In this episode of KARAMO, host Karamo facilitates a tense family mediation between mother Unique, her estranged daughter Chi Chi (also called Tionty), and sister Vashti. Unique claims she was homeless for 11 years and did her best, while Chi Chi recounts being raised by her aunt from six months old, feeling abandoned, and accusing her mother of never showing up or taking accountability. The conversation explores the root causes of the estrangement—financial hardship, loss of custody, and emotional neglect—and highlights the need for acknowledgment of past hurts. Unique offers a heartfelt apology, expresses a desire to reconnect with her grandchildren, and commits to being open and supportive. Karamo guides both parties to articulate their feelings, stresses the importance of accountability, and encourages incremental trust-building, culminating in Chi Chi’s tentative promise to try to believe and trust her mother. The episode illustrates the complexities of intergenerational trauma, the role of mediated dialogue, and the steps toward possible reconciliation.
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I have 5 children and 13 grandchildren, and I'm not ashamed to say it. My oldest daughter, Vashti, loves her mother, and we've always had a good relationship. My middle girl, Chi Chi, mm, it's always been a problem. I don't have a relationship with her. She's the only one out of 5 of my children that don't want me. We cannot be in the same room together. She's always giving me the side eye. It's always gonna be something negative, and she don't trust me. She be talking about me on Facebook. One time she said, "This bitch ain't never done nothing for me." And the second time she called me a goofy. I don't know what that mean. However, I know it's not good. And I know for a fact I'm not a bitch and I'm not no goofy. Mm-mm-mm. Chi Chi resents me. I don't know why. She's been holding on to it for years. To her, I'm always the bad guy. It's always, "Ma, ma, ma, you, you, you. You the reason for this. You the reason for that." I always showed up. No matter what I went through, I was always there for them. I was homeless for 11 years. I did the best I could. Chi Chi always says she can't trust me and she won't let me see my grandsons. Chi Chi, I need you to stop gossiping about me and stop holding in whatever it is that you're holding from the past. I need you to let it go.
All right everyone, please welcome Chi Chi to the show so we can hear her side of the story. Before we got started, I asked you what Chi Chi stand for. You said she had Tionty?
Yes, my name is Tionty.
Tionty, that's beautiful.
Thank you.
I love that. So when you hear your mom say there's always a problem, would you agree?
Yes, I'm not gonna lie, I'm very much a problematic person when I'm pushed to that point. But if you've given someone else permission to raise your child and you see that there's a relationship there, of course you're gonna think it's a problem every time that I come around, you know?
So someone else raised you?
Yes, my dad's sister raised me. Okay. Since I was 6 months actually.
Okay, so do you resent your mother?
I have a resentment towards her because she said she showed up. That's not true. In all the moments that I needed her to show up, she wasn't there and that's just my God honest truth.
Like what ways did she not show up?
She wasn't really a mom to me. She says she has 5 children and I'm the only one that doesn't connect with her, which that's not true at all.
So describe your relationship with your mom right now.
She doesn't like to take accountability as a mom.
Mm-hmm.
And like I said, I was raised by someone else, so there's definitely a resentment there, but our relationship is just, it's no connection. There's nothing there because of that.
Did it hurt that your mother wasn't raising you?
No, only because when I was a child, I was into things, I was into sports. I had like a mother figure. I wasn't really pressed on trying to figure out who she was coming in and out. Or try to build a connection. As of now, yeah, absolutely, yeah.
Yeah, because you're like, why?
Yeah, like, yeah.
Yeah, okay. Do you know now why she didn't raise you?
Due to her own financial reasons. Like she said, she was homeless. It was a lot of financial issues. Also, she didn't really have the guidance herself. So I'm not the only child she didn't raise, but she's told me a couple of things that had me to realize that maybe she didn't want to raise me. Raised me.
Okay, well, I think it's time to meet your mother, Unique. So everyone, please welcome Unique to the show so we can hear her side of the story. Hi, Unique.
Really, Chi-Chi? Hi. Hi.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for having me.
So you said, you said, really, Chi-Chi?
Yes.
What was that?
Because there's no details. You're, you're talking of surface, but we need to get to the bottom when you were a child, plain and simple.
And in your opinion, what's the core of things? What do you think they deserve?
The core comes from who raised her. No, I didn't raise, my children were taken from me from my foster mother. I never gave them away. You know, I take accountability because I didn't have the finances to provide.
Is Chianti your oldest?
No, Vashie's my oldest outta the girls.
And so you said this foster person was like, I'm, didn't like you and then kept your kids?
Yes.
That's not what we were told.
I don't care what you was told. You didn't ask me nothing.
And did you go to the courts, the police, anybody?
No, I didn't. When you grow up with fear, you don't know how to fight.
But Mom, you told me that you allowed her to keep me.
Yes, because I, it was this. Well, I raised Chi Chi. You not taking her.
You told me because I was so young that it was no point. You told me that you allowed her to keep me. That don't make sense.
It doesn't make sense. Why would I say that? Why would I want the other ones and not you? It don't make sense. I don't know.
That's why I'm here.
It doesn't make sense.
How old were you at the time?
6 months.
6 months?
Yes.
Okay then. I saw you brought something in your hand. What's in your hand?
Yes, I have pictures to prove that I was there. This was on Chianti's birthday. I'm not sure of what age she was. This is Chianti, Vashti, and my baby girl right here, okay? And this is them in the tub, okay? So if I wasn't there, then how do I get these pictures if I wasn't there?
Okay, she's saying you're not in any of those photos.
Because I'm the one that took the photos.
Okay. Oh, okay. Okay, so your eldest daughter, Vashti?
Yes.
Is joining us here in the audience. Everyone please welcome Vashti to the show. How are you involved in this situation?
I'm the big sister.
Yeah.
And I'm considered a mediator in a lot of situations.
You told my producer that you wanted to finally speak up and confront your mom and sister. This is your chance. What do you wanna say to them?
Well, first of all, I love both of y'all. Chi Chi, at times you can come off aggressive.
And Mom, it's a lot of invalidating sometimes when it comes to Chi Chi.
I just want the relationship to be better between y'all two.
Unique, you met with my producers yesterday. Yeah. And they want me to hear what you had to say to Chi Chi. Can I see this?
I truly, from the bottom, the depths of my soul, from the bottom of my foot, feet, I am so sorry and I truly apologize for not providing what you needed. Whatever it is, whatever it was, I truly apologize. Truly apologize. I did the best that I could. I did the best that I know how by just showing my face, and I apologize if that wasn't good enough. But I'm here now, and I'm willing, and I'm open, and I'm ready to make it right. I am. I need you. I love you. I need my grandsons, and I love them. And it's true. I'm gonna tell y'all now, I'm not playing. No, don't— I'm so serious right now. Because God don't know. I fought hard. My children were taken from me and I fought hard for them.
I know. What are you feeling about what you just heard?
Knowing the truth, I don't believe it. It's hard for me to believe the tears, you know?
Mm-hmm.
I will tell you this. I understand what you're saying, but I actually do think that was a sincere, beautiful first step. What I also do know and what I'm hearing consistently is that your daughter wants you to acknowledge her experiences. She wants you to say, to understand and acknowledge what she's feeling. Because unfortunately for a child that has felt like they have been abandoned, for an adult who felt like I was abandoned and you didn't want me and you don't understand me. And I hear it through all of the things she says. And it's unconscious. Even when I asked her earlier, "Do you love your mom?" She said, "I love my mom. I'm pretty sure she loves me. Pretty sure." There's continuous doubt about how you feel. And that's because at a point in your life, yes, I'm not here to judge why or when or what happened, but she's like questioning why. And it has led this in her adult life to feel like you don't want her. And so what she has been saying is, "I just need you to take accountability for that." But I understand your point is you're like, "I'm ready to move on, I'm ready to show you." But until she feels like she's getting what she needs, she's not gonna trust what you're saying and what you're doing now.
So with that being said, how do we move forward?
Well, it's key that you have to acknowledge the role you played in her past.
Absolutely.
That's important. That is the biggest piece of this. Is there one thing you can say right now that you need her acknowledge?
Why the relationship isn't working.
Why do you think it's not working?
Because she doesn't wanna take accountability for the fact that she's pushed my emotions away due to her own issues.
Okay, so let's stop right there. She's saying, "You push my emotions away." This is where I'm trying to give the lesson. I acknowledge your pain. I know it might not be your truth, but it is your daughter's truth. If you really wanna hear this relationship to take accountability, you say, "I hear you, daughter, and I'm sorry." I hear you, Chi-Chi, and I need you to look at me I hear you and I feel you.
And I truly, truly, truly apologize to you. I'm holding onto what other people did. So it causes me not to see you because I'm still angry with them. I'm so sorry and I apologize and I pray from this moment on, That we can find some type of neutral ground and just gimme a chance, please.
That was beautiful. She acknowledged. And now I know for you, you've had years of holding on, so it's gonna take moments for you to trust and believe.
Yeah, exactly.
So I'm not expecting you just in one moment to trust and believe, but you have to equally acknowledge that she took a big step. Can you look at your mom and say, "Mom, I will try to believe you and trust you." Mom, I love you.
I will try to believe you and trust you. I really will.
I always tell you the reason why I don't fight for you like Aisha, 'cause you one of my strong soldiers and I tell you that. Sometimes your strongest soldiers need help too. We get weak too.
Yeah. Thank you. You two have taken a beautiful, beautiful first step. Y'all are a beautiful family. I wish y'all the best of luck, OK? Thank you for calling the show and looking out for your mom and sister.
