My Mom's Dangerous Past Destroyed Our Family | KARAMO

My guest Tamika says after falling out of a 3-story window, she was forced to move in with her daughter and it's been a nightmare. Both of her daughters think she is using drugs and refuse to show her any compassion. Tamika has agreed to take a drug test to try and repair the relationship with her daughters. Everyone, please welcome Tamika to the show to hear her side of the story. So we were all talking before the show started because I just was like, oh my gosh, poor baby. So how did you fall out the window?

It was actually through a domestic violence situation.

Okay.

And so after that happened, well, I hurt my back and I hurt my foot as well. And it happened about 3 months ago. But it did happen simply because of when God sits you down, he sits you down. Yeah.

Ain't that the truth though?

Yes.

Okay. And you moved in with your daughters after this?

Yes.

And you were hoping to mend things?

Well, yes, I have lived a life in the last 18 years of so many different masks. And now that my masks have been broken, when I came out of that window, it broke everything, you know, and it was just time. And I've taken both of my children through a lot. Men, money, sex, drug use, ripping and running, different things like that. And Tiana, my youngest, she's the one that's been with me throughout all of that. Tiara, she was back and forth. With me and her dad. After I got outta surgery, my daughter was there, my oldest daughter, and she told the doctors, "My mama's coming home with me." And that meant a lot to me.

Yeah, of course it did.

And then my youngest daughter, she's living with us. So that just, you know, meant something to me that we're all here together. Different circumstances have brought us together finally.

But you're here.

We're here for a reason. I called the show just because I felt like, you know, we're under one roof, we are grown, Now that I feel I'm changing and I've been given the chance to live to change, 'cause I almost didn't make it. So I wanna take this chance to be with my family and be with my children, but in a different way.

I hear that.

Yes.

I hear that. So what are you hoping for today?

They're gonna respect me. And I've allowed that to not happen. So that's definitely something that I wanna talk to about.

Why do you think you've allowed the disrespect?

Because of the life that I lived, I kind of, I just said, okay, well, you know, they're just mad about it. I'm gonna let them be mad.

A little bit of guilt, you think?

Yeah, definitely guilt. Definitely guilt. But I just was like, okay, I'm gonna let them be mad because I deserve it. But all in all, I didn't. There's not a book that says this is how to be a mother. My children were never neglected or put in the system. And I was thankful for that. You know what I'm saying? I wanna let them know some of the things that, to be thankful of that I did give them instead of always the negative.

Well, I think it's time to hear from your daughter. So everyone, let's bring Tierra out and hear what she has to say. So please welcome Tierra to the show. Thank you for being here.

Hello. Hey. How are you?

How do you feel about what was just said? Okay, I see you didn't wanna hug your mother.

Is it?

We're not really, we don't really hug and stuff, so that kind of felt forced and I didn't want to force something because we're sitting out here.

Y'all have never been like an emotional family? You've never talked about your feelings, showed affection?

Talked about our feelings, yes, but as far as like showing affection and stuff, no.

Got it. Okay then. Do you feel like you're getting the real story from her?

No.

Why don't you feel like you're getting the real story?

Why do you not believe her? Because she had told me 3 different versions when this had first occurred.

You're talking about when she got, when she fell out the window?

Yes, correct. So that's why I don't feel like the story is all true. And whenever she was in the hospital and I seen her the day after, she had left her phone and text messages was coming through from neighbors and I guess other people who knew what had happened. The story that she told me was not the story in the text messages.

You checked my phone?

Yeah, I had to get your phone, so yes.

Oh, okay.

The text messages—

You didn't know she checked your phone?

No, I was under, I was in and out.

Got it, got it, got it. So what do you think happened then?

I think that my mom was involved with some type of drug deal, owing somebody some money, and when he came to collect the money, she didn't have it because she hadn't been working. And a physical altercation had happened. And from there—

That's not true.

But that's not true.

Okay, so that's not what the text messages said. Whenever you had texted somebody, you know, saying, "Bring this amount to my apartment, this amount of money I have." And then not even an hour after that is when the situation had occurred. And it was very much a shock to me and my family because She was supposed to be on the Greyhound to come be with my grandmother, asked us to send her money to get on the Greyhound, and she was not on the Greyhound. We got a call that she was in the hospital. So one, where did that money go? And two, why wasn't you at the Greyhound?

Got it.

Okay, I can understand what you're saying about that. And there was a situation, but the person that hurt me, I did not owe him money, but it was some drugs that was going on that were being sold.

Yes, but you're just now saying that. That's not what you were saying at first. So did you know the guy? You didn't know the guy? I mean—

I didn't. I knew of him.

So why would he wanna hurt you if something else was going on with you?

Because I wouldn't allow him to sell drugs in my house.

Why was he in your house if you only know of him and you didn't know him? Why was he even in your house?

He was brought over to my house with a friend.

Why didn't the friend help you before you got pushed out the door?

She wasn't there, but how I met him, it was through her.

So you felt comfortable with somebody that you knew of being brought to your house and just left there and your friend just left them there. I'm not buying that story.

Okay.

Has your mom had a history of drug abuse?

Yes, she has.

She has. Okay. For how many years?

Over 18 years.

Over 18 years. Okay.

Yes.

What is happening in your house right now?

It's very awkward in my house because me and my mom, we don't have a relationship. And then me and my sister, she's just very smart aleck. She's just very defensive. And them two is thing one, thing two. So it's them against me. It's how I feel.

Why would you feel like that? I'm not against you. How am I against you?

When y'all team up, it feels like y'all are against me. It's like y'all versus me. And that's how it's always felt because she's been with you, you know, majority of her life. So it's like you guys are closer than what me and you are. And when I come home, I go straight to my room unless I—

And this is your house?

Yes, unless I cook food for everybody, then she's in the living room. When my sister comes home, she goes to the room that I gave her and my sister's in the living room. So it's like I don't even have my living room. And then, you know, like I gave my mama my bed. I've been sleeping on an air mattress for going on 3 months, but I didn't wanna leave my mama or see her left for dead because she's burned so many bridges, she had nowhere else to go. And at the end of the day, regardless of what we've been through, that is my mother's. I feel like whether you're my mother, my grandfather, my grandmother, my sister, the hurt and the disrespect cannot continue.

So where does your sister stand with all this?

To me it's just like, as long as she got somewhere to sleep, shower, and eat, she's like fine.

Okay, do you feel like your sister's also doing drugs?

Oh yes, I feel like my sister is a mini version of what my mom used to be.

And I'm glad that you did say used to because I want to see if you would give me a chance to be a different person than I used to.

Are you willing to give yourself a chance? Oh yes, ma'am. You can't bank on other people giving you a chance. You have to be willing to give yourself a chance and you have to trust that, you know, you have to just be honest. Yeah. To me, I feel like you've been in prison, jail, majority of my life, and you would write me letters, I promise I'm gonna change, I promise I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna be a different person, and then it's like the same thing year after year after year, so it's like, if you're not committed to doing that to yourself, what makes me wanna believe you now that you're gonna change?

And I can understand that, and I do understand that, and like I had asked you for your forgiveness, but I'm just asking, even if we have to go to counseling together, So why are you living with your sister?

I was in a bad situation in Ohio and ended up homeless.

Got it. And how's it been with you living with your sister?

It's fine sometimes. Sometimes it's awkward, like she said.

Why is it awkward?

'Cause your attitude. I mean, sometimes we don't get along. My attitude? Or your attitude. About the bars, I guess. Okay.

How old are you again?

25.

25, okay. And how old are you?

I'm 28.

28, okay. Well, that's a lot of responsibility for a 28-year-old.

Yes, it is.

Were you two ever close?

No.

No? Mm-mm. Why not?

We didn't grow up together.

Didn't grow up together.

And she never wanted me around, actually. No, that's not true. Yes, it is. That's not true.

What is it?

I just feel like me and my sister was on two different paths. Like, she was— she started having sex at an early age. She was trying to move that fast life, and that just was not for me. So the things that she wanted to do, I was not into doing. Right there, that age gap and not having maturity and stuff. And then as she got older, the drugs and the alcohol and stuff. Tierra, what are you calling me for? I'm sleepy. Leave me alone. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do that. Oh, I'll do it later. So it's like, over time, I just I just stopped inviting her.

Tiana, you told my producers you feel like you can't talk to your sister. Why?

Well, not really, 'cause the way her response is, like, I just, she's really judgy. She feels like anything that anybody tells her and it's not what she wants to hear, you are belittling her. But I am not in a position to be able to take care of 4 people right now. If I had it and I was in a position, then I would. But honestly, I'm not right now. And then also it's just becoming a little bit uncomfortable and too much in my own household.

I can understand she wants her mentality in her house back.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can understand that.

It's not a problem.

Yeah.

Tamika, well, we have the results of your drug test.

Okay.

Yeah. So I think we should get to those. Okay. And this is the truth of if you're still using or not?

Correct.

Tamika, you tested negative for marijuana, opiates, cocaine, and methamphetamines. Okay.

So.

Good.

You're completely drug-free.

Good. That's a start.

Yes, it is a start.

Yeah.

Good.

It is a start. What do you think of that?

I'm proud of her.

You proud of her?

Mm-hmm.

Okay. Yeah? I mean—

I said good and all this happened. Thank you. You're welcome.

I ain't gonna hug you 'cause it ain't right yet, but. And I appreciate that. And I do appreciate because just like you said a little bit ago, I was still in my ways and things have changed. It has evolved. With me, with us being together under one roof. I've seen a lot that I know I need to change and have been changing.

Yeah. Well, the one thing that I'll tell you that I see very clearly on this stage that you need to change is you need to get comfortable with confrontation.

Yeah.

Because your two daughters should not be fighting right now. The reason they're fighting is because you got put in a position to be the caretaker, to be the more responsible one. And even though you're still trying to hold onto that, it's called a strain between you two. 'Cause everything that I've heard been going on between you two, you should have been stepping in and saying, "Hey, don't worry about it." Because you're a young woman. You're gonna make your choices, you're gonna make mistakes, you're gonna do what you have to do. You are allowed to be able to grow. But right now you put a lot of expectations and feel like your older sister is judging you. And I understand why you feel that way. I would feel the same exact way. Like if everything I do, you got something to say about it, of course I'm gonna feel like you judge me in every bit of moment. But as much as I can see your side, I can also see her side. That I'm trying to help you not repeat a pattern that we've seen in our family before. And I'm trying to help you to say, while also equally being young, you know, it's not like you have an older sister who's 20 years older than you or 15 years older. She's 4 years older than you, 3 years older than you? So she's still trying to figure it out while you're trying to figure it out, yet she has to have the answers. But at the end of the day, the person who's supposed to really be responsible for you is the person who is sitting right here who has not been responsible for you.

Yeah.

Have you talked to her about that?

Kinda, sometimes.

Okay.

It's like a quick conversation.

And why? Why has it only been quick? Why have you talked about it?

She hurt. I mean, she hurt me.

'Cause she's not comfortable with the confrontation.

Yeah, I think so.

Okay. What do you need to say now? 'Cause I'm gonna help your mother get comfortable with the confrontation.

I just want her to do better. That's it.

So there's a big step that's gonna, 'cause you're picking up her same patterns. You do know that, right? You know that?

Yeah. Yeah. I kind of see that.

Because I'm watching right now and I'm giving you a space, a safe space, because your mother's also open, which a lot of times on this show, mothers aren't always open. She's open enough to hear what she's done to you. What, what, 'cause she keeps saying it, you've been there for everything. I know what that's like having a parent that you're there for everything. You're there to see everything that's going on. That affects us differently when you have to watch that. And as a young woman, I know you're still trying to process that, but you gotta be able to express that. You gotta be able to talk about what that is and how it's affecting you. Because if you don't, you're gonna spend a lifetime trying to self-medicate to forget it. And that's just the truth of it.

And you're right about me having to, but I wanted them to get it out and talk.

Especially you, because what's going on here is that she's gaining more strength because she's in a sort of a different power position. So she's finding the strength to be able to say, you know what, I can't deal with this. I can help, but you gotta move out. I gotta be comfortable. I can track this story, but you're not there yet. And so for you, what's happening is that you're feeling alone. You're feeling isolated. What do you think from your own point of view would help you to get outta that feeling? Just one of those feelings.

Having these two more around, more positive, I guess. Like me coming around more. Maybe more guidance.

More guidance.

More, you know, help. Not help, but like, you know, like—

I got it, I got it. Even if it is help, you deserve help. You're 25.

Yeah.

You do.

I feel like I'm 30 or something.

Yeah. So Mom, you hear what she's saying? She needs guidance.

Yes.

She needs guidance from you. And it took big sister to have to get this guidance, but she needs it from you.

Yeah.

Do you think you can give her guidance?

Yes, for sure. Now.

Now. We've taken a small first step here. We can't go that much further.

Yeah.

The thing that you gotta do is, like I said again, is be ready for confrontation. Your daughter's looking for guidance. Mm-hmm. I'm proud of you for taking and setting boundaries.

Thank you.

It's the best thing you're doing. Learn from that as well. Learn from that. Learn from the boundaries she's setting, okay? And know that you're your own woman. Know that you are your own woman and you are going to have the life life that you want and deserve. And you're 25. I promise you, I've said this a million times on this show, if you would've saw me at 25, girl, none of y'all would've thought I'd been on a talk show giving advice, okay? None of y'all, okay? Just start to listen to your heart more and listen to the people who love you, all right?

All right.

Good luck, Mom.

Thank you. Thank you.

Good luck. All right.