My Fiancé Fat Shames Me! | KARAMO

My guest, Lakeisha, says her fiancé, Jaquan, went from calling her a dime when they first met to telling her during sex that her body looked like she has a plumber's belly. Lakeisha says Jaquan has destroyed her self-esteem and she's here for my help. Everyone, please welcome Lakeisha to the show. Can I have a hug? How are you doing, beautiful?

I'm feeling fabulous.

Well, first of all, let's start with the good stuff. You in Nina Parker collection. Nina was like, "I'm dressing your guest." Thank you.

Okay.

How do you feel, good?

I feel fabulous.

You look fabulous. I feel like I do. You look fabulous, ever been. Thank you. Okay, so when I read what was going on in your relationship, I did get emotional. Okay. Because whether it's physical abuse, emotional abuse, it hurts. And what you experienced was abuse for the man that you love to say such horrible things about you. Thank you. Tell me about your fiancé and how you first met.

So about 4 years ago I met him online. In the messages he was like, "You're so beautiful, you know, could I take you out?" You know, all of that. And on my bio I did say that I had 2 children.

And normally this is not a question I ask, but for context, what size were you at that point? Now, 'cause you've had 2 children, your body is beautiful no matter what, but what size were you?

I wanna say about 140.

Okay.

And now, I mean, I'm about 200.

You look good there and you look good here, okay? Thank you. Let's be very clear.

Thank you, thank you.

So you started gaining weight and is that when things started to change, Jaquan?

It definitely did. And when we were intimate, you know, I could just tell, I could see it in his eyes that he, you know, was fantasizing about another woman and it just made me feel less of a woman.

So we put up the photo and the audience had a response. And I think we all know the response is because it's interesting when somebody feels like they have the authority to say things to other people when, and I don't wanna fat shame him or tell him that, or challenge his body. But if your body, if you're not in the gym 14 hours a day, then you, and even then you don't have the right to talk about anybody's body, but.

[APPLAUSE] I'm not the only one with a wide back.

So what does he say about your weight?

I have a plumber's body.

So when he calls you those names, what do you do?

It makes me feel less of a woman, especially, let me just tell you this, we were on the road to getting pregnant and I was on hormones and that makes you, you know, gain weight, it makes you moody. And you know, it's like, what do you want? Do you want a child or do you want this, perfect woman, you know, he would make little small remarks. I know just last night he was saying if I dare go in for seconds or thirds of a meal, he would say, "Hey, yeah, I already know that that's what you want." All right, so tell me about the text message you found from other women. The text messages that I saw of other women were, "Oh, you have a nice body." It's always body. The keyword is body. You have a nice body. And it just makes me a little insecure. I already battle from low self-esteem and my image due to my past, my childhood. My mother always teased me for being bigger. And it just hits home for me to hear that from someone that I want a future with.

Knowing that he has a problem with sexing other women, why haven't you left?

I haven't left because when we met, I was at a hard point in my life. I was actually homeless when we met and he took me and my two children in. He just, he took us in when I was in a dark place.

So what do you feel like is on the line for you?

He needs to uplift me as a woman and just do that, do that for me.

And if he can't?

I'm gone.

Okay.

I'm gone.

Got it. Jaquan has been listening backstage and I wanna invite him out right now. Jaquan, come on out. Hey Jaquan, how you doing?

Hey, how's it going?

Good, good, good. Please take a seat. Thanks for joining us. Appreciate you having me. So Lakeisha says you disrespect her. We heard the things that you've said about her during intimacy. What do you have to say?

She came to me, she was like, "Let's go do this fitness bootcamp." I'm like, "I'm down, let's do it." Well, she lasts for like 2 weeks. The first week she there the whole time. The second week she went like 3 days.

I wanna also make clear that when it comes to an emotional state and it comes to your weight or being motivated, if the person who has destroyed your motivation then tries to rebuild it, it doesn't work that way. If you've already said something that's hurt her self-esteem, you being the one to then try to build her up in the moment is never going to work. Because you can't play both roles in her life because emotionally and mentally she's still in the place where you've hurt her. So you said that she was once a dime, which she still is a dime.

I mean, the weight just like, I don't know, it just kind of got outta hand. So I tried to get us, like I said, to go to the gym.

But let's speak on this 'cause outside of this, let's be real. Yes, you're saying that you tried to go to the gym and saved it, but you then sex other women and and talked about your girl to the other woman, which is disrespectful on many ends. Did that happen? And what do you have to say about it?

Yeah, I've told some women, I'm like, oh, you got a nice body and this and that. Yeah, I would say that. I wouldn't necessarily just sit up there and fat shame her like that to people else.

But you do, because I've seen it.

The only people that I've done—

Do you wanna die or do you want a baby? The only people that I've done that to is my parents.

Period.

I did not do that to other women.

So you did that with your parents?

I did it with my parents, yes, definitely. I told them what was going on.

I can't lie to you, brother, that's even worse It's like, because it's one thing for like the randos, which is disrespectful on its own, but your mother and father have to respect your partner. Say what your point is.

If you know you wanna better yourself and look better, work out and go to the gym. It wasn't me tearing you down when I was saying it. It was me encouraging you.

I don't need this.

Do you really think that was encouragement?

On my end, yes I do.

I'm not running fast enough. I'm not lifting enough.

'Cause I'm trying to get your mental state right. Why do you believe the way that you're talking to her and the things that you've done in that moment were encouragement?

You're talking about the main things are going to the gym, which we are.

The gym, the way that you said that you were talking to her.

Yeah, because I mean—

'Cause every time she said you told her, "You're not doing it right, you're not running fast enough," you've agreed. I've seen your body motions and you've nodded your head.

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Why do you believe that's encouragement?

I guess I feel that's encouragement because that's how I was taught in the gym. That's how people motivated me. We motivate each other differently as I see now. But that's how I was motivated. Okay, so great. So I'm going off of what I know.

So you just said the keywords, I see it now, which means you realize now that that was disrespectful and not motivation.

Yes, yes.

Can you acknowledge to your woman right now and say, I'm sorry I disrespected you and not motivated you?

I'm sorry for disrespecting you and I would love to motivate you better and how you would want me to motivate you.

You can't motivate her. I just said to say, I'm sorry for disrespecting you. You can't motivate her. But I just want you to say, I'm sorry that I disrespected you when I thought I was motivating you. Motivating you. That's it.

I'm sorry for disrespecting you when you thought I was motivating you.

Okay, well, is this gonna last 2 days and then go back to the same thing? Because you're known for having a pattern, right?

No, it's not gonna last.

But can I say something?

Yes, you can. Always.

Since you have a pattern too, though, because your, your pattern is forgiving someone who is blatantly disrespecting you again and again and again. He has already shown who he is, yet you're saying you still want to have a family with him. How will he react if your kids get sick, if you get sick? If he can't handle you gaining weight during this process of trying to have a child, what if something happens later in life and you really depend on him to get your groceries because you can't get out of bed? But everything is so aesthetic. I have to be honest, I'm less concerned about him and more concerned why you can continue to allow someone to treat you in a way that you know that you don't deserve to be treated. You have to love you and set your own boundaries. Everybody else follows.

That's real right there. Why is that?

I feel like I owe it to him because he took me in when I was in a dark place.

Listen, relationships are through thick and thin, but if he only wants you while you thin, girl, you gotta leave him when you thin.

Right. Nina, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, girl. Y'all just gotta, I told y'all, Nina gonna take y'all to church. Did you hear what she said? And this is in all sincerity. That is real, Nina. Thank you. Daquan, do you wanna say the same thing?

Yeah, I do wanna say it.

Why?

Because I really do genuinely love her and wanna be there for her. I love her personality. I love that I can talk to her about any and everything. She's always there for me.

Now, better question is, what does love mean to you?

Love means someone you can lean on if you fall down and need help with things.

Do you think she can lean on you? Because she just said during her trying to have your child, she gained weight. And instead of supporting her through that and letting her lean on you, you made the decision to disrespect her, to sex other women, to talk about her weight to your mother and father. You did that. When she was supposed to be able to lean on you. So how is it that you can say here that you love her when you just told me by definition of love, you're not showing it? What's making you emotional right now?

Because to hear you say the word like weight. I don't have low self-esteem. I'm beautiful, but I don't know. It's just a weight thing. It just is a trigger for me.

Yeah, I hear you. I hear you.

And self-esteem as a woman is more than thinking you're beautiful. It's also knowing what you deserve.

Jaquan, I'm gonna ask you a decision. Can you commit to not disrespect her anymore?

Yes, I can commit to that.

You can commit to that?

Yes.

Okay, can you commit to give her space to be able to lean on you if y'all do go forward? Yes. Okay then. So you've heard the commitments. Thank you so much. I'm gonna ask you to leave my stage. Okay. Thank you. I appreciate you for being here.

Nice to meet you. You're beautiful.

Nice to meet you.

Thank you. The reason I asked Nina to bring you on stage and the reason I asked Jaquan to leave is because there's no resolution that I could have with him. And Nina brought up a very good point. And the point is, is that it's the work that you gotta do. The work you gotta do. Okay. Because he can give us a show right now and say, "Yes, I'm gonna do it. Yes, I'll do these things." But the thing is, is that he's already shown you who he is and you have to get to a place where you can believe it and you can make better decisions for yourself. His definition of love means I can lean on somebody And when I questioned him about him, you being able to lean on him, he didn't have no answer. Exactly.

And I'm not here to say whether you should stay or go, 'cause I think everybody's relationship—

I'm gonna say it. Oh, Karamo. Okay, girl, you finish your piece. I'm gonna tell her. Well, I'm— You know how I am on our conversations.

Well, you know, I'm just trying to stay in my lane.

Okay.

What I will say is, whether you decide to stay or go, I think what you have to establish is what am I looking for? If you want a partner, you gotta be a partner to yourself.

Yes.

Because there's no way on God's green earth I'm going to be as vulnerable as I am gonna be when I'm intimate with somebody. And if you can't respect me at my most vulnerable, you do not deserve any part or any access to me.

Yes.

Ever.

Amen. Yes.

Ever.

That is it. That is it. Listen, I brought Nina up here because I wanted you to be surrounded by people who see you and love you and not be somebody who's gonna cloud your judgment. I want you to look at me, big brother over here, your big sister over here. This ain't it. And I know you felt indebted and I know you fell in love and I know that he got into your self-esteem and got into your mind.

What I'll tell you is this, I had a relationship that was abusive verbally And it took me a really long time to leave. And it was someone that I loved. And what people don't talk about is sometimes when you're being abused, in the movies they leave and they go away, but in real life you still love this person. So you struggle with that disrespect because you genuinely love them. But what you have to make a decision is, am I gonna drown loving this person or am I gonna swim to shore and save myself because I love myself more?

[APPLAUSE] [Speaker] I'm gonna ask you this.

I'm gonna ask you this.

Can you make a commitment to yourself to swim and save yourself?

I'm scared.

Don't be scared.

So what do you need?

Are you in therapy?

I'm not. I wanna join therapy.

Okay.

So if I offer you some therapy, do you think that would be a good first step?

Yes.

So if that's your first step, girl, let's take that first step together. Okay? No man should ever ever feel entitled to talk about your body, and especially during sex. When he has the audacity to look at your beautiful body when you're trying to give him a child and to say something about your body, hell no, you don't deserve that from him, no other man. And so I'm gonna tell you clear and point, he is not the one.

She looking at me.

You looking at me to tell her, Nina?

I do not believe there is anything about the situation that looks like love.

Oh, say it.

Love is something that feeds you and fills you up. You don't feel depleted. And where there are ebbs and flows with all kinds of love, but one thing is constant, and there should never be a question about respect. And there should— you should not be looking to him to fill you up. That's not his job. That's your job.

Amen. You got it?

Okay.

I'm gonna get you that therapy and we are rooting for you. And I got your back when it comes to this first step. Just after you take this first step, keep walking, okay?

You got this. Thank you. You got this, beautiful.

All right, I love you. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more, period.