My Out-Of-Control Granddaughter Needs Your Help | KARAMO

My guest Patrice is 17 years old and loves living with her grandma Patricia. Grandma Patricia sees things differently. She says Patrice was spoiled rotten and now she's acting out of control. Patrice now feels invisible in her grandma's home because Grandma Patricia admits she can't worry about Patrice anymore. Everyone, please welcome Patrice to the show so we can hear her side of the story. Can I get a hug? Hey. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Aren't you beautiful?

Thank you.

Yes, you are. Okay, Matrice. So I'm sorry to hear that you feel invisible in your own home. Tell me about that.

Well, it all started when I was 13, 14 years old. I started hanging with other kids. I used to wanna go out all the time, go to parties and everything. So my grandma doesn't like that. So she feel like my attitude, my ways and everything have changed since I've been hanging around different people.

Mm-hmm. But why does that make you feel like you're invisible?

Because every time I try to talk to her, she just ignore me. She walks away or she don't want to hear anything that I have to say.

How long have you lived with your grandma?

Since I was 2, basically my whole life.

Okay.

Because I couldn't live with my parents. She always used to put men over her kids, so it's just like—

Your mom did? Your mom used to put men over you? Here you go. I'm sorry, love. It was hard growing up. Yeah, I understand. Do you have a relationship with your parents now?

Well, my mom had a brain aneurysm. Before she had that, it was like she really put men and women before us, so I never really had a bond with my mom. And then my dad, we don't talk at all.

Okay.

We have no relationship.

So your mother has a brain aneurysm. Where does she live?

With my grandmother.

Okay, so she's in the house with you?

Mm-hmm.

Okay. What do you and your grandma argue about the most?

We argue about just everything.

Mm-hmm, every little thing?

Yes.

So we spoke to your grandma about the situation. I wanna see what she had to say, okay?

I've taken care of 7 of my grandbabies. My 17-year-old grandbaby, Patrice, is outta control. One of my neighbors called me at 2 o'clock in the morning and told me to come pick up my grandbaby, Patrice. She's in the park babysitting herself. I said, "Well, where is her mother?" She's at the club. So I went and picked the baby up at the age of 2, and she's been with me since. The problem is I spoil Patrice, and I bought her everything she's ever wanted, and she's never gotten a spanking.

She don't seem to get me at all. I have a lot going on. She puts a lot on me. I have to help with my uncle, I have to help with my mom, and I have to help with her. And it's just like I don't get it. I don't get the chance to be a teenager like I wanna be.

What chores do you have to do around the house?

I have to help my mom. I have to make sure they take their medicine. My mom, my uncle, sometimes her leg gets swollen up so I have to help her too. And it's just like, I have chores that I have to do. I just don't do them because I feel like I'm already doing enough as it is.

So you said you have to take care of your mom because of the brain aneurysm. You have to take care of her? Some of the time?

Yes.

'Cause she's not able to take care of herself.

Right.

So what other responsibilities do you miss out on?

As in like, I feel like since I'm only 17, I just wanna go out and hang with my friends. I just wanna go to malls, go to parties.

Mm-hmm.

And just like being a teenager, I feel like I have to be home so much and make sure my uncle and my mother is tended to 'cause you can't leave them alone by themselves.

Have you tried to communicate this with your grandma?

She doesn't listen. She just feel like I just want my way all the time and it's not that. I just wanna go out sometimes. I don't wanna be in the house all the time.

Is Grandma always tough with you?

She's very tough.

Very tough with you. Well, my producers are telling me right now that there was a point where you told them at one point you said, "I wish my grandma could die." Ooh, yes. What was so bad that happened that you wanted this woman to die?

It's just the stuff she be saying. Like she say some hurtful stuff. She said she hate me too.

Well, it's time to meet your grandma Patricia. Please everyone, please welcome Patricia to the show. Hi Patricia, how you doing? Hi. Can I have a hug?

Yes.

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for having me.

Okay. So I just heard what your granddaughter had to say. Why, you say that it feels like you all hate each other?

Yes.

Why?

It's not like it used to be because when I ask her to do things, she'll just get this attitude, snap off, throw things, walk out the door, go to her friend's house, don't answer her phone.

So tell me about when you think things took a turn in your relationship.

I think around about when she was 14 years old, met some new friends, wanted to start hanging out, smoking weed and going to parties. And I think she's been slipping and drinking a little bit too.

Have you been?

Yes.

You have been.

And I didn't like it and didn't want her to do it. So, you know.

So why, how did you react seeing the Facebook post that you told us about?

I was hurt. She admitted that It was a, they was playing. It's not a joke to me. People get killed by things like that.

'Cause you holding onto guns?

Yeah. It was just for fun. It was just for fun. It was, we were just having fun. We were just playing.

That's no way to play. That's no way to play. Like normal teenagers do.

That's no way to play.

No. Not acceptable.

So why is it so hard for you to talk about this?

She don't listen when I start saying something. I don't wanna hear that and storm off.

No, she don't give me the chance to talk. You talk over me all the time.

I try to listen at you. This is what I get right here.

So do the arguments between you two ever get physical?

Oh yeah.

She always throwing something at me. That's why I don't talk to her 'cause she's always hitting me. We can't never talk without a fight.

Why do I always throw something at you?

'Cause you don't listen when I'm talking to you. You gotta, you get mad at the things that I say, so you wanna hit me. I act just like my cousin.

[Speaker] So your cousin's in the audience today. Is this the cousin you're talking about? [Speaker] Mm-hmm. [Speaker] Okay. Your name is Tarkesha, right?

[Speaker] Yes.

[Speaker] How are you doing?

[Speaker] I'm good.

[Speaker] So you hear what's going on right now. What are your thoughts?

[Speaker] I'm the oldest of the 7. I know my grandma can be very difficult to deal with. I lived with her. During my rebellious time, I get—

Grandma's not gonna take no disrespect from none of her grandbabies, none. And I raised 7.

She's never wanted to hear anything that any of us had to say. Like, it's always my way or you can go. So it's always been kind of like hard, but me being the oldest, I got I got the whoopings, I got the discipline, I got way more strict grandmother than Patrice. And so I rebelled a lot.

Yes, yes you did.

A lot of things that Patrice do is compared to my behavior.

With my fist.

Why did you rebel?

I had similar parents. Things going on as to Patrice, my parents, my mom didn't know how to be a mom. So everything that I learned, I learned from my grandmother. If she didn't know how to parent, she would say, "Well, call your grandmother. Call your grandmother. Go to your grandmother." Like, so whenever I would feel like, when nobody cares about me, I would take it out on my grandmother. And I feel like there's a lot what me and Patrice have in common. We have a lot of built-up anger, but it's not a lot towards our grandmother. It's just—

Y'all angry.

Yeah, we're angry and she's the closest person to us. And so she's the person that we tend to take it out on.

So what are Patricia's responsibilities?

She don't have any responsibilities. I don't just make her do anything.

I have responsibilities.

I ask her to do some things. I don't ask her to do things for me.

I have responsibilities.

What is your responsibility?

That's my mama, so I feel like I am obligated. To help my mom. Like, that's my mom. My mom wasn't there for me, I'm gonna be there for her. That's just, I don't care what, how she is, that's my mama. So I'm gonna be there for my mom.

Do you wash dishes? Do you clean the house?

I'm not finna do all that if I'm taking care of my mom. If I'm helping you take care of my mom and my uncle, I'm not doing that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, that's not true. Barely helps take care of her mama.

So why did you skip school for 23 days?

I always skip school.

You always skip school, why?

I don't never get to go nowhere.

And that's the thing, skipping school. I asked her to do one thing for me. Please go to school and get your education. You can't get a good job when you're dropping out. Mm-hmm. Getting a GED, it make it seem like you're lazy to me. That's how I feel. I want that high school diploma. I want her to be somebody.

Are you a senior right now? Are you gonna be able to graduate? What's your grades like?

They're good. I got A's, B's, and C's. I do my work online. I don't go to school, but I do my work.

Okay. So you finish your work?

Mm-hmm.

I gotta tell you, even me, when my kids started doing that whole online school thing, I was like, you need to be— I had a more traditional way of school that I looked at it a lot different. And so for me, I understand you gotta get your education, but she's saying that she's about to graduate and that her grades are good. So have you been accepted to colleges yet?

Yes.

You've been accepted?

To 3.

You've been accepted to 3 colleges? Good job. Good job.

You better work. I haven't seen that. I haven't seen that.

You haven't seen that?

I told her.

I told her. She told me, but I never seen. The actual, actual one.

How do you feel knowing that she got into 3-year versus— I feel good.

I'm proud of her. I'm proud. I love her. I want her to do good. I try to do the best I can to share my love with all of you. I want nothing but the best. If I leave this earth, I can say I did a good job.

Yeah.

I can say that.

Yeah. But it's been hard.

It's been hard.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because anytime something happens, everyone always say, "Go to your grandma." I heard you say it. Everybody just say to go to your grandma. And instead of you being able to say no or have the choice to say no, you gotta take everything on. Yeah. What are you thinking about right now with your grandma saying that?

I love my grandma. I do. I love her to death, but it's just, Some things I just wanna be able to do, but I understand that she don't accept a lot of stuff.

Before I give your grandmother the piece of advice that I got for you, I think it'd be important that with you being so smart and acknowledging that you got a mouth and you say some things, that you give her an apology.

Grandma, I'm sorry. I really apologize for everything I did. I really don't mean it. I really do.

Thank you, I accept it and I love you.

Thank you for doing that. It just only shows that young woman that Is graduating, got accepted to colleges. I see her, I see her. Thank you. You did a damn good job. Thank you. Because I celebrate you for making that and doing that on your own, but there's a large piece of you in that as well. There's a large piece of you in that as well.

Yeah.

But I will say this, the vulnerability you showed here that had both of your granddaughters crying is because they don't ever see this. With your toughness and your strength, that's where they get it from. But I know that those moments when you're at your wit's end, I think if you showed her more vulnerability, I think it could allow the communication to be better. You're nodding your head right now. What do you think?

I just wish I could say the things that Patrice is saying to my grandmother a long time ago.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They just want emotion from you. And I think sometimes when we have so much on our plate, we think emotion equals weakness, and emotion doesn't equal weakness. Your emotion makes you even stronger in their eyes. It makes you even stronger. And so your granddaughters love you. You did a great job. You are doing it. You are doing it. And you deserve your flowers. You deserve to be loved. But in those moments now when you get at your wit's end, which we all understand why, I encourage you to just commit to saying, let me be a little bit more vulnerable instead with them. Before you throw the next hot sauce bottle, put it down and say, baby, come here, give me a hug.

I tried it.

Seriously, give your grandma a little grace. She's trying to do as best she can to keep you right on the path, but you just like, I'm doing it, but I'm tired. I'm tired, I'm tired, I wanna be a kid. But you've been dealing with trauma forever. You've been dealing with trauma forever. And it's not from you, it's from, you know, the trauma you felt like with your father and your mother. And also there's something else that's at play here, which I understand this and I just wanna make sure we talk about it just briefly. The psychology behind not feeling like my mother was there for me and now I gotta take care of her. Yes, it feels like the biggest choice to you. And that's why you get exhausted when she says wash a dish. You like, I done did my work. But on the flip side, if she showed you more vulnerability, I think that would allow you to be like, you know what, I'm exhausted too, but damn, I realize Grandma's even more exhausted. Can you realize that a little bit now?

Yeah.

That even though you might be like, I don't wanna do it, that just even one little dish, how it could take a load off of somebody who's been taking care of so many people. I'm just trying to help y'all to see each other's perspective. Y'all have a beautiful family.

Thank you.

Y'all hold on tight to each other, okay? And just be mobile on the ball, all right?

All right, everyone.

Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.