Mother Tells Daughter She's Gonna Make Her "Leak" | Karamo Reacts | KARAMO

Mom, I want to feel more secure.

Poor baby. Stop crying.

You want to hug me?

Oh, poor baby. I mean, it's going to take a lot for them to actually fix their communication. OK, so I need to know because what I just read— Why she and I look like we're going to the same theme party with this red and black on? We look like we coordinated. I just met this woman. We didn't coordinate, OK? What happened on 4th of July?

We started fighting. So she came towards me, she was saying something like, "I'll choke slam you, I'll slap you," because she didn't like how I was talking to her.

It's always interesting when mothers are backstage and their daughters are expressing what they're feeling and they're making faces. Already that means there's a bit of you that's closed off.

She was coming at me aggressive, so I gave her the same energy. Then I remember she grabbed me by my neck and pushed me on the bed.

Oh my gosh. Okay.

And then she grabbed me by my neck, pushed me on the bed, and then as I was like getting back up, I don't remember exactly how it led to it, but we started having like a tugging war. Like she pulled me by my hair and I pulled her by hers. So like at this point we're going like back and forth. I'm telling her let me go.

Karamo.

Yes. That situation made me like not wanna do it with her.

Got it. Did she throw things at you that day too?

Yeah, so she threw like, the one of the game boxes and it hit me in my face.

Is this the first time you got physical with your mom?

No.

No. So there's been a pattern of physical violence is a problem because the minute you do that with your child, you hit them, that's now going to change the DNA of your relationship forever. You told my producers that you said that your mother says she's going to make you leak. Your mother said to you, you gonna make you leak. Now listen, I have friends in the hood so I know what, When they say that, what that mean?

Right.

If someone says they gonna make you leak, what did you take it as when she said that?

That she's trying to like, she wanna fight me. Like I'm not her kid anymore. So when she was talking to me, it was like, what's up? Like, I don't wanna be like that with my mom, but.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

No, you fine. Yeah. Can you imagine your mother saying something that like is letting you know like, I'm going to be violent towards you? The way in the context that I've heard it before is like, you know, when you fuck somebody, it's like, you're going to start leaking blood. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I'm fighting you, I'm beating you up so much that like you going like. And so the fact that she would feel comfortable in saying that to her child is just heartbreaking. It was more like the person. Let me tell y'all something. When y'all see me writing notes, you already know I'm tracking the toxic behavior, okay? And now what I'm doing is I'm saying what she says that I see is toxic, and then I'm gonna wait till the mother comes out and I'm gonna see if those things match. And now I start like filling in the dots. That's what it is. It's like this for me. What was it like growing up with your mom?

Crazy.

Yeah, in what ways?

She had like abusive relationships. I had to intervene a lot of times. It was really like I was put in situations I didn't wanna be in.

What happened when she was 8 months pregnant with your sibling?

So that day she was going to McDonald's. She asked me if I wanted to go with her and that day I just didn't feel like it 'cause she didn't have her car, that's why she walked to McDonald's. I guess she seen her car on the street, she seen her car on the street or she seen the person that had her car on the street. She seen them and then like she confronted them and like presumably like was tussling or whatever. The girl, she ran her over.

Ran your brother over and she was 8 months pregnant.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, and so how old were you at this time?

7.

Did your siblings survive? Did not survive. Okay, okay. So what does she say now when you bring it up?

Get over it.

Oh, okay. What did your mom say when she found out you were pregnant at 17?

She wanted to abort it.

She wanted you to abort it, okay. And what did you say back?

At first I was like, okay, like maybe she's right, maybe. But then when it was like time to go, The mother's face.

And your mother is 38 and you're 21, so she had you at 17. So you had a child at 17, your mother had a child at 17. Mm-hmm. Okay, I understand. So what do you want from me today? What are you hoping for?

I want my mom to understand what she put me through.

That mother's like this. Like, I don't wanna hear nothing you gotta say. Ooh, but I don't mind a challenge. Come with that face. I don't mind a challenge. Makes a lot of sense to me. I'm gonna help you to hear your daughter today. And your daughter's gonna hear you as well. They both was done though. Outfits, they cute.

Oh, hello. So first of all, I just don't understand how me being ran over caused her so much trauma to where it's like she just can't get over it. One fact, You weren't there. That's a fact. You didn't see me getting run over.

I didn't say it was you.

Right, I know I didn't say that, but you didn't see me getting ran over. You didn't experience that. So I'm just saying, so to put yourself in that trauma and stay in it is something that I just can't do.

Porsha, I wanna know from you, can you tell me what happened on the 4th of July?

Yeah.

You can take a seat, please. Yeah, please take a seat. Thank you. Thanks for being here, by the way. Right. Yeah.

So the 4th of July. Okay, first of all, I'm yelling at my youngest daughter. So if you see I'm yelling at her, I'm the mama. You know, this a bear. I'm roaring right now. So I'm yelling and then I come in there and I say something to you and I got an attitude. Me, if I was there, I'm like, girl, bye.

You talk at me, you don't talk to me.

No, you're too sensitive.

Ooh. When someone says, you talk at me, you don't talk to me, and your response is you're too sensitive, you're still not hearing them. You're still talking at them.

You don't take what people say to you and you don't be like, okay, well I did this, I'm sorry. You don't know how to apologize. You be like, okay, well get over it. Like, oh well.

Why did they get physical that day though? I'm still not understanding why they get physical.

Because when she stood up, she was talking to Buck. You know what I mean? Don't get up and start bucking at me.

You kept saying you would hit me. Like, what are you?

Juicy, I did not tell you that I would hit you.

Yes, you did. You kept threatening me.

Well.

Guess what?

Done.

Well, get outta my face then.

Girl.

Who threw the first punch that day?

It wasn't no punches because she was doing too much. So yeah, I choked her a little bit. Yeah, get down, sit down.

How do you communicate when you're angry? Mm-hmm.

I don't know, it'd be both. It could be, I could be mixed, talking verbally or—

Physical.

Yeah.

So when you get angry, you get loud, you get aggressive, and sometimes you might have to get physical.

Yeah, but with her, it's not because you're my child, so I most definitely don't want to take it there. You get what I'm saying? So that's not the case. Like, you get what I'm saying? Even with us fighting, her, you know, her, me telling her, oh, I'm gonna make you leak. Yeah, because I want her to understand, look, girl, you don't even fight, not like that. You're not a fighter. I'm a fighter. She knows that. So you pulling my hair right now, and I'm just trying to let you pull my hair, but I'm trying to let you know, you keep holding on to it, I'm gonna make you leak. So then you're gonna have to Let me go.

Yeah. What do you mean by that every time you say, I'm gonna make her leak?

Like—

'Cause where I'm from, you say I'm gonna make somebody leak, it's 'cause you putting holes in 'em.

Yeah. So yeah.

Okay. And how do you think it makes her feel when you say things like, I'm gonna make you leak?

I'm gonna be real, I don't care because my whole point is that, you know what I mean? Like, don't come at me in that type of manner and I'm not gonna come at you in that type of manner. You know what I mean? Let's respect each other. And then furthermore, I'm your mom, so you get what I'm saying? Some things a mom can say to you and you just be like, okay, whatever. My mom yells at me, say a little, you know what I mean? Sometimes I wanna go crazy on her.

So I mean, y'all are watching this and I mean many of y'all, 'cause I read your comments, are saying clearly the mother has these issues. And so how do you navigate this when your mother doesn't want to even change? And the thing is that unfortunately them two talking together, she's never going to, change her behavior. Because the person you have the conflict with, it cannot also be the person to help you identify. It's just the thing. So if you're in a relationship with your partner and y'all are fighting, you and your mama fighting, you trying to convince her of your side, vice versa, if you've been in a pattern of it, it's not gonna work. That's why there always has to be a third party to put that mirror up to them. And so that's why I was asking her questions about the way that she was speaking and how does she think that makes that person feel? Because then that is where she'll start to have the growth. Were you disappointed when she got pregnant at 17?

Most definitely.

You were? Yeah. Why?

Because I was pregnant at 17. I had a baby at 17 and—

Is this normal how she does? She gets shut down? Mm-hmm. So she gets quiet. When she gets quiet like this, she shut down. What do you normally do?

Keep talking.

You keep talking?

Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh. Do you ask her what's wrong with her?

Yeah.

And what did she say?

No, this time she said, "What's wrong with you?" Like, why you got an attitude? Why you don't like— Nobody wanna talk to nobody like that.

Their communication style is just broken down. What I wish for them is to communicate with more empathy. I mean, the daughter's expressing the same thing over. I just need you to talk to me kindly, softly. And I think sometimes we feel like, which I've told a million times, love can't be tough. When people are like, I'm gonna give tough love 'cause his mother is giving tough love, she thinks that this is what she needs. Love should never be tough. Do you feel like your mother loves you?

I don't know.

I gotta tell y'all that I can see very quickly what the breakdown is, this is, this relationship is. It's interesting because I see both of your sides and I see immediately like why you want the sort of certain things in your house. And I also see why you shutting down. There's been a continuous pattern in your entire life of like you experience something that's traumatic, you experience something that's abusive, and then all of a sudden you tell your mother and your mother's like, get over it because you've had to be strong. You've had to be the one that's figured it out. You know, people have always asked me, do you think it is toxic to call someone sensitive? I mean, it's always about the intention behind what you're saying. If someone is sensitive and you're saying to them as if it's a negative, like, be better, man up, woman up, then of course there's toxic there because you're trying to create an emotion where someone is kind and is experiencing their emotions and making it a bad thing. And so I think it's important to make sure that you don't turn someone's emotions against them. But yet on the other side, she grew up in a house where she saw those things, where she saw trauma. And so she needed time to process because for her, she didn't have the mentality of thinking like, I gotta get up and doing it. And so even like some of the language y'all use back and forth of like you say she's too sensitive, that's all language of somebody who's trying to process their feelings. They're trying to figure out what am I going through? 'Cause the interesting part is I just think about the fact of like when you lost your child, and I'm very, very sorry. I know it's been years now, but that stays with a mother. I know that, and I'm very sorry that happened. And the thing is that when she brought it up, I understood what you meant by like, that didn't happen to you. When somebody tries to shut you down when you have your own emotions and they try to tell you you're too sensitive, like, you know, something's wrong with that. As an adult, you get to a place where you feel like I can't show my emotions. I mean, that's why most men walk around this world right now afraid to express if they're sad, if they're feeling as if they're not good enough, because someone's constantly shut down their emotions as little boys, as teenage boys. And the same thing happens for women as well. They get shut down and then they feel like, okay, well, if y'all wanna shut me down, then I'm gonna be stronger than that. I gotta be strong, I gotta be tough. And then we end up having these adults that just can't communicate. And I think we've somehow politicized and made sensitivity, vulnerability a bad thing. And it ends up not ever working out when people become adults because they can't express how they really feel. And so when she talks about the sibling that she didn't even know from your point of view, you're like, that didn't happen to you. But what did happen to her, and I wrote this down, is that she experienced something that is even more hurtful for a child. Not in equal ways, by any ways. I'm not comparing your hurt because you lost a child. But she lost security at that point. And I don't think you've ever realized that because on that day she realized that she could lose her mom and that her life could be lost. And for a child to realize at a young age and not be able to process that, and then as they get older be told, that's not your trauma, that's not for you to deal with. Of course she's always gonna shut down because she never got clarity and security. You feel what I'm saying on that? Yeah, I do. I do. What's going on in your head right now?

I don't know how to, react like sensitive.

Boom, that's it. That's it. So what y'all gotta do is learn how to react to each other. That's what needs to happen.

You're still, even the stuff that you was going through, you're still going through that right now. And I'm still in the middle of it. Is my mom gonna be okay? Is she, is like, what's going on? Like I'm always on edge. I don't like, I've been like that for a long time. I don't like that.

You've been on edge forever.

Yes, I don't like that.

I got an edge. That's another word for what? Security. Right. That's all she's expressing to you. Mom, I need to be secure. Say, Mom, I wanna feel more secure.

Mom, I wanna feel more secure.

Poor baby.

Stop crying.

You wanna hug me?

Oh, poor baby. I mean, it's gonna take a lot for them to actually fix their communication 'cause they've been practicing for over 20 years. They've been practicing this type of communication with each other. And so this is again, step one. What that is, is just step one. That's what I can do for y'all here today. Use that language. I need security right now. And let that resonate with y'all to help y'all build your relationship back, okay?

Okay.

I wish y'all the best of luck. Seriously.

Thank you.

All right, friends, make sure to come back next time so we can keep talking and we can keep growing. I love you all. Can I come give you a hug? I know. Aw. Hold on, it's so funny that everybody who we were having emotional moments with had on red and black. Did you see this? She got on red and black too.

This happened for a reason. I'm here for a reason, clearly.

Yeah, yeah. Hopefully you got a little something outta that. Good, good. I'm so sorry, love. Good, good. Good, good. I mean, the thing that I love about my studio audience is that, you know, they go with it with me. They're there. And what you're seeing on stage is real. And so it resonates. And this young woman, I mean, she's absolutely stunning, not just because of the way she looks, but the fact that she was able to be vulnerable and she felt like she got something that she could use in her own life. And that's my only goal for this show, that you get something that you can use in your own life. And just know I'm here for you. But isn't that crazy though, that everybody who was crying, me, the girl, huh? We all got red and black on. No, none of y'all? Y'all don't think it's suspicious?