My Cousin Is Ruining My Marriage! | KARAMO

Welcome to the show, friends. Have you ever heard the expression, "Two is company, but three is a crowd"? Well, my guest, Laderrick, says that his cousin Arlene has become a third wheel in his marriage and he wants my help telling his meddling cousin to mind her business before it ruins his relationship. Everyone, please help me welcome Laderrick to the show. Are you sharp? Oh, Laderrick, you sharp. Are you sharp? I love you to have a hug for me, man. How are you doing today?

I'm good.

Good, take a seat. Take a seat, you can come right here. How's it going?

Oh, it's going, it's going good. It's going good.

Good, good. So tell me about this cousin Arlene. How long has she been meddling in your marriage?

Well, she's been meddling in my marriage just as long as he and I have been together. From the first time that I met him, you know, I brought him around the family. She's just been here ever since, won't go. She's here, won't go.

Yeah, how long y'all been married now?

We've actually been together 17 years, but we've been married 8.

Good job, 17 years. 17 years, yep. Okay, couple goals. So tell me about your husband, Amani.

Yeah, Amani is very spontaneous and he's a people's person. He loves to go out, he loves to party and have fun. And in our earlier years, I liked to do all that.

Yeah.

But then I kind of like stopped. I didn't like, I wanted different from my life and I wanted to become a family man and I didn't like to do all the partying and clubbing and stuff like that. And she knows that I don't like to do that. So I feel that once she can't, she know that I don't like to do it. So she know he like to do it. So she gets him and it's irritating to me.

Got it.

To know that she constantly keep doing this.

Do you think that your cousin Arlene is intentionally trying to?

I think she's doing it intentionally.

Wow. Why do you think that?

She's doing it intentionally. Because back then, I think she's holding on to something that she think that I have done long, long time ago and it's not true. But I think that that's her motive behind it.

What do you think she's holding on to?

She actually think that I slept with one of her ex-boyfriends.

Oh. Yes. Oh.

And she real deal think that I have and I did not do that. I never would do anything like that.

So what was your relationship like with Arlene before she could have had a son?

Oh, we ran together. Like we ran together. These streets heavy, hard and heavy. Like, she got me in a lot of trouble. We was like, you know, like Freak and Fred.

Yeah, yeah.

We ran these streets heavy, so.

You said, "We ran these streets hard and heavy, baby." Okay, we all know what that is. Okay, so how often does your husband and Arlene go out?

Ooh, too much. Too much. Too much, right.

So what's your relationship now with your husband?

It's kind of growing apart because of the partying and stuff like that, so.

So do you feel like Arlene is actually causing more fuel to the fire?

I think, yeah, she's actually pushing that fuel. She's pouring gasoline on the fire. That's what she's doing intentionally.

So what do you want from me today?

First of all, I want help in saving my marriage and I also want her out of my business.

Got it. Okay, well that I can do. Well listen, I've been talking, no shade. I've been talking to Lederick who says his cousin Arlene's constant meddling is ruining the marriage. Everyone, let's welcome Arlene to the show. Hi, Arlene. You look beautiful.

Thank you.

So you just heard your cousin backstage saying all this stuff. I did. How do you feel?

I feel bad that he just mentioned those things and said what he just said. He is the reason. No, I'm not the reason.

How am I the reason? Because I don't like to go out. I don't like to party.

Okay, but what do you like to do? Let's talk about the things that you like to do.

To build an empire and a foundation for me and my family and my husband. That's what I like to do.

Don't clap. No, no.

The partying and stuff, that's been gone. That's been dead. I did that a long time ago.

We do not party like that. You think we party like that. Just because he comes to another state and be with me does not mean that we're partying. He's at home with me. The same things that we used to do, he's at my place doing that.

Okay, he's at home with you. But he's my husband and you got a man. Why your man in that home with me? Make it make sense.

So Arlene, I wanna find out from you, how long have you known that Laderick has felt this way?

A long time, about a few years, about 5 years.

Okay, so why you constantly keep doing it?

'Cause I don't feel like I'm the problem.

Okay, and you keep saying that you think he's the problem.

Oh my God.

You said the only thing you said language-wise was he's a fun snatcher. What else is the reason that you would say he's the problem?

For one, he does not listen to his husband.

I'm not listening to him, he gonna listen to me.

But Derek, he's telling you things that he needs from you that you're not giving him.

Arlene, Arlene, I wanna ask you a question. He told you, he never told me.

How often do you go out with Armani?

What things?

Let's get it clear, we do not club. We might go out to eat, we might sit at the house, we might go over to a friend's house, but we're not clubbing, we're not clubbing.

Well, whatever y'all are doing, y'all are spending more time, you spending more time with my husband than he spending with me.

Ask him why.

Ask your husband why he spends more time with you than he does with me. So how would you feel if I went to your house and befriended your husband and every time you look around, me and him, well, your old man and me and him was together? Tell me how would you feel about that? I would have a problem with it, but Derek, you know me and the money. You wouldn't have a problem with it.

But Derek, me and the money.

I don't care. You would have a problem with it if I'd done it to you.

All right, well listen, Derek says that his cousin Arlene's constant partying and clubbing with his husband is ruining their marriage. But Arlene says she's not the problem and Lederick should talk to Armani. Everyone, welcome Armani to the show.

You let your husband sit by you. You let your husband sit by you.

Yes!

Why wouldn't you wanna love him?

See what the problem? Hey girl, come here, baby.

Hey baby, this my husband.

How you doing?

Good, you look great. Thank you.

Now listen, I don't know why you think That you run me. First of all, we are in a marriage. It goes both, everything goes both ways.

I don't think that I run you.

You don't?

No.

How you figure that?

Because we are one. And if I'm running something, we on one accord.

Only thing you be running most of the time is your mouth and you be wrong. And the way you speak to me, that's out the door. You know what I'm saying? When he speaks like this is nothing.

No.

Oh, it gets worse.

This is not the Derek.

I am every—

There she go. Insert yourself where she ain't.

Everything in the book I can be. You know what I'm saying? Except for Armani.

Okay.

But you know what? I just sit back. I'll walk off. I'll turn off. But guess who, what did he do?

So I don't call you everything in the book?

Walk right on behind me, steady yapping, yapping, yapping, yapping, yapping. He don't know when to quit.

Got it.

You know what I'm saying? That mouth is what is really like drawing us apart.

Got it.

Not me.

That mouth. I'm talking about every way. And then wake up, Everybody, hey, how you doing?

I am a workaholic.

I got feelings and I remember what you just said.

And I have feelings too.

I have feelings what you just said.

Well, Imani, my producer said that you think that the real problem is that he's drinking.

Oh yeah.

And see, that's another thing.

I'm talking about first time.

I don't have a drinking problem and you not gonna, ain't nobody gonna criticize me and say I have a drinking problem. Now, I am a sociable drinker. I drink socially. And when I'm at home, sometimes— This man got a cooler in his trunk.

It doesn't. Pull up here.

Don't tell nobody else still.

I have a cooler in the trunk trunk of my car because I have clients and stuff.

We have refrigerators.

And they might get thirsty. I'm not a drunk.

And we have a bar at home.

Okay, yeah, but I'm— okay.

There's refrigerators or alcohol in every room?

It ain't alcohol in every room. It's not alcohol. I have, we have, we have a, we, no.

So how bad is the Derek drinking? Tell me how.

On a scale of 1, oh, you talking about both?

Yeah, no, both of y'all tell me.

On a scale of 1 to 10, he 11.

Oh, y'all both.

Derek drink, he don't drink water. He do not even drink water.

You are a lie.

His husband is Michelob Ultra. It is not Ultra Light.

We call him Ultra Light.

Now, Derrick, is it true that you had a beer this morning at 6:00 AM?

When his feet hit the floor?

Answer.

Well, I did have— I think he might grow on me. Yes, I did have a beer this morning. But at the end of the day, the beer ain't got— the beer is not the problem.

It's your mouth.

It's you.

The beer ain't the problem.

It's your mouth.

Is it true that you asked my producers for a cocktail before you came out here as well?

Mm-hmm.

Probably.

Probably?

Probably. Probably.

Yes, I did, because I needed some— because, yes, for my nerves. I needed something for my nerves. Yes, I did ask him for one. And I thought that they had one here. Yes, I did.

So, and I'm just asking, I'm not judging. So I now can see that from today, you started wanting, you drank at 6, you then wanted to continue. From your perspective, when he goes home now, would he continue all the way through the night?

Yeah, until he go to sleep.

Yes.

So Laderrick, tell me, why do you drink?

I've had some things that happened to me in my life that was very, very traumatizing.

Yes.

To the point of no return. And I didn't have nobody to talk to. So that drink literally pulled me out of a lot of dark places in my life. And I already was dealing with a lot of behavior issues within working on myself. And then that situation happened. Traumatized me even more. So, and I didn't have nobody to confide in. So I picked up the bottle, the can or whatever it was. I picked it up and I turned to it every day.

I don't think, I don't know.

Every day.

I don't think when he picked up the bottle, it's like he takes that out or when he's mad at somebody else.

Because I'm already angry.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm already angry.

And if I can get it, or maybe fuss at the kids, Stomp through the house slamming stuff. It's just, you be like, what is wrong with you? Why is you frowned up all day?

What are you angry about?

It's really deep and personal and I just—

And that's him.

And he shuts down.

And it just makes me angry with the world.

But I'm just supposed to sit there and I take the abuse.

And it's just like, you supposed to be my right-hand man. Have you opened up to him?

Never.

I have not.

Never.

I have not.

Okay. So for me, you're not the issue.

Thank you.

Sorry to tell you that. You're not the issue.

Thank you.

Your cousin's not the issue. I'm gonna let you know that. And the reason your cousin is not the issue is because first of all, I'm actually happy that the outlet that your husband has is a family member who you at least can trust. So you know that he's not gonna be out there doing anything to jeopardize your family. The problem is what we just discovered right here. You've been in a 17-year relationship where first of all, you have some type of trauma or something going on that you haven't opened up about. I do believe that it's caused you to start drinking. You do have a drinking problem, and the drinking from there has caused you to be angry. Whatever's happening is causing you to fester in the anger. You're mad, you're upset, and then every time you drink, it just sort of triggers that even more.

It like boils.

It boils, it boils. And the thing is, is that until you open up to him, he's gonna keep retreating because he's noticing the anger, he's noticing something's wrong, and he wants to leave and escape, but he doesn't really wanna leave because otherwise he would've left the relationship already. He wants to be with you, but he needs you to open up to him and you're scared to open up to the man that you love. And until you do that, there's gonna be this constant, constant fight and him wanting to escape to get away.

I don't think it's gonna be a lot of that.

What's going on in your head?

Nothing, just—

It's probably so much you wanna say to me.

I don't know, it's just, I don't know. I just think sometimes I just feel that I'm like damaged beyond repair.

You're not, you're not. There's something I tell people all the time and y'all need to hear this. It's one of my favorite sayings, which is broken crayons still color.

I sure love it.

Y'all hear that? No, no, hold on, hold on. I need y'all to hear that. Broken crayons still color. When people say things like I'm damaged beyond repair, you're not. You still have a lot to give to this world.

You think so?

I know so. And you have support and people who love you. But you have to find the opportunity to be open and to be vulnerable because your man is escaping because he's scared of the anger and he's scared that you're not gonna open up. But I'll tell you this as well, escaping and finding an outlet, yes, in the moment feels healthy, but you have to stay and work on it. And also you have to stop with the name calling, both of y'all, because I've been sitting here watching all the fun snatchers, the Grinches, all these things. If a person is telling you and you're seeing that they're angry and they're hurting, every time you try to exclude them or cause them and tell them, call them a name, all you're doing is hurting them more. So it's sort of a cycle that y'all are in here. I'm escape. And when I escape, I'm gonna call you a couple of names. Now I feel alone and I feel trapped in my own things and I'm hurting and I get it. You're hurting too. That's why you're trying to escape. And so both y'all are inadvertently hurting each other and y'all don't need to be anymore. More. Y'all gotta look at each other and remind each other why y'all fell in love 17 years ago. You understand? I do.

I do.

So this is where I'm gonna tell you to get involved. Next time you see that he wants to escape, I want you to sit them down and say, "Hey, you not coming with me on my trip. Y'all need to sit down face to face as loving husbands and talk, please." Because y'all just need to talk. A little bit of vulnerability and a little communication and this could be solved and y'all could spend another 17 years together. But if y'all don't get vulnerable and communicate, I can see an expiration date. And I don't think either of y'all want that.

No, I don't.

No.

I don't.

Do you want this? Do you want a life that's happy?

Yes.

Do you want your husband to see you?

Yes.

Do you want your husband to know what you're going through? Yes. Do you wanna heal? Mm-hmm. Then start to open up. Okay. All right, I love y'all. Y'all gonna be okay.

Thank you.

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