Karamo Show Fan Gets Her Question Answered! | KARAMO

When I set out to make this show, I wanted to help people and I want us to keep talking and growing in the future. But first, let's acknowledge the learning that has already taken place here. My guest, Haneefa, has received over 50 million views on social media from this video.

Oh, you talking about yourself, bro. Right. And you don't give a shit. It's not my fault. I don't care. You're not gonna fault me for that. That's like the magic bullet. I'm not biting the magic bullet. You are the only parent in the house, bro.

I'm slow-burn.

I'm not biting the magic bullet. You're the only parent in the house, that's why I gotta do the shit I gotta do for my daughter. My brother was murdered, and you're not gonna tell me that I was robbed at gunpoint. You're self-talking about yourself. Why? Why are you talking about yourself, bro? 'Cause you think you're being selfish right now. How? 'Cause you're screaming at me. You shouldn't. You should respect me.

Let her take a moment. We can have a conversation 'cause it's the pain. It's pain. I was able to give Hanifa the tools she needed to grow from this situation. Take a look at this moment of healing from that story. I tried to give you something where your mom could acknowledge, but she can't. So now we gotta figure out this. You already set the boundary of we're not talking no more. You don't have her in your life. And I think that's a healthy boundary for you to have right now.

I don't want to be that 15 angry, bitter little girl. So it's like I bounce between the 15-year-old being angry and the grown woman me.

You have to grieve the mother that you needed. You have to grieve her because she wasn't there. And it's basically like grieving a death.

I'm trying. It's hard going through postpartum.

I get it. I get it. I get it. But you got to grieve that death. You got to grieve the death of that mother's relationship that you didn't have. That relationship has died. And until she's able to take steps to give you what you need, you have to grieve that relationship while also focusing on your boundaries. That's what's going to lead you to the healing. I tried to give you the healing from your mother, but unfortunately she's not in a space still to give you that. That relationship is dead. Grieve it. When you lose something and you're like, "Oh man, I'm pissed, I'm sad," the first day and the second day you're like, "Well—" It's just hard. I know, it is.

And it's a process. 'Cause it's the only, my grandma has cancer. I know she does. She's my rock.

I know, but no, that's a lie. She's not your rock. Let me tell you who the rock is. That soul inside of you is your rock. Let me tell you that. You are your own rock. You have always been your own rock. And so don't ever put that external because it takes away from your own strength and from the fact that you've always tried. To do the best for yourself.

I'm just tired of being disappointed by her.

Yeah, grieve it. Grieve it. Instead of saying, I'm tired of being disappointed, say, I'm no longer disappointed. And also remind yourself that I am my own rock. I always have been. You hear me? You got it? Come here. You got this. You got this. You've always had it. You've always had it. That's the thing. You've always had it. You've always been doing this. You've always had it. You've always had it. You understand? Give it up for her.

I love you. I love you.

All right, so you have probably heard me say that I have a love-hate relationship with social media. So the one thing I do love is that I can help more than just the people that I reach on this stage. See, 22-year-old Bree commented on that viral video of Hanifa. Bree is joining me today to tell me what moved her about that segment. Hey Bree, how you doing? Hi. I'm so excited. I'm really excited to be here. Thank you for being here with me. You look amazing.

I'm so proud of you. It's easy too.

Oh, thank you, love. I appreciate that. Thank you.

So happy to be here. Thank you.

I'm glad you're here too. So tell me, why did this resonate with you, that clip?

Well, if I want to watch a show all the time, so I'm around the same age as her. We both have similar situations when it comes to dealing with our families. For me myself, I do struggle with talking to anybody that will want to listen to me. Yeah, I struggle with anger issues, even though it's not as severe as it is now. Before, I showed anger issues, and now when people see me or when they hear me talk, they think I'm angry. And when you finally get somebody who wants to listen to you, just break down and explode. I know. I feel exactly how she feels.

First of all, thank you for sharing your own personal story and being vulnerable. That's what I love about our community here because the more we talk, the more we grow. And even you sharing that right now just gave so many more people who are gonna watch you to have an understanding of who you are as a young woman. So I appreciate that, seriously. Thank you.

Thank you for having a platform.

So what moved you to leave this comment?

It was her screaming. Her screaming. Because her reaction, it really— it, it still breaks my heart. Like, watching it earlier before you posted it, like, showed me— it just broke my heart so bad because I know how she feels when you just want to scream, when you're just holding everything in, all that sadness, all that anger, all that hurt from being affected so much when you was a child. And now that you're an adult, you're just trying to not lead on, like, be that same person to your child. So I know exactly how she feels. It hurts.

So what would Yolanda say to Haneefa? I would say it gets better.

As someone who's young, just as she is, I've learned that there's somebody who wants to listen. There's always somebody who wants to listen. If it's not the person that you wanna listen, just find somebody else that will. Sometimes letting that person go will help you in the long run.

Mm, it's the truth. You better preach.

Just like you got me, I got you, Karamo.

Oh God, you better preach. You better preach. So I heard you had a question for me.

Yes, I wanna know how I can talk to people without being seen as angry.

Oh, I hear that. Without being seen as angry. You know, well, first of all, we have to acknowledge that first of all, in the Black community, there is sort of this unfortunate ideal and stereotype that have been put on Black women and many women of color that if you show emotion, It means that you're angry, that you're aggravated, that something is wrong. And so I, first of all, we have to understand that and be able to digest that and be able to first not feel the pressure of that. Because for your life, you're gonna try to hold yourself back. You're not gonna say things, which then makes it bubbles up because we all understand this stereotype. You're allowed to have your feelings. You're allowed to speak and say what you are feeling in the moment. You are allowed to be both angry and you're allowed to be both sad. Sad, and none of those make you less of a person because you have feelings. So that's the first thing. So the first time someone comes up to you and they're like, oh, you seem angry right now, you say, I'm allowed to have feelings. And I think that's an appropriate response for people to understand. When it comes to communicating, especially in this situation with a parent who doesn't understand that, why are you being so angry? Why are you doing this? We have to acknowledge first that they're going to still think of us as children. Children. Parents are always gonna think of us as children and they're not gonna sometimes be able to go past that image to understand that we are adults that have been affected by their choices that need support in healing it. One of the things that's always confused me about parents when they see kids who are angry, who are upset, who are hurting, they're like, well, just get over it in a sense. Well, what about me? And it's like, if your child came to you right now and had a gash on their knee, would you say, well, what about me? Would you say, "Well, get over it," or would you sit there and tend to that wound? If later on that wound was not taken care of, would you still say to them, "Well, I already tended to 'em," or would you say, "Baby, let me tend to it again"? So when you're talking to somebody, if they see anger, let them know this is not anger, this is pain, and I need you to tend to the wound. Support me in tending this wound because right now, if you don't help me tend to this, of course I'm gonna keep being angry 'cause I'm screaming, I'm hurting. And at the end of the day, if they can't understand why, you just gave this advice to other people. You find a community that can support you. We can find community. That's literally what I'm trying to establish here is a community. You know, we've been calling it the Karamo Club, but it's like, come on, this is the community where you can come here and you know you can get your support. You can scream, you can do those things because at the end of the day, you need people who can say, you got it out, girl? "Okay, cute, I'm here for you still. I'm not gonna call you angry, I ain't gonna call you nothing. Okay, you need to get that out? That is fine." Because we all deserve that community. Because in that community is where we find the love and support we didn't get. So I just wish you the best of luck and hopefully those 3 things can help you as you're moving forward.

Listen, I love you.

Like, I'm really so grateful.

You have me crying over here. Like, somebody's finally listening to me speak. I'm so happy. Aw.

I'm so glad I could be here for you.

Thank you so much.

I really am. I'm so glad I could be here for you. I really am. See friends, this is what I always say. When you see the drama, I'm seeing pain. But when you see the pain, that means there's an opportunity for a breakthrough. And that's what this show is about, breakthroughs. I hope y'all know that. Bri, it is so nice to meet you. You too. Thank you for being with us. And by the way, when that comment happened, I'm the one who saw it and clicked it. And so I saw you, girl.

I saw you. Yes.

So I wanna do, I saw you. Thank you guys so much. You're welcome, all right. Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.