My BF of 10 Years Won’t Give Up Other Women! | KARAMO.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for having me.

So please tell me, why do you believe your boyfriend is involved with other women?

Well, I'm not gonna lie, Karamo, I go through phones. Like, I'll go through anything to get the answers that I'm looking for.

Yeah.

You know, people say you're not supposed to do that, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

Yeah.

So I've seen him all over the years that we've been together. I've definitely seen him.

How many years?

We've been together 10.

10 years. Yes.

Okay, 10 years. So I've seen different things with different women and I've seen him I know he's been cheating.

And so after being confronted, my producer told me then you went into a poly relationship with him.

Yes, we tried that. We tried to do a poly. So I'm bisexual, so, you know, I don't mind, you know, doing things like that. So I'm thinking, you know, it's gonna be something cool for us.

You're thinking if you're cheating, why not? Let's just do it together and include.

Exactly, exactly.

That was your way of thinking that maybe this could be a solution.

Right, and it didn't happen like that at all.

So how long were you in a poly relationship?

Not even a year.

What happened?

I was expecting it to be like all 3 of us are like a couple, you know, we all do things together.

That's normally what it is.

And it wasn't like that at all. He had his girlfriend over there and I was the girlfriend over here.

Got it. What was the agreement you and he had after the poly ended?

So, you know, we were just supposed to be faithful to each other after that.

And I'm assuming that didn't happen?

No.

Got it.

I can't say that he was physically cheating after that point, But to me, cheating is still texting females and saying things like that to other females.

So you don't know if he's physically been with anyone, but you've seen the texts?

Exactly. I've seen texts, but I don't know if it's been physical anymore.

And how's your relationship with DJ right now?

We walk on eggshells with each other. Like, it's sometimes that we're in the house together and we don't even speak to each other for days.

Okay. Who said that? Preach, preach, preach, preach, preach. Do you two have children together?

Yes, 2.

Do you have 2 children?

Yes.

Okay.

And that's, I feel like that's the main reason that I'm at the point I do want to have the family and things like that, but I don't want to be in the dark of things. I want to have full transparency in my relationship.

Got it. Okay then. Is he a good father?

Yes, great father.

He's a good father?

Great father, yes.

Okay then.

I'll never say differently.

And let me ask you, have you ever cheated on him?

Physically, no. But I have texted, yes.

So.

Yes.

Okay, and was that throughout, was that after or as retaliation or did you do it Why didn't you do it first?

It was outta retaliation. I can't say that because I feel like if you can do what you wanna do, why can't I?

Okay. And do you wanna marry him?

Yes, I do. I want the family, I do.

And he wants to propose to you?

Yes.

And what do you need from him to make the relationship work?

Transparency. I want us to be on the same page. Like, I feel like we've been in 2 different books lately and it's just, I want us to be on the same page together.

Now I need to hear his side of the story, but from what you telling me, you think you only been in 2 different books recently? 'Cause it sound like y'all been reading.

No, I'm not saying recently.

It look like, it sound like y'all been in 2 different books since day one.

Yeah, yeah, I can admit that. Okay.

Well listen, I don't wanna judge, but I wanna hear his side of the story. So everyone, I wanna meet your boyfriend. So everyone please welcome DJ to the show.

How you doing?

How you doing?

I'm all right.

So DJ, let me ask you this, sir.

Yes, sir.

Are you cheating on Janonda?

Depends on what you call cheating. And yeah, see, oh, your response is like, I'm gonna be honest, I'm not gonna sit up here and sugarcoat it with you. It depends on what you call cheating. Me, to me, cheating is not texting. I call it something you're not supposed to be doing.

But when he catches me texting, it's cheating.

She be lying. She is a liar. I don't lie.

No, that's true.

If I get caught, I'm caught. She be lying and sneaking and—

But hold up, wouldn't the fact that you have to get caught imply that you were lying by not being honest prior?

If I text a woman I'm not supposed to.

So you can admit to me right now that you actually were lying?

Yes. Yes.

I'm caught though, okay.

Yes.

So are you still talking to women currently?

Yes.

You are still talking to women currently?

Oh, okay.

Okay then.

Yes.

Are you still hooking up with your ex?

No, not at all. You're not hooking up with her? I'm not sleeping with anybody. I'm not having sex with anybody. I'm not meeting up, linking up.

Okay.

Just texting, man, talking.

So what made you be in a poly relationship with Janonda?

Two is better than one.

To a certain extent.

Did she say she was okay with you dating another woman?

In the beginning, I was honest with her like, hey babe, I'm talking to so-and-so.

That's when we were younger though. So I feel like at this point when we're talking about marriage though, we're done with that. We done with having fun.

I can understand what I'm trying to say, but If I'm being honest, I don't know, man. I just tell her everything. I don't lie to her.

Yeah, he's not a good liar, so.

Yeah, so I'm not really good at it, so I usually don't do it. Like, before I was brutally honest with her, like, this is what I'm doing. If you like it, if you don't, it is what it is.

And sometimes I would do things to make him happy and it didn't make me happy.

And I didn't know that for years on end.

Why didn't you change your behavior?

I tried.

Okay.

I tried. I won't lie and say— Not a good liar. Like, I definitely tried.

So then what stopped you?

I don't know, I got a problem if I'm being honest. I'm just being real. Like, I've tried, I've went on my stints where I'm not talking to nobody, doing nothing, just me and my lady. And I might reach out to a few women, shoot a few text messages.

What does that do for your ego?

Not much, if I'm being real. I don't believe that at all. Not much.

He like attention, so that boosts his ego for sure. Especially when we were in the poly relationship. He thought he was the kingpin, like.

How is your relationship with Janonda now?

It's rough and I never thought she would leave me. If I'm being honest, in 10 years, I never thought she would leave. She left me for the first time.

Yeah.

And I cried for 6 months straight.

For 6 months?

Oh my God.

I cried. I was upset, I was stressed, I cried.

And this past year was supposed to be redemption, so it's like—

Yeah.

We still doing the same thing and this supposed to be your redemption time right now.

I don't know, man. I've tried.

So what issues do you have with her now?

She can't communicate. Janonda's not a good talker. I can sit down one-on-one, she get to yelling and screaming. I'm just not that kind of guy. I can sit back and have a real conversation.

But it ain't his fault when someone's irritating you and you're trying to explain yourself and they're not hearing your situation. They're not—

She just get to yelling. I don't want nobody yelling at me.

Do you feel like you hear her side? 'Cause that's what her complaint is.

No, he doesn't listen to understand.

Yes, I do. The thing with Janonda is if I don't agree then it's a problem. I'm fine with agreeing to disagree.

You never agree though. Like you—

I do, that's not true. She lying.

What do you mean by agree? You tell my niece that you wanna be a good man. What does that mean?

Take care of my woman, make sure she happy, make sure she's secure, make sure the bills is paid and I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. I've checked a lot of those things off the list except the cheating. But I did stop sleeping with women. I used to sleep with women. I don't sleep with nobody no more.

But it's still hurts the exact same sleeping or not.

How old are your kids?

23.

1 in 3.

1 in 3, okay.

Yes.

So not on top of the fact that you two are having these foundational trust issues, you also have small children that are in the house.

Yes, I have both boys and I think about that all the time. I don't want them to think it's okay for their father to do whatever he thinks is, whatever he wants under the sun, but I can't. That's not okay.

How do you feel about the fact that you're unintentionally modeling certain behavior for your boys?

It's horrible, man. I come from like a good home, two-parent. My dad wasn't a cheater.

Both did.

Yeah, like she took care of home. I don't know what's wrong with me, man. It ain't okay. And I got boys. I don't want my boys cheating on they ladies or they knocking on our door talking about, your son did this to me. I don't want that, you know, to happen for me. But man, it's hard. I love women, man. I don't know.

I just like women.

I don't know, man. I love my woman, but I don't think like—

That's crazy.

Like, oh, people say, oh, you're the only beautiful woman to me in the world. I feel like that's just something people say.

Even if you don't really believe it, say that though. That like, it makes your woman feel great. It makes me feel secure. But you don't like to say that because it's not true. Like that, that's not okay.

I don't know. I just don't like feed myself lies and BS, man. That's not really like, I love my woman. I think she's beautiful.

And you wanna know why I don't feel secure when that's said?

But I think she's the only beautiful woman in the world. No, I like, I'm not the best looking guy in the world. I don't, Like, I don't really know how to explain that part.

That's crazy. So she wants your phone unlocked for transparency because she wants to know what's going on.

Yes.

She wants to know if there's a sexual relationship. So I think it's time to unlock your phone. All right, DJ, we unlocked your phone.

Oh goodness.

Well, I could have guessed this. DJ, you refused for us to unlock your phone.

Wow. Wow, that's crazy.

So DJ, DJ, you know the reason that I created this segment of Unlocking Phones is for transparency to help relationships be better.

Yes.

Because once you get everything out on the table, now we can have real conversations about whether the relationship needs to end or if there's a possibility for you to grow together. But you're not giving her the transparency. That's what I'm saying. So how do you feel?

Literally though.

How do you feel that he's not giving the transparency?

I know this is so hard for you.

That's just like a slap in the face. Like, damn, like we came all the way here for you to unlock your phone. You saying that you're not doing anything, so why is your phone still locked?

Mm-hmm.

Like, I'm confused.

Hold on, my producers are telling me that they captured you saying something to the producers before the show that they need me to hear. Oh!

I've tried. Like, I wanna get married and stuff like that. I got bad anxiety too. I was sitting here thinking about it not too long ago. Like, to never look at a woman, speak to a woman, like, never again in my life. I'm only 27, like that. That sounds like whoa, like a bit much. Like I like the respect thing with you know not sleeping with nobody or like none of that. I get that. Like or talking to anybody. I'm not supposed to be doing none of it. Like you know only my woman. I just don't know if I could like never do it again. Like I like I'm tired of lying or making broken promises more so to speak.

Got it.

Okay.

So you got so that's sick. So this already confirms what I was thinking. So You got your clear answer. He doesn't want marriage. He doesn't want to be in a relationship.

Because you can't want marriage if you can't be okay with that. I'm confused. Like, that's what marriage is. It's 2 people.

That's the thing. I just, I don't, as bad as I wanna get married, I wanna stop what I'm doing first. I don't wanna, I put her through enough. I don't wanna just drag it along.

Did we listen to the same tape? I'm confused.

Yes.

You don't.

You don't.

Mm-hmm.

I do. I really do wanna get married.

So why would you want to get married?

Because I love my woman. I don't want nobody to have my woman.

Okay, let's—

What about me that you love so much that you—

'Cause it feels like to me that you're trying to play this role of being a good guy. A good guy is—

What's a good guy?

The person who's like, you know what? I know I've done wrong, but I'm gonna give her the kids. I'm gonna marry her. I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna be that father.

He wants to look good.

He wants to paint the parents.

The parents, like— I guess so.

It's not a guess. We just heard you outta your own mouth say that you do not want to be with the same woman for the rest of your life.

I didn't say I didn't want to. I said it's gonna be hard. I don't know if I can. It's not that I don't want to, it's actions speak louder than words.

Like, I say that all the time. And your actions have showed that you don't want to.

For the whole, this whole time.

'Cause I ain't leaving my woman.

This past year, like I said, I did leave him and I came back and I feel like this was supposed to be redemption, but This redemption, I ain't been playing that shit at all. Like, for real.

I'm gonna be real with you. Do you think with 2 children that you actually have?

Yes, like—

Yes?

Yes, stupid. Like I said, like it's been times where we don't speak to each other. We don't even, we don't sleep in the same bed at all. Like you do your thing, I'm doing mine over here.

Mm-hmm.

Because he's not willing to change, he's not going to change.

Clearly. I see.

I don't agree with that at all.

So the thing is, is that if there was going to be change, there'd have to be a desire to actually find the actions to grow. What you have displayed on this stage is that you're in a phase of your life, which is fine for you to be in because you're an individual. But the problem is, is that if you wanna be in this stage where you have the freedom to do whatever you want, you can't be with her. And it won't be with me. So understand your actions today.

Nope.

False story. Must change. Otherwise, there will be real repercussions down the line. So do the work, brother. Do the work, brother, to be honest with yourself and understand your honesty does not have to hurt others. Your honesty should actually free others and allow you to be free as well, okay? I gave you the advice. If you can live in your truth and be honest about your truth and understand your truth should not hurt others, you actually be on the right path. Every time you go, I'm not sure, it just lets me know you're not ready to.

I just hate to say—

That statement right there.

I'm gonna do one thing.

Just lets me know. Anyway, friends, stay with us 'cause we'll be right back with more.