In this Q&A segment, a participant (Speaker A) shares that she spent three years in an abusive relationship and now finds herself repeatedly triggered and unable to uphold boundaries in new relationships. Karamo responds with compassionate, advice‑driven counsel. She first recommends that the participant remain single for a period to focus on self‑discovery, healing, and reclaiming her voice, emphasizing that societal pressure to be in a relationship is harmful. Karamo explains that the abuse has stifled the participant’s sense of self and boundary awareness, and that practicing saying “no” in everyday interactions—such as with coworkers or strangers—will strengthen her ability to enforce boundaries later. She also suggests a re‑programming mindset: daily boundary setting with people in her life, self‑care, and confidence building, promising that with time she will become a confident, vibrant woman who no longer lets men control her. The exchange ends with mutual gratitude and emotional support, highlighting the therapeutic and empowering nature of the conversation.
Chapters
I was in an abusive relationship for about 3 years. I've done a lot of growth since then, finding myself, but the only thing that I realize that I can't let go or that comes into my new relationships is being triggered without realizing it and my boundaries especially. A lot of times I realize I might place a boundary and let somebody walk right over it to please them, I guess, or to keep them around. So my question is, how do I stand 10 toes on my boundaries and not let my triggers affect my new relationships?
[Speaker:KARAMO] So I'm gonna tell you two different things, okay? The first thing is going to be not about relationships. The first thing is your cousin advice to you. I would tell you that you still need to be single. That would be my first advice. You're young, you're beautiful. And what I love is that you said, I'm starting to learn myself. I'm starting to learn what I want. I'm starting to learn my voice. I heard a lot of that. I'm learning my voice. And that's so important for a young woman, for you to know your voice and know the power of your voice. Because right now, because you had people in your life that were controlling you, abusing you, your voice got stifled and you don't know your voice fully, which is why in turn, in the relationships, you feel like someone could walk over your, your boundaries because your voice is not strong enough. And that happens to all young people, but it's also compounded for you by the fact of the things you've been through. So my real advice would say, stay single, girl. Stay single. Keep loving yourself. Keep finding yourself. Let these men admire you from a distance, okay? Let them admire you. You get your little, have your little fun when you're ready to get your little peace and then walk away, okay? That's what I would give you the best advice right now. And I know sometimes society gives us the pressure of like, you gotta be with somebody. You need to be with some, your clock is ticking. And I hate all that stuff that we do to women. And I will tell you that you have time. This is the most important time for you to find you and to fall in love with you and to know your voice. Now, if you're currently in a relationship and you're not, oh, then girl, then I'm not even gonna give this to you. Then stay single, stay single, stay single, stay single. Any, if you are a woman in here and you agree with me, please raise your hand. Look at, you see this? You see them? They all agree with me. All right, stay single. Just let this time be, because the thing is, is that the more that you can practice in interpersonal relationships, like with coworkers, with people on the street, of saying, "No, this is my boundary and don't cross it," the stronger you're gonna get so that when you get into a relationship, you'll know like, "No." See, the problem is that you have not had enough time to practice, 'cause you just got out of a, you said 3-year relationship?
Yeah.
And those are formative years. I'm sure if you were in an abusive relationship for that amount of time, I can almost assume that during, there's somebody in your family life that also was controlling and abusive like that. Yes, so that means that this model has been for a while because you got into a relationship 'cause you accept that because that's what you've been taught. So now what I'm telling you is you gotta reprogram yourself. So right now, just stay outta relationship. Set the boundary with people in your lives, let them know and do it daily. And I promise you in 2.5, 3 years, you're gonna be the most confident, vibrant, beautiful woman and you're not gonna let no man control you or run over you, okay?
Thank you so much.
You're welcome. You got this, you got this.
Thank you.
You got this, okay?
You got this. You give me so much confidence, like, You've helped me more than you will ever know. Oh, I'm glad.
You've helped me grow so much.
I'm gonna give you a hug, sis.
I'm gonna give you a hug for that.
You helped me get to where I am today and I appreciate you so much.
You're so welcome. You're so welcome. I appreciate it. Listen, come back, friends. You know we love the Q and K here at the show. You bring the Qs, I'll bring the Ks. Thank you so much.
