getting the help she needs. You know, we took a big first step on my show, but you know, it's one of those things where it's like, I just keep praying for them and, you know, hope to, you know, follow up with them one day. Can't get enough of Karamo? Then subscribe to our YouTube page right here and check your local listings to watch on your TV.