Mom, You Damaged Me! | KARAMO

Let's start off. I know you weren't living with your mother before, but you decided to move back in with her.

Yes.

And so describe what you pictured your life was gonna be moving back in with your mom.

One big happy family.

Uh-huh. And what has been difficult about sharing a space with your mom?

She says some really hurtful things and sometimes I can't take it.

Yeah.

I'm literally like holding onto a cliff and I'm ready to let go.

Do you feel like she's treating you like a child?

Yeah, she's treating me like a child.

Yeah.

She treats me like I'm 12. I be having to tell her I am 23. You're my mama and I'm gonna love you. We have two separate lives. We on the same planet, but you live your life and I live mine.

Got it.

And I understand you're trying to live your life through me, but you can't live your life through me.

Oh, you feel like your mother's trying to live your life through you?

She's trying to live her life through me. And I understand that.

Why do you feel that way?

She did have a rough childhood.

Okay.

So I understand her seeing me do things for myself, it's making her wanna control me on Oh, this is what you're gonna do. And I'm like, you can't tell me what to do. That's the main problem.

Is it because she's scared from her own upbringing? She's scared that you're gonna make certain mistakes or is that what it is?

No, she's scared I'm gonna succeed and that's what I'm gonna do.

Mm. How long have you been living together now?

It's been 6 months.

6 months. 6 months. And was your relationship good before?

From a distance, yes.

Okay. So growing up, the relationship was already kind of strained?

It wasn't secure. And when I say that, I wasn't in a stable environment with her to build one.

And that was your entire childhood?

Yeah, pillow to post.

So did she raise you?

Yes and no.

Okay.

And the only reason why I say no is because like I said, I was pillow to post. I was always at a friend house for like a week or two, then I'll move around. The time that she could find herself being stable at a place, she could take me in at that point until she loses the place.

Got it. What was the longest you stayed in the place with your mom when you was growing up?

6 months.

6 months. And then things would fall apart?

Yes.

And here we go again, y'all, they've been together for 6 months?

Yes, 6 months.

And things are falling apart again?

It's horrible.

Falling apart.

The whole house on fire.

Okay. So do you feel like you're supportive of your mom?

Yes.

You do, in what ways?

100%. Being there for her financially when I know I have to pick up whatever she don't got.

Okay.

Or just, you know, oh, she's my supervisor at work.

Oh, oh.

Yes.

Oh, so you live together and work together?

Yeah.

Okay, okay, okay, got it. And how long y'all been working together?

Almost 2 years together.

So 2 years working together, 6 months living together?

Absolutely, yes, sir.

Oh God, oh God, okay. Well, why are you here today? What is your hope?

I want her to take recognition. I want an apology and I want her to take accountability for what she did. If she don't wanna do it, we can go our separate ways.

What's the apology you need?

For her making everything about herself, for her tearing me down as a woman.

Tearing you down, okay.

Because one thing about it, you could have a mama in this world being here cherishing every moment, every time that you do have left on this earth. And right now, I'm about to jump off the cliff.

Got it. And so this goes to the verbally abusive-ness you said before.

Yes.

Got it, got it. When you were younger, did you feel like she supported you?

No, we never even went to a movie together.

Got it. And the things you had interest in when you were a kid, did she support those interests?

No, she make everything about herself. She made me feel guilty of everything.

Got it.

I probably got the most butt whoopings as a child.

Do you think it makes sense to continue to live with your mom?

No.

Mm-hmm, okay. Just wondering for your point of view. Well everyone, I think it's time to meet Sarah's mom, Tonya, and get her side of the story as well. So everyone, please welcome Tonya to the show. Hello, Tonya, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you.

Okay, so you told my producers that you think the mother-daughter roles are mixed up. What do you mean by that?

What I mean is, I heard a lot of things that she was saying. If you notice the way she responds is like she's the mother, I'm the daughter.

Apparently so, we live in the same household.

No, no.

The only thing you could do good is cook. Exactly.

You wanna dictate everything I do, but tell these people the truth.

That's why we're here today is to get the truth.

Stop trying to play victim.

Okay, so you're clearly seeing what's going on. So when I'm talking to her, She has a tendency to overtalk.

Because you make everything about yourself. You don't say nothing good for me to listen. Say something that makes sense, then maybe I'll listen.

Something that makes sense is we don't go bonding boyfriends out that have baby mothers that you live with.

That's none of your business though.

And that only comes to you when it's convenient for you, for him. But you said I was bonding him out of jail.

You don't know, he gave me my money back the same night he got out, he gave me my money.

Hold on, hold on.

Am I your mother or am I your sister?

I don't know what you are.

Let's not go there with Snoop. And I have to put a lock on my door because you come through.

Do you remember you have a 15-year-old son?

See, it's my turn to talk, correct? But you see what's going on.

I buy what I need.

It's my turn to talk.

I buy the necessities.

This is what I deal with. So that's why I throw my hands. And at the end of the day, don't forget that I brought you into this world.

You brought me into this world to make my life miserable. You brought me into this shit. You wanted to make my life miserable.

But you didn't say that when you were knocking on my door needing a place to lay your head. Did I refuse you? Can you still talk to me like I'm a piece of trash on the street? Space, like I said, I had to put a lock on my door. I have to say no more about that.

So name one time I snooped in your room without asking you. No, no, name one time I snooped in your room without asking you. Do you have evidence?

Yeah, when you have my stuff on, when I see stuff on that you got in my purse.

I ask you.

No, you don't.

When do you ask me?

Just before we came here. This is how I know. You went in my purse and took my perfume without asking me because that's the type of shit you do. And then wanna play victim. Oh, Mommy, this and that. I'm sad.

And this is how you talk to your mother, right? This is how you talk to your mother? Is this how you guys talk to your mother? Exactly. At the end of the day, I'm still your mother. You have no respect.

So she feels—

She's done.

She feels—

You're very rude and disrespectful.

And what are you?

I gotta ask you something.

I literally died bringing you into this world. That's what you don't know.

Real fate or fake tears?

I gotta ask you something. She says that she feels like you didn't raise her. Do you feel like you raised her?

No, she's lying.

Okay.

They all say that when they don't get their way. All the time.

So she said you moved around a lot. Did you move around a lot?

Lie.

No, I didn't move around a lot.

You didn't move around a lot?

I don't know what the hatred is because I've done nothing but try to love and be there for her.

No, you tried to live through me. That's what you tried to do.

She keeps saying, I wanna be her, I wanna be her.

If it wasn't for me, there would be no you. First and foremost, God. Go ahead and act like a mama. No, no, no, no. Act like a mama and stop acting like the damn devil. You getting on my nerves. You sitting up here playing victim.

Talk. If you gonna talk, say stuff that makes sense and tell the truth.

I really don't have to say nothing because people see what I'm dealing with already. They already see what I'm dealing with.

I said I don't have to say nothing. You're saying it all. They don't see what I'm dealing with. You're saying it all.

No, no, no, no, no.

Can I ask you a question? She said that she went from different homes, staying in different places.

She went to my mom's for the most part. My mother was babysitting her most of the time. So why she's saying that she was never really in my house?

She was so irresponsible.

She let whoever it was to her take my hand and put it on a hot spatula.

No, no, that's not how that happened. No.

What happened? What happened? Tell me what happened.

Where were you when I stopped breathing?

Where were you when I stopped breathing? When my dad had to call the ambulance?

Where were you when I stopped breathing? I remember that day, I passed out unconscious.

Where were you?

Probably with a nigga.

What I'm wanting is as she expresses her point of view, I also wanna hear your point of view. So she said now that there was times that she was hurt, that she was burnt and also suffocated. Where were you during those times from your point of view?

No, what happened was, I was, we were in her father's house. It was actually her father's apartment. And one of his friends was over there and she kept trying to, she was just a baby. Not baby baby, like, you know, she was walking, but you know how kids when they're 2, 3, they're into everything. So she kept running to the kitchen as I was cooking. He was telling her, don't, stay out of the kitchen, it's hot, it's dangerous, it's dangerous, it's dangerous. This was something I didn't even expect, to be totally honest with you. I was totally pissed. I was ready to put this man in jail. It's not like I'm gonna sit up there and tell the man, yeah, burn my kid. Took her hand and he was like, feel this. And I guess he didn't realize it was still like burning, burning, burning hot 'cause it had been off for a while.

But look how calm.

And he put her hand on there. Look how calm you are telling this story. No, I took you to the hospital.

So from your opinion, I know your daughter came to you, but if it's been this cantankerous, why did you move in together?

Well, honestly, I was there first. She came in a time of need and I opened my door, which I would never not open my door.

How's it working together?

So, I mean, it's good as far as what is good.

No, it ain't.

She the supervisor, don't do supervisor duties. No, it ain't.

This is why it's not.

Let me tell you why.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm the one that got you the job though.

Remember, you were jobless. You had no money.

One call, that call, I could have got my job. No clothes.

One call, that call.

I got you the job though.

So why can't you tell your employees?

Don't forget about that part.

When your employees mess up, what do you call them?

You didn't come to correct them.

Please stop pointing your finger in my face, 'cause at the end of the day, I'm still your mother.

Then be a mother.

What did you want from your mom back then that you felt like you didn't get?

Support.

In what way?

Every way that a mother could be, 'cause she was not there as she's talking about. I might have could call her for some advice, but Mom, where were you physically? Where was that love? Like, I'm so damaged by that. I didn't have mommy. You were always somewhere, You cared about yourself.

Okay, but as you can clearly see, she never went hungry. None of us never went hungry. You know what I mean? I mean, I'm just saying since I'm so not a mother. Okay, okay, okay.

I wasn't supportive and I wasn't there for you.

Did you give her, I get it, you've said you, you're telling me you've provided the basics. Do you feel like you gave her emotional support? The hugs, those things?

Yeah, I have, I have.

I will admit I have. Did you get that from your mom?

I have.

Maybe recently, but as a child.

I have, I have.

No, you gave me more ass whoopings than hugs.

Please.

What were you going through at that time in your life?

So what you're trying to say and lie is saying that I beat you is what you're saying? I mean, no, let's clear the air.

Physically abusive?

No, I'm saying.

Emotionally abusive?

How many kids do you have?

3.

3.

She's my middle.

You're a middle child?

My oldest is 26. Got it.

In the middle of all the shit.

What was your family situation like back then? Were you alone?

Did you have people?

Oh, pretty much.

I was in a boarding school. I was raised in a boarding school.

Okay. What I'm seeing here in this part is you clearly moved back in with your mom 'cause you do wanna bond with her. You do love your mom to some degree. I do believe that now at this point in your life, you're supporting her, you're giving her what she needs, but there's some part of your little girl that is hurting and we gotta get to the core of that. Otherwise the disrespect that I do believe, even through the pain, there's a better way for you to communicate. As a beautiful woman, there's a more, a better way for you to communicate your pain than disrespecting your mom.

But I don't know how to communicate.

I hear that, I hear that.

Talk to me.

I don't know how to communicate without yelling because that's all she does.

Got it, got it.

Saying things to me that, slender me, tear me down as a woman. You're supposed to be my mother, my hero, my protector.

Do you still feel like you verbally abuse her now?

No.

Okay.

The thing with us now is we have a relationship.

There's some middle ground here that something is missing. If she's saying that there was stuff I missed, your little girl's crying right now. There's something that's going on that's hurting her. And I'm asking you as her mother, what do you think this is?

I mean, the only thing I can think about is like she said, I do, when I, you know, when they were younger, I used to get mad and yell and scream.

So we can acknowledge that.

Yes.

That for a young girl, maybe that felt like you don't hear me and that you're not emotionally supporting me.

Right.

Can you acknowledge that at least?

I can acknowledge that part. Thank you. Thank you. I can acknowledge that part. Thank you.

'Cause I'm trying to get you to a step. Is that a big first step for you? Has she ever acknowledged that?

No, because she makes everything about her.

But can you tell that to your daughter? If that's something that she's never heard, can you at least acknowledge what you just said right now?

I can. I can start getting better with trying to work on listening more to you, how you feel, acknowledging your feelings as well, and start learning how to talk better with you.

Talk to your mom real quick for me, but as calm as you can, back for as you can.

Mom, I'm hurt. I've been through a lot and you know what I've been through. I just need you. Times I'm down, I'm in a dark hole that I'm trying to pull myself out of every day. And as long as we fight and you yell and we yell at each other, we're never gonna get nowhere. And all I ask you is just to be there for me and I'm trying to be there for you. And I do wanna let you know, like, I love you and I'm sorry.

I love you more, way more than you're ever imagining. Okay.

I'm glad that your daughter was woman enough to at least acknowledge that and apologize for that. I was really happy about that. Without me prompting you, without me prompting you, you did that. But this is the first step in y'all communication. I really tell y'all, when y'all leave this stage, the boundary of y'all living together.

It's not gonna work.

Let's figure out how to get— It's not gonna work. And like the working together, let's figure out how to transition these things. And then after that, y'all come together and start having these conversations.

Absolutely.

And I think the thing for y'all to remember is that your truth and yours truth, there's an intersection. This is a small first step.

And I'm sorry for from the past because I do love you too.

I forgive you.

I forgive you.

First step. Y'all can be there. Y'all can get there. Let's give her one more hug. I know the love is there. I know the love is there. I know the love is there. And I wish y'all the best of luck, all right?

Thank you, Karamo.

Thank you for being here, all right? All right, everyone. Thank you for being with us. Make sure to come back next time, friends, so we can keep talking and we can keep growing. I love you all. Let me give you a hug. Want more unlocked phones, DNA reveals, and family drama? Then make sure you're subscribed to the Karamo Show YouTube.