Mom, If You Wanna See Your Grandson, Stop Being A Bully! 😭🙏 | KARAMO

My guest Infinity says she needs my help fixing her relationship with her mother, Monique. Infinity says her mother has always been extremely toxic and was both emotionally and physically abusive. Let's watch what Monique has to say.

Karamo, I don't recognize the person my daughter's become. When she was a little girl, we were best friends. When she grew up, she started acting out. Infinity, she doesn't trust me, and she's even told me she hates me. And now Infinity doesn't even call me mom. I was in and out of prison because I struggled with substance abuse. When I was in prison, she didn't try to call, and I've never abandoned my daughter. Never. Infinity doesn't even want me to have any part of my grandson, and it's my first. Her first grandson. She wants me to have no part in it. She didn't even say she was in labor or anything. She just walked right past me. She just walked right past me. This was a time where I should have been her mom, and I couldn't be. This is a time where I should have been a grandma, and I couldn't be. And she takes that from me all the time. Karamo, when this is all over, I do want a relationship with my daughter. I want my grandson to come over. I love my daughter and I do need her to respect me, period.

We'll all get to meet Monique in a minute, but first I wanna actually sit down with her daughter Infinity. So everyone please help me welcome Infinity to the show. Hi Infinity. May I have a hug?

Of course.

Thank you. How are you doing?

I'm doing well, thank you.

Good, good, good. So Infinity, we just heard your mother say a lot of things about how your relationship has changed. How do you feel about what you watched?

To be honest with you, I'm really just like, I'm tired of her just feeling like she's the victim. She's not the victim in this situation. Really, I'm not even the victim.

Can you take me back? I need to know about your relationship. How was it growing up?

So like when I was very young, you know, it was an okay relationship. You know what I'm saying? Like I love my mom. I wanted to be around her and things like that. As time went on and with her substance abuse, she knew that I knew what was going on. She kind of like started resenting me in a certain way. You know what I mean?

Was your mom using at that time?

I don't know, but she probably was.

Okay. So what happened when you had your child recently?

On the day you gave birth? Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, no. So look, it was the most traumatizing experience ever. Something's going on and I need help and she's like, "Shut up, you're only making things worse." Wow. She left me at home by myself and right when she left me at home, I ended up having to call the ambulance.

Did you give birth in the ambulance?

Almost, but I was able to make it to the labor and delivery room.

Wow. So do you still live with your mom now?

No.

Basically—

'Cause my producer said your mom kicked you out when you were 8 months pregnant?

So she didn't kick me out. What happened was she didn't like clarify and let me know like that the whole living situation was about to change. We were living in a 3-bedroom townhouse and then my sister says, "Oh yeah, we're moving into a 2-bedroom." And so like I kept asking her like, "What can we do to stay here?" I got it figured out, and you know what I'm saying? And I'm like, you don't even understand, like I'm literally about to have a kid. She said, oh, you know, my grandson can be here. He has a bed, he has a place to stay. And I'm just like, well, what about me? She says, well, like I said, my grandson has a place to stay.

So no explanation at all?

No explanation, no nothing.

So do you believe that your mother's substance abuse, how do you believe it's affecting your relationship, or in the past, how it affected your relationship?

It's taken her mind to a whole nother place. Like she just isn't there all the way, you know what I mean? So it's like—

And even though she's been sober now, you still feel like she's not there?

Absolutely not. I'll try to have adult conversations with her and as soon as it turns to I wanna go this way and she wants to go that way, it turns to, well, I'm the mom and you have to respect me, you have to listen to me. I'm an adult now, you know what I mean? I'm not a child. And it's like when she's sober, Once she understands that, we would have a better relationship, you know? But it's like now that you've been gone and in and out all this time, you're trying to come back as this authoritative figure instead of just trying to be a parent. It's not gonna work. It's never gonna work with us.

Got it. Well, I know that you gave my producers a list of traits that you claim is your mom's toxic traits.

Yes.

I wanna see this list. List, that your mother first of all chooses men over her kids, that she won't admit her wrongs, and that she's emotionally abusive. She was physically abusive. These are things that you said that your mom exhibits that are toxic.

Yeah, like she, every time I tell her, you know what I'm saying? Like something made me feel some way because of what she did, she never is like, okay, you know what, let me apologize.

I appreciate you painting this picture for me because it lets me know a lot about how you experience your childhood and also what you saw because that's important. But I think it's also important that we see your mother's side of the story. So everyone, I wanna welcome Infinity's mother, Monique, to the show. Monique, come on out.

I need to clarify something.

Sure, yes, clarify, clarify. Thank you for coming. I can see you have some things you wanna clarify. Go for it.

First of all, I didn't just leave you. Having my grandson.

You did.

You absolutely did. Calm down, 'cause I'm not gonna go back and forth while you're talking over me.

I'm not going back and forth.

I'm not. 'Cause I'm not gonna do that right there. That's the disrespect I'm talking about.

But I have something to say, so.

And you had a lot to say, and you had a lot to say.

I'm saying my truth though.

I'm not gonna do this back and forth.

I'm saying my truth though. You may not feel like it's true, but that's what happened.

But I'm not gonna go back and forth is what I'm not gonna do.

But that's what happened.

I'm not gonna do it.

If you please give me a second, I can mediate this. 'Cause I actually was writing down something you had just said because it's going to help me to try to figure out how to help you all later. You're saying one thing that you don't wanna go back and forth, but I noticed that there was an engagement on both of your sides, even though you were saying you don't wanna go back and forth.

I'm mama, sorry, I'm sorry.

No, I get it. No, no, I get it, I get it. You can interrupt me, I don't mind. You can interrupt me all day long. But for you, you're saying that you had to correct this, that on the day that she was giving birth, that she was not left alone.

I never left her alone. And the thing was, I was getting ready for work. She's in there screaming, and I'm telling her to calm down because it's going to get worse. And I'm laughing because she's, like, praying. But it wasn't a laugh disrespect. I'm— calm down. Calm down, baby.

But there was never—

she never told me she came home or nothing. They kept sending her home from the hospital. But she's there.

I tell her, calm down.

She's in the back.

Calm down.

I take her sister to practice. She calls, she's at the hospital. And that's how that was. It wasn't I left her, it wasn't, I got there as soon as I heard she was no longer at the house. I didn't know you were in labor.

But how many times have you said this? I had 3 of y'all. So you should know what's going on.

Have you ever mentioned to her that you felt bad?

Yeah, all the time because I really truly didn't know She was, it was that bad.

So Monique, I wanna ask you, why do you say that you feel like Infinity doesn't want you to be a part of your grandson's life?

She doesn't. Like she calls when she wants to.

You have my number. Why should I, the person with the child, the little baby child who has to give them all of my attention, call you? You can call us.

Now wait a minute, something else that I wanna correct. I told us, and this is the word I used, let's come together like butt cheeks so we can keep this 3-bedroom.

So then why didn't we?

So we could keep this 3-bedroom.

So why didn't we? Why didn't we?

Mind you, we downsized.

Because of you.

Because I only have a 15-year-old to take care of.

You're grown.

And then that's totally fine and respectable. And what did I do? I figured it out. Why would you downsize and I'm 8, 9 months pregnant?

Why would I downsize?

Knowing that I need someplace to live.

Well.

That doesn't make sense. There's a thing called rent.

There's a thing called rent that you don't pay. There's a thing called I go to work every day to pay the rent.

How much do you want me to pay rent?

Never.

Whoa, really?

Really?

Really?

'Cause I don't expect you to pay rent. I don't expect you to pay rent.

So what's the problem then?

Now if you were staying there.

If rent is an issue, then let's figure it out. But if you're saying, oh, you don't have to pay rent, then don't bring rent up.

Do you wanna sell the house? To salvage this relationship with your daughter?

I mean, if you could help me do that because I want my grandson.

I need to know if you gotta give me a yes or a no.

Yes.

Yes? Infinity, do you want to salvage this relationship with your mom?

Yes, but I just need her to stop.

But no stipulations.

I just need her mom to stop.

Period.

I just need her to stop acting like she never did anything. Or if she just doesn't remember, that's fine. Just say you don't remember that happening. Just apologize, let's move on. That's why we're so stagnant. Because you can't just say, you know what, I apologize, let's move on.

The way you want me to apologize.

All you have to say is, I apologize, let's move on.

I apologize for the things I've allowed you to go through. And I forgive you. My truth is what it is.

I forgive you. And I apologize.

And we need to let it go.

Let's let it go.

So as much as I appreciate both of you being able to apologize, the issue that I'm seeing here in this communication is that neither of you actually respect the other person's memories of how things went down for them. The first thing I would say is for you as a mom, I can see that you had a past where you dealt with addiction and you have tried and you have grown out of that. I believe that. And I believe that it should be acknowledged more. But I also believe that you have to acknowledge that in that cloud of addiction, during that time of being in jail, in and out, that there was things that your child was experiencing that in your mind you might think, well, this is how this went. But in her mind, her feelings and the development of a young mind saw it completely different.

I caught my first case, I was 33 years old. It was 2012. I will not forget that day. I left my house and I left and, I went to jail and nothing was ever the same. That was in 2000. That was January, I mean July 12th.

[Speaker:KARAMO] Can I tell you something?

[Speaker] Yeah.

[Speaker] You just proved exactly what I said is that you two have different memories of every situation. And instead of accepting the other person's situation and saying, oh, this is your memory, y'all are always saying you're wrong, I'm gonna defend what I know. And that's exactly what I told you the symptom why your apology, though I appreciate it, will never go anywhere. Because both of you are so busy defending your point of views.

But can I say this? I'm mama. Shut it down right there, 'cause I'm mama.

You can't do that anymore. No, no, no, no, no.

I never could, obviously.

You had the choice, but you chose everything else.

Okay.

You had the opportunity to be a parent and you chose not to be a parent.

So now I wanna say this. It's like, I think one of the best decisions, even though it hurt, was you leaving her house.

Absolutely.

It was one of the best decisions ever.

It was, it was, it definitely was.

Because what happens is that now it allows you to say, yes, I still want to be healed, but now I'm not under your roof anymore. I am paying my own rent, I am doing these things. So we can start having conversations where we respect each other.

Yeah, and that's what I want.

And you're gonna start getting there. But the thing is, is that I will say to you as well, Even within that is that you have to give your mother a certain amount of respect too.

Absolutely.

Because part of the growth of what ha— is in her own growth is that I think it needs to be acknowledged. That's what I said before. I see you made mistakes in the past and I still do think that there has to be some stepping up and supporting your daughter more and more acknowledgement on your part. But I do believe that there needs to be acknowledgement of what you've done as well. Can you look at your daughter and say, "Daughter, I believe what you, how you felt and how you saw life." is actually true. Because right now, by you saying I don't believe your truth is by saying like, you know what, you wrong, you crazy, you're a liar, you're all these things. And that's what's hurting the little girl in her. What's going on in your mind right now?

I just want my daughter back.

I know.

I've been wanting this to be over with. I just don't want it to be like every time something from the past gets brought up that doesn't sit well with you and it just turns into this nasty, ugly thing.

"Now you just making it up because I don't even wanna live in the past.

I don't even wanna go back to the past." So language like that, language like that of making it up, that's the type of language that you've been using before, that you've both been using that has to go away. Because what happens is anytime you say making things up, what I realize with her, 'cause I've been watching her and watching what she says, it triggers her abandonment.

You're right. It's not what you do, it's how you do it. So I respect that.

Good. There we go.

I respect that. I do.

There we go. That's the first step. First step. First step. You said to me when you sat down and she wasn't out here, you wanted your mom to see you as an adult and to take accountability.

Absolutely.

She's done both of those things to a degree.

Yes, and I appreciate that a lot.

Can you say that to her?

I very much appreciate it. Like seriously, I really do. I needed this. I feel like it's been stunting my growth as a woman and as a parent, you know? So you coming and saying that, that it's helping me, it is. Whether you fully believe it or not or whatever. It's done. The fact that you're saying it and trying, that's helping a lot. Seriously.

That's my baby.

I know. What are you crying for? What just happened?

'Cause I love her.

I know.

I love my grandson, look just like her. And I hate that we don't talk. I hate that she felt like this this whole time.

A man just taught me earlier today, those are tears of strength. And I will give this man credit for the rest of my life. That's why it hit you because you were strong enough right there to admit something that started to heal your daughter. Your vulnerability allowed you to start to heal your daughter. To know I love her. And then in essence, it's gonna start healing y'all. But y'all gonna be all right. I feel this. Y'all took a very big step. I'm very proud of y'all. Very proud of y'all. Y'all feel better?

Thank you so much.

You do? You feel better?

Yes.

You feel better as well? You feel better? Okay, give your mama a hug. Give mama a hug.

No hug on there.

Hold on. Where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more.

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