My Husband's A Cheater, Is My Marriage Worth Saving? | KARAMO

So I'm sorry to hear that you feel like your husband's up to his cheating ways. So how did you first, I gotta go back to the beginning. How did you first get with Ricardo?

Me and Ricardo, we met, he was with his ex and we began seeing each other in an intimate way. And then we were essentially in a love triangle. He went back and forth. He ended up staying with his ex And then she eventually grew tired of that and threw him out and he moved in with me and now he's mine.

Got it, okay. You're like, "Now he mine." So when did you first suspect that Ricardo was being unfaithful?

Well, in 2013, there was a situation where there was an indiscretion where he, I suspected that he did something. He denied it. Uh-huh. And then fast forward 10 years later, his niece told me that that was in fact the case. He did.

You're talking about 2023?

2023.

Okay.

I was told that that was in fact the case. And I started to notice weird things happening online. And I started to suspect that there might have been some communication going on that shouldn't be going on. Mm-hmm. He denied it. He always tells me that's just crazy.

How often are you two arguing about this?

Oh, we argue about it all the time. When I see things on social media, when I see things that seem to be subliminally aimed towards us or our situation, I argue or I point it out to him all of the time. And I say, this isn't you, this isn't you. And it's under the guise of, you know, reels and then a white guy.

I'm confused about that. What do you mean reels and white guy?

He's not going on, he's not doing the flirting as himself. He's disguising his messages or he's stolen somebody else's profile.

Okay.

Something's not right. I believe he has some sort of hidden electronic that he is using when I leave. I can't find it. I look, I've looked in his shoes, in the closet. I jump in the bathroom on him. I try to find, but he's a good hider and I know that about him. So I'm like, I know it's you, I know it's you. And he says, catch me if you can. And I'm like, oh, I will catch you.

What's on the line for you today?

Ricardo and my children are my life. And if I find out that he has been unfaithful, half my life is on the line.

Got it, I understand. Well listen, I think it's time to hear what your fiancé Ricardo has to say about this. So everyone please welcome Ricardo to the show so I can hear his side of the story. How you doing Ricardo?

How you doing? I need to shake your hand. Hey, nice to meet you Ricardo.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Thank you for being here, sir.

We're good.

So what do you have to say about what Joyce just said?

Joyce right now I think is living in a delusional world right now because of the simple fact that I do not get online at all for any reason unless I'm contacting my children, my family. I hardly contact my friends because I'm not online at all.

Yeah.

She controls my Facebook page.

Uh-huh.

So I don't get on Facebook.

I don't control your Facebook page because somebody took your Facebook page.

Yeah, somebody took the Facebook page.

And I can't get the password now.

Yeah, but I can't get the password because I don't even get online.

Yeah.

So how can I get a password?

Got it.

Well, Larry Lane, I think you do get online.

And that's another thing. She thinks other people online is me. Like, why would I change my name to a foreign You get sore and painful.

You get sore and painful or whatever game Brian wants to play. You get sore and everything because you want to talk to somebody else and you don't want me to know.

Who do I want to talk to?

That's the key. The neighbor?

The neighbor? That's crazy. Like, it's crazy, Karamo.

Then why I find you in my house?

Like, I was fighting a battle I feel like that I can't win.

Why did you lie about cheating in the past?

Because I was a cheater.

Okay.

That's pretty much the fact. Like, I was a cheater.

That's the truth.

I mean, she knew me before I got in a relationship with her and I was running around with her father, you know what I mean? And we were together, we used to go out, everything, Karamo. And then now she knew me then when I was doing all this stuff that was wrong and I constantly did—

And you cheated on me in 2013.

I cheated on her.

And he said, oh, he did, He denied it. I said, "I know you were cheating. I know you cheated. I know you cheated." He denied it. He told me I was crazy. Listen, she stayed in for the night.

So you're saying no longer that you cheat, you don't cheat anymore because you've grown. So what changed? Why are you not a cheater now?

Because now I value my family more. Now I wanna be with somebody.

How bad have things gotten between you and Joyce?

It's gotten to the point where I wake up In the morning, she has a cell phone in my face like this.

Like, hey, who's this? Who's this?

Why is this here?

Why is this corresponding with our life? Why are these subliminal messages being sent to me?

I don't know.

Why?

Why? Why?

I'm not on the phone.

I don't use the phone. She's on the phone way more than I am. He has a phone. When I go away, he has a phone.

And then she thinks, that's another thing, she think I have a secret phone. Like, why would I have a secret phone?

Do you have a secret phone? No. Just point blank, no?

No.

Were you cheated on in other relationships?

Well, yes, I've been cheated on plenty.

At the core of this, 'cause I've heard enough and I understand what's going on here.

Okay.

The relationship, there was never trust built in this relationship from day one. And you both know that.

Yeah.

You started off in a love triangle. You still got emotions for him and you fell for him.

I love him.

You love him. But that love was also predicated on the fact that you had a past where you didn't know how to choose the right men. And so you were choosing men who constantly cheated on you. And so you then got with another man who you knew was cheating because he was with a woman. But I'm not placing this blame solely on you because I've also been tracking the things that you have been saying. When your woman tells you, and you know that you start off because you just came out here bold and told all of us, I'm a cheater, I cheated, I was a cheater. Yes, I get it. I'm glad that you're owning your truth. I appreciate that you're owning your truth, but you understand that in this situation, owning your truth is not going to solve this trust issues. You have to validate your woman's feelings and make sure she understands that she's a priority. And when you say things like, and I'm tracking what you said, when she says, "Are you cheating?" And you say, "You're crazy," that invalidates her feelings. When you say things like, "You don't deserve the truth," even if it's a flippant joke, It invalidates her feelings.

Understandable. I mean, I probably gotta stop saying stuff like that.

Not probably.

Well.

Not probably.

Not probably. I will, how about that?

Yeah.

I will stop saying stuff like that.

'Cause unfortunately what's happening right here, and I'm listening to this about Facebook, you talking about the subliminal messages with Facebook and them asking you to add them in messages from reels. I'm pretty technologically savvy. This sounds like you're getting spam. And so it's creating more paranoia in your relationship. And so the fact of the matter is, is that what the question you need to ask yourself is, what do you need to rebuild the trust in this relationship?

I don't know.

And that's where we gotta start. Men cheated on you. They broke your self-esteem. These are not just feelings that came outta nowhere. These were facts. You lived them. And so of course you're feeling it now. Of course you are.

My goal right now in my life is—

Talk to her.

Something different with you. My goal is to try to get a foundation, take care of my home, and that's it, and my family. And do the best I can to be the best person I can. That's the biggest thing because I wasn't a good person. I was an awful person. I ran around, I did things.

I want you to say something right now. I want you to say, I was an awful person to you. No more generals. All right. You were an awful person to her.

Yeah, and I was. I was an awful person to you in the way I treated you. I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you, and I would never do it again. I am trying to build a life with you and me. That's it. No one else.

So what you just did there is modeled behavior that's not going to trigger her insecurity. Insecurities. So when you're able to acknowledge your past and not just in a general way, but say, I affected you and I know it and I'm sorry and this is my plan for the future. Now she has a baseline where y'all actually are building a foundation. But then, and in conjunction, you need to be asking yourself, what do you need to do to rebuild your self-esteem? Because as much as I love that you're devoted and you're a devoted wife, your children and your husband can't just be your life because before all of them, you were still you. And I think because you're spending so much time worried about what he's doing, what everybody else is doing, you forgot about you. I can almost sure you don't have a hobby for yourself.

No, I don't have time. Well, I work, I have kids.

Hold on, here we go, here we go. And this is not to invalidate because I understand the experience of a mother. Your kids are important, your husband's important. I'm not trying to invalidate that at all. What I'm saying to you is that even with that, you still have to be able to find time for yourself because finding time for yourself helps you remember the woman you are, helps you understand what you're worth, what you deserve. And that's how you start to rebuild yourself. You can rebuild, okay? You can rebuild. I wish you both the best of luck. If you need any more advice, I'm here for you, okay?

Thank you.

All right, I wish y'all the best of luck, all right? Everyone at home, thank you for being with us. Make sure to come back next time, friends, so we can keep talking and keep growing. I love you all. Give me a hug.