In this episode of Karamo, the host sits down with Grace and Kentrell, a married couple who are struggling with mismatched love languages and dwindling intimacy. The pair met quickly on a dating site, married within five months, and had a child shortly after. Grace feels exhausted from work, parenting a newborn, and a high‑risk pregnancy, leaving her with little desire for sex, while Kentrell’s primary love language is physical touch and frequent sexual activity. Their schedules clash, communication is often disrespectful, and attempts at counseling—particularly a session led by Grace’s mother, a pastor—have been uncomfortable and ineffective. The conversation also touches on their differing views about masturbation and pornography, with Grace opposing it. Karamo offers practical advice: improving communication, reframing requests, using digital affection such as sexting, and establishing clear, affirming responses to each other’s gestures. The episode ends with a hopeful note that with better communication and compromise, the couple can rebuild emotional and physical intimacy.
Chapters
Grace and Kentrell met in person after months of talking on a dating site. They were married within 5 months. Now that's some fast love, all right? And Grace found out she was pregnant a few months after they said I do. Marriage wasn't easy. Grace has a problem with her husband Kentrell constantly wanting sex. And Kentrell says his physical needs are not being met. They reached out to get my help to fix their issue. So that their marriage doesn't turn into one of those unfortunate statistics. So let's meet Grace to find out more about this. Grace, come on out. Hi, Grace.
Hi. How are you?
You're so cute, by the way.
Thank you.
How you doing?
Great. Yes.
So Grace.
Yes.
Tell me, why do you need my help? I just heard it, but tell me why you need my help.
Okay. Me and my husband have completely different love languages. I don't know if I always can speak it plain and simple. He has a big need for physical touch, sex. And I'm tired, I'm exhausted of laughing all night. I mean, that's what it is. When I get home, I just wanna cuddle and period. He wants to cuddle and then like do a little more. But I'm tired.
[Speaker] Okay, I get that. Listen, listen, listen, she said I'm tired, okay? She said I'm tired, period. That was it, end of sentence. So what is it that's going on in your day why you feel exhausted, why you feel like intimacy is not something you wanna engage with?
Okay, so I work, I wake up early, we have a daughter, get her ready for school, I go to work, and also he works late, so he comes home at like 11:30. I'm like in second stage of sleep, snoring, drooling, and he doesn't care. He will wake me up.
So tell me about your relationship in the beginning.
First, we met on eHarmony. He texted me that night and then history is made. So we meet and we both done the, long relationships. So we knew what we wanted. Oh my goodness. We knew what we wanted in our relationship. So we got married within like 5 months and then had our baby.
And so then what happened with the intimacy level? Because you obviously were having sex before.
Right. I feel like he thought I was the Energizer Bunny or Bend It Like Beckham and just wanted so much more than I was willing to give at the time. And again, our schedules played a big role. He got home late, I went in early.
Now, at the beginning of the relationship, how often would you say were you having sex?
Mm, oh my gosh, like 3 times a week.
3 times a week, okay. Yeah. And how long did that last, you think? A month, a year?
Maybe 2 months.
2 months, because then you got pregnant within 5 months. So then now the pregnancy, were you having intimacy issues during the pregnancy?
No, so here's the thing. When I was pregnant, I had a high-risk pregnancy. So I'm like, don't even look at me, don't touch me.
Okay.
We need to make it to the end. But that was hard because I was scared. I wanted to have my baby.
And so now you're at this space where you've been together for 2 months, sex is great, you get pregnant, you have a complication, and now sex stops.
Yeah.
The baby comes. How is the sex life, intimacy?
Oh, I'm just tired at this point. So now a combination of tired, but also I felt like I didn't not want to, but I was just like, ugh, like, no, you know, not ugh, but just like, I'm focused here and like, I want romance. What about my needs? We're talking about your needs, your needs, your needs. Uh, hello, I have needs too.
Have you tried to address this with your husband?
Yes.
And what happens?
He sounds like, well, he's gonna say, he says, well, I do the dishes and I sometimes do the laundry, so I'm helping you out. But that's not it. That's not like, not enough, but it's more than that.
Yeah.
So then it becomes an argument and then it hurts feelings and—
Yeah, I got it.
Got better though.
You told my producers you're a passionate speaker.
You're a speaker. Oh yes, I talk with my hands. I'm real loud.
Got it.
To him, you have an attitude. Why you yelling at me? But that's just how I am. This is how I talk.
Yeah, so the communication, so the lack of intimacy is also bleeding into the communication.
Yeah.
Now I got a real question for you because you have your desires and needs.
I do.
Let's be real.
Yeah.
You get horny too.
Okay.
Okay, and we're adults here. So what things do you think you need to work through in your relationship?
Effective communication and just kind of being able to compromise realistically. I ask him what is appropriate He's like, "5 times a week." Who? Where? Not me. I can't do it. And I think just realistically what works for us and what's fair.
You heard your wife backstage. How do you feel about what she says?
Okay, so there's a few things that were untrue that I have to clear up.
Okay.
The first thing she said that I get home late and I wake her up for intimacy. That's not true.
Okay.
The next thing she said was that in the beginning of our marriage, it was like, more frequent. I don't remember if she said 3 times or 4 times.
She said 3 times.
Yeah, that's not true. Intimacy has been a problem from the very beginning of marriage. From the, basically from I do.
When we got married, he thought we would come home and literally get to it. He means that 'cause when we got married, we had a blowup mattress, we just got married. He literally, I walked in the door, he's like tackled me like a 79er onto the blowup mattress. The knife was on the floor 'cause we opening boxes. The knife slides into the blowup mattress and pops the blowup mattress. And I'm like, oh my goodness.
So you figure once you get married now, you're having sex.
Exactly. And that was not the case.
Okay. So I heard from my producers that you tried therapy. Tell me about this therapy.
Okay.
No, no, no, we didn't try actual therapy.
My mom, like the priest, my mom's a pastor. So she does couple classes. She tried to therapy us. Is that the word, therapy us? Yeah. But the issue is because my mom's a pastor, there's a conflict of interest.
Yeah, a big one. You're not gonna talk to your mom about your sex life.
Hold on, stop. Hold on.
You said I'm not gonna disrespect the pastor. I'm not gonna do it. But what I'm gonna say is how did that make you feel going to your mother-in-law talking about your sex life?
Obviously, yes, there's a conflict of interest and yes, it's extremely uncomfortable for me.
Kentrell, what are your thoughts on your communication?
I don't communicate often enough. And so that's probably on my end. But when I do communicate, I feel like my feelings get dismissed or whatever I care about gets dismissed, especially if she feels like she's not getting her desires met. And on her end, I feel like when she communicates, she communicates in a very disrespectful manner.
Okay.
You don't have to insult, You don't have to belittle. Do you insult him? And while yelling? That's just disrespectful.
Do you insult him? I used to, yeah.
What would you say?
You wouldn't even do it for me in the bedroom. Immature comments. But immature things you would say that aren't true. And I would say to him, like, I don't mean that.
She literally told me that everything she says she means, 'cause I asked her if she was just saying things outta anger at one point.
But he asked me when I was upset. Of course I'm gonna be like, I said what I said. But that's because I'm mad, not because I mean it. Like, that's just not the case. Oh my gosh.
And how often do you have sex now?
How often now?
Well, it is very inconsistent, but this year—
Stop it.
It's been 2 or 3 times, but it's always been inconsistent.
A lot of relationships that are in, have been together for a year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, for some reason there's a point where the relationship just gets into a sense of like, we're not having sex anymore. We start cohabitating as roommates. It seems shocking to y'all, But this is a norm in America. And that's why I'm very proud of y'all for being vulnerable enough to talk about this. Because I know somebody watching this is going, she over here talking about, not in my house. Okay, I get it, girl. I saw you, I saw you. We got you right there in the green, we got you. She said, not in my house, okay.
You're making it harder for me, Karamo. Okay, did she make it harder for you, sis?
But in all sincerity, this is really something that happens in a lot of people's relationships and home. I have another question for you and it's gonna be a little bit more private. But I really do need to know this. When you all self-pleasure or masturbate, do you tell each other or is it something that you do privately?
Privately.
Privately, for you?
For me?
Privately.
Privately.
Privately.
She's literally told me that it's a problem.
Yes.
And she doesn't want me doing it, so.
Okay. Yeah, I have to speak. So this is, I'm glad that I asked this question.
Yeah.
So then why wouldn't you want him engaging in even self-pleasure?
Because I feel like that a component of that is pornography. And I think that that, like, 'cause you know, that's part of it. And I don't like that. I feel like it can mess with self-esteem. Like, 'cause what you watch, first of all, it's fake. And then you gotta raise the standards. And I feel like it feeds that lust more.
But I'm asking this because, I'm asking this because you're telling me that you're not engaging with sex with your man. You're saying me and my husband don't have sex because I'm tired, our communication's not right, our love languages aren't there. But then you're also saying, now I don't want you to engage in this because I have a problem with this.
I say blatantly, I don't need to feel the, you know what I'm saying? I'm right next to you. I think blatantly, like you said, if I don't see it, okay. But also I think another way around it, I suggest, is maybe intimacy for me starts outside the bedroom.
So I do believe that there's a part of this where you're tired, but I also believe there's a part of this that you're not sharing that I need you to be open with me if I can really help.
100%.
What is the intimacy issue?
So for me as well is I feel oftentimes I'm ignored. I feel like I was a wife of convenience. He doesn't really concern himself with stuff I like. I want a relationship, not just the wife and husband title. You go to work, we have sex, we have meals.
Whenever she wants to do something, I do not tell her no. The problem comes in where she'll say, "You wanna go walk around shopping with me?" I say, "Sure, if you wanna go." She's like, "Oh no, but do you wanna go?" So now she's put me in this position where I either have to lie to her or I have to be honest and say, "I don't want to go, but I will go to make you happy." This is a reframing issue.
You have to reframe your train of thought. She's asking you, do you wanna put me first? Do you wanna make my needs a priority? And that's what you have to think. So when she says something that you're like, nah, I don't wanna do this, you know I don't wanna do this, take out the physical and say, what is she emotionally asking me? Because she's telling you right now that her intimacy is attached to her emotions. And right now she feels emotionally detached from you.
And I 100% understand that. Like I said, we had counseling with her mom and she said—
We gonna throw that counseling out the way. Pastor, hold on, put the camera on me. Pastor, no disrespect, I'm sorry, but we throwing all that out the way, okay? All right, so how would you feel if there was a little bit more of like sexting, communication like that?
Oh, I would definitely like that.
Are you willing to do something to sort of like preheat yourself?
Yeah.
What response do you need when you give him these sort of gestures, digital gestures? What response do you need to make you feel like it's sexy?
Just confirm, affirm, and be like, "Oh, okay." Got it.
So you hear that. She gonna start doing you a little something so that you can start feeling like some ways, all right?
Okay.
Did you hear that?
Yeah.
So your wife just said she gonna send you a little something something. So what's the response you gonna give now? Confirm, affirm. Confirm and affirm, okay. Listen, that's a good start. Listen, I do believe y'all can get better, but I think the thing is, is that I think the communication is gonna have to work. We're gonna have to do some more communication. Don't go back to the past. I love you. Don't go back to the past and talk about this. Listen, everybody, come back next time, friends, so we can keep talking and growing, all right? I love you all. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more.
