In this episode of KARAMO, host Karamo mediates a raw, live conversation between Lee and her mother Vidra. Lee enters the show intent on forcing her mother to acknowledge the pain caused by years of emotional neglect, foster care placement, and undisclosed sexual abuse. She recounts a difficult childhood, the loss of her father at 14, being taken into foster care at 16‑17, and a pivotal 16th‑birthday incident where her mother failed to recognize her. Vidra responds with a defensive narrative, portraying herself as a protective parent who faced a hostile ex‑partner, financial hardship, and a battle over custody that led to the decision to place her children in foster care. She frames her actions as attempts to shield the family, while also revealing limited communication about past trauma. The dialogue escalates as Lee discloses sexual abuse and expresses a desire simply to be heard, while Vidra remains guarded, citing past counseling and her own unspoken suffering. Karamo repeatedly prompts Vidra to share her side, urging vulnerability and suggesting that breaking down emotional walls is essential for healing. The conversation ends with both parties acknowledging the difficulty of their relationship, Karamo offering hope for future reconciliation, and Lee concluding the segment.
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My next guest, Lee, says she is here to force her mother to acknowledge the pain she caused her when she was younger. So everyone, please welcome Lee to the stage. Hi.
Hi.
How you doing, Lee? I'm well. Good to meet you. Can I get a hug?
Good to meet you.
Yes. Take a seat.
I will.
So listen, I have a video from your mom that I haven't seen either that we're gonna play right now, and I wanna take a look at this.
I'm a mommy. I'm a nurturer. And anything I've ever done for my children is to prepare them for life. My grandmother used to tell me to make lemonade out of lemons and that everything would be okay. So I give that same advice to my children. My children had moments of being disrespectful. There was a battle between their father and I, and it was a choice between foster care or a ruined house. I will not tolerate disrespect. I told my children there was only one queen per house, and they hated that. Nothing devastating ever happened to my family. They would compare me to their father, but I would not allow my character to be assassinated. I had to be the disciplinarian. I'm a protector. I wanted Lee to know that Mommy was about her being her best self and that she could push forward.
All right, so you just heard what your mother had to say about your relationship. Is that the relationship that you have with your mother?
Parts of it, but not completely. That's not the whole picture at all.
Okay, please paint your picture for me. What was your relationship like with your mother?
It's difficult at best. Anytime I've tried to be seen or heard or talk about feelings, it was usually glossed over.
So what is the relationship like today?
It's, it, it, I'm not sure. You don't know?
You're here.
Yeah.
Tell me about your 16th birthday. My producers tell me something happened then.
Yeah, my 16th birthday and I'm thinking, of course my mother's gonna be really be kind and tell me happy birthday or cook me breakfast or something. And she's like, what makes you so special?
Oh wow. Did she acknowledge that moment?
I don't think she remembers it.
No. Do you bring it up to her?
I haven't, so.
It's still causing you a lot of pain and I understand why.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, the mother-daughter relationship is so important. The thing that I want most is to just be like, you know what? I did the best that I could do and obviously that made some things difficult for you and I'm sorry for the part I played.
Have you ever been in foster care?
Yeah. One day I'm just in class and I'm getting checked outta school. So I'm thinking, okay, my mom's checking me outta school, no big deal. And so I walk into the office and my younger sister's there and then two people from Department of Social Services are there. They don't tell us anything. They're just standing there like, you have to come with us.
What was going on?
She gave up custody.
Your mother gave up custody.
Mm-hmm.
Why do you think your mother gave you up?
In my mind, she just didn't wanna be my mother anymore.
Listen, I wanna hear your mom's side of the story because I think that's gonna give us a lot more clarity on what's going on here. Let's please welcome Vidra to the show. Hi. Welcome to the show.
Thank you.
Please take a seat.
Thank you.
So I wanna know, Vidra, right off, Right off the bat, why did you send your daughter to foster care?
Well, it's a lot more complicated than that. There was a battle going on between their father and myself. So it was either let their father keep assassinating my character in reference to them or them going to foster care. There was a lot that went on prior to that. It was a very hard decision to make.
So did you say to them, "I'm relinquishing my rights"?
I told them they were allowed to come pick them up after going through a lot. He was trying to gain custody of the children and he was assassinating my character.
So how was he assassinating your character?
He was saying things like I wasn't feeding the children and they wanted to have their way. And I said, they can't stay out late, they're girls, something can happen to 'em. So because I was a protective parent, they wouldn't listen to that.
To kind of fix the timeline a bit, I was 14 when my father passed. I got put into foster care at 16, 17. So he wasn't living at the time to still assassinate character, to have all that kind of, so I don't, I'm not sure.
That's not true, he was still living. Actually, they were staying with him when he passed away. We were in the middle of all that. So her timeline is very off. As a mother, I know exactly the timeline. So I don't know where that's coming from, but that is not true.
It's hard for her to acknowledge the fact that—
Can you ask your mother?
I had a childhood. That hurt me. That's it.
She can't look at you.
Right, because she's very distorted on a lot of things that happened because it was so traumatic for her.
She's totally distorted, you see?
And no matter how much counseling she's had and me going to counsel with her at least on one occasion, she still comes back to the same place.
'Cause it's not healed. One time in therapy does not heal you.
Lee, you sold my, told the producers that you confessed something recently. What did you confess recently to your mother and how did she react?
Oh, she was saying, "I didn't raise you this way." And I started to get into the idea of how I actually was raised and how that didn't really render me a successful adult. And so I'm telling her about the sexual abuse that has happened and her response was, "So, I was raped too." What do you want from your mom? I think maybe just to be heard.
So I want you to tell your mom right now what you want from her. Because now there's a third party here who can witness your response.
I think that you did, or I feel like you did the best with what you had, the best between the dynamic between you and my father being 20 years apart. As you say, sometimes it was his decision to have me and my younger sister But it hurts when I'm trying to tell you what, how your best affected me and you aren't willing to receive it.
Vedra, is there anything you wanna say to your daughter?
No, there's been many a times I've tried to explain the dynamics between her father and I and several other things without actually pouring out what's happened to me. In reference to their father. I went through a lot of things that I wouldn't tell a child because I was too busy protecting them from what was really going on. So, you know, if I failed miserably, it's because I thought I was being more protective rather than not telling them the things I had gone through.
Can you tell her now what you've been through? 'Cause it's not a little girl anymore. Your daughter is giving you an invitation to say, you know what, even though I'm hurting, if there's something about your story that's gonna help me understand why I felt this way my entire life, I'm willing to listen. Do you wanna tell your daughter now what it is? Because otherwise you come off cold and I don't believe you're a cold woman. I believe, I do believe honestly, I do believe honestly that there is something that has happened to you. I do not know what it is, but I'm looking at your body language and you have built a guard and something around yourself. And for some reason, whatever you had to build that guard up around, Part of you either blames or feels as if your daughters had some piece of it or remind you of that pain. I don't know what it is and I don't wanna assume what it is, but you're nodding your head yes. So there's somewhere we're on the same page. So do you wanna share to your daughter right now? You don't have to tell us fully because that's your own private thing. But I think your daughter's looking for a moment of vulnerability right now from you to say, what's going on, Mom?
Like I said, I went through a lot with your father and anytime I tried to explain it to you, you didn't want to hear it because your daddy was your daddy to you.
You have to understand something 'cause you're using this language of you're the daddy's girl, your daddy. The reason she became the daddy's girl is because you never told her what's going on. You never gave her an opportunity as a child to make an own decision by having both sides. So when you protected her father by closing off, you created this relationship where now she's saying, I want dad. What are you afraid of to why you don't wanna open up to your daughter?
Well, I didn't open up then because they were too busy shutting me down and didn't listen is what the point was.
But she's listening now. So why are you afraid to open up?
No, no, it's simple. The things I tried to tell 'em was their dad was not always kind to me. And when we were—
She's listening.
When we went through the divorce, he was ordered to maintain the house. He didn't do that. We would come home, I would come home from work with the children, there'd be no lights on. We'd come home in the dark and I would leave the vehicle running for them to stay warm till I called the emergency service so that I get the utilities turned back on. And I would just keep them entertained until that happened. This is late at night 'cause he had moved out and left us in the home. The lights got turned back on and still, then he up and leaves the home and lets it foreclose with me and 3 kids in it. And I was a home mom. And the police came to the door and her sister cried. And he said, "Ma'am, you have to move out." I had no job, no money, no nothing. So they couldn't understand why I would want them to be in custody of someone who would do that to them. I tried not to say anything bad about him because I knew they cared for him instead. I would handle it the best way I could.
I don't know why he would've done something like that. Obviously that wasn't my relationship with him, but I do believe what happened.
So I'm gonna tell you this because I do want this relationship to be healed, but the only thing that can happen here for you all to start to come to a common page and start to heal this relationship is you have to break down these walls that you built. But I'm sure there was a lot of things that you went through But until your daughter knows what you went through, all she's gonna feel like is you abandoned me, you rejected me, you made me feel like I wasn't worth nothing. And the interesting part of this, the interesting part of this and the sad part of this is when your daughter's saying, I feel abandoned, I feel rejected, I'm hearing you talk about your ex and you're saying, I felt abandoned. He didn't come, I came home, there was no lights. You're telling me that, oh my gosh, I didn't tell my daughters about it and so I started feeling rejected. So all the things you were feeling as a young girl, you're now unconsciously making your daughter feel. And it's up to you as her mom to not only protect her, but now to heal her. I believe that soon you're gonna get to a place that you're ready to share whatever trauma you went through. I do believe it because I saw whatever cold exterior that you're trying to put off, I saw it start to melt. I saw the warmth and I saw it coming inside of you. And I'm even seeing it now with you right now with your mouth movements.
Well, I did try to tell the children, but they wouldn't listen, so. That's about 3 days though.
I don't know what else.
I know that, but you said I never did. You said that I just dismissed you. It wasn't them being dismissed, it was me just being protective.
And that's why I wanna let you know when you're shaking your head, I understand you, I truly do. And I don't want anybody walking away here thinking that this is a mother that's cold, that's heartless. She's doing what she thinks is best. She truly is. It's just that I'm telling you that there's a new way that this can work. And I believe that you'll get there. But I appreciate you both being here. All right? I really do. Thank you.
Thank you.
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