Mom I'm 15, Stop Comparing Me to My 8-Year-Old Brother! | KARAMO

When did you start having issues with your daughter?

I really started to notice a change in Noah about 2 to 3 years ago.

Since she was like 13?

Yep.

We noticed that at first it was being withdrawn, wanting to spend time with her friends, which is typical teenage behavior, but we are very adamant about checking and following up and seeing what she's doing. We started noticing at first texts that had You know, curse words, little things like that. But we have gradually seen that grow over time. We have seen that she has been receiving pictures that are inappropriate, so genitalia from guys. Her dad has walked in the room before and she's changing her clothes on FaceTime and a boy's on FaceTime. New Year's Eve, my husband came in the room and a guy's standing there with no shirt on. And so we're just trying to figure out where all this is coming from.

Okay then. Is there other behaviors that you're feeling like you're worried about?

Yes, she has a, she calls it a YOLO attitude. And so any and—

Y'all know what YOLO is, right? You only live once. Okay, good. Just making sure.

Any and everything that you say to her, it's, I don't care.

What lies have you caught her in?

Most recently, She had been asking to get her hair done, which we were taken by her friend who's on the cheerleading team with her. Mm-hmm.

She's a cheerleader?

She is a cheerleader. She has been doing competitive cheer for a while, so—

Oh, okay, competitive cheer. That's skill, okay.

Yes. Um, but she asked to go over to her friend's house and get her hair done, and so we took her. That evening when she got home, she came in the kitchen and said something about wanting to watch a movie. She had told me she had been to the movies, earlier that day, and so I found that odd. Like, why are you— you said you went to the movie. Why are you now saying you wanna see it? And so my husband went in her phone and found out that she had actually been going to her friend's house to see her boyfriend. The biggest thing about it is that they were brother and sister and she never told us. So we had literally been thinking—

So you're thinking she's going to a friend's house when the friend's Brother is actually who she's dating?

Yes.

Oh, okay. Yes. Yeah, I know that's slick behavior.

Yeah.

Uh-huh, yeah. Okay, so what did she say when you confronted her?

She said at first that she thought that she should have said something to us and then it turned quickly into that, "I don't care, like it's done." So she did own up at least that she said she should have said something. After she denied it for a while.

Of course, of course. How often do you two fight?

Every day.

Every day. And you told my producer that you think she hates you?

Yes, I do. I feel like she said to me not too long ago, like, "I don't trust anybody," and that hurts me.

Got it. Well, let's see what your daughter Nola had to say before the show.

My mom has a favorite child and it's not me. It's my 8-year-old brother. She says that I need to be more like my brother. Why am I compared to an 8-year-old? I'm a cheerleader. I want to cheer in college. I want to go to a good college. And then I want to be a neurosurgeon when I get older. She was like, you're not going to make it, like, in life. You're not going to get there. And then when she gets mad, it comes all out. And she just says, oh, you're a whore. You're a slut. When she calls me that, I just, I don't really like say anything. It makes me sad 'cause like, I don't want my mom to think of me like that. If I can't trust my own mom, like it's hard to trust other people in the world 'cause like my mom's supposed to be my main girl. I think that if like, if we have a better relationship, it'll definitely help in the future. Like when I go to college, building the foundation now, that'll be good later in life.

How do you feel about what she just said?

It's hurtful because I don't want my child to feel like I am not someone that she can trust or that her brother's my favorite. And saying that she is a slut or a whore, that's not how that went.

So you didn't call her those names?

No, what I said to her is, do you want to dress Do you want to dress like a slut? Is that what you're going for? And it was because I let her get her belly button pierced. She'd been asking and I told her not to wear it out at school. She continued to do it and I said, do you want to dress like a slut? Is that what you're trying to do?

Mm-hmm. Okay, so I understand it's not directly calling her a slut.

Right.

But I think you're a very intelligent woman. We can see how she could feel as if I'm being called a slut.

Yes.

Because if these are the clothes I'm choosing to wear, And this is how I feel like I can express myself. And you see that as a slut, then you see me as a slut. So she also made a claim that you favor your son over her.

That's not true. She also bullies them. And so trying to get her to understand that's not okay has been very difficult for us.

Got it, got it, got it. I understand. I get that. Well, I wanna meet your daughter Nola. So everyone help me welcome Nola to the show. Hi Nola, thank you for being here.

That's how you feel?

Well, anytime you're harping on me showing emotion, like I don't show emotion, but anytime I try and say sorry to you, I don't mean it. Like if I do say sorry, I don't mean it. If I don't say sorry, then I don't care. So it's like, what do you want me to do? The movie thing, that was, you said it was the same day I came to you and I said, that I wanted to watch the movie that I just got home from. It wasn't the same day. It was after, it was after the fact, at least like a week, a week and a half after.

But can I pause you there? That's where our issue comes in. She's trying to figure out, it doesn't matter if it was that day, the next day, the next day, the next day. You shouldn't be doing it. And you are always constantly trying to figure out how to explain why what you're doing is right. And that's the problem.

And it's not right.

Is this the way you two communicate at home?

Yes.

Mom, you've raised a really good daughter. I wanna let you know that. I just wanted you to know that. And this is not to take away from the things that could work out, but I think there needs to be a little credit to both of you. You've raised a great daughter and you are a great young woman. Do we not see how respectful she's talking to her mom and like, and I'm not saying that there's no There's not moments at home, she's a teenager that she gets frustrated, you get frustrated. So we're not gonna pretend and paint a picture of like things are always fine. But I think it's also important to understand that I've seen a lot of foundations of mother-daughter relationships and I've also seen a foundation of young girls who are on a bad path and you ain't on that foundation.

But that's what makes it so hard.

I get it.

It's a lot easier when your child is acting out, sneaking out, doing things like that. Lock the door. You can't fix I don't care. Mm-hmm.

It's not that I don't care. I just feel like I do certain things, but I really care about my future and I really wanna, like, I'm really like, success is my only option. I must be successful. So I feel like the things I do, I would never take it so far that it's gonna knock me out my path.

You really feel like your little brother's her favorite?

Yes, because like obvious, like he's 8 years old. Like you can't compare an 8-year-old to a 15-year-old. He's a boy, I'm a girl. Like he, like my mom buys him stuff all the time. Of course he's gonna wanna come talk to you. If she bought me new clothes every day, I'll be like, "Oh yeah, girl, what's up?" Like, "Hey, I wanna talk to you." But I do stuff for you too.

It's not like I'm only doing stuff for him. And not for you.

Okay, but—

That's not the case. I also feel like because of the way that you talk to him and the relationship that you two have, I feel like I have to step in to help mend that, if that makes sense. Like, I'm not gonna let you continue to talk to him.

But what are those things? Is it that she just like talks to him like—

You're ugly.

Okay.

He's weird.

It's a joke. He is weird.

He's weird.

He's just like, he's a weird kid. Like, he's just like, he's like the kid you would see in school and like think he's weird. Like, he's just weird. He's just like not one of the popular kids, but like—

So I understand your frustration as a mother. I really do. But I also see a 15-year-old who's teasing her little brother.

Yeah.

Which is, I'm not saying that it's correct. I understand. And one day you'll grow out of it. Like, I have older sisters. They tease you. They, you know, like one of my, My other older sister's in the audience. She used to tease me when I was younger and I turned out well. And so I understand the frustration though, I really do. But also when I hear these things of her saying, you're weird, you're, you know, it's a big sister teasing little brother. Again, not to excuse the behavior, but I think we should really be looking at this from a context of those things. Because I think sometimes when you in it, like how you in it, It's hard to see some of these bigger pictures where I'm on the outside so I can see some of the bigger pictures.

I just wonder why you're so closed off. Like, whenever I try to get us to a place that's good, I feel like we always end up back here. And I just, I don't know why.

I feel like I see what you're saying. We do get to a good place and then it kind of falls off. But in the back of my mind, I know all the stuff you've said is gonna stick with me. It doesn't matter if we get to a good place. I know in my mind, oh well, she's calling me a whore, slut, all these words. I just feel like You said it, so it's there.

But I'm not, I did not mean it that way. I want you to understand that's not how I meant it. That's not what I'm saying to you. I'm not saying that you're a whore or slut. I'm afraid, I don't know what to do. I don't wanna see you keep building towards things that are going to hurt you. I don't wanna see you hurt.

And you don't wanna see her hurt because you got hurt?

I mean, I was a young mom and I did things I wasn't supposed to do.

So here goes this other piece of like what I mean is you see a part of yourself that was young and outgoing and that's where the fear is coming from.

But I told her about that.

I get it, but it doesn't have anything to do with her really. It's more about your fear because what I'm hearing is her going through natural progression of what it is to be a kid. And you're fearful that she'll make a decision that's similar to yours, right?

Yeah.

But she's a different person. And also she has a great mom. But one of the things that is sticking with her is the words you've said in those hard moments. And that's what's breaking y'all apart. I just heard your daughter say that she's a lot, that success is the only option. I remember what it felt like to be that kid who felt like you have to achieve because there's no other option and the pressure that puts on you and what that does when you turn into an adult. What are you thinking about? 'Cause your eyes are watering up. What are you thinking about?

Just what you're saying. Like, yeah, I just, it's like a lot of pressure like all the time.

Yeah.

Here you go, love. Here you go. I'm sorry. So— I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You finally hearing her? You didn't know that this was going on in there? She's feeling a lot of pressure. I mean, on top of being a young woman, I mean, I know there's a lot of focusing on what Nola's done wrong, but there has to be more on focusing what she does right. Again, like I said immediately, you're an exceptional young woman. What I will say to you, Mom, is you raised, you a good mom. I'm telling you, you a good mom. I'm gonna give you applause. This, if this is a product of what you raised your mom, you keep it up, okay? You keep it up. And you also find the strength to continue to try to open up to your mom. I know it's hard, but she does love you and she does want to be there for you. And you should not have this pressure alone.

Okay.

Yeah, okay? I wish y'all the best of luck, seriously, all right?