My Mom Traumatized Me For 17 Years! | KARAMO

My daughter Mia hasn't spoken to me in 2 years. I'm blocked on all social media. I'm blocked on her phone. She brings my grandson to visit me and doesn't even speak to me. Doesn't say a word. She talks to my husband. I don't know why my daughter hates me so much. Actually, I had said to her, Mia, when you going to forgive me? And she said, "You put me through 17 years of hell. Maybe after 17 years." That's what she said. I was diagnosed a year ago with stage 4 kidney failure. All 3 of my sons and my husband and even a few friends have offered kidneys, because ultimately that's the only thing that'll fix me is a kidney transplant. And My daughter hasn't even really acknowledged the fact that I'm sick. I'd really like to fix that.

It's kind of full of crap. My mom's a narcissist and mean. Like, her trying to be all, like, softly spoken is different.

This is not her real personality?

No.

Oh, wow. What's her real personality?

My mom tries to be, like, hard, like a gangster, like, You know?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

So why are you mad at your mother?

Oh, years of trauma. That's a loaded question, right? Yeah, I mean, like, you heard what she just said, the 17 years of trauma, like, my entire life. So, you know, pretty much when I was like 4, almost 5, my mom had left to go to California to pursue a rap career, right? As an adult, I understand. As a child, I felt abandoned 'cause my mom just left.

Got it.

A situation had happened where we had to go to California to live with my mom. So when we had came there, I don't know what happened with her situation, but she started using drugs.

Okay.

Whew, sorry.

No, you don't ever apologize for your emotions. Here you go, love.

So during that time, we had ended up getting evicted, and I didn't know, I was at school. When I had came home from school, there was a note on the door telling me that I was gonna have to stay with the next door neighbors. I moved in with them and they just, they weren't good people. Whenever they would leave, mind you, while we lived there, I was friends with the girl that I ended up staying with. And they didn't really go to the movies, they weren't really going out to eat, people, but when I moved in, it was like, now all of a sudden they go to the movies, they go out to eat, they do things, but I couldn't go with them.

So you got left home.

So they wouldn't even let me stay in the house. I had to sit outside. Sat on a bench and wait for them to come home.

You were really left outside? Yeah, I was 7.

I was 7.

Yeah, I'm so sorry.

And the local gang members, they, again, I was in California, you know, they were really nice. Like they would make sure that I ate, they would make sure that I was good. And sometimes when I was out there super late, you know, they were like, come with us. And they would make sure that I was fed and had shelter and had people around me so I wasn't just, outside by myself, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

And when I would be able to talk to my mom on the phone, I would tell her like, "They leave me outside. They don't take me with them." And what was her response? She was like, "You're lying. Why would they do that to you?" Yeah, okay.

Did you ever see your mom doing drugs?

Multiple times.

What was your mother's reaction when you told her you had been abused?

She said, "Why would they do that?" But where's my comfort? Where's my mom that's like, you know what I mean? Like, "Oh honey, come here," something. She didn't do any of that.

Was your mother physically abusive to you?

Oh my God. Yes. My entire life, my mom has always been physically, verbally, and any type of abusive that you can imagine. One of the times she beat me up so bad, I ran away, I left. And when I went to my friend's house, you know, they ended up calling the police. Apparently they had went to talk to my mom first. My mom told them that I did that to myself, but I had her handprint on my neck and her fist marks on my cheek. I had two black eyes. How did I do that to myself?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's the type of abuse that I was getting.

Yeah. I'm so sorry about that. Did your mother really charge you rent as a teen? I think my producers told me.

Yeah. Ever since I started working at 14, my mom would tell me, "Ain't no job having this bitch living in my house rent-free." Wow.

That's a lot. Everything you're saying right now is a lot different from the woman we just saw in that video.

Exactly. That's the point that I'm trying to make.

Mm-hmm. What's been your relationship with your mom as an adult?

I don't have one with my mom. I try to make sure that my son has one with my mom because that's not their beef. You get what I'm saying? Me and my mom's beef is not my son's beef with my mom.

Yeah. Are you scared that your mother might treat your son the way, or your child the way that she treated you?

Oh no, she's only allowed supervised visits.

Oh, okay. So your mother has kidney failure, is that what's pushing you to mend this relationship?

No, it's strictly for my son, for him and for me to be a better mom towards him. I have to heal.

So what do you want from your mother today?

I want her to stop lying and be more compassionate towards me and like just be real. Understand that I'm hurting. Please see me. Please have a real conversation and understand that you hurt me through everything that has happened in my life.

Yeah. So I gotta ask you, how do you feel about what was just said?

For the most part, I agree 100%.

Okay.

Some of the incidences, I don't know, maybe I have a lack of memory, maybe she saw it differently, but I'd like to unpack a few things. When she said that I'm hard or whatever, I had no choice at that time, but I've changed and I've tried to convey that I've changed multiple times.

No, no, no, no.

Yes, yes, yes.

What do you tell me all the time? I'm tired of walking on eggshells around you. That's not change.

I have not said that to you in our past few conversations. I own everything. Yes, I was on drugs. I went to pursue my rap dreams.

Yes, you did.

And everything fell apart at home.

Mm-hmm.

I was lost and I wanted to escape.

Mm-hmm.

Unfortunately, my drug of choice took over.

Got it.

And I was—

Gone.

But I haven't done that in 15 years.

Okay, but hold on. What about all the times that you left me on the steps to go and do stuff like that? You're like, stay right here. But I was so scared of you that I stayed right there until I literally couldn't anymore.

And that was terrible. You're my daughter, I'm your mother. At some point, we should be able to have some form of reconciliation. Whatever you need, I'm willing to give it to you.

To give you.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Did you do your best that you could as a mother in your opinion?

No, I don't think so. Unfortunately, I was a single mother of 4 and I made a ton of errors, bad judgment.

Wait, hold on. I get that you were a single mother, but you had so much help and you also weren't around to be a single mom for real. You might have been a single mom because you weren't with my father, but you were never a mom.

I mean, that's your opinion.

That's a fact. There's a large portion of my life that I was not living with you. You have not always been a mom. Mom, please stop playing.

What do you mean?

We're here and we're having— You can't get past it. Yes, I do. I can't get past it. Every single time I try to have a conversation with you, it's the same exact thing. What do you mean?

Hyper, you start crying.

So I wanna say this, Mia's husband Charles is in the audience. I wanna talk to him. Welcome, thank you for being here.

Thank you.

Yeah. First of all, you look sharp. What do you, yeah. What do you feel about what was just said?

I think conversations need to be had.

I love both of them.

I love my wife, I love my mother-in-law. What's the most important to me right now is our kid.

But I'll— Yeah. So are you the one that's trying to make sure they mend their relationship?

Yeah, so whenever she sees our kid, most of the time it's me who's taking our kid over to see her. So it's, I didn't grow up with both of my grandparents, so it's important to me for our kid to grow up with his grandparents.

Got it.

But I also wanna see these two be able to be cordial. I don't want to have to go over there without my wife. I want to be able to take my wife to my mother-in-law's and be able to talk. I don't need them to be the best of friends, but I do want a relationship to be there because I don't want to continue this cycle of toxicity with the next generation of children.

[Speaker:KARAMO] Got it, yeah. Okay, I understand that. I have to tell you this, 'cause observing this, your husband said something, and in all great attention, because I know you love your wife, you said that you're here because you wanna make sure your son has a better life. And you're telling me, you know, your side of the story. But something you said at the beginning is that who was there for you? And I wanna make sure I'm here for you right now because I gotta tell you, Gwenny, I understand what you're saying, but there's a large part of me, and I'm a pretty good judge of character, I don't know if I truly believe what I'm witnessing in front of me. The way that you're saying to me about the drugs and the experience you had, I have complete empathy for what you went through because I'm sure you had your own struggles and I know those struggles were rough. I know what addiction can do to you. I know that being alone with a child at that age, but also working in social services, for over a decade, I understand what a child has went through. And when I hear a child tell me that they were left outside, that they— So you're telling me that she wasn't left outside?

In California?

I'm not gonna say that she wasn't left outside because I know that what she dealt with was great.

So you do know that she was?

But when we got evicted, Mia was the only one in school. And the reason that I asked the neighbor to keep her is so that she could finish that portion of school.

I get it.

And—

I understand what your intention was, but the impact of it—

When I seen it with my own two eyes, I immediately knew.

But it took for you to see it with your own two eyes after all of them situations.

Okay, let me ask you another question.

I definitely was wrong for not believing you, but I—

Were you abusive to her? Did you hit her? 'Cause she said—

I hit everybody, yes. I grew up with an iron fist. Yes, I did.

Okay.

I don't recall the incident that—

You don't recall that?

Can I speak?

No.

I don't recall the situation where she had two black eyes and somebody called the cops.

You don't recall that situation?

Not at all. 'Cause I don't wanna do that. The only story that matters to me is a story of your daughter telling me her experience.

Okay.

And so—

Well, I need to verify and clarify Because yes, I did, I chose that.

I think that's the point that I'm trying to make with you is that even though you're saying I wanna take accountability, I wanna move on, and I'm hearing you, true accountability and truly understanding what your daughter experienced is not negating any story that you think is different than yours. Your daughter is telling you that as a child, And you've admitted you were on drugs, things were hard, and I'm not gonna take that away from you. If it's so important for you to heal, then why is it not just okay to say, wow, okay, I hear your truth. Why do you have to defend that? Because what happens and what keeps you in a cycle, what keeps y'all in a cycle of her feeling like this boundary where I can't help my mother and not be there is because she feels like every time I tell you my truth, you tell your truth, it's always gonna be negated. And I've watched on this stage, you've told your truth about your experience and she has not interrupted you to negate your experience. Every time she tells you something that you feel is wrong, you negate her experience.

And you know what?

That's what she's been complaining about the whole time. That's what she's been complaining about. That's been her issue the whole time. I get it. I have no empathy or compassion for a lot of the things that she dealt with. And it's sad, but I can't, I'm sorry.

But you will.

Don't, no, I'm not.

'Cause if you switch that from I can't, switch the past till I will work on the present, I promise you things will get better for you.

And that's what I've been asking for. That's what I've been telling her. How come you don't hold me? How come you don't tell me everything's gonna be okay? That it happened, but I'm here for you now. You don't do that. You're doing that now, right now, but you don't do that.

I don't, but you brought me here to get better. So I'm not— You know that. What you're saying is not fake. You know that I want to get, I want to do the work.

I don't know that.

Okay, well I'm willing to show you.

There you go, that's it. Now, I know that's not That's not going to heal it, but what happened here today is that your mother has finally heard it. This is step one. It's gonna take you some time to believe it.

And I'm willing to put in that, as long as God gives me that time.

Are you willing to say to your mom that, "I hear you and I'm willing to give you a chance to show me." I hear you and I'm willing to give you a chance to show me. Thank you. And if you can say to her, I promise you, I will show you and be there for you because I know I wasn't.

I promise you, I'm gonna show you and be there for you 'cause I know I wasn't.

So I believe it can work out. And especially as you're on your health journey, I think it's important for y'all to figure this out.

Thank you.

I promise you. You're welcome. Good luck to both of y'all. I'll be in contact.