Mom, Why Don't You Love Me? | KARAMO

My mom hates me, she's told me on multiple occasions, she told me she doesn't like me, she told me that she wants to kill me. It's just really horrible. I came on this show today because I know what you have done, me and my sister, we watch you, you've helped other families.

Thank you.

And I want you to please, like, I mean please help us.

I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try for you. So Ruth, recently you moved back in with your mom, what happened?

Yeah, my mom had gave me a phone call saying that she had cancer, which really, really hurt. Like, I was like, oh God, my mom got cancer. I moved away because of all the drama when I was younger. She had cancer, so I moved back. She said, "Hey, just come here, stay with us and stack your money up and get an apartment.

I don't want you too far from me." Yeah, you still felt like I gotta go back home.

Yeah, that's my mama.

So your mom told my producers that when you moved back home to help her, that you brought chaos.

Chaos?

What does she mean by that?

Chaos.

From your opinion?

I haven't been chaos. I just put my sisters on game and told her exactly what she was doing wrong.

Okay.

Like you don't tell me.

So are you telling your mother you feel like you're expecting pressing to your mom, these are the things that she's doing, and then when she gets confronted with them, she feels—

Yeah, my mama hides. She runs away. She doesn't want to hear anyone else's side of the story. It's I'm right, you wrong, period. And I don't feel like that's right. You don't do that.

So do you feel like your mom abandoned you?

She most definitely abandoned me. When in 2017, I was at school, she packed up the whole house and they moved to South Carolina.

When you were 17, you said?

17 years old.

Okay.

Only thing that was left in the house was my bed and my dog, Sugar.

So you're still in high school. You were in 12th grade or 11th grade?

I was 11th grade.

11th grade.

Mm-hmm.

'Cause I'm trying to paint this picture in my head. You come home and your mother has moved.

Yes, she had spoke of, oh, we're gonna move, but I didn't think like, oh, I'm not gonna be included in this. No, everybody was gone. I was supposed to go stay with my dad, which my dad lived 3 miles away and I had to walk to his house.

I'm sorry. You were a little girl who thought like, I'm supposed to move with my mom.

Right, like—

Even if you have discussions, You didn't get a goodbye that day?

No, I did not. She didn't say, "Oh, we leaving. Oh, we finna go here." Like, that hurt my feelings. Like, that really, really hurt. Like, oh God.

Yeah.

Why would you leave me?

It's okay, love. It's really okay. It's okay. That type of stuff sticks with us.

Like, I'm still seeing right now, it still hurts. Like, you left me. I was your child. Like, you were supposed to be the person that I was.

Yeah.

A person that was supposed to protect me, and you left me.

I hear you.

What was I supposed to do at that point?

Yeah, I hear you. So was your relationship with your mom like that the entire time you were growing up?

No, my mom was not always like just a person like, it was sometimes I remember she came to my cheerleading match when I wanted to cheer. It's more bad than it was good. I have more horrible memories of my mom than I have good memories.

Kiesha's here and is ready to address her issue with Alexis. Everyone, please welcome Kiesha to the show. Hello, how are you doing? Thank you for being here.

Hi, thank you.

Yes, of course. How do you feel about Alexis? How do you feel about what she just said?

I don't like Alexis. For one, she's lying. She know why.

Well, I wanna start from the beginning. You said you don't like Alexis?

No, I don't like her ways, her ways at all.

Okay, that's clarification. Because to say I don't like her.

Yeah, I don't like her ways.

Ways, okay. So tell me more.

Yeah, when she was in her teenage ages, she used to put holes in my walls, sneak out the house, go be with boys. I had to go file unruly with the cops and the court. We went to court, she went to juvenile, didn't stay long. She used to pull knives out. That last case, I the one got her off of it, nobody else, because they was gonna put her away. But I helped her. But she just used to always yelling and screaming. Then she told me a week ago, "I hope you die with cancer." I did not. I'm going through my own stuff. I did not say that. I said, "Mom, you are a horrible mom to me." It was the altercation. I said, "You are a horrible mom to me." And I said, "That's why you got cancer now." I never said, "I hope you die from cancer." That's what I said. It's not the same thing. But you're not gonna sit up here and disrespect me though. Mama, you feel like everything is just about me. If you're grown, you need to be on your own. You asked to come here for 2 weeks, but you're still in my home. I came back for you. But you put me through all these years. I didn't do anything, Mom. Yes, you did. You have been running away, doing what you wanted to do.

Oh my God.

The content people know. You gonna talk about me, you kicked me out. 'Cause you kicked me out. You right, you right. You kicked me out. You told me get out and then you like, oh, you gonna call the cops and run away. You can't do that. You know why. You cannot do that. 'Cause your audience do not like me. Taking me through drama and hell. Mama, that's not drama. When D-Stacks is called, 'cause you sent me to school. Yeah, 'cause you keep going to D-Stacks. No, I did not. You sent me to school. Quit lying, Alexia. Mama, why are you lying?

You thinking you're the only person I'm fighting?

That's not fair. Listen to other people, that's not fair.

I will tell you both this. I can see the breakdown in communication. I can also see the chaos and I can also see the pain. But is this the way there's always chaos in the house?

Yeah.

It's always like this.

Even when she was in her teenage years, it's always been a mess.

So then I'm gonna ask you, if you felt like there's always this mess, always this chaos, for you, why did you ask her to come home when you were sick?

No, she asked me, could she come home? She'll just be there for 2 weeks. 2 weeks still, she's here, she's still there now.

Okay.

One thing about it, my other daughters don't give me problems. She have always been the problem child.

Okay, so I wanna talk to the daughters. So I wanna hear from y'all's opinion. Do y'all feel like y'all got disciplined the same way your sister got disciplined?

It wasn't no favor, it wasn't no favoritism, none of that. Like if you disrespectful, you get the consequences, you know what I'm saying?

'Cause Destiny, you're the oldest, right?

Yes, sir.

So you were there around this time, right? So what did you witness as a little girl as well being in the house?

That's what I witnessed her run away, do all that. It was her way or no way at all.

Did you ever see her getting spanked or beat?

All of us got spankings. What's there to spank? That comes with if you being disrespectful, that's what you— you're gonna get the consequences.

Okay, and what about for you two? Is that how y' all do it.

We was never around with them. We stayed ourselves. We was always in our room. So I'm a Jackson. Look, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We can tell you what we see, but we can't tell you too much. Cause we was never around the chaos. I just know they always bump head.

How do y'all feel about your mother? I mean, she works. She mean?

She's aggressive. She's aggressive. I mean, she's a strict parent. I mean.

Aggressive, strict.

Right.

Okay.

If you wrong, you wrong. You right, you right.

It sounds like y'all saying a little bit of how she feels. I'm not saying y'all are saying exactly.

Right.

But y'all are sort of validating what she's saying, what you're feeling.

But we're closed off. We're closed off. We get treated the same way we get treated. We closed off. She doesn't discipline the boys how she disciplined us. Brothers don't get anything. She talks to them.

Destiny, from your opinion, I noticed you're apart from your sisters 'cause right now you're not talking to 'em. So how's your relationship with your mother?

My relationship is good. Like, that lady is my backbone. From every, when I used to have seizures, they thought I wasn't gonna make it. That lady right there will always be there for me.

So when you were younger, and thank you for sharing that, you were having seizures? And what's the age difference between y'all?

2 years.

2 years. I just got some perspective. Thank you so much. This, I just, give it up for them. How old were you when you had Destiny? How old were you?

I was a senior in high school.

Senior in high school. Perspective. Okay. You're a senior in high school. You're 17?

Around 17, 18.

17, 18. And your first baby has seizures. Mm-hmm. Did your family reject you?

My mom always helped. My grandma, she always helped. Your grandma helped? Until they passed away.

Your grandma and mom helped? Mm-hmm. Did you have any other family members that rejected you?

Nobody rejected me.

Okay.

My father, yes, but nobody rejected me. Father rejected you? Besides my father.

Okay, so the rejection from your father was there. And so you were trying to take care of her and then you got pregnant with your other daughter. Mm-hmm. How stressful was your life back then? Bring me back.

It was pretty stressful. I mean, being a single mom can really be stressful 'cause you got it all on yourself. So that means you gotta go hard for yours. So I go work hard for my kids.

The reason I'm breaking this down, because I can understand, and I'm not excusing this, and I'm not, but I like to always see both perspectives. I can understand if you're frustrated, you're tired, you're trying to figure out, Between them two, what's the next age? How long?

Then I had the twins.

The twins, okay. So back to back to back from 17, 18, there's a daughter, another daughter, twins. All in the house.

Yeah.

And you're supporting all of 'em? Mm-hmm. Okay, with that I understand the wit's end. I get it now. I'm not excusing it, but I understand this. I'm done, I can't, I can't, I'm stressed, I don't know what to do. And I get it, you didn't have the tools and you did the best you can as a mother. And I understand that this child was screaming out for something because when children act out at that age, they're screaming out for something. People always try to assume that children are bad. So I mean, I know that part of you have already told me that she was acting out, she was running around, she was disrespectful. But if, take, I want you to just go back to that moment.

I got her help though.

Yes, okay. What did you think she was screaming out for?

I don't know because I love my kids. She didn't give me the love that I needed, that a mom should give.

And so what does that mean?

It's 6 of us in total, so that's a lot.

Okay.

That's a lot, but I'm just like, hey, stop. Like notice I'm doing good in school. Hey, say I'm doing good in school. But as soon as I do something bad, the whole world know about it. And I hated that.

Well see, but that's the thing. Even though we hate it as children, unconsciously we do it because if I'm not getting validation for when I'm doing something bad, when I'm doing something positive, I'm gonna get validation for when I'm doing something negative. And unfortunately, as parents, we all feed into that because it's easier to focus on the stresses than successes. So your daughter's just saying that she needed a little bit more attention. And I also understand that you had a lot of kids and you had a child that had some needs that had to be there for, that she didn't get it. Can you at least acknowledge that maybe I could have tried a different way? Not harder, because I already know you tried your hardest. I believe it. I do see how the communication has broken down here. And I also understand now why you so strict and why you so tough with them. This is more sort of how you had to be at 17 to survive with your children. You were like, I'm 17, I gotta get tough quick because if I don't get tough, the world's gonna crush me and my kids. So that's why I was saying, is there a different way that you think maybe at that time you could have done something different so you could acknowledge what she's feeling? Just maybe.

Yeah?

Yeah. So your mother's acknowledging that maybe she could have did it a little bit differently. Can you acknowledge that now as an adult that maybe there's a different way that you could be communicating?

Most definitely. I told her that we need to go to family counseling because it's still something I want to get to the bottom of it. Well, you here today to get to the bottom of it. Yes, but I don't want the arguing back and forth. I don't want to argue with you.

Well, part of this, I tell this a lot of times on my show, especially when we're dealing with family. When there's aggression and there's pain, those two things will change your tone. And even when you're saying something nice, the tone will still come out. And I'm just to give you an example right now, you just said, "Well, you brought us here today." You actually said something that was nice. You weren't saying something that was mean, but the tone that it came out, if somebody who had just tuned in, they're gonna be like, "Well damn, she just cussed them out just for coming on the show." I'm just telling you, it's just the tone.

That's just how I am, Maurice. That's just how I am.

I know, I know. But I would tell you, you have one child that that only makes her mimic your behavior. And sometimes that mirror is hard to see because part of that mimicking your behavior is because she wants to be you because she loves you. But I'm gonna tell you this, even with the pain, if you truly want healing, you've gotta learn to watch your tone and not get loud. Because the thing is, is that now hearing this, your mother's always gonna shut off with you when she feels like she's being disrespected because that's something that she's had to deal with from being a 17-year-old little girl, having a child and having to survive in this world. And it's not to say that your feelings are not wrong or that you shouldn't be able to come out, but if you really want to heal, you have to watch the things you say. So when you get angry, if you don't take the steps to walk away, she's gonna receive it as disrespect. Can you say to your mom, "I commit to making sure I watch my tone so I don't disrespect you." Can you commit to that?

Yes. To her? I commit to watching my tone so I don't disrespect you 'cause I don't want you to think that I'm being disrespectful. I just wanna be heard when we're having conversations. I want you to hear my side and not shut me out.

This show can only be about first steps sometimes because I can't heal it all. Right. But she's saying, "I heard you when you said the disrespect. I heard and understood." Can you at least acknowledge your little girl saying not only does she love you, 'cause she does, through everything, she's still sitting here begging for her mommy. She loves you, but she's willing to make a commitment to make sure you don't feel disrespected.

Okay.

Can you accept that?

I accept it.

Now for you, she has some scars in her, and so she feels like mom doesn't like me, doesn't see me. Even when you came out here, you said, "I don't like—" I stopped you quickly. I know you heard me. I stopped you quickly 'cause I said, "Hold on." You don't like her or you don't like boys?

I don't like boys, nope. Can I ask you this?

Do you love your daughter? I love her. I love her. Can you tell your daughter you love her? 'Cause I think she's forgotten.

I love you. She's a go-getter. She has. When she completed school, I told her I was proud of her. So I'm proud of her. You're proud of her?

Yeah. You just said you haven't heard your mom say, "I love you and I'm proud of you." It feels nice.

That feel good. I just want her to know, like I'm trying 'cause Sometimes I just feel like a big disappointment.

I'm trying. Part of the thing that's gonna help you with your relationships, especially with your daughters and your children, is more vulnerability. You've had to be strong a long time and I know why you've had to be strong. Sister, I know why. I can look at you and I can see everything that you've tried to do to be the best mother. Right. I know. But at some point you gotta let go of that strength and you guys gotta be vulnerable with your kids and just trust that maybe if you let them in, they won't hurt you. True.

You hear me? Every time I do though, that's what happens.

I know, I know, I know, I know. And I wish I had more time with you, God honest. 'Cause I would help you work through that. I know I could. But I'm gonna try to figure out how to give you some resources to help you through that vulnerability. 'Cause I understand what that is. But at least for this one, at least y'all were able to see a little bit of the vulnerability here. Your daughter loves you.

I love my kids and her too, so.

Yeah, yeah. Do you feel like you got a little bit of something with your mom saying I love you?

Yeah, this is a stepping stone.

All right, y'all can come closer together now. Okay, you get closer. You get even closer than that. You get even closer. There you go. There you go. You can grab your daughter's hand. It's all right. You both feel seen and feel heard? Yes. Both of y'all? Good. Y'all gonna be all right. You're welcome. Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more. So we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.