In this televised intervention, host Karamo mediates a heated conversation between Anastasia and her mother (Speaker C) about a decade‑long pattern of family dysfunction. The mother became a parent at 15, raised five children (including three adopted cousins after an aunt’s death) while working multiple jobs, leaving her emotionally unavailable and financially focused. Anastasia recounts helping with bills from age 16, feeling unappreciated, and being subjected to verbal abuse (e.g., being called “bitch” and “hoe”). She describes her mother’s five romantic partners, labeling all but one as toxic—cheaters who disrespected both mother and children. The mother acknowledges her own trauma, the loss of a child, and the responsibility of caring for a deceased sister’s children, but defends her actions as survival. Both express resentment: Anastasia wants respect and emotional support; the mother feels judged and overwhelmed. Karamo highlights how the mother’s repeated toxic relationships have shaped Anastasia’s expectations and contributed to a cycle of conflict, urging both to acknowledge each other’s pain, practice self‑compassion, and break the “hard‑life” narrative. The session ends with a call for an “easy life” mindset and mutual appreciation.
Chapters
When did your problems first start with your mom?
I would say probably middle school.
Middle school?
Yeah.
Okay, what was going on during that time?
I don't know, I guess I was going through hormones and stuff, so I had like attitudes and things like that.
How old were you when your mom had you?
15.
Okay, she was 15. She was 15, that's what I meant. She was 15, and how did that affect you as a child?
I mean, we struggled 'cause, You know, she's a young mom.
How many other children does your mother have?
4, she lost 1. I mean, that's not including her blood. She adopted 3, my cousins.
Oh, she adopted your cousins?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, and why did she take custody of your cousins?
My aunt passed away, so yeah.
That's her sister?
Yeah, her sister.
Passed away. How old was she when that happened?
My mom was probably 20, 21. Ooh. So she had 5 kids.
Already.
Yeah.
Since you're the oldest, did you help raise the siblings?
I helped, yeah, a lot. 'Cause she would work.
That had to have been a lot of pressure.
I didn't think of it as that much as like at that age, but now that I'm older, I'm like, dang, I like took a lot on. Yeah. I feel like, and I feel really like unappreciated.
Got it. And so I also heard that you told my producers that you started helping your mom when you were 16 with bills? Mm-hmm.
I started working when I was 16. So I got a job and then when I got the job, I was helping with bills and stuff like that.
Got it, got it, got it. So during the time you were working, where was your mom?
Probably work herself.
Uh-huh.
Financial mother.
You said she's a financial mother?
Yeah.
What do you mean by that?
Not like emotional, like doesn't like hug, you know? It's not like a lot of I love yous and stuff like that.
Got it, financial and all that. Did your mom growing up have time for herself to date or do things?
Yeah, she dated a lot.
Okay, did she have a lot of boyfriends?
Mm-hmm.
She did?
Like 5 my lifetime. So yeah.
And were they good relationships?
I say only one was, the others were toxic in my opinion.
Mm-hmm, in what way?
Toxic relationships, just like they were, cheaters, they would be disrespectful to my siblings, disrespectful to me.
Were they disrespectful to your mom?
Yes, very disrespectful. And I love my mom, so you disrespect my mom, it's like I feel like I have to step up and speak for her. And that's probably where I go wrong by trying to I can't do that. It's not my place.
'Cause you try to defend her.
I'm trying to defend her, but it's her relationship and I don't, sometimes I be like, I shouldn't be in your business.
Does your mom ever call you names or anything like that?
Yeah.
And what kind of names?
Bitch, hoe. I mean, I remember one time I told her I wanted a soft life. We were talking about these toxic relationships. I told her I want a soft life. I want a man that, you know, take care of me. She said, "That's a weak-ass hoe." Like weak-ass hoe type of stuff. And I'm like, I don't believe it. I don't feel like I'm a weak-ass hoe for wanting something that I've never really seen in my life.
Yeah, I'm very sorry. You said to our producers that your mom, you think that she's a narcissist. Why do you think that?
'Cause like, okay, when she does say she love me or she'll, like for example, she apologized for, calling me out my name. And then a week later she calls me a bitch again. So I tell her, I'm like, what do you mean? I told her, you just apologized to me for this same thing. Why would you turn around and do it again?
Does she do this with the other siblings? Mm-hmm. She does?
Yeah.
With everybody. What do you want your mom to start doing differently?
Have our back. Like be more respectful when you talk to me because you always asking me to respect you. And it's like, how you want me to respect you when you call me bitches and hoes?
I mean, unless you are a parent, you really don't understand the gravity of part of your heart walking outside of your body. And then when you got multiple children everywhere, you worried about if they're okay, you know, how people treating them, how are they treating other people? Because it's my responsibility how y'all walk around this earth. For her to say that, I mean, yeah, I've definitely, cussed at her and I feel bad about it, but it's out of an anger traumatized response. Like I haven't really got help for 90% of the stuff I went through in life. And so this is just me trying to do my best with the tools I have, which is not everything that I need, obviously. But for her to say that, when she said she wanted a soft life, I was like, it sound good, but that's, I mean, Who doesn't want a soft life? But the reality of it is, is it's hard out here.
Yeah, I know it's hard, but my response wasn't, you a weak ass.
No, it wasn't that. My response was, it sound good. Like, no, how you gonna walk out?
I mean, there's nothing wrong with me wanting to be soft.
There's nothing wrong with it. It's just not reality, right?
I know I gotta work for what I want.
And when have you ever paid my bills, Anastasia?
I'll help you with bills. You come through, you were asking as an adult.
Not saying you said a 6K, you would have got a job to help me? Are you for real right now?
You just not saying that. You asked me for money though. Even when I was in Upward Bound and I got them checks, you asked for my stuff.
I didn't need that.
Okay, so that's what I'm saying. Accountability, like—
I'm accountable. I'm not saying you didn't help me. But why, how dare you have animosity or anger towards me when my reality has been I hugged my sister while she took her last breath. I took her children in. I didn't give you less, I just had less. It was less, I'm only one person. I can't give you what I don't have.
I'm so sorry about your sister. I know this was years ago. How old were you when you took your sister's kids in?
23.
23. And why didn't your mother take her grandchildren in essentially?
'Cause she was, I just felt like she was older. She had raised her kids. I didn't think my mama should have to do that.
So you took on that responsibility?
Yeah.
My producer told me you lost a child a few years ago. As well. I'm very sorry that happened.
Like I felt my son cold and I'm traumatized.
Yeah.
I'm still reeling.
Yeah.
I never got over it. I'm never gonna get over it.
Of course.
Of course. That makes sense. I see your body language switch. What's going on in your head?
'Cause it's like every time I express my feelings, She just talks about all the things, and then I'll be feeling bad for feeling how I feel because she did what she did to take care of us, and I understand that. But like, all them times you was mean to me and stuff like that, and all them times where I— when you asked me for money, I know— I don't know where that money going to, but stop acting like I didn't help you.
But I'm just saying, I like paying my bills.
I did help pay bills.
$70 for, or hundreds of dollars for—
All of our kids, all of my children were in extracurricular activities.
Hundreds of dollars for gas. All of this was house money. Her father didn't help me, so he didn't pay child support.
Stop acting like you did that all by yourself.
No, no, no, I had help.
I had a father figure help me.
These relationships that I was in, they supported and helped me, but the pool of people that I—
And he's still helping.
He is, but the pool of people that I, When you have a child, people feel like a single mother, you don't deserve everything, you deserve less. You're less because you didn't have, you're a parent now. Single mothers, it's tough out here. And so the men that were willing to accept me with 5 children is not the same man who was willing to deal with me.
I feel like they were men looking for help themselves.
Your daughter said a lot of your relationships were toxic. Toxic. Would you agree with that?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
A lot of people preyed on me and used me.
Mm-hmm. Got it.
I didn't see the people for who they, maybe for who they really were. I looked past a lot of stuff because I didn't wanna be alone.
Yeah, you didn't wanna be alone. I hear that. You're on crutches right now. Mm-hmm. Does this have anything to do with anyone in your relationship? Okay, okay. Just asking.
But when I'm disrespectful to them, Okay, I understand, I understand, I understand.
And we've been arguing because she went on his social media and said all this stuff. We were trying to reconcile. We hadn't had no—
Ain't no reconcile, no.
What?
You don't get to decide. No, when he threatened my siblings to shoot my siblings and stuff. Hell no. It's up forever. It's up forever.
The reason that I started going down this line of questioning is because it's making so much clearer for me. It's making this so much clearer. Clear of this mother-daughter dynamic. Earlier when she asked, there was a specific question of, do you feel as if your mother, that she's being selfish? Do you feel like she didn't give you enough time? And you said yes. And at first I was thinking, is it because of the siblings? Is it because of all of that? But now I realize it's not about that. It came from these men and the toxic relationships you've seen. And so it's caused you to have a pattern where it's like, Mom, you're not giving me the love. You're not acknowledging what I'm feeling because when you're going through this, I'm going through this as well. Am I hitting it more on the nail?
Yeah, mm-hmm.
And I understand why. You are a 15-year-old young woman who had to deal with so much. You said something consistently, life made me hard. The reality is life can't be soft. Real life can never be soft. These are things that came outta your mouth. And it's because since you were 15, you've always felt like life was hard. And when we feel like life is hard, we start to then pick things that are gonna make our lives harder. And in your case, it's the men you're choosing. You know that?
Yeah.
Okay, okay. Have you ever worked on that?
I didn't realize it.
Okay, so you're having a little bit of realization right now. And now it makes more sense that the anger that she has towards you is that she's your mirror. Mm. So when she talks about these things with these men, it just reminds you of the choices you're making, which makes you feel embarrassed.
Yeah, it's embarrassing.
Got it. Okay, got it. I understand.
Yeah.
Yeah, this all makes sense. You love your mom. Mm-hmm. You respect your mother. Yeah. Tell your mother that right now. "I love and I respect you." "I love you too." And there was not a but there. It was just, "I love and I respect you," because I do believe that. But I do believe when she tries to start to help you and to show you that you can be better, that it makes you feel embarrassed and you're, instead of leaning into it, you fight against it. You fight against it, which then makes you say the comments where she feels like you're being mean, where you say the derogatory things, where she feels like she's not getting the love. So I know you love her, but what you have to do is you have to start to accept that when your daughter tells you about the things that anybody else will witness, you can't hate her for the choices you've made. She's been there right along the way. So when she's saying like, acknowledge my feelings, she's trying to tell you that, Mom, every time you experience something, I experience it too. She's been experiencing it with you. Every little thing you felt, Tell your mother, I felt it too.
I felt that. I felt all that, everything.
But I need you to know you don't have to be sorry. You don't have to be sorry because you didn't have the tools. What she's asking is for, and through this whole thing of acknowledgement, acknowledge that I'm here, that I've always been here. I will always love you. I will always do. And that's why it hurts her when you take away these little things. And even that little comment of like, I want a soft life, it wasn't a hit against you. It was saying, Mom, I'm trying to show you that I wanna be better so that maybe you'll be better. But you took it as like, no, it ain't it. It ain't it. It ain't happening. And now I'm gonna call you out your name. Now I'm gonna disrespect you. And I'm not saying you did it on purpose. 'Cause I'm not calling you a bad mother. I've seen some bad mothers on this stage. You've had some hard lives that's caused you to say things, but clearly she's here, she loves you.
Yeah, I wouldn't even be here if I didn't care. I wouldn't, I would've been blocked and gone about my business.
You know you can have an easy life.
Yes, Mama.
No, no, no, no, you need to hear it. Because I'm an outside person and I've been in these situations. What gets me about your situation is it reminds me of my mother and I. I was the one that constantly telling her, "Mom, you can have a better life. You can have an easier life. You don't have to put up with this. You don't have to put up with my father knocking you. You don't have to put up with any of these things." And I don't know exactly what's happening with the men that's been in your life. I'm just telling you from what I've experienced. And your daughter is doing that too., but you have to start to practice to believe you can have it. Like I said, you're attracting the hard life. You're gonna continue to attract the men. You're gonna continue to attract the situations that are gonna make you feel like life has to be hard. Can you just say right now, I want an easy life?
I want an easy life.
And if you can practice saying my life doesn't have to be hard, it will change your self-esteem and it'll change the way you look at the world. And then the next time you have a man in your world that is going to do something to make you feel like, look, life has to be hard, you'll start saying, no, my life does not have to be hard. You don't get to do this 'cause my life doesn't have to be hard. Thank you, son. You're welcome. I appreciate y'all both for being vulnerable enough to come on this stage and tell me.
