Mom Storms Off During Heated Convo With Gender Nonconforming Son | KARAMO

Today I've been speaking to members of the LGBT community who are in turmoil with their families. Now, something I know to be true is that in most families, if there is a parent who is at odds with their child because that child identifies as gay, the negative feelings from the parent towards their gay child are pretty much black and white. But other times the issues in some families can be more in that gray area, harder to see, which is what piqued my interest when my next guest called the show asking for help. Friends, meet Luke. Shut, shut, shut, shut, shut, shut. Nice to meet you. How are you doing? Nice to meet you. How are you doing today?

I'm doing well that I'm here now.

Okay, you look beautiful.

Thank you.

So Luke, tell me what's going on.

So what's going on is I'm a young 24-year-old proud LGBT musician from Austin.

Yes.

I just wanna be here on the show to show people that if they're LGBT or if they're struggling with their parents or things like that, that it can get better if they work on it. So I'm here to work on it.

Yes, okay, I love that. I love that. So please for me, describe your relationship with your mom.

So I'd say that my relationship with my mom has been strained the past few years because we just argue a lot. She's very in my business and she, just oversteps her boundaries with things and I just need help setting those boundaries with her to have a healthy relationship.

So my producers told me that your mother wasn't fully in your life.

She wasn't, so.

So what was it like growing up with her when she was there and what was it like without her?

Well, growing up it was really nice most of the time with her, but there was a custody battle between my parents and my mother lost. So when I was around 10 years old, I went to go live with my father and I didn't really see much of my mother after that until I turned 18.

It's not often you hear about a mother in a custody battle losing custody. When did your mom find out that you self-identify as gay?

She found out actually after I turned 18. She didn't really have an idea, she said, before. And I thought that was kind of surprising because look at me now.

You like, girl, you got eyes, girl.

Yeah. She found out, she said she saw a social media post on my Instagram and that's how she found out.

10 years is a long time not to be in contact. It is. With your child.

Yeah.

Tell me what was going on there.

Yeah, so let me clarify. Luke and I did go through a very long contentious custody dispute that lasted around 10 years. We did have contact twice a month. We had visits. We also had holiday visits with my parents. But it was still strained because we weren't able to communicate between those visits. I'm a very dedicated mom, love my son to death, and my issues with him now are partially about him being in the gay community and how the choices he's made with certain unsavory friends and toxic sexualized, over-sexualized maybe situations. However, I have been very accepting of him in every way.

During that time that you didn't get to see your child, what life were you building in your head? Because this is the thing as parents, I know this just for myself, we start to imagine our child's future.

Exactly.

Especially when you're not around them.

Right.

What life were you building in your head when you weren't around your child?

So to be honest and to be fair, he played every sport. Baseball, soccer, ran track, basketball. He was gonna get married and have kids. And then I did find out on social media that he was gay and I was shocked just because of, I mean, I don't know if I was a little in denial, but I never honestly didn't see the signs.

Yeah, yeah.

So I didn't see 'em.

Yeah. You say Luke is irresponsible. And naive.

Just recently he picked up a homeless gay guy from California who flew out here to live with Luke. Fast forward, the kid gets my son's name tattooed across his chest. That was a red flag and an alarm bell for me. The kid just recently totaled his car. So there's been other situations. There was a situation where one of his friends called me at 4 AM at 4 in the morning claiming Luke was missing. And I don't know if this was a prank, but for 5 hours I didn't know where he was. I had to call the police, all the police stations.

I just have a few things to say about what she just said.

Yeah, please tell me what you think.

I honestly think that my mom can have her opinion on the friends that I have, but at the end of the day, it's my choice and my life and my journey that I have to go through, and I have to make the mistakes to learn from them.

Right.

And the thing like my mom does is if I'm arguing with a friend, she'll go out of her way to go message them on social media and blow the situation out of proportion. Also with the me being missing, my phone was literally just lost. So that like—

Okay, but your friends did call me at 4 o'clock in the morning claiming you were missing.

Well, my phone was just lost and then she started calling the police station and everything and I'm like, chill out, like my phone's too close.

That's what a responsible parent would do.

And then, yeah, that one I get 100%. Somebody call me at 4:00 AM to say my child is missing, I'm gonna be on every dial on calling everything. It is what it is. So that one, as a parent, I do understand. But when you take it further, like you just said with social media and then message someone's friends, now that's something I don't do.

No, I've done that once or twice.

And she comments like mean things on their posts. She just blows up situations that could be dealt with in a better manner.

What mean things has she said?

She, one day she says she hates me and never wants to see me again. The next day she loves me. So I never really know exactly what I'm gonna get from her.

Your child just said that you say things like, "I hate you," and then say the next day, "I love you." Right, and I have regretted that, but I think there's a big chunk that we're missing here. Tell me.

The story. And I'm not trying to clarify, justify that.

[Speaker:KARAMO] Where does that come from?

[Speaker] Here's where it comes from. He's put me through a lot of stress. The poor decision making, the calling me up. I don't get it. I get no respect. It is a respect issue for me. There's a lot of rudeness, a lot of disrespect, a lot of blowing me off, putting me last on the list, and I'm the one who's always there.

[Speaker] You're here now. [Speaker] Exactly. [Speaker] And so I'm looking at the patterns of behavior There was many years you weren't there.

Well, I was there. I wasn't allowed to be there. I was there. I went to the school for parent-teacher conference.

But your child's feelings were that you weren't there.

Well, his feelings are valid, but so are mine.

They are valid, but as a parent, and as a parent to another parent, when your child says you weren't there, that impact has a greater impact on what our child goes through versus what we went through. I do believe when I hear things about how you're acting and how you talk about your child, that you call their, who they are a lifestyle. Just let y'all know very much, anytime you say to someone who is gay or trans that their life is a lifestyle, you would not like to be told that who you are is a lifestyle. This is just who your child is.

Right.

Secondly, when you say things about unsavory friends, when you say things like they're not good, these things are something that I know to be true is called implicit stereotype. Let me teach you this really quickly. Implicit stereotype, 'cause I see you shaking your head, but I'm very knowledgeable.

I'm talking about experiences I've had with them personally.

Listen, I understand what you're talking about.

And we don't have all day to talk about it, but—

We actually do, we on my show.

Okay.

So we do have all day. When it comes to implicit stereotype, what that means is when you have feelings that have already been deep down inside of you. I asked you that question about what life did you build in your head about your child? Because that life and that thought pattern and any feelings you had attached to the LGBT community are showing their head now. Even though you're saying, "I'm there, I wanna be there." Let me, let me— And I'm telling you from your actions, you are still showing that implicit feelings of, "Well, I don't know if I really feel like this is right for you. I don't know if you're making the right choices." Because you built something in your head that they are not living up to.

I think you're making into, blowing it out of proportion because my son can speak for that. Why don't you speak on that? Have I been accepting of you and your lifestyle? Again. And your choices?

Again, you just said lifestyle.

I said you and your lifestyle.

I said it's not a lifestyle. You can't do that.

I say you and your lifestyle.

But I am teaching you right now that you cannot say you and lifestyle. Just say you. It's just say you.

But have I been accepting of you?

See, I'm here to support you. And I'm here to also make sure that you don't walk away feeling as if you're a bad guy, because I don't think you're a bad guy. And I want to be clear about that. Yeah. Yeah. But I do believe there's some education that needs to happen.

I honestly think that my mom loves me very much. And I think that now she accepts me way more than she probably could have in the beginning.

And the reason that is, is because there's still things from how you perceived your child's life should be that is still coming up. You just said outta your own mouth that you've said to your child, "I hate you." You've said it.

Not for being gay, sir. Not for being gay.

Okay, like I said.

That's absolutely—

I'm telling you something. Things come out of you. What's in you gonna come outta you. And that's what I know to be true. My best friend say that all the time. What's in you gonna come outta you. And what's in you is that there's something about your child you hate. There has been. So whether you want to admit it or not, it came out of you.

I don't actually think she hates me. I think she just says things to hurt my feelings when I don't do it.

I don't think she hates you either. But what I'm saying to you is there's something within her that she's been feeling that when you say something, I've never as a parent, let me just say something.

I think you might be projecting, to be honest.

Let me tell you something. My child, let me tell you something very clearly. My child is right there. I have never looked at my child and said, I hate you. So I can tell you very clearly that there's nothing. You have a great day. So let me tell you something. Because no, this is really great. Because what I will never tolerate on my show is for anyone to tell me, first of all, that I don't know what I'm talking about. But also, you will never disrespect a child as a parent. Because at the end of the day, I do believe your mother loves you. But I do believe there's something within her that is not allowing her to respect you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Be treated.

Yeah. I just want things to be good with her one day.

Yes, I know that. But the unfortunate part, because I see you getting emotional right now. What are you feeling?

It's just I knew that she'd be upset when like things were talked about, but I didn't know that she'd like walk off the stage.

It's because she's not ready yet to face what's really going on. That is not about you. That's about her feeling like, I just got caught. I just had a mirror put up to my face. And the unfortunate part is that you're her child, so she knows she can get away with it. I'm a grown man. She can't get away with it with me. But I want you to know you don't deserve that. Come here, you're gonna be all right. You're gonna be all right. Listen everyone, take a seat with me. Listen everyone, today felt good because it was a moment where people's biases were challenged. And I got a chance to support some LGBT folks and their families. Listen, as we both know, discrimination is hard, but what I know to be true is that you at home listening to me have the strength within you to overcome any challenge you're facing. And never forget, there's a community of people who want to love you and support you. Never give up. Friends, we must never stop respecting, communicating, and loving each other. It's the only way. I love you all. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe, and right here to watch more. Period.