Karamo & Stephanie Butt Heads on Young Parents in Crisis | Co-Parenting Unlocked: Ep 7 | KARAMO

You was fast. I was fast. You were faster.

I was fast.

Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked. I am here with the beautiful and gorgeous Stephanie Brooks.

Hello.

Who's also the mother of my children, if you don't know that by now. I am. Yes, you are. And today we're going to talk about a subject that we know all too well. Young parents.

Don't we?

OK, B, a young parent. We know on Mike's show we have a lot of young couples. And there's one young couple that was at odds that I want y'all to check out. Do you think you're a deadbeat?

I mean, they can make it that way easy. Just keep—

I asked, do you think?

I don't think I'm a deadbeat because there's people really out here not trying.

They're not trying.

They're not even doing half the things I'm doing.

OK, name all the stuff you bought. Name all the stuff you bought.

Stop acting like I ain't spent like $150 on clothes on Temu.

Oh, clothes.

I said—

I said—

I bought—

Stuff, and you got winter stuff and summer stuff.

I bought my sons a lot, a bunch of outfits and everything. Why would you send my son in daddy clothes and your baby in yours? Sent it to her crib and everything. They was about to send it back.

You bought Gucci and Gucci.

And I buy diapers every time, I buy diapers and wipes every time she asks. Every time she asks for formula, I'll put on. But then look, it's just one time. It's just one time. Every time is that one time when I say I don't have it. You should send them the formula. Can you give me till like tomorrow? I'll say, can you give me till like tomorrow? She won't listen. But she talking about something I told her to figure it out on her own. I never told her that.

Give her at least $20 today.

Don't wait till tomorrow, D. I told her, give me till tomorrow. I don't have it right now.

Give me tomorrow. Let's just clarify. Do you use drugs?

This is what I've been talking about.

Let me ask you, do you use drugs?

No. I'm actually withdrawn right now.

You're withdrawn right now? Yeah, I'm feeling real well.

Thank you.

And you see why I don't let my son around that because what if my son's at his house and he gets raided? Not only will he get in trouble, but I will. I'm not losing my son over your dumbass decision. Ain't nobody finna raid.

Girl.

Yeah, that's a number of things right there to unpack. Like, wow, girl. Wow, girl. I'm not even gonna knock him for ordering the Temu clothes because I know we people do that.

But no, the point of why she knocking him is because the size is too wrong size. Yeah, what you gonna do if I ordered some clothes for the kid and they the wrong size? You're gonna be like Why you send me this?

And for the wintertime when they in the summer.

Thank you. You're going to be like, what you doing with this? But the man— That baby's going to grow out of that before you even know it.

Dang, but I feel bad.

I remember when the kids was like 8, 9, 10, they was growing out of clothes every other week. If I would have sent you something that's like different, you'd have been like, what am I going to do with this? What am I going to do with this?

For 4 years up the road, but—

What am I going to do? What am I going to do with this?

That man, first things first, he need to address his problem.

It seem like he got the baby issue. Well, that's what she also talking about, you know what I mean? Like, listen, this is why you got to pay attention to who you laying down with.

Ooh, come on. Come on. This is also what I heard, too. Why are you asking him the day before the baby needs something? You know this man is struggling financially. No, no, no, no, no. Why are you just asking him today when you know you should—

Don't do that, Stephanie. No, why?

That's how I feel, Karamo.

Don't do that. Don't do that.

She know when the stack is getting low.

You a damn lie.

When the diapers are getting low, you know it's time to hurry up.

Stephanie—

At that point, ask.

Stephanie Brooks, you a damn lie.

Tell me why.

And I'm going to tell you why, because you used to call me last minute when you need—

No, I'm sorry. OK, I got it.

Because if you need something, you need it in that moment as a co-parent.

Yeah.

And so parenting is not as easy to be planned ahead for. You know that better than anybody.

Well—

I can try to plan ahead as much as I need to. First of all, she shouldn't even have to plan ahead for diapers and all that. Let's be very real.

Right.

You already know that the baby's going to need diapers, formula, everything. So I need to have to plan ahead. I don't need to tell you when the stack low. I agree. You know that's coming.

I agree.

The same way you know we need water and toilet paper in the house, you know that's already going to be there.

I agree.

So I shouldn't even have planned that. And then secondly, things come up. And when things come up last minute, as parents, you have to adjust. And that's just what it is.

It's true. I'mma both empathize—

On top of the plan, and you over there using money for drugs when you got a baby that need help?

Come on.

Well, again, I'mma empathize and sympathize in this situation because— No, me, girl. —one, I have been the chick that waited because I don't— you said this before, and it's the absolute truth. I don't like asking for stuff.

You didn't ask me for child support. No. But I will say I did think you were stupid.

Why? Because I didn't take it?

Girl, I was like, girl, if the position was switched, I'd have been like, you better cut a check.

So then this young woman being smarter should have known who she's dealing with. I'm dealing with somebody who I got to think twice.

But she should still have—

Because he's not in his right mind. No, you know, girl. I know. That's how— girl. We agree to disagree, Karamo. Because I do feel— I feel for both of them. No, no, no.

We agree to disagree. Y'all tell me in the comments whose side you on in this one.

I'm not saying that I'm giving it to him. I'm saying the man have a job. Drug problem. He's trying. He's trying right now. His efforts are going to look piss poor or bad because he's not in his mind.

He's doing nothing but doing the least he can do.

And so is this an excuse for the child?

No, not an excuse. What I'm saying is that, baby mama, you know and you're aware that he have this issue, so then I need you to stay on top of it. She is. She's staying on top of it. Not asking the day before you need something. I'm going to empathize with somebody that's strung out on drugs that's trying to be a parent a little bit at their level. He's trying. I don't agree with it, Karamo. I don't think that he's right. Don't get me wrong. I'm saying— that in the world of co-parenting, this is why we have to allow each other some grace and to meet each other at our own level. While she might have her shit together and is doing well, he's struggling. They are still two people who came together to raise a child. So while he's not at his best, he's trying in his drug-induced state.

Like, I'm just saying, go get some help, clean yourself up, and then come back. Correct.

I think he's a dad that wants to be involved.

Let me tell you something. This is my issue. This is my issue. Yeah, he might want to be involved, but I'm tired of, like, setting the bar so low for men that we, like, give them just because you've done some stupid stuff that we're going to applaud you. I don't do it. I set the bar high for myself, and I met that bar. And I think that every other man should set that bar high for himself. I agree. As a single mother— and you have been there before— you have always had to keep that bar high. You were never able to say, well, let me just— oh, I can't— because you always had to. And at the end of the day, it's unfair that you always have to and he gets to have a low bar.

Well, if I was the one that was struggling with drugs and you had my kids and I was struggling— like, there have been some times in our relationship, Karamo, while I struggled. But you— But you were struggling with drugs.

But you allowed it to happen. I was struggling nonetheless.

I was struggling. But hold on. Here we go. It wasn't making it.

As young parents, here we go. Because as young parents, when you were struggling, we communicated that during this time, you don't need to worry. You will get yourself together. See, there's a difference between the lack of him saying, I'm still doing it. I said, we were young. And when you were in your struggles times, I said to you, Stephanie, I got it. You don't worry about it. Was that not our conversation? Right. I said I wouldn't allow those kids to ask you for nothing. I would not, because I said your mother doesn't have it. Right. So no one's going to put extra pressure on you. You get to heal. You get to do what you want to do. But he's not even trying to heal. He's not trying to have a conversation. So what we're doing is we're keeping the bar low and giving him passes. And that's what I'm not going to do.

So when—

Put the bar high for that MF. Yeah.

Well, set it high for yourself in the first place. Don't choose nobody that— Ooh! —that's down there. Pick from up the top of the tree instead of the ones on the ground.

Well, listen, we got a fan question from Lily in Philadelphia. She said, I met my daughter's father when I was 16 and he was 19. Okay. We have a 1-year-old together, but my daughter's father is only present when he picks and chooses. I ask him to buy diapers, buy wipes, but he gets them in his own time. When we're together or he's trying to win me back, we're great and he's a great father. But when we're off, it's like the child doesn't exist. How do I get through to this man that he needs to be present for our daughters regardless of our relationship status? Oh God. You used to deal with this? Yes.

With your other baby daddy? Yeah. Yeah, this— yeah, because I had a situation where he basically said that if he wasn't going to have me, he didn't want any of us. Yeah, so the family could go, and that was just fine with him. So as an older woman, I realized this, but when I was a young girl, I did not think about it at all. But it is a very real thing when a person is obsessed or want to be with you and then detach from the kids, meaning that those kids are objects. Those kids are not— I didn't, you know, I didn't lovingly want to be or raise children right now, but because we made them that just bonds and ties and connects us more. But that ain't it. That is obsession. That is manipulation. And all the red flags that you can throw on the plate is that. That is not somebody who's invested in being a parent. That's somebody who wants to dictate and manipulate you.

You have to watch out for that. Yeah. And it's very real. Oh, yeah. And the thing is that what you have to do is you have to understand, first of all, how to really call it what it is. Like how you just called it out. If this man is in your life doing that, where he's telling you, I can only be around when we're good and I feel like— You gonna give me some, and I can come around, then we good. And when we're not, you have to call that what it is. Yeah. You have to call out that behavior. Yeah. Because it's so unhealthy, and it's so unhealthy in the long run for the child. It is. It's so unhealthy for that child. It's felt.

I mean, if he is willing to say that out of his mouth, that I'm not going to deal with you if you— then of course those children feel that.

Yeah, so you have to start setting boundaries and start grieving that relationship. Real talk. Because you can't stay in that type of relationship. No, not at all.

The thing that I would say about that also is to just— you can't bank on that person being there, so count on you. You can't count— you know, the things that we have that we are in our control are how we'll act, how we'll behave, and the choices that we make going forward. Amen. So I'm saying this: count him out and count on you.

Amen. All right, so listen everyone, our next clip is, um, an April Fool's joke gone went terribly wrong between two teenagers.

We broke up for like 6 months because of arguing and his anger issues and I just couldn't deal with it. So— How long did y'all date? We was dating for like a year and a half.

So like, it was like senior year for you?

Sophomore year till junior year and then we broke up and then I found out I was pregnant halfway my junior year and then for senior year I didn't go to school. I finished online and finished early.

Tell me what has happened in the past 2 weeks.

With you and Darius? A lot. He has a lot of anger issues. He broke his hand by punching a stop sign. He ended up kicking me and the baby out.

Oh, I remember this little boy. He fell in my arms and just cried.

Yeah, I remember him too. And he tried stopping Darius from locking the door on me and the baby.

Girl. So what do you normally argue about?

I don't try to argue with him. I try to keep it away from it because I don't like arguing around the baby. That's toxic.

Good for you. That's good.

I will say something and he'll put it into him as an argument or he'll get an attitude with me and I'll get one back and then it just creates an argument.

She used to joke around and say I wasn't the father. Whenever, first month after he got here, she would tell me that, we would get into arguments and everything, you understand? Relationships always have, you know, ups and downs. But when we have our downs, she will go, "Oh, I'm gonna take my child somewhere else," and say, "Oh, you're not the father of Grayson." Did you do that a few times?

I have said my child, but I just think it's a mother instinct saying it's my child.

Yeah, you're not being petty with it?

Oh, being protective.

And let me tell you something, you both get grace. You're 18 and 19. So if you were immature, no one is gonna judge you. Why did you kick Kaylee and the baby out of your house?

I would never kick her and the baby outta the house. The only reason I put her outside the house is because how you kept joking around saying, "Oh, Grace is really not yours. You're raising somebody else's kid." Okay.

And why did that doubt hit you so much?

Because that's not a joke. You don't joke about saying you're raising somebody else's child. Regardless of how much you were joking, that's a human being that needs priorities before anything else.

Okay. Girl, if you would've ever made a joke like that, girl. What? You would see this would not be co-parenting unlocked. OK? This would not be. OK? Not then. That is never a joke.

There ain't nothing funny about that at all.

Don't play with that. But these young people, they so sweet. Yeah. Like, they're so immature, and they don't know any better. And they're just trying to figure out how to handle these adult situations as like little babies.

Yeah, I see that.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, obviously, we were young parents.

Yes, we were.

Believe you me. OK. You was fast. I was fast. You were. You were faster. I was faster.

Yes. I was made it.

OK. I love that we can joke about that now. But seriously, what I loved about it is that, you know, children have desires. It's true. What was it like for you being a teen parent?

It was difficult. All of a sudden, this is life, and you're responsible for it. And it's like, what do I do? Still needing some guidance, I think so. But yeah, it was difficult. Yeah. Point blank. Yeah, it was. There ain't nothing else to say.

There, period. Period. For you, 15, me, 25. Being a teen parent, especially with the fact that I wasn't around for those first years.

You know, our story was we were young, we were kids, we were in love. We were in love with our friendship first. Yes, of course. And we did stuff and we made us a beautiful little brown baby.

Still, even then, I still was like, I don't know what to do. Yeah. I do not know what to do. Yeah. There were so many nights that when Jacy would come over and I used to be like, OK, how am I going to pretend today?

Really?

Oh my gosh. What would it be? I think of everything he would come in. I remember the first time he did something at school and I was like, that I would have done myself. But I knew that as his parent, I had to pretend like that was wrong.

Unheard of. Unheard of.

What did you just do? I'm sitting there like, how am I supposed to pretend right now? Knowing. Knowing. Yeah. Damn well. That, yeah. That like I would have cussed this teacher out. I'd have did the same thing. But like, you're a child, so you can't. Exactly. And now I have to discipline you on it. Yeah, exactly. Or, oh, I remember trying to discipline him when I was tired. I really didn't want to discipline him.

But couldn't let that ride. Couldn't let it slide. Couldn't let it—

mm-mm. Oh, there were so many times I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing here. It is difficult. They wanted junk food. So did I. But we couldn't stop. It's like, I'm not supposed to give it to them?

Yeah, exactly. It's so tacky. Yeah, it is. It is.

It's so many things.

It's like, what? It's hard for most adults. So being a teen or even very, very young, yeah. It could be a very big culture shock.

What advice would you give to somebody who's a teen parent that might be like— or a teen parent or young parent?

My advice for somebody who's young, especially a teenager, is to stick closer to the adults around you, the responsible ones.

The responsible ones.

Listen up close when it comes to them. And then also just do the best you can. Don't compare your— don't compare your journey with parenthood to anybody else's, and especially like someone older, because then you could feel inadequate.

Also, reminding young parents is that your dreams are not done yet. And this is real. Because people make you think that just because you're a young parent that there's nothing more for your life, that this is it, that now, like, you know, you're never gonna be able to get back on that path that, you know, where you're gonna be able to accomplish what you want. And you can always get back on that path. That path ain't going nowhere. Just because you have stepped to the side to be a parent does not mean you can't step right back over when it's time so that you can get back and do what you gotta do. That's right. I'll tell you the one thing that always would have worked. If you can keep a friendship— I'll say this for young parents— That is the biggest— the tip that I would have. Yeah. Keep a friendship. Yes. Because the more you can keep a friendship as young parents and not become enemies that you have to then heal later, it allows your co-parenting journey to be so much easier.

Oh, God, yes. Yeah.

And I specifically— I mean, it's true for your entire relationship, but specifically for younger people, the more you can see that this is your friend—

Yes, exactly.

—and this is despite whatever relationship you had before, of your boyfriend and girlfriend, whatever, whatever. Exactly. Remember, this has to be your friend.

Exactly.

If you can keep yourselves a friend, it really is a foundation for really great co-parenting. Yes, it's true. It is. I mean, it kept us.

Yeah, it did. And it does keep us.

Honestly, when we left each other, we were friends. Yes, we were. So when we reconnected, it was not hard to connect the friendship.

Pick up on our friendship and continue.

Which allowed there not to be resentment, which allowed there to be support. Because all the things you want for your friend— It is. It's not, oh my gosh, this woman I don't like, this man I don't like, this and that. It's my friend. Yeah. And I want my friend to be happy.

Yeah.

And I want my friend to not be stressed. Yes.

And I allow my friend for some grace because we were kids. We were growing up and learning. And so we're navigating this thing. Like you just said, navigating very older adult situations as teens. Yeah. So yeah, I think that's spot on.

So were you a young parent? What advice would you give young you? Leave that in the comments. And also, if you want more advice about how we dealt with being young parents, let us know. We also like to reply to the comments. We be reading. We do. We be reading. We be reading. We be reading. Next time on "Co-Parenting Unlocked." I think about our situation. Jason could definitely feel like I abandoned him.

How? No. How? Because I wasn't there.

It doesn't matter what our situation was. As a child, all he knows is my dad wasn't there.