In this Karamou episode, host Karamo mediates a family intervention about a suspected shopping addiction. Mother Lisa believes her adult daughter Evie is in denial about compulsive spending, citing a cluttered bedroom, a timeshare purchase, and large gifts to ex‑partners despite a good job and no savings. Lisa links Evie's behavior to emotional wounds from her parents' divorce, suggesting she fills a “hole” with material goods. Evie initially denies an addiction, saying she spends for happiness and control, but later admits she has a “shopping problem” that gives her a sense of agency after childhood trauma and feelings of loneliness. Sister Allegra supports Lisa’s view, warning that unchecked spending could worsen. Karamo offers a communication tool—asking for validation—to help the mother‑daughter pair discuss feelings without judgment. The episode ends with both parties acknowledging the need for better dialogue and mutual understanding.
Chapters
My guest Lisa fears her daughter Evie is in denial about her addiction. She claims her daughter has a shopping addiction. Lisa says Evie has a great job, but unlike her siblings, Evie has no savings to show for it. She has even given one of her exes $11,000. That's a lot of money. Lisa says she just wants her daughter to make the right choices. Everyone, please welcome Lisa to the show. Hi, Lisa. Hi, Karamo. So tell me why, from your perspective, do you think that your daughter has a shopping addiction?
We live in a 4-bedroom home, and my other 2 children have rooms that are pretty much guest bedrooms.
Yeah.
But when I walk into Evie's room, it's like a museum of stuff. There's remnants of makeup subscriptions that she used to have. There's jewelry in piles. There are clothes, so many clothes in piles. There are throw pillows and stuffed animals. And her clothes spill into under the bed. This is stuff that she bought at one point point in her life.
And now she doesn't value it anymore.
She doesn't need it anymore. She just keeps buying more.
When did you notice her spending habits getting outta control?
Well, after college, she moved back home for a while and that's when I noticed it. The pivotal thing that got me nervous about her is she went to one of these timeshare things and she bought the timeshare.
Oh, so she's spending money. What happens when you talk to her about the situation?
Um, she's very defensive about it because, of course, she has a reason for all of her purchases. And believe me, we all benefit from Evie's generosity. She is extremely generous. You know, if there was a lipstick in her little makeup subscription that she got that she didn't like, Mom got the lipstick. Uh, these are her boots. Okay.
She got cute taste.
No, she's got wonderful taste, but— These were important to her at one point, and they're not important to her anymore.
So what was Evie's— did she grow up in a lavish lifestyle growing up?
No, we— the thing is, you know, her dad and I were divorced, OK? And I didn't want her or her siblings to feel that they were less than any of their friends. So we may not have had the home or the neighborhood that her friends came from, but we still still went on vacations and had a nice car and ballet lessons. And I wanted them to feel like they were okay, that they were— I guess I was trying to keep up with the Joneses, which is on me.
Yeah, yeah. You told my producers that you think that Evie is masking her pain. What do you mean by that?
I think that there's probably a hole inside of her heart from having come from a divorced family. I feel that that's what all of these things are in her bedroom that continue to be there even though she's not there. They are like the ghost of past purchases, the ghost of trying to fill up the hole. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Yeah, I hear you. You know what? Our producer spoke to Evie about the situation. I wanna hear what she had to say. Check this out.
I definitely don't think I have a shopping addiction. I just like to use my money the way that I want to. I enjoy using my money for things that make me happy. I think life is really meant to be experienced. I spend my money on vacations, a nice coffee in the morning, and filling my apartment with nice things. I really don't think that's an issue. I just don't think my mom really understands me sometimes. She thinks that I should be saving my money for a down payment, but honestly, who could afford that in this economy? I love my mother. We talk probably 5+ times a day. But I've always kind of felt like we're in competition sometimes. My parents' divorce taught me that I need to get things on my own because what happens when the marriage stops? Then I have my own things. I always feel like I have to make everybody else happy, but why can't I do that for myself sometimes?
How do you feel about your daughter's comments?
Very sad.
Well everyone, I think it's time to meet Evie to begin this healing journey. Everyone, please welcome Evie to the show.
I have a shopping problem. I think I have a really big heart and I just like to give and maybe it costs a little bit much.
Got it. So what about shopping brings you happiness?
It makes me feel like I'm in control. There have been some traumatic life events, honestly, since I was little that I don't feel like I have had too much control over. And it's the one thing that I'm like, yeah, if I want this, I'm gonna go get it. And now I have it and now it's It's mine.
Do you feel like your mom understands you?
No.
Why?
We had two very different upbringings and I think hers shaped her and mine shaped me. And I think that's—
Well, how did your upbringing shape you? I heard about the divorce. Do you think that the divorce relates to your spending?
I think so. It was nice to get things from my dad and from other people.
You told my producer that you felt angry as a child.
I felt very alone as a kid. I don't feel like I had the support systems that I needed or the proper ones in place. I definitely had— I would seek out other people's parents and like their mothers. So I felt like I was constantly seeking somebody else's validation because I didn't feel like I was getting it at home.
Lisa, what do you think?
I'm really sorry to hear that too.
Did you know that she felt this way?
I, I felt like when she was in junior high school, there there was that kind of angst. And I think that all teenage girls have that with their mothers.
Your sister Allegra is here and has a lot to say about the situation as well. Allegra, will you stand for me? Sure. Allegra, I wanna know from you, do you think your sister has a shopping addiction?
I think that my sister does and over time has developed an unhealthy relationship with spending. If it's not something that is looked at more seriously and if it's— we don't figure out where it came from and why it started, then it has the potential to get worse. Right. Like, she's not taking out second mortgages for homes right now, but I know that that's where it can go.
What, you don't agree with that?
Oh, I don't think I would ever take out a second mortgage on a home.
Well, and you don't think that now, right? Because that's not. What's around you right now, but things snowball and we know that, right? We've seen that in our lives.
Do you have a message for your mom or something you wanna say to both of them?
I know that this situation has brought up so much for the both of you in a very short period of time. And thank you because it needed to. It needed to.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Everything that is good is because of you.
That's sweet.
It is.
And you're not perfect, and none of us are, and that's okay too. And I think what I would wanna say to both of you is as much as I appreciate being the middleman for both of you, I love that you talk to me, and I don't ever want that to stop, but you've gotta talk to each other about this stuff.
Mm-hmm. I'm thankful for your point of view because at the end of the day, Everything she's hitting on is what I've been taking notes on this entire time. Yeah. Literally. I do not think you have an addiction when it comes to shopping, but I do feel there's an unhealthy association. Yeah. And we know where it comes from. It comes from your childhood. There was things that you said, Mom, that you said, "I wanted them to feel okay." But then the same breath when you talked about her spending habits, you said, "I think it makes her feel not okay." So it's like you did this to make her feel okay. Now you're realizing that, oh, it's not making her feel okay. Does the shopping make you feel okay?
For the most part, yes.
I know it does. And so, because the thing is that you taught her to feel safety in this. You tried to do your best with what you had. I see it, mom. I get it. But what your daughter is experiencing now is that she needed a little bit more and she learned how to comfort herself in what you taught her at that time, which doesn't make you bad 'cause it's the only thing you knew. But now there's conversations y'all need to have from that time that y'all are both avoiding.
Yes.
Her sister just said she's not worried about her right now.
Well, I'm a mother, so of course I worry.
I get it and I know you will. But also a mother is also, you gotta have that faith in her. Yes. And part of that, yeah, go for it.
She will look at me on numerous occasions and say, I'm just so sorry. I'm so worried about you. And I'm like, well, I have a good job, I have my own apartment, I pay all my bills, I'm not in debt, my credit's great. What are you worried about?
Maybe I'll just say, if you're a mother someday, you'll know.
No, that won't work either.
That won't work either.
No, that, what you should do is, and because we're gonna end this right here, is just when you feel like she's saying something that's making you not feel validated, say, Mom, in this moment, I actually need you to validate what I'm feeling. I think that's a great way for y'all to start communication. And while you are using that specific language, because now she's heard it, so I'm giving you a tool so y'all can move forward. You continue to live your life, go on your vacations, buy your coffee and make sure you save. Just use this as a step to figure it out a little bit more. You can do it, okay? I wish y'all the best of luck, all right?
Thank you.
I really do. Y'all are great. Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.
