My Daughter Died In Front Of Me | KARAMO

My next guest, Lynn, reached out for my help in saving his marriage with his wife, Val. Val and Lynn have been married for 9 years, but Lynn says lately Val is more interested in going out partying with her sister, Mary, than being his wife. Everyone please welcome Lynn to the show so we can get his side of the story.

I'm having a little difficulty communicating with my wife now. It seems like we're drawing blanks, we're bumping heads.

Yeah.

It's just getting to a point where I don't know where I stand.

Okay.

I'm not sure where to begin and where to end.

Yeah, let me go to the beginning. How did you meet your wife, Val?

Oh, I met her on Plenty of Fish.

Oh yeah, beautiful couple. Look at that.

Yeah, that's my baby. That's my baby. So it was like love at first sight. I mean, she was everything I actually ever wanted and needed in my life.

And during that time you were dealing with a lot of loss.

Yeah, lost my brothers and my mother passed. When we started dating. And she actually turned around on the toll road, came back, stayed beside me the whole time. And that's the day I fell in love with her.

Got it. Wow, that's a beautiful thing. So you told my producers she's acting outta character with Karamo.

Yeah.

So she'd never been going out like this before?

Oh no, no, no. She was just, you know, more of a homebody. You know, I mean, she was always doing events, but now it seemed like it went up a notch. And it's just no time, it seemed like, for us.

And how often do you say your wife goes out?

Oh Jesus, probably twice, 3 times a week.

So 3 times a week she's partying until 3:00 AM. And when did this behavior start exactly?

The loss of her daughter. It was Brittany.

Okay.

And it kind of took a toll on her 'cause it happened right before Christmas.

This past Christmas?

Yes, this December 8th.

Oh, so recently?

Yeah.

A couple months ago.

Then it happened at home.

Oh.

So I understand that she doesn't want to be there. She don't want to be there. She don't want to see this. She don't want to see her room, which I understand. I mean, God help her, please. But I just want to know where I stand in all this.

So let me get this, 'cause I did not know this. So her daughter, is this biologically your daughter or your stepdaughter?

My stepdaughter.

Just passed a couple months ago, 3 months ago.

Yes.

In the house you all live in.

Yeah.

And so since then, she's been leaving the house, going out and partying.

Yeah.

Got it.

Or doing a function or planning a party.

How old was Val's daughter?

She was 25 when she passed.

25 years old.

All I know is that me and my sister is like this and we've been like this since day one. You know, I know I'm the wild one, but you know, I just tried to be there for her, especially after she lost her daughter.

My daughter.

So yes, I do go out. And he right, you know, we supposed to went for one drink. Hey, it turned to 3 o'clock in the morning. I didn't know it was gonna cause a problem 'cause I'm used to staying out like that.

But you feel like you're just being there for your sister?

That's all I was doing. But I didn't think it was gonna cause a problem. If I would've known that it would've caused a problem, then I would never have let her stay out the bar till 3 o'clock in the morning.

So you told my producer that you think that Lynn is controlling?

Yeah.

Tell me about that.

Like, say like if she put on something nice, she lost a lot of weight and she wants to show it. That night when I was down there, she had this outfit on, you know, the cleavage. He hurt her feelings when he didn't say, "You look nice." He said, "Go take that off. Where's you going with that on?" So why did you say that?

Cleavage hanging out.

Yeah.

Going to a bar.

Yeah.

Uh-uh.

Yeah. So listen, I wanna go back to your niece a little bit because I know that I'm about to bring Val out, and I wanna know more about your niece Brittany. Tell me about her.

Brittany is one sweet, kind-hearted person. There she go right there. The way her glow's right there, that's her.

Yeah, angel.

She was so gorgeous. You know, she was 25. I've been around her when she was born. You know, like I said, me and my sister's very tight, and when she had the kids, Beautiful girl, 25.

Yeah.

And she's not here anymore.

She didn't get to live life yet.

And that hurts her, me, and everybody else around it.

Can I ask a question? Who found Brittany in the house deceased?

Me and her mother.

So you two found her?

It happened in front of us.

Yeah. What happened in front of you in the house?

Yeah, she died right in front of us. Sitting on the loveseat and she passed.

Got it. And it was unexpected?

Yes.

So it wasn't like she was— She was ill. She was ill, but like we didn't, you didn't think she was gonna—

We didn't expect that, no.

You didn't see it coming.

Not like that. It came like a storm.

Yeah, okay.

And it was—

So Mary, you think that, you told my producers you think Lynn needs to give Val a break.

Just a little bit.

Not as much, just enough that she can get room to just be happy, just smile. You know, I know that's your wife and everything, I know that you love her, but just let her smile, let's let her just enjoy herself.

She could smile with me.

I understand that, but she—

She could smile with me.

She smile with you all the time. Just give her a little break, that way she can go and smile for herself also.

For the record, do you support this marriage?

I do support my sister's marriage.

Yeah, there was hesitation. I saw hesitation.

I support my sister in the marriage 'cause I didn't know that good when she married him.

Mm-hmm.

I thought it was too fast, but you know, my sister, she was happy, she wanted to do it. To me, I thought it was too soon, but it's not my place to state it.

Got it. And they've been married for 10 years now, right?

Yes.

Well, listen, everyone, I want to hear what Val thinks about this entire situation. So please everyone, help me welcome Val to the show. So tell me from your point of view, why are you going to the bar with Mary?

Just to get out and do things. Girl time. And I didn't feel there was anything wrong with that, but in his eyes it is.

Why do you think he doesn't trust you?

Because of Mary.

Husband and friend.

I sure do.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I got a husband, a friend. Yes, I do.

You got a husband and a friend.

I sure do.

Yeah.

You think Val is gonna be influenced by the fact that she has a husband and a friend that she's gonna want a friend as well?

I would hope not, but I doubt that.

She would never do that.

Mm-hmm. Would you ever put yourself in that position?

No, I wouldn't. Mm-hmm. 'Cause I know what I have. I love my husband and I would not do anything to jeopardize that. What Mary does, that's her business.

Thank you. It's good to hear.

I'm so sorry about your loss of your daughter. I know you've heard that a million times, but I really am sorry.

Thank you.

So you don't wanna stay in the house because they're memories?

Correct. It's just too much. Everything is Brittany. I sit across from where it happened and it just brings back, just constantly just replaying in my head. I'm just hoping, like when I look at the steps, I just remember her coming down the steps. It's like, it's just constant, a reminder of everything. 'Cause that was my daughter.

Yeah.

And just being at the home, just too many memories. And so I do what I do just to try to stay away from there. And it's just being, especially when you be in a house, it's just quiet.

Yeah.

It's not the same.

She's right.

With her not being there. Me in there, you know? And yeah, so I just do whatever I can just to, just to get out, just to get away from it.

Yeah.

And it's not like I'm trying to exclude him from anything. I try to involve him with it. And, you know, and that's what Mary— she came in and she just like—

and I am so thankful for that. I'm glad Mary came through the way she did because she was right there at the house with Val. She brought a lot of laughter to Val, which nobody else could. Mm-hmm.

I mean, I'm a funny person.

I'm gonna get you going.

I'm gonna get you going. For real.

What happened the week after Thanksgiving?

That's when we lost Brittany.

Are you blaming yourself for her death?

I do.

Why?

Because the doctor had called and said that Brittany needed to go to the emergency room because her potassium was too high. She didn't want it, of course. And they said she had to be admitted to ICU 'cause that's how critical it was. I went to work that night And I came to visit her after, as soon as I got off work, I went up there. And so it was like, you know, I'm talking to her and stuff, and you know, she's just upset. And then here it was, you know, the nurse that was in there saying, you know, her level's looking a lot better and stuff, you know, so she probably won't stay in ICU. I said, well, let me go home and get me some rest, then I'm gonna start prepping because we was Preparing for Thanksgiving.

Yes.

And so he wakes me up, "Brittany discharged." What do you mean Brittany discharged? I mean, this is how I'm looking like, what do you mean she discharged? She was in ICU.

Yep.

So I call up there, "Let me speak to the nurse." So she put the nurse on the phone. So he was like, "Her levels are looking a lot better. We moving her to a regular room." Mm-hmm. She don't wanna stay and we cannot make her stay.

Yeah, got it. So you feel as if you would've stayed, you could have convinced her to stay in there. But because you went home to get rest, you feel like that's what set this in motion.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

That's how I felt.

Yeah. I gotta tell you right now, what are you about to say?

I keep saying, telling her that's not her fault.

Yes.

You can't predict what's gonna happen.

Yes.

And that's what's eating her up inside.

Yeah. She's eating up.

Your sister's telling the truth. You know, your daughter made her choice in that moment. And sometimes as parents, we don't understand why they make the choices. We feel like if I was just there, I could have told them, make a better choice, do this. But that has nothing to do with you. And I know that in this moment, because it's so recent, it's gonna be hard for you to realize that. I know it's gonna be hard for you to think about that because you're like, I'm mom, I'm supposed to do everything to protect my child. But you did do everything. I hear that story and I don't see a single thing There's not a single thing you could have did wrong, Mom. You did everything that was right and you also need to rest.

We be trying to make trips to go places so we could just get her away. You know, that way she could relax her mind and she wouldn't have to think about working. She could just chill, just think about herself.

Yeah. Is this the first time going out with your sister that you're kind of having that opportunity to think about yourself?

Yeah, we had fun too.

We was kicking it.

We was kicking it. She was smiling.

This is your first time to feel like you're getting some time for yourself too? To kind of take your mind off the stress?

Yes, I mean, it was so nice that night. I mean, it wasn't even, it wasn't intention to be out that late.

Mm-hmm. It was supposed to be one drink.

You can't tell me what happened, one drink.

And it didn't end up like that. It was like drink after then, you know, then as we got in there, and when we got in there, you know, we start seeing like a reunion from people that we grew up with and everybody just hugging and hugging and they heard about Brittany. It just felt good. Good. And then I just happened to call my husband on FaceTime. 3 AM.

But she was calling you to include you.

Yes.

Not at 3 AM.

To let her know that he was healthy.

This is what I gotta tell you because this is what I'm seeing right here. I'm watching the joy that has come around you telling that story. And I think that anybody who has went through what you went through deserves to get their joy however they can. But I realized something. Lynn, you said to me immediately that your issue is that you feel like you're losing your wife and that the communication is broken down.

Yeah.

But the thing is, I just heard that in the moment your wife went to the bar the first time to experience something that was gonna bring her joy, to be able to be around people, she did try to include you.

At 3:00 AM.

Doesn't matter. She's trying to find some joy in one of the hardest moments of her life. And she was still thinking about you. You to the place that she would call you.

I didn't even think about it like that. Maybe I've been doing this all wrong.

Yeah.

When it comes to grieving— I'm truly sorry. I'm truly sorry. I love you. I'll do anything to make it right.

When it comes to grieving, we have to remember that we have to communicate to the people around us that this is the way I grieve and I need your support. Because what happens, we just assume that people will understand, but we all grieve differently. Do you think that you can be more honest with him and talk about what you need as you're grieving?

That would be so awesome.

I think I can, but sometimes when I try to discuss things with him, I feel like he shuts me down. Like sometimes I feel like he don't hear me. Mm-hmm. And then I go, I start shutting down.

But I can understand where that comes from. It's because you told me at the beginning, your exact words is that when things are going wrong, I want to fix it.

Yeah, I wanna fix it.

And so right now she's telling you, I don't need you to fix it, I just need you to hear me. And especially when it comes to grief, she just needs you to listen.

I'll do more of that. I'm sorry, baby.

Do you believe that he can do more of listening?

I'm hoping he will.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll give you everything I can.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And we'll get outta that house a lot sooner than you think.

Yeah. Well, listen, you know, something that you said, 'cause when I heard that story about the fact that you all were in this space of in your house when you lost your daughter, I immediately want to tell you that I want to support you in that. So I want, to give you a down payment or for first month's rent so that you can find a new place because I know how hard it is. And do you also additionally want, do you also additionally, would you like some therapy?

God, definitely.

You definitely would? Because I think talking to somebody would be great. Yeah? I'm glad that I could give you the support and I'm glad that you have these things to walk away with I'm glad that your husband has got it. I'm glad that you have your sister. I'm really sorry for your loss, but know that we're all here for you.

Thank you.

Okay?

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