My BFF Ghosted Me When She Married an NFL Player! 😭🏈 | KARAMO

You know, it is never easy when you are trying to navigate the waters of a friendship. Sometimes we meet people that become our friends for a season and then other times they're there for the long haul. Well, my guest, Carmitha, felt that way about her friend Bianca, but says their friendship changed once Bianca upgraded her life and found a man and kicked her to the curb. The two haven't spoken in 10 years. Let's find out what's going on. Please welcome Carmitha to the show. Hi. Come on, Karmita, give me model strut.

Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.

How you doing?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm really good. You look great and you smell great.

Thank you.

So do you.

Thank you. So girl, apparently you have some unfinished business with Bianca.

Oh, yes.

What's going on?

You know, this young lady is a really nice young lady. You know, she came into my place of business we became friends, like store friends. She'd come in, she'd talk. She had a little puppy with her and she was just so cute, right? So she just come in, ask me questions, do all this cute little stuff. In the midst of all that, she was like, "Hey, are you guys hiring?" I'm like, "Oh, you want a job? Okay, sure, why not?" You know, we connected. I feel like she would be great for the business, part of the team. So I said, okay, yeah, sure. So I set up the interview. So she got the interview, then we really became friends, you know, 'cause we was working together and she called me for points and just, you know, she just wanted to be a friendship. Friendship, yeah.

So you say that she upgraded her life and then dumped you. What do you mean by that?

So when she, so she got pregnant and the guy that she was pregnant with, you know, up and down, young relationship, up and down. So I was like her mentor. I'm always, you know, talking to her, say, "Girl, it's gonna be okay." Just telling her it's okay, you know, to move on. So she moved on and she met this new guy and then all of a sudden, this new guy and her, she just didn't wanna hang out anymore with me. She didn't wanna, you know, be my friend. She didn't wanna go to parties anymore, shopping, eating. Like she didn't wanna do anything. So I'm like, "What the hell's going on here?" Like, "Why would you do me like that? I done brought you into the business." brought you here, you know, to make money, you know, because I feel like maybe you needed money, you know, just being a friend, just being a friend.

Yeah.

She got ghosted and just start being with this guy. You know, this guy was in the professional world and, you know, I guess—

What professional world? He's a lawyer, doctor?

No, he's part of the sports leagues, played in the NFL.

Oh, so she got a guy with, oh, this makes more sense, with upgrade.

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah, so—

So now he's working the, she's an NFL girlfriend.

"Correct." So I'm like, "Oh." Yeah, so I feel like, "Wow, okay." I'm not a jealous person. You know, I'm happy for whatever life you have.

So what happened after she got married?

Oh God, no connection.

Done?

Done.

Completely?

Done completely. She had her, her daughter had a birthday party, you know, 'cause our daughter's kind of like the same age. So her daughter had a birthday party, wasn't invited, had to hear through the grapevine. I'm like, these are kids. Why can't our kids be at least friends?

Yeah. Yeah.

So I'm like, why can't we still have the kids to be connected? Why do we have to be this way? And she told me, well, I don't think it's a good idea for you to come over here. I don't think it's a good idea. And then I just felt like she wanted to be around her NFL friends, 'cause they have, connect in some type of way 'cause their husbands all in the professional world. So she just, you know.

[Speaker:KARAMO] I wanna know from you, how has she hurt you?

[Speaker] She hurt me because I just, by me, I'm a loyal friend and I'm a ride or die and I'll just, I'm just, it just hurt my heart that people would use you and get to where they need to be and don't want, and once they get a certain way or certain lifestyle, they wanna change. You don't have to change 'cause you done moved up in the world. You don't have to disown me or make me feel like I'm nothing. I had your back.

Yeah, so it's time for us to come face to face. It's time for you to come face to face with your friend that you haven't seen in 10 years. Everyone, please welcome Bianca to the show. Welcome, Bianca.

Hi, how are you?

You are fly.

Thank you.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you as well.

So 10 years.

10 years.

Y'all haven't seen each other.

Right.

You heard what she said backstage.

I did.

What's going through your mind?

What's really going through my mind is that my number has not changed in 20 years. So you could have called me. The whole situation about you got me a job because I needed money. No, I inquired. You didn't get me anything. I applied for it and— Hold on, wait.

Let's be clear.

Don't cut me off 'cause I'm not gonna cut you off in conversation. So let me finish. I applied for the job, I interviewed for the job several times, and I landed the job myself. I told you appreciated you for referring me.

That's not true.

Referring me.

You didn't say anything to me.

Yes, I did.

You took the friendship out of context.

Don't play games in my face, Karamo. Don't play games in my face.

And you did not say anything about nothing. Because we were friends and I didn't expect you to say, oh, thank you, I appreciate it. We're friends. But when you changed, that made me upset.

When did I change?

You changed when my daughter didn't come to your birthday party.

No, it was not because—

Well, Bianca, I wanna know this 'cause she says it really that you changed, especially when you got the man.

I did not.

Okay, from your point of view, what happened then?

From my point of view is that yes, probably. Prior to it, my relationship before with my previous situation, I did come to her for advice and things of that nature. That relationship was deaded, and then all of a sudden I met someone when I went out with my cousins. I met someone, and then we just hit it off. We were just hanging out all the time, going out, doing different things. He accepted my daughter and everything like that and was a father to my daughter. So I would communicate that with her and she was the one who was always like, well, let's go out, let's go to the club, let's go do this, let's go do that. It was like a whirlwind when I met my husband and she knows that.

But why would—

I'm not going to go out to the club.

Why would our relationship change though?

It didn't. You just wanted to go to a club.

Not all the time.

Yes, you did.

We didn't even go to lunch, sweetie.

That's not true.

And not invite me to the daughter's birthday?

I did invite you to the daughter's. No, you did not. Yes, I did. I disinvited you. I disinvited you. Let's get it straight. I disinvited you to the birthday party because you would always come and try to confront me about, "Oh, you can't go out, you can't hang out because you got a man now." 'Cause I'm a best friend still. "You can't do this because you got a man." That's what friends do. It has nothing to do with being— No, it does not. You should be more understanding and know that my situation changed. And therefore, I can't go hang out in the club. I can't go hang out and go do this and that. But did you tell me all this? I did. You disconnected.

No, you did not.

You disconnected me from all of it. On that point, every time you would tell me, you would say, Hey, why don't you— Oh, can you ask him? Can you go out? Can you get his permission for you to go out? I don't have to get anyone's permission to do anything. I'm grown.

You know why I said that? You know why I said that? Because you never— You disconnect from me. You didn't invite me to your daughter's birthday party. I understand the fact that a person get married. Let's be clear, I get that. But friendships don't end based on a marriage.

They sure—

Friendships don't end. You understand what I'm saying? So you disconnected, you disconnect from me. You weren't trying to be my friend anymore. You know, I ain't seen you over 10 years.

That's your problem. My number didn't change. Yeah, that is your problem because when we had the birthday party— Listen, you were invited to the birthday party. Don't get it twisted. You were invited to the birthday party.

By who?

By me.

So why did she feel like she wasn't?

Because she called me the week before talking about, "Oh, well, you don't wanna go hang out this week." I said, "No, I can't go hang out with you this week. I'm making party preparations." She was like, see, that's what's wrong with you. You don't wanna never go hang out, and I got you this job, and I did this for you, and I did that.

Wait a minute.

I don't need nobody to keep telling me what they did for me, cuz I said thank you. What more can I say is a thank you?

You don't know why you had this birthday party.

You can't.

It was through somebody else. It wasn't through you.

No, it was through me, Karamo. No, it's not. The main reason why you got, maybe you need some ginkgo biloba, or maybe you need some lion's mane.

No.

Or maybe you need something for cognitive function, cuz you can't remember correctly. It's been 10 years, so maybe you forgot.

No, I didn't forget anything. I'm steady.

What was it that made you stop talking though? 'Cause I'm hearing you say she was a good friend. I'm hearing you say that she did go out and then all of a sudden it does sound like you just started saying no. What was that reason?

I didn't just start saying no. We did go out. She's saying that I never ever went.

We did go out, but you stopped when you got married.

Let's be real.

I wanna hear Bianca's part.

Are you okay? Okay, I'mma get out the home.

'Cause I really wanna get to the bottom of this.

Okay, so the thing is we did go out. We went to lunch, we went to dinner, we went to the club still. But it was a situation where I'm not gonna do it all the time now that I am married. I'm not gonna go out all the time now, I'm not. Because it's just out of respect. I don't want my husband to do certain things, and I'm not gonna disrespect him by doing certain things. That's just period.

Do you feel like Karamo did not respect your boundaries?

Yes, she did not respect my boundaries. And every time I would say, she'd be like, oh, well, Can you go ask your husband for permission to do this or go do that? And I remember saying, yes, you did. Yes, you did.

Were you clear about the boundaries?

No.

Was I clear about the boundaries?

It was just like, no, we not going. No, we can't do this.

I didn't say that. I don't even talk like that.

I wanna ask her. I wanna hear her. I wanna ask her.

I'll give you an example.

I don't even talk like that.

Bianca, let me hear.

Well, your example is wrong. Maybe you need to rethink it.

Let me hear.

You know what?

Let me hear. What did you give the boundaries?

Talk to the hand.

Yeah.

Did you get the boundaries?

Talk to the hand. Okay, whatever.

Did you make the boundaries clear?

I did make the boundaries clear. I told her by time when I was, it was all new to me. Everything was all new to me. Like I have someone that I'm with. I wanna respect him. I want him to respect me in the same way that I respect him.

You're trying to build a new relationship, I understand.

Why couldn't she just understand that? It wasn't that I just, stopped talking to her, 'cause I did not.

I'm asking him without you saying, okay, because this is obvious.

And I did tell her, because I told her before, I said, "Karamo, look, she knows how I am. I'm non-confrontational. I don't want to be put in a corner or whatever, because I've worked on myself so hard to not just flip out and go like, wow. So if you wanna stay going back and forth and bickering on the phone back and forth, I'm not gonna do that." It's facts. I'm not gonna do it.

Well, really what it is is that the Bickering comes from being hurt. And so that's what we have to realize. She was hurt. She was hurt.

Well, you should have said that.

Well, you should have known that anyway.

I'm not psychic. I'm not psychic. You know what I must say?

Have I ever treated you or said anything out the way to you?

Yes.

No, I have not.

I've been real plain, Karamo.

I like when people figure things out on their own.

Do not play.

Because let me tell you, we're gonna get to what I was about to say to y'all and y'all both just said it right now. You were hurt because I had to make sure that the language was clear and you weren't clear enough about your boundaries. So both y'all over here are saying, I miss my friend, I need you. And you're like, I love you too, but I'm trying to also figure out how to navigate this new relationship. And y'all are not communicating clearly about that. And then you got in this cycle of like, she don't wanna be around me. And you like, oh, she get on my nerves 'cause she don't get I'm trying to grow. That's all that was happening there. This was clearly about not being able to articulate and say what's really going on in your heart. You were hurt.

Yeah.

Because the exact language you used with me is you said, "I hate that someone uses me." And I know that's what's lingering in your heart. What did you feel in that moment? Tell her.

I just felt like you didn't want me around anymore. I just felt like you didn't care. I felt like, you know, you got married and, you know, you married success and I just felt like you just left me behind. Like you didn't show me no love. It just took me to a whole nother level of thinking like I can't trust people now.

You know? Now let me tell you something. None of that is your responsibility. That's not your responsibility. Let me be very clear. Your responsibility is not to navigate her emotions. Can you at least receive what she said, understanding that wasn't your responsibility?

Yes, I can receive it because I've missed her as a friend. Like, I have missed her as a friend. There's been certain instances where I felt like, oh dang, Carmitha would've gave me great advice for this and she wasn't there. But I did not know the way that she was feeling, like I used her because I wouldn't use her for anything. I wouldn't use anyone. I would not use you. I'm very sorry if you felt that way, 'cause I did not. And I miss you as a friend. I honestly do.

Now I will say this. When you, she didn't set the boundaries and weren't clear about the boundaries, your feelings got hurt. Mm-hmm. And you gotta be able to navigate your feelings as well.

True.

Because I can see right now when you get hurt, you be like, uh, nope, nope.

I mean, that's normal though, right?

No, it's not. No, it's not. We not about to normalize unhealthy behavior. Not on the Karamo Show. Okay.

Thank you.

No.

Ma'am.

Because I heard it. You saying, "Go talk to your man. Can your man let you out?" Because you were trying to see if you could provoke her so that she could show you some emotion.

Exactly.

Which would allow you to be vulnerable.

That's true.

That's why people do that. And so if you would've been vulnerable instead of trying to provoke her into vulnerability, then you could've probably heard her a little bit clearer.

That's a possibility.

Possibility. But you're hearing each other now.

Yeah.

You're hearing each other now. Yeah. Would you be willing to take the first steps to start to rebuild? The trust and the communication in this friendship?

See what I'm saying?

She give me that face. I was just playing.

I was just playing. I thought she changed. I was just playing.

I was just playing. I am. But all of that, ah, that gotta stop, 'cause I don't respond well to that. Like, that makes me feel bad.

Girl, that was 10 years ago. Why would I jump down your throat? Whatever happened 10 years ago, I don't give a damn now. How about that?

I'm confused because you wanna know about— I'm confused. Did the same thing over. This is why I don't talk.

Because you still got that same personality.

It's my person. What am I gonna do, morph into another person?

Let me think. And I'm gonna tell you this. I can see the personality traits that are so positive in you and I see the ones that are unhealthy and I just watched it get played out again. You had a bout of vulnerability and then something triggered you and you went right back into the same behavior. Pattern. So if you wanna try again, she's willing to take the first steps, but you have to acknowledge that when you feel triggered, that you can't go into attitude mode.

Okay.

So are you willing to take the first steps?

I'm willing to try.

To try. You wanna give your friend a hug?

Yeah.

Y'all gonna be all right. Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.