Mom, Take Accountability For Abusing Me! | KARAMO

I'm 15, I don't know what I need. You know what I need. No, I don't, which is why I said arrest her. You should have been there. I couldn't because you didn't want me to.

I contacted the show because I wanted my mom to take accountability for everything she's done for me. I wanted her to really say, I've done this, and say I'm sorry. She's never done that.

Tell me about your relationship with your mom.

I mean, I feel like it's always been strange. It's always weird. I don't know, she'll always make sure to post pictures of me on Facebook to make the relationship seem like we're best friends. And we're not.

You said earlier that she was abusive. Was she always abusive?

Yeah, she was always abusive. I remember the first time she was abusive was like, I think I was coming in late and she went out to go look for me and when she found me, she whooped me with a belt that was rolled in two rolls of duct tape on the way into the house and I remember she hit me in the eye and I was like, you hit me in the eye and she was like, I don't care. And she kept whooping me and when we got in the house, she poured rice on the floor, made me kneel in rice and then she choked, she picked me up and choke me higher than she was. And she dropped me. And when I was going up the stairs, I thought I was about to die. And so like I passed out and I got scared that I was gonna get in trouble for passing out. And so I fell down the stairs and I woke myself back up and went back to bed, you know, 'cause I didn't wanna get in trouble.

I'm so sorry. I just wanna make sure, I know this is a show, but I need to just make sure you're comfortable sharing these stories.

Yeah.

Okay, good. Just wanna make sure. How old were you at that time?

I was like 8 or 9.

Okay, good, good, good. Did she do anything else to you?

Yeah, I mean, it'd be over little stuff. First of all, I don't even like peanuts. Why are you whooping me 'cause there's a bowl of peanut butter under the bed? Or it's like there's a peanut wrapper somewhere, you know? And it's like I'm getting whooped because her house isn't clean. And it's like, you know, I'm 12 or I'm 8 or I'm 9. Why am I cleaning the whole house? Or there was like, It was just a bunch of times like that. Or a time she tried to fight me because I got raped and I told her. And long story, she tried to chase me out the house. That was the last time we really talked.

How did she finally get caught?

I told.

Okay, you told.

I told, yeah. It was getting too much. She beat someone else's, in the house's back open. You could see the meat. On his back. And so I told the nurse at school and I told them to check and they did.

And she was arrested?

Not then, but yeah, she was.

Okay, yeah. And you were taken away from her?

Yeah, I was brought to my dad's house, yeah.

Got it. So your mother was charged with felony injury to a child.

But she only went for 30 days. And I just feel like that's, I feel like that's not right. You know, you made me feel weird for my whole life and now you only go for 30 days? That doesn't. That doesn't equate.

Yeah, the only reason I said this is because you know what I did in my past. Like for it to get to a place where not only are they removing you from the house, but also you're getting charged with a felony, that means you suffered something severe.

Yeah.

Yeah. Did you ever live with her ever again?

I did because I got kicked out of someone else's house and I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I went back with her. And at first it was good, like I thought we were gonna be cool, but then she just started getting like way too, overprotective. It wasn't even overprotective. It was like she was like, she had a hold on me. Like I couldn't use my phone. She would take me to work with her, to stores. Like I couldn't leave the house if she wasn't leaving the house. And I had to leave the house when she was leaving the house. It was like I wasn't my own person anymore.

Got it. And when did you stop talking to your mom?

After I got raped again and I told her and that's when she, you know, that's when she chased me out the house and was like, like she was talking to me like, Like it was my fault. And then she was like, it's not like you, and then she spread her legs, pointed at her stuff and said, it's not like you told him to come rape you. And I lost it at that point, so I threw my phone on the ground and I walked out the house. I turn around and she's chasing me out the house with a clothes hanger. And I was like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, excuse my language, but I was like, what the fuck are you doing? And she was like, this is not how I raised you, I didn't raise you like this. And so I started cussing at her and she was like, I didn't raise you to cuss. Why are we worried about me cussing and not about what just happened to me? You should be worried about what just happened to me. You should be trying to help me get over what just happened. But you weren't. You were worried about me cussing or me throwing my phone on the ground.

So when she opened up, was she trying to make a joke? Is that what it was?

I think she was trying to make a joke. I don't know. She always wants to make a joke in serious situations, and sometimes a joke is not needed. I need my mom sometimes, not a—

How has your relationship been since then?

I mean, she comes around for For like, you know, main events like graduation, she came to take a picture and then she left. For my birthday, she came to take a picture and she left, you know? And it's like, if she wanna be in my life, yeah. That was my birthday, that's her graduation, that's my graduation.

So you're saying that none of these events did she stay? She just showed up for the photo and left?

Yeah.

Do you have a list of what you want from your mom today?

Yes.

Can I see that list?

I want you to take accountability for beating me and treating me less than you should treat your child. I want you to apologize for letting me down mentally when I was raped, 'cause you should've been there. Like, why? If I call on you, you should be there. And I want you to apologize for choking and almost killing me.

Okay, can I see that list?

Yes, you can.

Thank you, yeah. Well, listen, I wanna hear what your mother Ashley has to say about all this. So I wanna invite Ashley out so we can hear her side of the story. Everyone, welcome Ashley to the show.

Now you're saying all this stuff and have, yes, I used physical punishment to discipline you, but it was not the way you said it. And you didn't come to me when you got raped. I had to hear about it from a roundabout way.

It don't matter how it got to you.

I never denied that you got raped.

It don't matter how it got to you.

You shouldn't have been trying to You said you was trying to beat me up. I never choked you like you said. A lot of that other stuff is true. And I've always taken accountability.

I want this to be my truth, huh?

I want my mama beating me to be my truth. I never said what I did was okay.

And you never apologized also.

Because if I apologize, I don't want you to ever think that I'm apologizing because I have to. I want you to know—

You do have to.

No, no, I'm not talking about that. I'm not saying that. I don't want you to think that I'm forcing myself to apologize.

So what you're saying is you care about me now.

I don't want you to say she's only apologizing because it's the right thing to do, not because you want to.

At least you can say the words. You haven't tried to say the words. I'd rather you force yourself to apologize than to not apologize. That means you don't care about my feelings.

That means you're not thinking about me and how this is gonna help me in the future.

I've never not acknowledged that I've messed up. I know I've messed up.

Can I ask you a question?

Yes.

Some of the things she said that happened, was that you beat her with a pipe. Was that true?

No.

What the fuck?

You didn't beat her with a pipe?

Why is you lying? You beat me with that white pipe because you thought I was outside. You know which boy I'm talking about.

If I did, I apologize, but I don't remember that. I never said that.

Did you make her kneel on rice?

No.

No.

No.

Did you choke her?

No.

No.

I have beat her to the point where—

No.

I have used too much physical force.

We lived in two different lives.

I guess so, you also say that I should be with this person and that person. You also say I should live a different lifestyle than what I wanna live.

I don't care what lifestyle you live, this is your life. I just care how you're treating me, that's what I'm worried about. I'm worried about me.

And you live your life, I live mine.

You're saying that the pipe didn't happen, the rice didn't happen, the choking didn't happen, but you were arrested.

I've used other things.

For felony physically, for abusing a child.

That was with a different thing, that was with an extension cord, and I do acknowledge that. When I was growing up, When I was growing up, I was abused, and so—

I'm not, me at 19, if I get pregnant right now, I'm not taking a pipe to my child. I'm not taking a Sitricor to my child.

I mean, you can say you did the best you could do, but the best is the worst in this case.

And I never denied that.

But you haven't accepted that, you haven't taken accountability. No, you haven't said I'm sorry. You say, I know I didn't do wrong, but you haven't said I'm sorry.

No, I never said I didn't do wrong, I did wrong.

You still on probation?

Yes, until next year.

How did the police get involved?

She reported, like she said, she reported it to a school official and then CPS got involved and the police got involved. CPS ended up dropping the case, but then police kept it and picked it up. And it was 20 days that I served, not 30.

And that's fine.

No, I'm saying that it was not. I'm saying that they didn't give as much justification as you wanted is what I'm saying.

How did you react when she was raped?

How were you feeling at that point? Obviously, I was upset that it happened to her, but I felt like I had ruined our relationship so much to where she didn't wanna come to me. She had to go to other people.

But when you found out, you should've been like, hey, let's figure this out. Not, not, not, not, not, not, you better get out that car before I come across over here to make it bad for you.

That first time, I said, let's go get the kit done. I said, let's get it.

No, you didn't. You took a damn Uber. You lifted somebody. No, because you got another bitch.

You didn't know.

I had canceled that ride. No, you didn't.

You said, "I gotta go somewhere. Somebody's on my phone. I gotta go pick somebody up." No, I didn't.

I said—

No, you didn't.

I said it because you didn't want to go.

No, you—

Is she living on Mars? They said that. I said, "I'm gonna take my daughter." I tried. No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

You didn't try hard enough if I wasn't in your car. Because you didn't want to go. No, you didn't. Oh, my God.

No, you didn't.

No, you didn't. You said you wanted to go with your other sister.

You supposed— No, no.

You said, I will take you. You didn't want me there. It doesn't matter if I want you there. I didn't want you to be there. I needed you there. I needed you there. You didn't want me there. I needed you. You should have said— You should have not denied me. I'm 15. I don't know what I need. You know what I need. No, I don't, which is why I said away. You should have been there. I couldn't because you didn't want me to. You're crazy.

Ashley, can I ask you a question? Can I ask you a question?

Yes.

Do you want a relationship with her?

Yes, I do.

You do? Take a seat for me. Take a seat for me. Talk to me.

It's difficult because— and it's not her fault. None of this is her fault. It's my fault. And I get that. And I've never denied that any of this is my fault. But I do want a relationship with her. It's just I don't approach because I don't know. I don't want to push and then her run away. I wanna come on her time.

Okay, so I gotta tell you something. As she's backstage taking a break, I saw breakdowns, I saw everything that's going on here. So I'm gonna first acknowledge because I think it's always important. I understand just even through the context of what you shared right here, a bit of your past. You were abused and you were often rejected. The way that she was abused is, was the way you were probably treated. Okay, and now you also have a strained family relationship with your family because every time you get vocal about anything that happened to you, people think you're causing drama and a mess and you get rejected again. I picked it all up. Now I'm not saying that to excuse anything you've ever done to this child.

No, of course not.

But what I'm trying to let you see is that I acknowledge what you've been through because I'm sure you go through your entire life only being the bad guy. And in the situation, of course, for your daughter, you have done horrible things, but people forget that things happened to people in which and why in turn they do these things. Again, not an excuse.

No.

But I see it. But what I want you to understand is the same way you went through things and you tell me, I can hear in the language, well, I didn't wanna do this because you were gonna reject me. I didn't want you to have to, the same way you were rejected and dismissed is the same way your daughter is feeling rejected and dismissed. She's consistently feeling rejected. I even watched on this stage, Every time she said something that was a memory for hers, you dispute it. You dispute it. And I'm sure that's a lifetime of you having to defend yourself. But in this case right now, if you really want a relationship with this young woman, if you really feel like you're doing the work to show her, if you really feel like maybe one day I can show her that I'm so sorry for what I did to her as a mother, that I can really show her, you gotta stop disputing what she says. How do you feel about what I'm saying?

I receive it.

You're losing your daughter, you're losing any respect she would have from you. And if she says, "I need you to say yes, this happened." I understand. I want your daughter to come back out here. Can we get her back out here? I see tears in your eyes. What's going on? What's going on?

I don't know.

What was making you cry back there?

I just felt like I had to tell myself something.

I wanna hear her right now.

I like lowkey feel like you never really liked me or loved me. Like I really, like there's no way you could do all that and then be like, I love her, I love her, but let me beat her. Like let me lie and say I didn't beat her. Like.

So your daughter has been brave enough to write a list of what she needs, okay? And when she says these things to you, I need you to hear them, acknowledge it, don't dispute it, and give her what she needs. Just speak from your heart. Don't be afraid that she's going to reject or anything. You're in a space right now where there's somebody who can help y'all navigate this conversation.

I want you to take accountability and apologize for beating me and treating me less than you should ever treat your child. I want you to apologize for letting me down mentally when I was raped. For not being there, for not holding my hand, for not hugging me, for not saying it's gonna be okay, we gonna get through this. I want you to apologize for not being that mother figure when I got raped all them times. I want you to apologize for choking me even though you say you don't remember it. I remember it, I remember it like it was yesterday. You made me feel less than a human, like.

I'm sorry, Shayla. I don't know what else to say other than to say I'm sorry. All I can say is I'm sorry and I'm trying to learn. I wanna learn. So if there is anything else, I'm open and listening. I can't work through, I can't work towards a better relationship on all fronts if I don't know what it is that's in you that you need to say to me.

I'm saying I don't know what because I—

This is foreign. Yeah. This is new. But you continue to be you because who you are with your strength, your integrity, Intelligence. I know there's gonna be some young woman out here watching this who's gonna be inspired by you. I know it. I know it. And mom, I'm gonna give you this because as an outsider, good job for you for listening and giving her what she needed, which was accountability. And this is just step 1. You got 100 more. But if you continue on this path and really take my advice, I believe that you'll get to a place where this relationship can be healthier than it's ever been. You hear me? I wish you the best of luck. I wish you the best of luck as well.

I accomplished my fears, you know? I overcame what I was most scared of. I took up for myself when I felt like nobody else would. I think in time's work, I can forgive my mom. She wants to call me and be like, hey, you wanna get your nails done? We can go get our nails done. My message for young girls is even when it feels like there's nobody helping you, even when it feels like, you know, you're in a corner by yourself, it's, you know, you can do it. I believe in you because I did it, you know? And it might seem hard because of your emotions. It might seem hard because you don't know how to do it. But once you get that first step, you got it. You know, just keep trying. Don't give up. You got it. You got it. I love Karamo. Like, he really helped the relationship, you know.