My Family Is In Crisis & My Children Are Leaving Me! | KARAMO

What do you think is the issue with you and your kids?

I'm very strict and hard on them.

You told my producer that you feel like you're detached from them. Can you explain?

As they gotten older, I just feel like they don't count on me anymore. They don't need me. Brandon has moved on. He's 22, he's out of the home. Sekora's 17. She's about to get ready to go to college and I just feel like she doesn't, ask me to do things anymore. I just feel like I'm losing them.

Yeah, okay, I hear that. You said earlier that you're strict and hard, and I grew up in a house that was strict and hard, and that sometimes was accompanied by a temper. Do you think you have a temper?

I do.

You do? Okay, talk to me about your temper.

So the way that I grew up, my grandmother, my parents, get up, clean up morning, noon, and night. No time for rest. So I feel like that that was instilled in me and I don't wanna be that way with my kids, but I am.

Do you yell at them?

I do.

Okay. Were you ever rejected by your family?

I felt like I was.

Okay. And why did you feel that way? What happened?

Just because I was the middle child and you know how they always say the middle child's the black sheep of the family. I was a teen mom.

How old were you?

16.

16, wow.

Yeah. I just didn't feel like I got a lot of support in things that I liked or wanted to do.

Mm-hmm. Sorry. No, it's okay. Here you go, my love.

Thank you. I just felt like abandoned.

Yeah.

I think that's why I'm so hard on my kids because I love 'em so much. And I was never taught how to be soft and vulnerable. So I was always hard on them. You better do this, you know.

Yeah.

Or else.

Survival. Right. I'm gonna tell you that even though you were never taught how to be vulnerable, you're doing a damn good job here. I know you have your son and your daughter. Do you think you're harder on your daughter?

Yes.

Okay, and why?

Because I don't want her to be a teen mom like I was. I want her to go further than I did and I just don't want her to end up, you know, looking for love.

Yeah, I get it. Why did your daughter lose your trust? What did she do?

So just last year I went to Miami for some surgery and The person that I had at home, he called me and said, "Secora had a guy in here." And it took everything out of me not to come unglued on her. And I think I asked her maybe like a week or two later, "Did you have a guy in here?" And she was like, "Yeah, but we were in the living room the whole time and nothing happened." And I was just like, You know what, give me your phone. You're not going to prom.

Were you this calm?

No.

OK. Of course not. Because I was like, this is very calm. This is sounding great. You're like, Sequoia, just give me your phone. Yeah. We'll have a conversation. No, OK.

I was like, girl, I'm a—

OK, yeah, I got it. I got it. I got it. I feel it. OK, I understand. And how old is Sequoia?

She's 17.

She's 17. So it's about the same age when you know choices could be made.

Right.

OK. Well, I think it's time to talk to your children, Brandon and Sekora. Everyone, please welcome to the show Brandon and Sekora. How are you both doing? Take a seat for me. So I wanna know from you all, your mother just said she was strict, she was hard on you all. She's admitted she had a temper. How was your relationship with your mom from your perspective? Perspectives?

My relationship with my mom now has gotten, has been a little better. It hasn't always been the best.

Yeah.

But at least—

Explain how it's gotten better.

The distance between us. We bump heads when we're around each other for too long.

Got it, okay. And what about your relationship with your mom?

Like we can be friends, but we don't have that like bestie mother-daughter relationship.

Got it. Brendan, what was your experience with your mom growing up?

It was very much do as you're told, structure.

Aw, y'all are adorable. Do as you're told, a lot of structure? Yeah. Okay. Aw. What's making you tear up right now?

Because We were happy.

When did you feel like you lost the happiness?

When they started getting older and they didn't need me.

I get it, I get it, I get it.

You feel like the world is out to get you and it's not.

I feel like that's what you're trying to teach us is if the world's not out to get you, If they're not our best friend, then they're definitely out for something.

I have a question for y'all, and this is, please answer it honestly. I read body language, I read facial movements because it helps me to tell a full picture. Are y'all nervous to speak here because you're afraid of consequences of when y'all get home?

I'm not, no.

You sure? 'Cause I'm picking it more from you.

Well, I live 3 hours away, so I'm not.

Yeah, well, and when I say consequences, I don't mean like she's gonna punish you. But do you feel like it's gonna be like an argument? There's gonna be, y'all gonna have to exchange words 'cause she's gonna be—

I'm sure something is gonna, a conversation is gonna be had, yes.

That's the calm way of saying it. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. So I'm watching out because I see the order and the order that you've instilled in them.

Yeah.

And I see it. They're both like this. Yes. Mother said that things were, you know, and I'm like, They're like talking about her temper and this is why I said I'm reading the body language.

They're like, "Yes, mom has a temper and she expresses herself." It's because in the house you literally have to walk on eggshells.

Like— But why?

Because you're feeling however you're feeling in that moment or that day or whatever. Like about cleaning up, the house can be spotless. If there's one crumb, Okay.

She's blowing up. Do you feel like that's how it is?

Sometimes.

Okay, I appreciate you acknowledging it because that's a big first step if you're ever gonna be able to mend the relationship. So what happened when your mom was in Miami? What happened then when she came back?

She asked me what happened. I told her what happened and she didn't blow up. She just, I feel like that's kind of when like the string between us was like Sliced. Dude, she just lost the trust for me.

Do you feel like you could talk to your mom?

Not really.

No. No. How does that make you feel knowing your daughter says she can't feel like she can talk to you?

It makes me sad.

Yeah.

It does. 'Cause she can talk to me and I always tell Sekora that you can tell me anything, that I'm here for you, but she won't.

You have a mistrust of how people are gonna react in the world. And you passed it on to your daughter. Do you realize that? Because that's part of the reason why she can't communicate with you. The mistrust that you have in this world of people, you feeling like people are gonna be at you, the strictness that you had to deal with from the abandonment, the things that you went through, you passed it on. Have you ever acknowledged that or can you realize that now?

I do now.

Are you afraid of your mom? What's making you, what's making you tearful? Talk to me.

'Cause I didn't realize that.

Yeah.

Like I didn't know that that was like a certain trauma that I have.

Yeah. So when your mom broke the trust with you with this boy, had you given her a reason before then to break the trust? To feel like she couldn't trust you?

I mean, I don't think so.

Not that she said.

She hadn't? No, she hadn't.

So if she had never given you reason to feel like she had broken the trust, why did you react the way you did? Why did you feel like I can't trust you anymore.

Because she was my baby. She's my only daughter.

Mm-hmm.

And I just don't want her to go through what I went through.

But she's not. And inadvertently, your actions are about to make her start going through those things.

And that's why I'm here, because I don't wanna think that way.

You're graduating this year, right? Yeah. Are you planning on moving away from home?

Yeah.

No. Yeah, she said she is. She's a young woman.

No.

So are you afraid of losing your daughter? 'Cause I just heard him say he lives 3 hours away. She says she's leaving. And so this is why this is hitting you now. Yeah. What is at stake for you if you don't repair this before she leaves?

That I'm a loser. And I don't want to. I don't wanna lose either of them. I love them.

I wanna take a quick thing 'cause there's a lot of my audience keeps going, mm, mm, uh. I wanna take it to the comments. I wanna hear what y'all gotta say about this. Who was mm and ah, man? I wanna hear what you gotta say.

Okay, so me personally, I also grew up with a strict mom. And she had a similar situation where she gave birth to my brother at 16. And there was a situation where our relationship was very strained at one point because of how worried she was about me ending up in the same situation. And she actually cried at my 17th birthday because she was like, you did it. Now I just need you to keep going. And it got to a point where I felt so suffocated that I was like, Mom, I need you to be able to listen to what I'm saying. Understand it and realize that I appreciate everything you do for me, but you're not doing it to get something out of it. You're doing it because you love me, not because you need something. And she finally was able to be like, you know what, you're right. You're getting older. You need space. And I was like, Mom, I'm never gonna stop loving you, but I'm gonna need to become my own person without you there holding my hand.

Okay. Thank you. It's funny, I'm watching your children while they're saying that. I think you're watching And Sequoia was like this the entire time. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Yeah, she's said the whole thing.

She said that to you before?

Everything that she said, Sequoia has said that to me. And I understand, but it's just hard for me to let go.

Why is it hard for you to let go? Is it because you're afraid to be alone?

Because her mother passed. Her father was not there.

So she's afraid to be alone.

Yeah, she doesn't have anybody, so we're all she has and she's afraid of losing us.

You know, sometimes when we have a fear, they can become self-fulfilling prophecies because we end up doing the thing to make the fear a reality. Your children love you. Do you love your mother?

I do love her.

Do you love your mother?

Yes.

Bad moments and all. Y'all love her, yelling and all.

'Cause I know at the end of the day, she's gonna be the one still standing there holding the sign when the whole field is cleared.

What's making you emotional right now?

Because I know my mom would do anything for me.

Yeah.

But she just has her own on her own issues. She will go to bat for us. She has gone to bat for us.

I know, I know. Have any of you ever experienced someone in your life? Come talk to me. That's been like this?

Yeah, my mom, my dad all come from like kind of like broken homes. Like their parents were around them but they weren't the easiest to be around, and because of what they grew up with, they were strict on us. They were constantly on our backs, and on my side, what I see is that you have great kids.

Great.

They are raised properly. You raised them right. And what they're trying to show you, what they're trying to show you is that now you see that we're great. Why can't you trust that we're great, that we're going to do what you taught us to do? Which is what I had to tell my parents, like, I'm raised right. Now let me show you I'm raised right. I'm doing it right.

You are. Thank you. She said something that was very critical. You heard when you get a mm outta me, it's good. It's like I done ate some good food. All right? Good words is like good food to me. Can you trust that your kids are good? Can you trust that?

I can start.

Can you tell them?

I can learn.

You can learn. Tell them.

I can learn how to start trusting y'all, that y'all are good.

I'm gonna come back to stage and let you know. You first of all have to let go of that desire, that fear of like, I'm gonna be alone. Are you planning on leaving your mother? Are you planning on leaving your mother? You just need space and you need healthier communication. Those are easier things to fix. But the healthier communication starts with you. And I'm gonna tell you what you do need to do is get some anger management. Classes. Your daughter just said to me when she came, you came in and you found the boy that she felt like at that moment it was severed. Those were her words, severed. So she never did anything to make you think you couldn't trust her. Why would you sever the relationship?

I guess because my relationship with my folks were severed.

Yes. Again, making that fear a reality. And you're using the tools of anger to make it a reality. So you gotta stop with the anger so it doesn't become a reality. So the first thing, trusting that you raised the best kids. Secondly, realizing that that fear you have is not real. But thirdly, you gotta get anger management so that you don't keep saying things that are gonna push your kids away. You think you can do 'em?

Yes.

Yeah? Y'all believe in y'all mom?

Yes.

Yeah, y'all do? Yeah? Anything else you wanna say to your kids?

I love y'all. I love you too, sweetie. I know y'all know that.

All right, yeah. Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.