My BFF Doesn't Care About My Trauma! | KARAMO

My guest Brenda says her ex-best friend Vinny is an ungrateful, lying leech. And she wants to know, should she attempt to fix her one-sided friendship with him? Well, let's find out. Everyone, please welcome Brenda to the show. Hi, Brenda. Hi.

How are you doing?

I'm great.

Can I have a hug? Yes, of course. You look super pretty. Nice to meet you.

So I just heard what you told my producers about your friend.

Your ex-best friend?

Yes.

Ungrateful?

Very.

You already ready for it. So why isn't he a good friend?

Honestly, there's so many reasons that he's not.

What did he do?

I was walking home at like 4:00 AM and it was really late and I had went through a situation a couple nights prior and it just kind of made me feel like he wasn't compassionate or considerate to what I went through and he wasn't there for me and he just hung up.

So you were walking home and you needed his support. Did you feel unsafe?

Actually, I was almost kidnapped by an Uber driver and there was these two men. Well, first it was just one man and he was trying to pretend to be my Uber driver. I was supposed to be meeting with Vinny that night. And so when the whole situation happened, I was just really distraught because The Uber driver was like trying to get me to go to his car and I went inside and then this, the Uber driver did a whole U-turn and another person was in the passenger seat with him. And then he tried to come into my building and I was on the phone with Vinny, you know, telling the person to back up, to get away from my door. And he somehow got into my first building door. I have two building doors and Vinny was there to witness everything. Really traumatized, really scared.

I can imagine. I'm so sorry.

Vinnie, like when I was walking home at, a couple days later I had to go to work and I got off really late and he was just like, pretend you're on the phone with someone. And it's like, you were on the phone with me when this happened and they still kept trying to come into my building. So it was like, you should understand what's going on.

Yeah, I understand now why it could be so hurtful because you're afraid and you're just asking for a little support.

Yeah, no, it was really traumatic. Screaming at him to call the cops. Like, I threw up everywhere. Like, I was crying. It was just, it was too much. And it's like for you to like just a few days later not even show me support. I just always feel like when I go through something, he's not there, so.

Got it. So it's like you saw me go through this traumatic situation, you're asking me to be there for you and you feel like he wasn't.

Right.

Was he there at all? Did he try to give any support?

He says that stuff like he doesn't know how to show emotions and like doesn't know how to be compassionate, I guess. I don't know what it is, to be quite honest, 'cause I don't think he's a horrible person, but I just know that like, you're not there for me, nor are you giving me the friendship that I deserve.

Is there any other situation where he's made light of something?

I went through something with a coworker that made me feel really uncomfortable. And then after, when we were working together, he just kept bringing it up and I had to like really curse him out and leave. I'll tell him don't do something and he'll just do it anyways. So it makes no sense to me.

So you feel like he doesn't respect your boundaries?

No, totally not.

Okay. I want to get both sides. Do you feel like you're a good friend for him?

I think I'm an amazing friend, which is why like he always says like he doesn't want us to not be friends. I've helped him get like many jobs that he's been fired from, done his taxes. I've, you know, if we go out, I'll treat. I really generally feel like we had a great relationship before. Like we would even go dancing out together.

Does he show you gratitude?

No, I don't think he knows how to show gratitude. It's like, I don't wanna cry, but I literally had like no one else, so.

So he was here for you.

Yeah. You know, we do have a bond, we do get along and we do laugh together and we can have fun together, but it's like, if that's it, you might as well just be cool with me. And not my best friend.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, listen everyone, I'm ready to hear Vinny's side of the story. So please everyone, welcome Vinny to the show. When was that coming outside each other?

Like that night.

That night? Yeah.

Okay.

Hi Vinny.

Hi Karamo.

How are you doing? Nice to meet you.

I'm good.

So does it upset you that she's feeling this way?

No.

So what do you feel like the issue is in your relationship?

There is no issue. For me, no. Everything she said, you know, from the beginning is true, you know? And we talked about this because I'm growing as a person, so is she.

And I just think that's like a lie because like we've literally cried together about conversations. We've talked about conversations multiple times. I don't know if you don't understand it or if you're just pretending it's not there. Like to say that there's no issue. And then when I told you that I didn't wanna be friends, you were so quick to be like, oh, okay, I know because there's always a problem.

Well, the reason when you didn't wanna be friends, it was fine for me because I was actually gonna cut it off with you.

Why were you gonna cut it off with her?

Well, recently she's been very disrespectful. She's not perfect. Do you feel like she's not perfect?

How am I disrespectful? So wait, so if you were gonna cut it off with me, the last time we spoke was the fact that you were in my house.

Yes, and you kicked me out twice. You remember that?

I'm gonna ask both of you, what do you want outta this friendship?

Well, more trust, I feel it, because a lot of times she would say, I feel you don't love me, I feel you don't love me. To me, I'm just like, what? Because I'm not an emotional type of person. So when she says that, I'm just like, oh, how I'm supposed to do that? But you're supposed to be honest and trust.

So you want trust. What do you want?

Yeah.

I just want him to be more compassionate and do what he says. Be an honest person to not only me, but to yourself. Because if you're lying to yourself, you can easily lie to me.

I stopped lying to her 2 years ago. 2 years ago.

I know, I stopped lying.

She's still on it.

How long have I known him?

Y'all know each other for 8 years and you said, I just stopped lying.

2 years ago?

Yeah, full out.

Like, I don't lie to her anymore. You know, cover up. And the reason why I do that is because I don't trust, she doesn't trust me, but I don't trust her reactions.

The thing that she said earlier about the traumatic situation about you hanging up on the phone with her, what was your response to that?

Because it's a— No, she's completely right.

And so why did you do it?

It wasn't purposely. So what happened is, you know, she told you the situation where, you know, they were trying to get her and I was on the phone with her and heard everything. So the next day or 2 days ago, you know, she said, oh, "Stay on the phone with me." You know, in my head, "You're fine, you know, you're good. You know, pretend like you're on the phone." And I hung up 'cause I had to go. But that was insensitive, but I didn't really, in my head it was okay.

Well, at least you can acknowledge it was insensitive.

Yeah, it was insensitive.

Did you apologize to her?

I did, yeah.

Did he apologize?

Yeah.

This is something where you all need to figure out new boundaries. I'm gonna ask my audience, I wanna take a vote. If you think that they should stay friends, clap your hands. If you think that they shouldn't stay friends, clap your hands. So my audience is just as confused as y'all are confused.

No, no, I heard a lot of laughs for the first one.

Okay, I'm just saying right now, I'm not gonna tell y'all to not be friends anymore. I think that there's certain things that you expect in certain moments that you expect him to know or to do and he's not able to do them. And that's about managing your expectations. But on the flip side, You cross a lot of boundaries. I think if you can practice managing your expectations, you practice better boundaries together, I think that you all can have fun with this relationship. There is gonna come to a point where I do believe this relationship is gonna run its course. I do believe that. I think you might be nearing it sooner than later. And I think at that point, y'all both need to just say, "We gotta go." I'm getting better when it comes to being nicer and respectful with friends.

Now her on the other hand, she needs to work on that also, you know?

I'm just more stern and I just don't take shit.

Expectations and boundaries. Y'all just repeat what I'm saying. The more that y'all can do that and the more you can communicate about those expectations and boundaries.

Yeah, we just now, 'cause you said, you know, the relationship could run its course. To me, I don't think so. The first time we actually sat down and got into detail about our situations was what, a few months ago?

Got it.

So we, and it was, I had to think of them. Yeah, and so when I told her, I told her, I said, okay, so I'll learn to trust you. But then she started, she, I don't think she believed that, you know?

Of course.

No.

You just said 6 years of you lying to her. So of course it's gonna take some time. We got the fact. That's why I said, listen, just practice better expectations, better boundaries, and better communication and see if this can work. I'm glad y'all are having these conversations, but while you're doing that, just protect yourself. But I do wish y'all the best of luck.

Thank you.

Now that y'all bad people, I wish y'all the best of luck. Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.