In this episode of Karamo’s show, eight‑month‑pregnant guest Sharma appears with her mother Stephanie to confront unresolved childhood trauma before the birth of her baby. Sharma explains that as a child she was repeatedly slapped by Stephanie when adults argued, the slap being triggered by Sharma’s resemblance to her father. The physical abuse left lasting emotional wounds—fear of facial contact, feeling like a forgotten or "black sheep" child, and difficulty forming healthy relationships. Sharma states she does not seek an apology but wants accountability and clear acknowledgment of what happened, so she can understand her mother’s actions and move toward healing. Stephanie initially denies remembering the incidents, then partially acknowledges having slapped Sharma, though she cannot recall the exact reasons. Karamo mediates, highlighting that seeking the underlying reason (e.g., looking like her father) may not be as therapeutic as simply acknowledging the harm and committing to break the cycle with her own child. He offers practical communication tools, such as stating "this is not what I need right now to feel supported," and encourages both parties to practice grace and clear expression of needs. The conversation ends with mutual expressions of love and a plan for improved communication to support Sharma’s upcoming motherhood.
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My guest Sharma is 8 months pregnant and ready to be a new mom. She said that before this baby comes, she needs to get to my show and ask for my help to heal the trauma from her relationship with her own mom. Everyone, welcome Sharma to the show. Hi Sharma.
Hi, how are you?
Good, neighborhood? Yes. Nice to meet you. Oh my gosh, you got a little baby in there.
Hi!
How amazing. Of course.
I appreciate it.
Of course, I'm glad you're here. Thank you for calling. Yes, take a seat. Let me know if you need anything, okay?
I'm good, I'm good.
We've had a couple proposals on here. We've had a lot of healing. We've never had a childbirth and I don't think I want one. And we don't want one.
Okay, exactly.
You're like, and we don't want one. So let's get into it. So you called because you wanna heal this relationship with your mom. So why is it important now for you as this new baby is coming to heal this relationship?
So one thing that I don't want or what I don't need is an apology.
Okay.
I just need accountability. I need her to just understand the things that I've been dealing with internally and just alone. And I just need for her to just understand my growth. And I just want her to just give me some answers so that I can be just be done with it.
What is the things that you said you've been dealing with?
It would be considered like the childhood traumas. Got it. And I just don't think she's aware of that because I've never had those conversations with her. And I think now because of this journey that I'm on, I'm ready to address those things.
So you said that your mother was never a good mother to you and that you would never take her parenting advice. Can you explain?
I raised my children differently.
What was it like growing up in the household with her then when you were a kid?
Well, the main thing that even bothers me to this day is when there will be arguments between the adults, When she would come home, I would get smacked in the face. Why? Because I look like my parent.
'Cause you look like your father.
Mm-hmm.
Got it.
And that is still traumatic today because I have issues. I don't like to be touched in my face and it just, certain things just bother me.
How old were you when your mother slapped you in the face?
I was young, 6. You know, as a kid, you don't know how to process that.
Yeah.
I just knew my feelings. It was more like the hurt and the being scared, things of that nature. And that has carried over into now.
And how often would she hit you as a child?
I don't recall it being often, but it happened more than enough times, like several.
Well, truth be told, even if it happened just one time, that's more than it should have. You know what I mean? Yeah. Have you ever talked to your mom about how she treated you as a child?
No.
I mean, I tried once. I know she's aware of the things and like the mistakes that she's made, but it's never been a conversation between her and I. It's hard to have conversations because a lot of times it's deflection.
Got it. Makes sense. Do you think your mother resented you because of the relationship you have with your father?
I believe so.
'Cause you have a good relationship with your dad.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I think she maybe resented me for a number of reasons, but mainly because we look alike.
So you said you feel like a forgotten child.
Oh, absolutely.
What do you mean by that?
Based on the upbringing, I'm the middle child, but I always felt like the black sheep. I always feel excluded and I just feel like nobody ever picked me. Like it was never about me.
Oh wow. How long did you feel that way that no one ever picked you?
42 years.
Wow. I got it.
It's hard for me to even have relationships or successful relationships because I don't wanna use the word broken, but it's trauma. And I was like, I just, and that's why I'm here because I was like, I need to find the tools to fix that or even work towards fixing it.
Well, it's time now for us to meet your mother, Stephanie, so that we can hear her side of the story as well. So everyone, please welcome Stephanie to the show. Hello, Stephanie.
Hello.
Thank you for being here. So I know I was, I could kind of hear you backstage and I could also see, so I have a little eyes and ears.
That's fine.
And so I could tell when certain things that your daughter was saying, you were like, that's not how it is or that's not how it was. Was there anything that was said backstage that you felt was untrue or unfair?
Yeah. When it comes to you and Greg, that's my ex-husband. I never compare you to him. At times, she missed out somewhat. Things were a little different with her and him, but she said that something in the nature of—
That you always say she looks like her father.
Right, and I would slap her.
Wait a minute. So you're saying that never happened?
No, I don't recall that.
How do you not? So I made it up? Wait a minute, let me stop you right there.
Let me go back.
You came right in there and smacked me right in my face, and I'm like, what is that for? Because you look like him. I didn't do— I was—
No.
I'm not trying to bash you or anything like that, but I need you to own the fact that you, I'm not just making stuff up as far as you coming in or smacking me upside the head.
Do you remember this time that you're talking about?
No. You do not remember that? It happened on more than one occasion.
That's what I'm saying.
So can I ask, is there any moment that you remember punching or slapping Shawndra?
Yes.
So yes, there was moments.
Yeah.
And saying because I look like my daddy.
Not because of him. I felt like what went on with between he and I. Why should I have to sit there and explain this and that to my kids?
But he's not here to defend himself.
Because I know she's sensitive.
Did you ever try to keep her from seeing her dad?
I did at one time.
Okay.
Because when we were going through our divorce, his now wife said, "Oh, she's not welcome to the house." And I said, "But you're not gonna separate my children." I said, "You gonna let this go on?" Yeah. And so—
So can I just say one more thing?
Yes, of course you can.
Because this is, it's gonna, that's, okay. We was out and I was taking, bringing you home and we had a conversation.
About?
About my, you smacking me in my face. Hold on. And then when I mentioned it to you, those was your words out your mouth. And I just didn't say nothing else after that because you just walk away from me.
Well, the thing was that she acknowledged earlier today that she did slap you. She doesn't have the exact memory you have, but she did acknowledge today that she slapped you.
I slapped you.
Were you able to hear that earlier?
I did. I heard that.
Did you need it to be received a different way or told to be a different way?
Yes, because I want her to acknowledge the fact that when I said, what was that for? Because you look like your dad. Because I heard that growing up.
On top of you stuck up and saditty like those. You used to always say that too.
I said self-centered.
No, no, no.
You're self-centered.
Stuck up, but I'm not.
I said self-centered.
I heard you say earlier that you slapped her. She wants a reason why.
I can't go back. To that far, you know, to try to bring it back up today.
Okay.
I cannot.
'Cause you're looking for a reason. You wanna know why.
I asked the question at the time, at the time it happened, what the reason was, and it's because you look like your father.
Those were the reasons. I just need you to say that. That's it.
I can say it and not mean it. So what truth is that gonna be for me to even say it?
Well, I can tell you this right here. Just listen to this. I know why. That happened. You're looking for, was it because I look like my dad? Was it because of this? Was it because you thought I was self-centered because I was Sididdy? What was the reason? And the reason she can't give you an answer is because she was in a cycle of abuse in her mind that she's like, I don't even have an answer for you. And so the thing for me that I would say to you is that you have to stop looking for that reason. The thing that you've gotten today, which I'm happy about, because I asked you immediately what you needed, was you got her to admit She did hit you. Do you feel sorry for hitting her?
I apologized to her and you're looking at me as if you didn't hear it.
But it makes sense. I understand why she might not hear it. She's had years of feeling trauma and pain with it. It's still dealing with her. It's okay because that's not really where the healing is for you. Knowing that the reason she hit you because you look like your daddy is not really gonna serve your healing. What's going to serve your healing is you being able to say, well, you did hit me and I'm actually gonna be better. Than hitting my child in that way. And it's not to diss you or anything, but it's to say I'm breaking the cycle. And so that's where your healing comes from. You got the acknowledgement today.
And like I explained to him, I didn't bring you here to say— No, no, no, no, no.
I said, what do I need to do?
That's what I'm trying to explain to you. I didn't bring you here to say you're a bad mom or anything like that. I was just saying, I just need you to understand where I'm coming from.
I said, I apologize.
Right, and like I said, I didn't— really care for, I mean, I thank you for apology, but I didn't want an, I didn't need an apology. It was more or less an acknowledgement, which you gave that.
How often do you just ask your daughter about herself?
When I talk to you, how's you and the baby doing?
I call to check on you, right? But then you go into talking about your other kids and I'm like, well, that's not even what I called you for. Then you'll say, oh, well, how's your MJ?
And I said, okay, my fault. And I'll try to back out, but it's too late to correct it.
Just so I'm trying to get you to understand, when I call you, I don't wanna talk about them all the time.
I don't not like them, I don't hate them.
So let's practice it. All you gotta do is at that moment say, "You know what? This is not what I need right now to feel supported." You gotta make sure you're practicing the same grace to her that you want her to practice with you.
Right.
And you gotta do that work as well.
I understand.
Yeah, I feel it. I know, is there anything else that you feel that you need right now?
That's pretty much it. Do you need a hug?
She don't have to get up. I love my baby.
I think more communication with you all about exactly what you need in the moment versus retreating is going to be what's really gonna help this relationship.
I love my children.
I believe it. And if y'all ever hear something that is like, nope, that's not what I did, you gotta stop and say, I'm gonna listen to you still.
And I do appreciate it. That's why we here.
I know, I know. I'm trying to give you something. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe. And click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.
