My Niece Is 16 & Pregnant…I Need Help! | KARAMO

All right, welcome back to the show, friends. My next guest, Barbara, raises her 16-year-old niece, Ayana, and is terrified for Ayana's future. Barbara says that her niece hangs out with older men. She disappears for weeks at a time. She says she admits to smoking marijuana, drinking, and even getting into fistfights. And she's recently been kicked outta school. And now Ayana is pregnant. Barbara called me for my help. Welcome to the show.

Thank you.

Thank you for being here. So Barbara, I can only imagine what you're going through because I know you're stepping in to support your niece and Ayanna sounds like she's having a difficult time right now. So tell me what's going on.

Well, for starters, I did get her at a young age with her mom because her mom actually She got caught up in a little mischief and then now she's wrongfully in prison, you know, fighting, trying to get out. And with that being said, Ayanna just basically just wants her mom. I mean, I got not just Ayanna, she has a younger sister as well. And with that being said, it's like no matter what I do, the school, CMO, mobile response, or whoever that's involved with Ayanna, Wow, so Ayonna, this is Ayonna's mom who got 20 years in prison? That's her, absolutely.

And so she went in when, how old was Ayonna when her mother went to prison?

8.

8 years old, okay. So her and her sibling have been missing out on their mother for a long time.

Yes.

Yeah, okay. And so how does Ayonna lash out at you?

She calls me all kinds of foul names like, "Fuck you, bitch. I don't have to listen to you." And she's just very aggressive and angry.

Yeah. And what are your type of disciplinary actions?

Oh, well, me at that age, I take everything from her that she likes.

Do you have contact with Ayonna's mother?

Every day.

You do? Do you tell her what's going on with her?

Every day.

And what does her mom say?

She tries to calm her down too, allowing her to know that she'll be home soon.

So how often does Ayonna leave the house and not tell you?

Every day.

Every day.

She would say, "I'll be back." And I wouldn't know when she come back or where she is, 'cause I would have to put her into the system as a missing person. So, you know, I think I had probably like 8 or 9 write-ups, missing person, because I can't allow her to be gone for so many hours and not report that she's actually gone.

Of course, because you never know if something could actually go wrong.

Absolutely.

So how long would she be gone for? What was the longest? How much amount of time?

2 weeks.

2 weeks.

2 weeks.

So why won't they take her back at school? 'Cause I know she's outta school as well.

Oh, because she actually brought marijuana to school and the school has a policy to where, you know, far as drug and alcohol, if you're tested positive, then suspension is in order other than the regular protocol where you go into a drug and alcohol program. And I have done that with Ayonna like 4 times, but she wouldn't go to the treatment. So with that, the supervisor was like, she can't come back, that she need inpatient care.

If a child is doing things like this, it's because they're screaming out. They're screaming out that I need help. I don't think any child is inherently bad. And I think that sometimes we forget that because we get so frustrated as adults. And so it breaks my heart that like this young woman who's screaming out has now got kicked outta school. You know what I mean? And of course, once you get kicked outta school, I can understand why she probably doesn't wanna go to these other programs with you. Like why she doesn't make that next step. You know, she's probably experiencing some sort of rejection and all these other stuff. Do you have your own kids?

I do.

You do? How old are they?

My oldest just turned 36.

Oh wow.

On the 4th.

Got it. Okay. Come on, good stuff.

And my youngest is 33.

Okay. Yeah. So you already raised your children per se. Absolutely. I mean, this is still your child. You look at it as your child, but yeah, so this is, So you're dealing with new issues with these kids.

Right. It was, you know, me dealing with it okay. But as they got older, I too got older. So now I address things differently and I don't argue with her.

It's not personal anymore. Yeah.

Yeah, you know, if anything, she already knows that I'm more or less set to like just call the police.

I wish that we only didn't have 911. I wish we also had a resource number that we could just call a social worker out because it'd be a lot easier in these situations instead of a police officer coming that a social worker could come and say, hey, let me help you. Someone maybe with some psychotherapy background. But these are my dreams for America. Well, you know. What do you like to do that brings you joy?

Honestly, at this fishing, if we wanna call anything fishing.

Fishing, you like to fish? Yeah. Okay, okay, I like that.

That's the family hobby.

Yeah, it is. Okay, good to know. Ayanna is feeling a little uncomfortable. She's 16, so we're gonna try to make sure she's all right. Hi, love. You okay?

That's who I talk to.

You nervous? Can I say hello? It's not the cameras. You nervous? Yeah. I know. Good. Here, will you shake my hand? Nice to meet you, Karamo.

Nice to meet you too.

You wanna come on out?

Yeah.

It's gonna be a good conversation. Come on out.

All right. All right.

There you go.

There you go. Woman up.

Yeah. Do your thing. Do your thing. This gonna be good out here. All right. Everyone say hello. Everyone give it up for Ayonna. Come up here and take a seat. Well, can I have a proper hug now that you came out? Nice to meet you. All right, so we heard a lot about what's going on. I wanna go back a little bit. Why did you feel like you needed to act out?

I don't know. I'm gonna say I acted out because when I lost my mom, I felt like I didn't have nobody, so.

Yeah.

I was just hanging out with the wrong crowds and I thought drugs was a solution.

I don't know. So you say you don't feel like you have anybody because you lost your mom. Do you feel alone right now?

No, I have my aunt, like, 'cause our relationship got better. But like in the beginning when I was younger, I felt like I didn't have no type of support and stuff.

Yeah. Do you still talk to your mom when things happen and how you, when you're feeling a sort of way?

Well, sometimes, not all the time. 'Cause I don't really wanna stress my mom out 'cause I'm in the predicament she in. But I talk to her about most of my problems.

Do you feel like that you have the comfort from family and friends to support you?

I don't necessarily fool my family. I don't know. I fool 'em. I talk to my aunt about certain stuff. As far as like my family, like close family, I don't really.

Why don't you wanna talk to your family?

They're not supportive of anything at all.

Got it. Does your mom know that you're pregnant?

Yeah, she knows. She's happy.

She's happy?

Yeah.

Okay. Are you happy about being pregnant?

I mean.

So why would you run away? 'Cause I heard you would run away for 2 weeks at a time.

Chasing boys.

Chasing boys?

Chasing boys.

Yeah, yeah. Why chasing boys?

I guess I was looking for love. I guess you can say that basically, but.

So I wanna go back now to school. What did you do in order to not be able to go back to school?

I brought drugs to school. The first time I got kicked out, I brought drugs to school and then I went to the program and like Ma said, I only went to the program one time and I never went back.

Why'd you wanna go back?

I don't feel as though, I don't know honestly. I was being hardheaded. I could have went to the program. It was not that hard to really do. But me and me, I didn't wanna waste, I felt like it was a waste of my time.

Yeah.

So I didn't wanna.

Were you scared to go there?

No.

Okay. And why did you think it was a waste of your time?

Because it's like, how y'all gonna tell me I'm addicted to something when I know I can stop?

And it's like, Do you think you can stop smoking weed?

Yeah, I can stop smoking weed. It's not hard.

Yeah. Have you done it?

What?

Stop smoking weed? Yeah. Have you?

Yeah, at this point in time, yeah.

Because you're pregnant?

Yeah, 'cause I'm pregnant.

I wanna know for you, do you wanna be better?

Yeah, I do.

Do you?

Yeah, I do.

And when you say you wanna be better, what does that mean?

Like career-wise and financially and everything.

And why is it? Is it only because The fact that you're pregnant or is it because you just wanna be better for yourself?

Because I got a little sister and I gotta still do what I gotta do for her whether I got a child or not.

You're pregnant now. Do you know who the father of the child is?

Yeah.

Okay, who is it?

I'm not gonna tell you that.

Okay.

Okay.

Has your aunt met him?

She don't.

She doesn't wanna meet him?

She, I know, I don't want her to meet him.

Why?

'Cause he's older.

Got it. I could assume that from the fact that your aunt told me you hang out with older people. Does he know that you're 16? He does now?

Yeah, I don't know, he been knew. I don't lie about my age to nobody. If you wanna mess with me, then you gonna.

Got it, okay then, got it. Is he in your life now? No. Kinda off and on?

Kinda off and on.

How does he feel about becoming a father to your child? Does he wanna support?

I don't know. He's like—

So he does know that you're pregnant?

He knows, but he gives me mixed emotions. But I don't really care what he's saying 'cause at the end of the day, it's my decision. It's not your decision. And if you knew you didn't want that, then you should've never, yeah.

Yeah. Has anyone ever talked to you about like, you know, using condoms and all that stuff? And I'm not being funny, like, because sometimes we never have the conversations.

Yeah, all the time.

Do you, why have to use condoms?

You want me to lie to you or you want me to be honest?

I want you to be honest with me.

I don't like the feeling.

Yeah, okay.

But it depends on, I'm not gonna say I don't use it all the time. I'm just saying like it depends on the partner. Like when I first meet you, I'm not just gonna be like, oh, we about to, we about to run it up.

I do think you need some more education around that. Yeah. And you know, like that can teach you. I'm not encouraging you as a 16-year-old to have sex, but I want to know if you're gonna be making choices that you could be making better choices. This is a very heartbreaking situation for me because I see you, first of all, Barbara, trying. And I also see a young woman who is very smart, who does want a better future for herself, but is hurting. Do you hurt a lot? Do you have a lot of pain?

Yeah, I do.

You do?

Yeah.

Yeah. Do you get to ever talk about that with somebody?

I don't like to vent to people.

Why?

I just feel like there's no reason. 'Cause I'm gonna tell you about my problems. Most of the time when I tell people my problems, they laugh at my problems.

People laugh at your problems?

Yeah, and even when I try to talk to somebody that I trust about my problems, it's like, you don't understand, you don't know where I'm coming from. So it's like, why do I gotta talk to you about it? You don't understand what I'm going through.

'Cause you feel like you're gonna get judged. I hear that constantly with you. You're just like, when I talk to people, there's judgment, there's judgment, there's judgment. But I will tell you this, that sometimes adults make these choices and try to, we have our own lives and we get caught up and it's not right. But sometimes we forget that young people are just making decisions that they don't know how to make. And so we do a disservice to you by judging you and judging what you're going through. And I'm not talking about you, Ms. Barbara, 'cause I believe you're doing a great job. Thank you, I appreciate that. But I want to let you, yeah, I want you to know that I'm sorry for the adults that made you feel like you're judged. And I want you to know here you're not being judged. Here, I actually believe that you could have a great future. I believe that you can get to a place to open up to people. Do you wanna open up to people? If you had the right person, you opened up to me today and you were just back there acting shy. You were just back there talking about no. You just opened up to me. You just told me a lot of things. You was like, can I be real? And I was like, yeah. You were very open and vulnerable with me. What made me different? Huh?

I don't know, it just felt great. I don't know, I wasn't gonna lie.

Well, I appreciate it. I appreciate it. But there's other people like who have similar training that I have that can also be there to support you. Yeah? So if I was to say I could connect you with somebody who's similar to me, would you be willing to talk to them?

Yeah, I would. I would.

You would? I love that. I really do. I love that because I wanted you to know I contacted a program that provides parenting classes, it provides counseling sessions, and they actually will get you back in school and support you to get your life back on track. I wanna note to you, we've already filled out the paperwork. I've called the director personally and the director is happy to have you come. Happy. I wanna know, will you commit to going to this program, get your life back in order?

Yeah, I would.

You will? Yeah? Are you excited?

This is a good thing.

You ready? How does that make you feel, Barbara?

Good. I'm glad to hear it.

It does?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it makes me feel good.

Yeah.

'Cause this is a step. It's like a start for her.

A start for her.

Yep, it's a start.

But Barbara, I gotta tell you this as well. Is there anything that you wanna say to your mom? Your niece on this? Anything at all?

No, I'm just happy that she's actually making the right choices. And again, like I said, her being pregnant, having a baby, preparing to have a baby had actually calmed her down a lot.

Yeah.

She's doing a lot better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I wanna make sure.

She really is, she's trying.

I wanna make sure for you that even when the baby comes, that you still feel like you can be in this calm state, that you still feel like I can make better choices. And you just gotta get somebody that could talk to you, that can help you out, you know what I mean? Because you're not a bad woman, you're not a bad young girl, you're not at all. You just have had a lot of rejection. You've had people made you feel like you weren't worth something. You've had people made you feel like, well, maybe this is just all I get. But I wanna be the first, second actually, 'cause I know Ms. Barbara did this for you, to tell you you are worth so much more. And you know that running away and things like that were hard. Anything you wanna say to her?

I apologize for putting you through everything I put you through. And I appreciate you for keeping me and my sister and not giving us away.

Absolutely, not a problem.

We're going to be all right.

We're going to fight this battle on our own, like we've been. Not a problem. Don't make me cry, child. And we're on TV too. Get it together. We're going to be all right.

I know you holding a lot in.

It's just the pregnancy hormones.

Yeah, yeah, sure. We gonna blame it on that. You're holding a lot in. Barbara, also, I know a lot of individuals like you who have stepped up and taken time to be there for people. I know this is not your biological child. I asked you what you like and you said fishing because I wanna figure out a way, I told my producer already, I'm personally gonna pay for you to take some time for yourself so you can be, yes. How you got to make me cry?

No, seriously.

You deserve a moment for you to say thank you Thank you. And I really appreciate what you're doing.

Thank you so much.

Because it's people like you that literally step up and make our world a better place.

Thank y'all, appreciate it.

Y'all gonna be all right. Just know that I love y'all, all right? Okay, thank you. All right, give it up for them. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more, period.