My Best Friend Is Spoiled & Jealous! | KARAMO

So tell me about your relationship with Bonita.

Well, my relationship with Bonita, it started about 7 or 8 years ago.

Yes.

And since we met, we met because her boyfriend was a good friend of mine and he introduced us. And since the moment we met, we connected. We had different personalities. I'm like really outgoing and bubbly and I guess people say extra and she's more reserved and mild mannered. But it worked for us. We met and we became the best of friends. She supported everything that I was doing. I supported everything that she was doing. And then all of a sudden, When I wrote my stage play, I produced my stage play, and I had a successful stage play weekend, a sold-out show, two sold-out shows.

Congratulations. Thank you. Yes.

It just seemed like our relationship just took a turn for the worse, and I just didn't understand why.

So what caused you to question the relationship?

Because she changed. She just seemed to be like a totally different person. It went from Sisters to I'll call you back. It seems like she's so spoiled and I'm just not into catering to women.

So have you ever asked her why she wasn't being supportive?

It doesn't matter what I say. Like she's that friend that she'll hear you, but she doesn't hear you, if that makes sense.

Yeah.

I'm just tired. Like I don't know if it can be fixed.

Have you ever had issue like this with her in the past?

No issues at all.

So since the play, has there been any communication that you've had with her?

We have communication, but it's different. We went from talking every day, every night, spending time together, the 4 of us, my husband, her boyfriend too, talking maybe 2 times every 3 weeks or— I mean, it's a big change. It's truly a big change. And maybe you can help because me telling her, she's not gonna get it. But maybe coming from you, you can salvage what we have. If it's even worth salvaging, I don't know. Maybe it's not.

Do you feel like it's worth salvaging?

I think it's worth salvaging. And she has to be understanding that this is not a one-sided thing. Like she has to be willing to change in the—

And change in what way?

Stop thinking that everything revolves around what you think and what you feel. I have feelings too.

So you want her to acknowledge your feelings more?

Yes.

Got it, I understand. So when was the last time y'all actually saw each other last?

At her boyfriend's 50th birthday party about 2 weeks ago. And she's probably pissed about that because I missed her birthday party a month before that and I missed her housewarming party last weekend. So I'm sure she's upset about that because—

So why did you make the decision to miss her events?

Because I had something to do and I don't feel like I have to explain why I'm not coming. Like if I just tell you I can't make it, I can't make it. I don't feel like I owe anybody an explanation for the way I move. And I'm just tired.

I see the audience, they feel a little different about that. They feel a little different. I wanna hear both sides. So your husband and her fiancé are close.

The guys are guys. You girls just handle that. They don't wanna be bothered with it, but I can tell it has put distance in us as a whole, the four of us, because we did everything together and they barely see each other now because of our relationship being distant.

Got it, got it. And so today you want her to, from your words, understand that you feel as if she could be self-centered, but you want her to acknowledge your feelings more.

Yes.

And if she wants something from you, can you do what she needs from you?

If it makes sense to me.

Oh, well, all right. So listen, I wanna hear Bonita's side of the story. So everyone help me please welcome Dr. Bonita to the show. Both of y'all better walk out. Y'all know that? Both of y'all better walk out. Nice to meet you too. Come through.

Hey. Okay. Okay, so.

You were watching backstage. You heard what she had to say. Yes.

How do you feel? So I'm jealous. So let's be clear, let's be clear. Bonita Parker, Dr. Bonita Parker and jealousy don't even belong in the same sentence anytime, anywhere, anyhow, ever, okay? So let's start there. Second of all, I tried to support you in your stage play. You were the one who took it upon yourself to invite all of your friends, all of your other friends. Mind you, no, no, no, no, you listen this time. You took it upon yourself to invite To invite all of your friends and did not to be a part of your stage play except for me. I was the one that had.

No, no, no. It was a reason for that.

I was the one that had to buy a ticket and sit in the audience.

So why did you exclude a stranger?

So I'm gonna ask you. So why did you Exclude her?

I'm telling you, it wasn't excluding her.

It was excluding her. Everybody can be a part of. The close friend was either in the play or. Or behind the scenes making the play happen.

Okay, okay, okay. And everything is not for everybody. So that's just the truth.

Did that hurt your feelings when she said that?

Absolutely, absolutely it hurt my feelings.

Okay, so let me tell you why. Everything is not for everybody, just period, when it comes to life.

I hear you.

All of the people that are part of it were there from the beginning. She came in my life like 7 years ago.

Guess what? In that 6th year of us being friends, what did you do? You reached out to me and was like, hey, do you think you can help me get sponsorship for my stage play? Yeah, sure, Dana, send me the script so I could be up on it. You had the meetings with all of those people.

Okay, yeah.

So I was included already.

But that's something totally different.

No, it was the same exact thing, Dana. No, it's not.

Working backstage, you did not know anything about the theater stuff.

Did anybody else? I could name, but I'm not gonna name a couple of people who didn't know anything either, but you gave them a spot.

What do you mean a couple people who didn't know anything about it? Okay.

Do you feel like she's excluded you or not?

She definitely excluded me.

And that's not even the first time.

That's not even the first time this happened, Karamo. She was getting married. During her planning her wedding and her bridal shower, guess what? All of those same friends that was on the stage play were the ones planning her bridal shower. But I'm the one that she called sister.

Who planned my bridal shower? I'm the one that picked those people.

I didn't pick them. Oh my God. Yes, you did. And guess what? When we had a conversation about it, when we had a conversation about it, I didn't pick them. Guess what you said? Oh, I thought you were gonna be busy. Oh, I didn't wanna bother you because I thought— That is not true.

That is very sad. That is so not true.

When it came to your engagement or the wedding party, did you say, well, I thought you'd be busy? Did you say that?

I don't even remember saying that, but I did not pick the people to give me my bridal shower. I didn't pick those people.

So I can understand that you didn't pick the people, but once you knew that the people that decided to do it didn't invite your best friend, why did you pick them?

She was invited.

I was invited to come to the bridal shower. To sit in the audience.

'Cause I had nothing to do with that. Like, I have other things going on in my head. I wasn't worried about the bridal shower, let me say that.

Okay, I understand. It seems like for me that you're not getting what you need from either of you from this relationship. So how has your relationship been?

She's spoiled. She's spoiled. And she's used to everything her way.

And you call me self-centered.

I'm gonna ask each of you the same question and don't respond. Until the other one says their piece. Do you feel like she celebrates your successes?

On social media.

I don't show up for you.

On social media.

I don't show up for everything you have.

Hold up, let me ask you now, Danielle. Danielle, let me ask you. How you don't show up for everything I have?

Where was you just at for my birthday? My birthday was the day that I was born.

Do you feel like she celebrates your successes?

When she feels like it, 'cause I can say the same thing about her on social media.

Lies.

But what happened, Bonita, on your birthday?

How long was my, what happened on my birthday? All of my friends showed up except for my best friend.

How did that make you feel?

It made me reevaluate and look at the friendship differently. And in my mind, I gave her another opportunity. You wasn't feeling well, but the next day you were out at a party. I wasn't feeling well.

I wasn't at a party the next day.

You was so, it's all on social media.

The receipts are on social media.

I gotta ask you, do you see a future for this friendship?

I don't know. I don't think that Dana sees my pain. I don't think she sees she sees that her actions truly affect me. I think she weighs it up. I'm talking to the man. I think she weighs it off and chalks it up to, oh, you just acting spoiled. Like I'm a whole 50-year-old grown woman.

I can do everything.

Everything we put on the calendar, we could plan, okay, let's go to lunch on February 14th. February 14th will come and she will say, oh, I ain't gonna be able to make it cuz something else came up, another opportunity. Me, if somebody calls me and say, I wanna meet with you on February 14th at 12, I can't do that, but I could do 3 o'clock because I got another thing.

Hold on, I wanna know something. Do you feel like there's an unconscious competition between you two?

Not with me. Because she's successful and so am I.

Okay, so, and the only reason I'm asking that, 'cause then we can root it out, because I'm trying to really figure out at the root of this, I mean, I obviously see the communication issues, but what made you all wanna become friends in the first place?

I have had female friends before who felt inferior to me, right? When I met Dana, I didn't get that, but I didn't get that inferiority syndrome. Like we were both like neck and neck, like we both were outspoken. We both said we want— There was no competition there. I could speak freely. I didn't have to sugarcoat my words or none of that stuff with Dana. So that's what attracted me to her and that's what actually sealed the deal in terms of me calling her a friend.

So where did it break down? If you respected each other, you saw each other, there's no jealousy. Y'all are both fly and beautiful and successful women. I don't get where the breakdown happened.

I think part of it is when I feel a certain way, I stand firm on what I believe. And she's the same way. And it's like with us, it's no middle. It's just lately it's been, we just don't talk.

So it's no compromise in this relationship.

There's no compromise.

Do you wanna practice compromise with her? Do you wanna practice compromise with her?

She didn't answer.

I know, I know, I know, I know.

I feel like I have compromised. I feel like I have bent.

I get you.

I feel like I have given.

I'm gonna tell you this.

And I'm starting to feel empty.

I feel that. I can hear that. I can hear that. I receive that and I hear that. But the same feeling you're feeling is what she's feeling. Before you came out here, part of her whole thing was, I wanna feel this. I don't know if I can keep giving. So both of you are feeling empty. But I actually don't believe this is a friendship that is so unhealthy that it's like, no, you're sitting here saying, I wanted to be at your play and I wanna support you. It's funny because she's not arguing about like, you messed up my play, you screwed me up. Your friend is actually begging to say, "I wish I could have been there more for you." It's interesting.

What she didn't say is that when I take my stage play on the road, I see a place for her. She didn't say that. Why didn't you tell him that?

Yes.

I mean, if you could sit here and yell all of this negative stuff, why not tell you that she did say when we go on our national tour that she wants me on board and I did tell her, "I want you to be in my space." So you wanted her to acknowledge what you've done and the same thing she's saying. Right, she didn't say that.

And the same thing she's saying she needs you to acknowledge. Both of y'all doing the same things and you feel like because the other person's acknowledging the way you need them to acknowledge and now y'all getting aggravated and frustrated. Because I feel like y'all are telling each other what you need in these sort of grand ways, but both of you keep saying, "I wanna be acknowledged." I'm taking a little tally right here. Y'all both done said it 6 times. I wish we could put up on the screen. I'm literally taking tally. This is why I take notes. I'm taking a tally. Y'all are saying the same things over and over again. So how do you fix that when 2 people who say, "I love you and I wanna be there," are both saying, "I just wanna be heard." Dr. Benita, I'm gonna start with you.

Okay.

That's her attitude most of the time.

But the funny part is the okay is just like, it's an acknowledgement that yes, I'll do it.

That okay wasn't a yes. That okay wasn't a yes. The way she said it.

That okay was a yes.

So here's a way to practice. Then what did you need in that moment? Tell her right now, say, "Friend, I heard you say okay, but what I need in this moment," is to feel a little bit more vulnerability from it. I need to hear you say, "Okay, I can do this for you." I need to hear you say, "Okay, I can do this for you." You gotta put a little sugar with it. That's the truth. Because y'all, both y'all, put a little sugar with it. Put a little sugar with it. It's okay.

Friend, I need you to understand me a little bit more. I guess just be willing to listen to me. And my feelings sometimes.

And does that mean that she can have a response? Does that mean that you don't want any response? Or does that mean— Of course she can have a response. But set a boundary on that.

I think it would be best to respond after.

Okay, so that's what you need. She did say okay. Do you still need her to say it the way you need it?

That would be nice.

Okay, look at that already. Just can you say for her, if you feel, if you don't feel it, you don't have to. Okay friend, I can, acknowledge your feelings the way you need me to. Can you say it that way for her?

Okay, friend, I can acknowledge your feelings to the best of my ability.

Halfway there. Dr. Bonita, that's why I keep putting the doctor out. Dr. Bonita, listen, I know you can give it to her. I know you can say, I can, you got your ability, the best of your ability is a very high ability, okay? You don't get that doctor in front, okay? So you could actually do what she needs.

I can do what she needs, but I also need her to stop calling me that.

I'm coming to you, don't worry. I'm coming to you, I'm coming to you.

I'm coming to you next.

Okay, well yeah.

I'm coming to you. On this show, it's always, I see everybody's side.

I can give that to her. I can give that to you, friend.

Look at that. And do you feel that's more genuine?

That was better.

Okay, good. That's it. So now what do you need from her?

I need for you to stop calling me spoiled. And I need for you to hold yourself to the same standard that I hold myself when it comes to this friendship.

And that's very hard. Those are two tricky things. Let's go on the first one. Can you commit and say to her, first of all, I apologize, 'cause I did hear you have called her names and she hasn't called you a name yet. Can you acknowledge that the name calling can be hurtful?

Yes.

And that you're sorry. Can you tell her?

I apologize for calling you spoiled.

Good. And can you acknowledge that you won't do it anymore? Your best is good too, girl.

To the best of my ability.

Okay, okay. Your best is good too, girl.

I was gonna say, please don't make her a liar. Please don't make her a liar.

No, no, you're right. You're absolutely right. And I won't do that anymore.

Thank you.

I won't do that anymore.

Now the second piece that you said is what?

I want her to hold herself to the high standard that I hold myself to in this process.

Friendship.

So when she's not able to show up for you, what do you need her to say so you feel like she's gonna be there?

I got one request. Show up for my birthday. 'Cause you know that that's important to me.

Next year I will be there.

Okay, that's a good step. Y'all are two amazingly beautiful and educated women. Thank you. That I know with just a little patience, y'all gonna be able to communicate. Y'all needed to be here today kind of like to just get a little bit out. But I know for a fact in my heart, I would bet money on it, I bet a lot on it, she got your back. She does. She does. And I truly believe you have her back as well. You wanna give your friend a hug? Yes. Yes, you do. I know it. I know you do. Come here, friend. Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.