Mom, You Never Showed Up For Me! | KARAMO

One day, when Diamond was 6 months old, I woke up and I saw that she was missing. And I just tore— I just tore up the house. 2 days later, her dad shows up and shows me some paperwork that he has custody of her. But he kidnapped her. And I know the truth. I called the police. And I showed them the paper, but they said it was too late.

Have you ever heard her say things like this before about the kidnapping, about the fact that she tore up the house, that she tried to, you know?

If you tore up the house, I'm your child. I'm a mother. I'm gonna go look for my child. I'm not gonna just stand by and let somebody kidnap my child. First of all, That's my father. It's not called kidnapping. It's called being responsible. And you were so responsible as an adult. Why you just not recognizing that I'm missing? I would've went out to find me something.

Got it.

Not just sitting down.

In that, she also said your father had paperwork.

He did.

Okay.

My daddy, he took custody of me.

Got it. Okay. And what was your understanding from your father why you weren't raised by your mother?

My mother was on drugs.

Got it, okay.

All her entire life, I visited her in and out of prison. That's the only thing I see her as.

Yeah.

I was a young child, about 8, 9 years old. I used to, she used to be right down the street from her house inside of a dope house. And that's where I would go be looking for her. I remember one time she gave me like $2 and she wanted me to leave so bad because she didn't want me to see how she was. I just wanted to see my mom. I don't think that she understand the impact that she has put on my relationships with anybody. I was an angry kid.

Yeah.

And still is angry.

Yeah.

I'm a mom myself. It's hard because a lot of it reflects off of me and my son relationship. He's 9, and I felt like I didn't know how to be a mom myself, and I used to be abusive to my son too until somebody told me that, you know, "You're not treating him right." How often would you see your mom in between when you were a kid and 18? It could be years. It could be 2 years. It could be 6 months. Freda blocks me. I never met a mom that blocks me. It wasn't until I reached out and then—

You mean she blocks you on social media?

She doesn't really know how to do social media.

So what do you mean she blocks you?

Her phone. Like if she gets different numbers, she blocks me. So I would call her off a text now number And be like, I'll call her and she'll be like, who is this? You had me. You know who you talking to.

Describe the type of relationship that you want with your mom.

I just want my mom to be transparent. I want her to be, it's too late for me. I just feel like at least be a grandparent now. You didn't have an opportunity to be a mother. You could at least try to be a grandmother.

When's the last time you saw your mom?

7 months ago.

7 months ago. Well everyone, I think it's time to meet Diamond's mother, Alfreda. So everyone please welcome Alfreda to the show. Hi Alfreda, how are you doing?

How you doing?

Nice to meet you.

I love your show by the way.

Thank you, I appreciate that. Thank you for being here and trusting your story with me. Why do you say your daughter was kidnapped?

Because she really actually was. I woke up, I was nursing Diamond at 6 months old and I just, it's like my mother instincts kicked in and I felt like she wasn't there because when you're nursing a child, they get up under you. I did not feel that. And so when I wake up, she's gone. So I literally tear the whole house up. Like I turn tables over, everything. I went outside and the neighbors heard me and they say, you looking for your child? And I'm like, yeah. How do you know? Well, we saw her with her dad and he's gone.

Well, Mama, that's an excuse, 'cause you just said that I was under you, and then you went from me being under you to me being in the crib, so which one was it? Was I under you or was I in the crib? Because I'm tired of getting the runaround stories.

You were under me, so I don't know how is it that you're getting the story mixed up. You see what I'm saying? I don't know what's the deal with that. I mean, there's nothing to that story but what it is. He came back 2 days later, your father, and with a bottle in your mouth.

And that's your problem because you're aggressive. And that comes into play to me because you always angry.

I'm angry? You wanna know why I'm angry? I told you when I was 6 years old, I got raped and caught committing. When I was 8 years old, I got raped again. I got raped all the way up until I got 35 years old, Diamond. You see what I'm saying? Till I learned to fight. So yes, I'm angry.

That's an excuse.

That's not an excuse. I've been in therapy since then.

No, that's not.

How dare you sit here and say all these things.

I can't never talk. I didn't ask to be here.

I understand that. I understand that.

I didn't ask to be here. You chose to have me.

And I didn't ask no one to kidnap you.

You chose to have me.

I didn't deserve that.

That was my dad.

He didn't kidnap me.

He did. Mama, you was on drugs.

I paid child support.

Mama, you was on drugs.

Ask the question. Did I not pay child support?

Was you not, you asking the questions or I'm asking the questions?

I'm asking you the question. Did I not pay child support for you?

No, baby, you was on drugs.

Okay, I got on drugs after the fact. He didn't want to give you back to me.

I'm never gonna get a word in. I'm gonna ask some questions 'cause I do want to hear your side of this. So little things that I'm trying to figure out to get the consistency of the story. You said first that when she was younger, You had her and then she was gone. How did he get into the house to get her?

We were staying together.

So he was already in the house and then he took her out?

Yeah, we were living together.

Okay, got it.

That's what he did.

You don't know how to take accountability for your actions.

She was staying up here and didn't wanna fight for her. Her daddy, after he kidnapped her, he gave me an ultimatum.

It's not kidnapped.

Either sleep with him.

It's called being responsible for your child.

Either sleep with him. You see what I'm saying? By the way, her dad was on drugs too. Either sleep with him or see my daughter. He would beat me up every time I went to go see Diamond. So my fight was not longer in me. I love my daughter with every being inside of me. Then why you wasn't around, Mama? Then why you wasn't there? Because Diamond, I was already going through things about me.

You still not there.

Because Diamond, first of all, I got 4 kids. If you don't develop a bond with your child, tell me how this works. How is it that there's communication between she and I?

I just got one question.

Yes, what's the question?

Can she name any one of my children? I got 4 kids. Can you name any one of them?

You never let me see them.

Can you name any one of my children?

I don't care to see them because I know I am something.

You don't care to see them because you don't care, period.

You don't care about yourself. I know I'm such—

you don't care to care about none of my kids.

Why would I want to be around my grand—

grandchild? Exactly, because you wasn't a mother.

Why would I want—

you don't know how to be— why would I want to be around my kids and my grandkids, you see what I'm saying, if I know I'm psychologically messed up?

But you chose to have kids knowing that you were incapable to— incapable.

Listen, darling, that doesn't even make any sense. You got two of the kids every time when I had you.

So why you didn't get an abortion? Why you didn't get an abortion for?

So you don't know your grandchildren's names and you don't want to be around them because you feel like you have diagnoses that would make you harm the kids or what?

I have diagnoses because sometimes I can't differentiate the true from the false. I would never harm my kids.

Got it. I understand. I get that. I understand.

Yeah, I have two other kids. I have two other kids myself. Do you see?

Do you see?

Do you see how this? What's happening here? I'm gonna ask you a question. Do you want a relationship with her?

I don't know how.

Okay, I understand that you've been through a lot because I think it's always important for people's feelings to be validated. And I understand and I hear when you're talking about this with Diamond, you want your daughter to validate your experiences, but unfortunately that's not her job. So for me, I'm gonna tell you I hear it. I understand how difficult it probably was for you. Or how difficult it was for you being raped, being introduced to drugs as a young girl. People always forget that somebody who does drugs, somebody had to introduce them to that. Somebody had to introduce you to that as a young woman. You're now dealing with a child and that I know this was difficult. I do believe that miscommunication between you and your ex or between you and Diamond's father caused you to like not know where your child is. I believe that shocked you. I believe that life was hard and I'm very sorry for that because the same way I would say to Diamond, she doesn't deserve anything she's been through, you didn't deserve it.

Thank you.

When you first started airing on television, it's like I saw like my mom and you. My dad was in the Navy. I saw that sternness. I like the fact that you give both parties a chance to talk and you break it down and I see how you help other.

And I appreciate that, but now, Like I said, it's not Diamond's job to do that. I've done it for you. I see you and I understand. And the world, the world now sees you and understands that you've been through a lot, but now we're here and your daughter is saying, I just need you to see what has now been done to me. And though it might not have been your intention to do these things to her, it's been impacting her in a negative way. You don't know your grandchildren's names?

I don't.

I need you just to hear her. Give her an opportunity. I've heard you. I heard everything. The abuse, I heard everything. I need you to hear her. Diamond, what do you wanna say?

I just wanted to be able to tell you I want a relationship with you. At the end of the day, my mom not there, I still give my mom respect. She think that I don't give her respect when she's not around.

I do.

And you don't. You really don't. When I was younger—

You could sit here all day long and tell the whole America that you do.

When I was younger, I shouldn't have been able to defend her as a younger child.

Like you're doing right now.

She went through verbal abuse from her family members. They like to gang up on people. I didn't grow up like that. I grew up with a dad, so I'm very much aggressive. I don't like to act like that, 'cause that's all I grew up with.

Trying to break the pattern.

I used to get the same treatment you got, but that ain't do nothing but make me stronger. I done got touched on, but you don't see me walking around here and say that I got touched on.

I didn't get to go tell my mama So hold on, Alfreda, your daughter just said, 'cause I know your father and your ex is dead now. She just said that when she was a child, she got abused too. Are you hearing that?

I knew it.

So what do you have to say to her?

I knew it. And at the time, one of my sisters worked for CPS. And so I took pictures of her and we—

No, Mama, sorry.

Okay, wait a minute now.

That's wrong, Mama.

Just a minute. They opened up a case on her.

That's wrong.

They opened up a case on her and because he had custody of her and when they came in to investigate—

So my question, instead of talking about those facts, what I want you to learn right now is there's an opportunity for you on this stage to just show your daughter the empathy that you didn't receive. This is no longer about right or wrong.

Exactly.

Because what's happening is that every time I ask you Someone asks you a question about your daughter's feelings, you try to prove that you were right or someone else was wrong or what you did.

Exactly.

When you were a little girl, when you were a young woman, what did you need? Someone just to say, "I understand you. I love you. I get it. I'm so sorry." That is what your daughter needs right now.

I don't know how to do that.

You could start by just saying it right here.

Exactly.

I just don't know how to do it.

You don't know how to do it or you don't wanna do it?

I'm not gonna do something That makes me feel uncomfortable.

I'm so uncomfortable.

But hold on, can I tell you something? That's what it costs to be a parent. Every time I'm, when we're parents, there's so much we don't know and we're uncomfortable, but we have to try. Your little girl deserves you to try. You can. I can't. You can. I can't. You can. I can't.

I'm just never gonna be in a relationship with my mom.

You can. You can say to your daughter right now, I am sorry.

I'm not gonna do it. I'm not because I don't want to.

This is your daughter's here who's saying, "I was—" I can't do it. Your daughter is saying, "As a little girl, I was molested. Just say I am sorry." I'm sorry, Dad.

I love you.

You took the first step and I appreciate it. Alfreda, I appreciate you being here and I'm gonna ask you to step backstage. Thank you so much. With your mother's diagnosis and other things going on, there's a level of narcissism, a level of confusion that has to be worked through, that she's not gonna be able to give you on this stage what you deserve. And instead of taking you through a cycle where she's gonna become the hero, I had to ask her to leave. I needed her to just get to a first step where she could take some accountability. You are the hero in this story. You are. And I need you to get your flowers and I need you to get your praise because even though you didn't have an opportunity to express to her, which unfortunately I don't think she's ever gonna give you what you need in that.

It's sad because I live for a mom and everybody else, like.

Maybe in time, but I think right now, as you're doing this amazing work, you're going to have to grieve that this might never happen. You're going to have to. And when I say grieve, that means you have to let go of the fact that she will never be able to fake the full accountability that she needs. And as hard it is for me to tell you that, I have to be honest with you so that you can start to do the work, which I know you will do, to start to heal that part because there's still a little girl in you that's waiting. And at some point you have to say to yourself, I can't wait anymore. I want you to take yourself in your mind right now and look back at that little girl and say to her, unfortunately, mommy's not coming.

She's not gonna show up for me.

You just took a big step. The more you ever start to feel that pain and longing and yearning, or if she calls you or picks up the phone, the first thing you say is, "She's not gonna show up for me," because that helps you from keeping your hopes up. Yeah. And it helps you to see things clearer. Yeah. All right, I wish you the best of luck. You got this, you really do. You got this.