My Mom Says She Wishes She Never Had Me | KARAMO

Me and my mom have a harsh relationship. Like, I love my mom, but at the same time, we have bad times. Like, me and my mom, we argue a lot. We have a lot of disagreements. It's like, I guess, like, a lot of love is not there.

So you feel like your mother doesn't care about you?

Yeah, I feel like she doesn't care about me. I feel like it's not enough love there with me and her. Like, I know, like, I probably can't say that I don't like her, but I don't. I don't.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't. Like, she gets on my nerve.

Yeah.

And like, she takes— Do you love her? Yeah, I love my mom. I have a lot of love for my mom. I do. And I want her to understand that. She probably, I know I do a lot of stuff that hurts her, but I love her a lot.

Yeah. What are types of things that she says to you?

Like, she says that I'm not gonna be nothing. I'm gonna be like my dad or— Imma be a bum or something like that. Or she'll be like, if you keep on being out in these streets and hanging out with these people, you're gonna die. She tries to manipulate my brother and tells him things like, like he'll do something and then he was like, she'll be like, you probably got that from your little brother or you probably got that from watching him and doing what he do. You don't wanna be like him. That makes me feel like you don't want my little brother to like me or something like that, you know what I'm saying?

Has she ever told you that she doesn't like you?

Yeah, she was like, "I hate you." She said, "I wish I never had you." When did she say that? She said that probably about like, probably last year. It was actually a day before my granddad's funeral. And we got into it real bad. I ran away from home and I just ran away. I cried. I sat at the park and cried. That's like the last time that I really just cried for real. Like it really puts me down like in a deep spot. I really just ball out. It be times, it's times that like I go through it. Like I just ball out and cry. I be on a bus or something going to school and I think about it and I cry.

Yeah.

Yeah, so.

So what do you need from your mom today?

For more love, more understandingness and Just for us to get along. I don't wanna argue every day. I just want all love. That's it. As long as I know that she actually loves me and care for me, then I'll be good.

[Speaker] Got it. Well, listen, Brandon says he's not the reason why his relationship with his mother, Quayda, is so toxic. He says he's not the one who needs a reality check, if that is his mother. Let's hear what she has to say. Everyone, please welcome Brandon's mom, Quayda, to the show.

[APPLAUSE] [Speaker] Brandon, you make me happy. I hate you. I don't hate you, you make me hate you because of the things, how you talk to me. And stop lying and telling these people, making me look like a bad— I do everything for you. All this talking, I can't talk to you. You talk too much. You talk too much. Keep your mouth closed. Keep your mouth closed. How do— how can you listen and you talking? Look out. That's what I'm saying. How you doing?

Nice to meet you.

I'm Quayda. I'm Quayda. Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Mm-hmm.

Quayda, so why are you angry at your son?

Because he just do stuff. All he does is talk, talk, talk. I do everything I can for this child right here. I love this child, but it makes me, the things that he do makes me hate him. It makes me feel like I hate him. I don't hate anybody. But it makes me feel like I hate him because of things that he do. He know that. He always snort up his nose like he's better than everybody else. You ain't better than— I take care of you. Then he sit up here talking about you grown. That's what I'm saying.

I don't act like I'm better than everybody else. I know I'm not like everybody else.

Then you talking about I'm famous. Hell, you ain't making no money from it.

Okay, the money—

You ain't famous. After the fame. Okay, whatever. But like I said—

You're not.

Like I said, that's what I'm saying. That look kind of stuff like that. You're somebody, you're not. Okay, who said I was? I didn't say I was famous. You the one running out here calling yourself 5 Blocks. What does that mean? The only 5 blocks, 5 blocks you going is walking them 5 blocks to school. You don't have no gun, you don't have none of that. Like that's what I'm saying.

I never said I had a gun.

Yeah, but it don't matter. So why you call yourself 5 Blocks?

How long has this fight been going on between you two?

Listen, this child been acting like this and rude to me his whole entire life. This been going on, but it seemed like since I say last year, you can tell he got a little piece of tail 'cause you know they say you're smelling yourself, you know? So that's when all this disrespect, when he was about 15. So all my friends was like, well maybe he done had a piece of tail or something. 'Cause I said, 'cause he always been, he always had an attitude and all this stuff like that. But like this disrespect, like I can't talk to him. Every time I try to talk to him, he talk over me. Then like when I talk, when I try to talk to him, He closed the door.

When I try to talk to her, she don't wanna listen.

You don't either. You don't either, Karamo.

Okay, so I try to listen to my mom, all she do is yell.

You don't either.

I don't wanna listen to my mom yell all the time.

Well, if somebody's not listening to me and they saying blah, blah, blah and rolling their eyes and slurring it up like you better than everybody else, of course I'm gonna yell. If I don't feel like he listening, if I don't feel like he listening, then of course I'm gonna yell, duh. And see, why he talking about, I don't want my other son to be out 'cause he's smart, he's in band, he do stuff. This boy don't have no interest in nothing. He don't have no— And you somebody make good grades.

I'm interested in a lot of stuff.

No, baby, you—

I'm not gonna make it like I'm just super smart, but I'm trying to work on myself.

Brandon, what are you interested in doing?

I'm trying to be a musical engineer. I wanna go to college so I can be, yeah.

In music? You wanna be a musical engineer?

Yeah, 'cause I love music.

What's your relationship with your father like right now?

My father, we don't even have a relationship. Me and my dad don't have a relationship. We don't.

When was the last time your father told you he love you?

I don't even know.

That, like—

You don't know? I don't know. Okay. When's the last time your father gave you a hug?

I haven't had a hug from my father. Probably like on Christmas.

Okay. Do you hug him often?

No. Nope.

We don't even, we don't hug. We don't do nothing. I don't like my dad.

We don't even meet up to hug him.

We don't. I don't like her like that. That's why I don't like her. I don't hug her. I don't even tell her I love her like that.

I love him, but damn, I mean, I want to get to the point where I want to hug him and I wanna pat him on his back and stuff. And I do say good things because I wanna, I say things like, "Oh, you ain't gonna be shit." Or, "You ain't gonna be like your daddy because you're this." So it don't matter. But that's what you remind me of. All that talking, all that shutting the door in my face, that's the same stuff his daddy did. Like I told him, you act just like your daddy.

Can you take a moment real quick? I just wanna talk to your mom. Even though you are a young man, you about to be 18, I wanna talk to Mom alone just so that we can talk and then we'll ask you to come back.

Okay.

All right, perfect. Is that cool? Thanks. How long have you been speaking negative like about him?

A long time. It's been a long time.

I just wanna pause right there for a minute because I know you're overwhelmed. You're a single mother, you're dealing with 2 kids, you're probably working your ass off, you're trying to do everything you can.

Yeah, I'm a stay-at-home mom. I have my little own business for them so I can keep money.

Working your ass off.

Yeah, exactly.

This is working your ass off.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, it's hard to run a business, you know what I mean?

Mm-hmm.

But, so I wanna acknowledge that because I wanna make sure it's not to say like you're not showing up, you're not doing things.

No.

But I asked you how long you speak negative about him and you couldn't even remember.

I don't know.

The things that got me was when I asked him if y'all hug and you said you can't even hug him. When I asked him when was the last time he got a hug from his dad, he said, "I don't know." And he couldn't remember the last time he heard his dad say, "I love you." I said I love him.

You know, I do do that, but I don't hug him 'cause I don't.

But let's—

I kiss like a—

But I want you to think about this 'cause you say, "I love him." You say, "I love him." I have love for him. Yeah, but you also say all these negative things.

Yeah. 'Cause I want him to do better. I just want him to do better. I say that because he makes me say that. It's like, like I said, he thinks he's better than everybody. He got this snared up look. Even like we went to the fair, he was just acting like he just, ugh, just didn't wanna be around us. Like he was all, "Get away from me." Like, ugh.

[Speaker] Can I ask you something? And this is not about your son. If I have been with you for 30 days straight, I said you ain't shit, on day 31, do you wanna walk down the fair with me?

Not really.

I see a correlation between the relationship you have with his father and the hate you have with his father because you've said it a couple times about how much he is like his father and he knows you don't like his father. Your son is not your ex.

Oh, I know that.

You know it, but I don't think you know it. So again, let me go back. You said, I've been talking, telling him since he was 3 I've been saying these negative things to him forever. I've been telling him he's like his daddy since he was a little kid. Then you say, but I don't understand why he still acts out and why he still doesn't wanna be around me and why he does these things. You're a mother that's trying, but as well, you set a lot of things in motion that you're dealing with right now. This little boy has self-esteem issues. He feels like nobody wants him in this world. And we forget that when kids do things like putting guns out there, just stuff like that, he's hurt. And I say this all the time, when people see these horrible things, what you're really seeing is pain. And especially when it's kids, it ain't drama, it ain't like he'd wanna be a gangster, it's pain.

Well, the thing is, if that's the case, then why not try to sit down? Even if you sit down and talk to me and it always—

But I'm gonna ask you, how can he talk to you? How can he talk to you if he knows you think he's like his dad and he knows you don't like his dad and you've said things to him since he was little that he ain't worth nothing?

Well, I'm not a bad, I love my son. I want him to be—

You know, I started this for a specific reason on the way of saying I'm not gonna ever paint you as a horrible mother. And I'm making that clear again for people to hear because the thing is that we, I don't know what you've been through, so I'm not gonna sit here and blame you because you were hurting and you were in pain and you just didn't get a chance to heal from it. But you not healing from the pain you experienced doesn't give you a license to then continue to hurt him. And he's—

I'm not hurting him. I don't feel like I'm hurting him.

I know. I know you don't feel like you're hurting him, but you are. And don't get me wrong, when he come back out here, I'm gonna tell him he gotta stop disrespecting you. If you could trust me, I promise you this shift would help your relationship. I promise you. I'm not saying nothing to you just but other than to help your family. And the first step is, is your son needs a hug. Because even when, even when you don't like someone, when you don't like your child, and I'm a parent, there's been many a times my children have got on my damn nerves. But even in those moments, I have to realize that I have to love them louder than whatever they're saying to me that's negative. I have to love them louder than whatever they're doing that's negative. I always have to love my child louder than whatever it is that I'm feeling. Can we bring Brandon back out? This is just a step. This is just a step.

Okay.

He needs to hold his mom. He needs to feel you. So he's coming out.

Okay.

This is for you. You take the first step, Mom. Love him louder.

OK. Give me a hug. I love you, Brandon. I love you, too. I just want you to do better and be better. You gonna do better?

Mm-hmm.

OK.

How'd that feel?

That felt great.

Mm-hmm. It felt good to hug him, because I haven't hugged my baby in a long time.

You're tearing up.

Yeah.

What's going on in your head right now?

I wanna, it felt like love. That felt good.

Yeah.

Like I ain't had a hug like that in a long time.

Yeah, I know.

So that made me feel good. That took away a lot of problems, a lot of stuff that I was going through.

The thing is, is that part of it is you got a lot of anger in you. Because your entire life you felt like nobody wants me, nobody sees me. And it's been since you were smaller, before you could even remember. And so you started to develop this characteristic of like, I'm just angry and you don't know why.

Yeah.

You angry.

Been angry for a long time.

Yeah.

And I ain't know how to cope with it.

Yeah.

I just was going through a lot of stuff. Lost my granddad, my auntie, my cousin.

I know.

I ain't never been able to like grieve for real.

Yeah. Get closer to your mama. Get closer to your mother.

I ain't been able to like grieve how I wanted to. I ain't been able to let it out. So I just been going through it.

So what I want to ask for you is can you commit right now to doing two things? The first thing is when you're feeling angry and when you feeling like, oh, I'm upset and you about to go off, Can you just do one thing for me and say, "Hey mom, I need to figure out how to be vulnerable right now." Let me tell you, I'm a successful man with a happy family and a happy relationship. A man is somebody who can be vulnerable. That's what a man is. A man is somebody who loves others. A man is somebody who loves himself. The hustling, the money, all those things that we think make a man, that don't make a man. Because at the end of the day, if they took all of this away from me, I'm still a man because I know I give love. I know that I love myself. I know that I'm vulnerable. I can talk about my emotions. That's what a man is. So when you feel the anger, when you feel the anger, what are you gonna say?

I need to know how to be vulnerable.

Good job.

Right.

Second thing I need you to do, can you commit to respecting your mother more?

Yes, sir.

Tell her.

I commit to respecting you more.

But now as well, can you commit to your son to not say something negative about him? When you feel the urge to be like, "Oh, you like your daddy," don't say it.

I can commit.

Can you commit to saying to him, not telling him negative things about himself?

I can commit to not saying negative things about yourself.

Can you hug your baby every day no matter if you happy or sad or if he makes you mad or if you feel confused? It's your job. To love him louder than whatever he's doing.

Yes.

Can you make that commitment to him?

I will.

Give him one more hug now. Y'all can use them tools. Y'all gonna be all right.

Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you so much.

Listen, you do those things. I promise you I'm gonna check in with you in 6 months. If you do these things and I get a good report, I'm gonna help you figure out how to get into music producing.

All right.

I promise you.

All right.

Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, So click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.