Mom, I Need Closure About My Dad! | KARAMO

So please tell me about your family dynamic growing up.

It was a lot of chaos. My mom was our sole provider. She was there, but my dad's family, they helped a lot. I was staying there. It was just kind of dysfunctional at times.

Yeah, so there wasn't the stability that you deserved as a child.

Right, right.

And so it was your mother's boyfriend who you thought was your father, correct?

Yeah.

And how did you find out that your mother's boyfriend wasn't your father?

How old were you when you found out about your father? I was about 12. She told me, and, but it was like in one ear and out the other.

So she told you that at 12. Did anything happen again?

So he was in and outta jail. He did the best he could raising me, but more so he was in and outta jail. So when he came home the last time, I was about 17, we had planned a day to like, he wanted to take me shopping, get me some shoes. I'm like, okay, cool. This is a daddy-daughter day to me. So at that time, I get out of school, my mom was like, just come straight home. And I'm like, you know, I'm supposed to meet my dad. She's like, no, just come straight home. So it was like, I rode the transit bus, so I just had a weird feeling. So she was at the bus stop, she met me, and I'm sorry, so, sorry.

Here you go, love.

Here you go. And so I got off the bus and she had told me that he passed away at work. And so I was like, I was in shock. So I didn't, I don't think I really cried. I was just like, I felt it or whatever. And so that's like when I was like 17, so.

Yeah, so that's a lot because you're young, you're excited about finally getting to get some type of relationship with him 'cause he's outta jail.

Yeah.

And then you get that news.

Right.

Is that when you decide to then start looking for who could potentially be your biological father?

So I really didn't. Think of it, like I probably was about 20 and then I just mentioned it to my mom. I'm like, I remember you saying something like he wasn't my biological dad and whatever. Like, can you get me the information or do you know any information about that? So she was supportive. She was like, yeah, so.

And this is for Darren?

Correct.

And so how were your initial conversations with Darren?

So they were—

Well, did they come at 21 as well?

Yeah, 20, 21. Okay. They were fine for me. He embraced me. He was like, you know, you're my daughter or whatever. I didn't really go into the dynamics of like, well, where were you? So I was just like listening and just observing the situation. So he was like telling me that I had like siblings and he had sent me pictures and stuff, but like, I don't know, when you're that age, I'm grown, I'm 20, I'm grown, where were you? I'm grown, there's nothing that you could do for me now or whatever. So I don't think I really pursued it as much as I should have or thought, but he didn't either.

Pursue that, yeah, yeah. And it really, to be honest with you, wasn't your job, it was his job as a parent, you know what I mean? Or potential parent. 'Cause as you said, you're 22, 21 at this time and you're dealing with your emotions, you're trying to figure out life. My mother has told me that you're my father, it is your job to say, let me step up and fix the years that I've had, not yours. So that was 21, y'all talking on the phone, he told you about other siblings, did you ever get to meet in person?

No.

Never got to meet in person.

A few years later, I started to want to rebuild that connection and I had a daughter in 2014. So I'm like, okay, maybe I should make that connection because like, it'll help her. Like, in between that time, my mom came to me and told me that he passed away. So it's just like, now I'm all angry all over again. Sorry. And so—

'Cause every time you want to try to get connection, you know, you suffer some loss.

Yeah.

I understand. And so who's Dwight?

So Dwight is his brother. So I think he came to me a few years later and we were talking a little bit and he was just like embracing me as his niece. But I think it was around 2021 where I really start researching and looking for this side of the family. Oh, these people, I kind of look like these people. My head is shaped weird. So like they got that weird shaped head too.

You gotta wear shaped head, it look cute to me.

It's like a little oval. It's like a little oval. So I'm like, my brother, he don't have that shaped head and like he has blonde hair and colorful changing eyes. Like I didn't really, like growing up I'm like, we always were like, yeah, we got the same dad, we got the same dad. But in my mind it was just like, I don't know.

I wanna see the first message between you and Dwight. This Dwight, hello, are you from blank? Yes. Darren is your brother? Yes. "I talked to you a while back, but Darren came to a few years ago and told me I was his daughter. I would love to meet you because if we are family, you need to know this side of your people. When can I see you?" So that's sweet.

Like, I think I reached out to his son because they got the same name. So I was looking for him and then I was like, "Ah, let me just try it." You know?

Just try it, yeah.

Yeah, let me try.

So have you ever met Dwight in person?

No.

You haven't met him in person?

We did FaceTime once and he has been like trying to, reach out more than me, but it's just like, I really can't go down that road if I don't have the correct answer.

Of course.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

Yeah, because every time you've gotten yourself emotionally attached and wanted to get that connection, again, you suffered that loss. So it makes sense why you're being protective of yourself right now. Your mother, Zeni, is also here today. So everyone, please welcome Zeni to the show.

Yeah, you can come on in. Hello, Zeni.

Thank you for being here.

You're welcome.

So how do you feel about what was just said?

I feel like that's her truth, that's her story. It pretty much coincides with everything. Mm-hmm. You look cute.

So do you. Tell me about your relationship with Darren.

There really wasn't a relationship. We're from the same hometown, and I guess I was on a break with my boyfriend boyfriend at the time and I went home to visit. I went out for some drinks, we hooked up and that was it.

That was it, yeah.

And then I was pregnant.

Got it, yeah. Y'all know that happened. They making noise, they be like, woo, that happened, y'all. That does happen.

Yeah, so when I told him, it was like, no, I'm not the dad, I'm not.

So Darren didn't react well, you said, to the pregnancy?

No, not at all.

He was like, no, it's not him.

Not at all. I went back home and rekindled with my boyfriend or, you know, and there was questions and I denied it. I was young. I'm like, no, it's your baby. You know what I'm saying? And then like the due date just not adding up. And me and her dad, not her father, but me and her dad, he's like, that's my daughter, okay? His name's on the birth certificate. He was there. He was there when she was born.

He stepped up.

He stepped up and that's her dad. So that will always be her dad.

Which makes sense of why when he had passed, you had felt that way because he had claimed you.

He had said— Right, he never not claimed me. Like, his family is my family. Like, they were my cousins. They were my, like, not half cousins. They were my cousins. Like, that's, they love me.

All right everyone, well I think it's time for Tiffany to meet her potential uncle. For the very first time. So everyone, please welcome Dwight to the show.

Hi. Hi, how are you? Thank you for coming. Thank you for joining us. Hi. Good to see you. You too.

Hey Dwight, nice to meet you.

You too, you too.

How do you feel about what was just said?

I feel good about it. Knowing my brother, I mean, My brother thought he was play, play, playboy. So, and what I did, I looked at some of my other nieces and nephews' photos, and when I looked at the resemblance, I was like, strong resemblance, and beautiful young lady.

Yeah. So how did you first find out about Tiffany?

I didn't know anything. I kind of was like, oh, this is a hoax. So then I responded. And when she said she could possibly be my niece, kind of made me feel some kind of way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, because in my mind, the way my mother raised me, I believe every child has the right to know their biological father.

Absolutely, absolutely, right.

So I'm not here for, I'm not here basically for rain or shine, I'm here for her.

Yes.

Oh, thank you. Like, he was super supportive. He was very supportive. Supportive, like whatever doubts that he did have, he didn't show me. So I do appreciate that, like, 'cause it's hard.

And I've also, I've stated to her, you know, whether she is my niece or she isn't, if she would still want me in her life, I would totally let that up to her.

Oh, that's sweet.

Thank you.

So you said you see the similarities in between the other family members?

Yes, I do. Very strong. I have a picture of my brother's obituary and I lost my brother on August 9th, 2015. And he's my baby brother. So it kind of crushed me, but—

Thank you.

That's her potential father.

Oh, I can see what you mean. Have you ever seen this?

No, no, I haven't.

I have a black and white picture of that.

When I look at that picture and I look at her, I see it.

Do you see similarities?

You know, I do feel like I got robbed so many times and—

But I'm here.

I know. And I just feel like just even looking at this picture, like things could have been so much different. Like just a male presence in my life. More so, and I'm not like trying to take away the dad that I did have, but he wasn't there. Like, he was, I had a dad to call a dad, of course, and I'm appreciative for that, but it's just, I just got robbed out of so many things, like.

Got it, got it.

I don't know.

Tiffany, I do believe this 34-year DNA mystery is time to be solved, so we have the DNA proof.

We have the DNA proof here. Oh my goodness.

So.

In this envelope is the DNA truth you've been waiting 34 years for to see if Darren is your biological father. This is not my truth to open, this is yours. So here you go.

I'm so nervous. I just wanna thank you again. Like, I can't, you know, thank you just to do this for me.

I told you, I'm there for you.

Thank you, thank you so much. And I just like, you know, if you were my uncle and I got I just, I don't know like what's the next steps. I don't know how to like go for it. I just, I do need like that comfort like of a family. Like I want traditions. Like I don't, I don't have like traditions like for my daughter. Like only the things that I make. Like I wanna go somewhere for Christmas and Thanksgiving and stuff like that. So, but again, just thank you guys for your support.

So, I'm nervous. I'm nervous too.

Like, is there anything else I should know before I open it?

I'm hoping.

Like, anything you need to tell me? No, he's not, he's not my uncle. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. I don't know. I don't know what to even do with this.

Well, um, I'm first of all very sorry.

It's still a mystery.

Mom, is there any, she asked you if there's any other information or anything that you have for her?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Down, down.

Yeah, unfortunately he's passed away as well. But there was an abusive situation in between the time, so it was something that we never talked about. And it was between that time of me and Darren and me going back to my boyfriend, it was a really bad situation that happened to me and another man.

And I just, This would make sense why, if there was in between, why that person is out of it. So, well, first of all, thank you for, I know how hard that is.

Mm.

Mm.

I want you to know that your mother's gonna be able to have a private conversation with you backstage.

It's like, I just don't got no feelings. Like, I don't know. I don't even know how to feel. Like, I'm not mad, I'm not sad, I'm not like, I don't know, just. Whatever. Just go back to my life. I'm not mad at you. I'm not embarrassed or anything. We're just like, so I don't know. I just, I don't really know how to feel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will tell you this. You said something about the fact that you were looking for traditions, you were looking for family. And I think sometimes when we've dealt with loss or abandonment, we forget the power of the traditions and things we create. And I think we start to discount the beauty of what it is that the family you're building, the things that you're doing. So inadvertently you are breaking generational curses. You are doing it on your own. And sometimes we look to the outside and I know it's hard, but you are doing it. You have created tradition, family, love for your daughter. And so I don't want you to take that away from yourself, okay?

I'm not.

Okay. But I understand, I just wanna leave you with a little bit of something.

Yeah.

You know, and I know this is still a hard moment and also—

I thought I was gonna like, I definitely thought it was gonna be a different result. Like, but I don't know, I didn't really like expect it.

I'm still here for you.

Thank you. Thank you.

We have a support staff backstage, a support therapist that I would love to invite 'cause I can tell whatever that moment was in your life, there's probably support you need in this moment. Is that all right for you to have? I'll make sure that you have that backstage. Good, good, good. Listen, I wish y'all the best of luck. Any other thing you need from me, just know we're here for you, okay? All right. Well, everyone, thank you for being with us. Make sure to come back next time, friends, so we can keep talking and growing. I love you all.