My Own Mother Hates Me! | KARAMO

So I gotta start from the beginning. Tell me, why is your relationship with your mother so strained from your opinion?

Okay, so we're gonna start from the beginning. My mom, when I was first born, I was so full of cocaine that I couldn't cry. It's just real bad. My mom, I feel like she don't love me. She don't care for me. She ain't been there for me. I grew up with my grandma. My grandma, I call her mom.

And how was it growing up?

It was toxic, but it was for the better because I knew that without my grandma, I didn't have nobody 'cause my dad had passed.

Okay, got it. Did you have visitations with your mother as a child?

I did, but she would come see us, but her focus would be more on my sister. Oh. And the reason is for that because my sister, she left and went with my mom. I never had a relationship with my mom. I didn't know her to just up and leave and go with her.

Got it.

When I actually got in my mom custody, I ended up getting raped by my. She's lying, she's a manipulator. She sit there and lie about everything. She's sitting out here telling y'all lies, pure lies about me. And that's not true. Everything. You was a liar. Like what? You was a liar. That's why we don't have the communication. And I don't love Mia more than you. You do. No, I don't. You do. Because Mia respect me, you don't. You are a liar. You don't deserve the respect as a mother. You're a manipulator. You don't even play that part as a mother. And then you try to play games and wanna in front of these people. No, take my grandbaby away from me. I do. If I don't mess with you, I don't talk to you, I can't deal with my grandbaby. You tried to put your hands on me. You messy. You messy. No, you're messy. You're messy. And I will never have a daughter rest with you. So why are you here? Why are you here? Never. Why are you here? Never. Why are you here? Never. Why are you here? Never. Why are you here now? You don't have no point to be here. At all. You don't have no point to be here if you don't want a relationship with me.

You can take a seat for me.

Thank you very much. Thank you, sir.

I appreciate it. Thank you. Do you feel responsible for having a bad relationship with Shawna.

Yep, she should. No. She should. 'Cause Shawna is very messy and she a manipulator. All she do is lie. Just 'cause I don't fuck with you, that's why. Manipulator, all she do is lie. And I'm telling you something from the bottom of my heart. What did I lie about? Say what did I lie about? She's a liar. What did I lie about?

So let me go back then. So let me take me back 'cause I just gotta understand for you.

Yes, sir.

So why did Shawna get taken away?

Her daddy was very abusive. Like, you know, we used to get into it all the time. So he the reason why you was on drugs too? And then it came out to the, yes. Yeah, exactly, he is, he is. And he's the reason, you the reason. So he's the reason why I got took away from you? She is. 'Cause you say you do pills? She is. You do pills? Girl, bye. You do pills? Girl, bye, we can do a drug test. But that's why she was taken away from you. Only thing I do do is smoke weed. Let's be for real. He was very. Never been in my jail, never was smoking crack, never had my baby born to the point where she was in crack. Girl, you a liar, you sitting here telling dumb lies. Let's be for real. You sitting here telling lies. You don't look like my baby. I don't mess with you because you a liar. Lying! You're lying to him? You not even walking through your child because you don't never have Raymond. You don't never have Raymond. Never had— I'm sorry, girl, you didn't buy your daughter for her birthday. You didn't even buy your daughter for her birthday. Your sister did it on behalf of your ass. Girl, bye-bye. I'm raining my out because of you.

Let me ask her some questions.

Because of you. Come on. Because you messy.

Some questions I gotta figure out.

With your messy ass. You'll always be messy.

Before I go back to the childhood, because you've made this accusation several times, you said she lies and she manipulates. She do, she do.

And I want her sister to—

What has she lied about?

She don't even know anything. Everything.

Just give me a specific thing.

She don't know everything. And me and my oldest girl, we had the best relationship.

I know, just before I get to your oldest relationship, I just need to know what has she lied about?

Everything, baby, everything come out her mouth a liar. I never been on drugs, I never been on no crack, that's a lie. Her daddy introduced me to, I was young when I had them, okay? So I was young when I had them. I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, she's a very manipulator. She's a manipulator. You're a very manipulator and you messy as hell with your ugly stuff. But anyways, y'all, you, you want her to be ugly? You are, you are, 'cause you messy, you messy. But back to what you were saying.

'Cause you had the drugs that she lied about. What else has she lied about?

Everything about I'm not there for her. I didn't try to be there for Shai plenty of times. You know why I stopped? Because Shai is messy. It's just been going on so long. It's the same repeated cycle over the same thing.

So let me ask you this because your mother says your sister thinks that the reason you don't have a close relationship is because of your mother. From your opinion, why do you think your relationship is not that great?

It has nothing to do with my mom. Thank you.

Okay, what do you think?

It does. Thank you. It's definitely our mama and our grandma. Don't sit up here and lie. I have my own brain.

It's more of a—

If I'm the big sister and I'm looking out for you, everything is not to be an insult or antagonize. Like, I just don't want you to go through something you don't know already went through. I don't understand that.

So what is your relationship like with your mom?

At your big-ass age, this is how you come back? I love my mom, but like, it's a lot of unhealed, like— Yeah, so stop thinking that y'all relationship is so tight, 'cause it ain't. It is. Mia, be for real. Say what you said when you came on here. The relationship is fine, but there is some unhealed places. I don't have a problem with saying that. But like, let's get for real.

So stop trying to put stuff in her head.

I know you trying to put shit in her head. She's older than me. She's older than me.

So then from your perspective, Mia, what is it that is making you feel unhealed?

I was raped like by somebody that my mom dealt with. Thank you.

Okay, so Mia, first of all, I'm very sorry. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share that with us. So what age were you when that happened?

Mm-hmm. Like I was like 12. 12.

12. And was it something that happened multiple times or one time?

Definitely repeatedly, like years. And it's just so simple for my mama just to be like, have a conversation about it. Like you could be about denial or whatever. I know what happened to me. Like I'm not stupid, I'm not crazy. I could still tell the same story when it first happened.

So what I'm hearing is that your mother didn't believe you.

No, for me to be so forgiving and all you had to do is simply just have a conversation with me, gimme some type of closure, like you understand that shit of the fact that like how long you kept throwing it off, throwing it off like, oh, you was the cause of this, it was your fault, stuff like that.

So Iris, I gotta ask you. So talk, baby.

What? Mama told you that it was your fault? Definitely several times. And I don't— You don't take accountability for nothing. And yes, Mama told me several times. I don't know how many times I can keep saying it. I'm telling you that I never said that.

So Iris, okay, despite the if you said that or not in that moment, the bigger picture here that I'm hearing and I wanna ask you.

Sure.

Is that your daughter said as a young girl she was violated and that it continued for years and that she wasn't believed.

I didn't know any form of faction of that until after the fact, okay? All this stuff came about after the fact. Me, it's always at my house all the time. What does that mean when the main fact don't matter though? Like when shit get deeper, what is me coming to chill with you? What is me coming to smoke with you? What is me coming to get? So what's the issue, Mia? So what's the issue? Because it wasn't no issue. It wasn't an issue. So now we can hear it's an issue. If you could be more understanding and stop every time somebody tell you how they feel, it gotta be distracted by other shit that don't matter. We talking about right now. Okay. All right. Okay. List goes on. You can sit here and be my mom all day, but where is you being my mother? Comfort me when I don't have nobody comforting me. I do. That's why I'm here. At least you haven't been like, "I don't, I don't." There's so much deep hurt. I don't hurt you, Karamo. But what does that mean when you sweep under the rug by, "Oh, let me get you this, let me get that." No, listen to what the fuck I'm telling you. And I do. I do. No, to a certain extent.

I'm sorry to your daughter.

To a certain extent. I always say, I mean, I always tell Mia, so ask her.

I'm asking you.

I told both of them that since I wanted, I mean, I can't help, I was young at that time. But I did apologize to my children. Well, when you apologize, mean shit and stand on that shit. I don't. Like, it's no, oh, I apologize, but damn, I'm doing the same thing over again 2 weeks later. What am I doing? That's nothing.

What am I doing?

Same thing. What am I doing? Abusive verbally and mentally and physically. You're abusing me because if I'm I'm so, like, no matter what, have you, you gotta look at that you put me through. No matter what you do, I'm still there because I'm a mama's girl. But it's tiring when you got a person, they become comfortable with running over you and you think it's okay sometimes. And sometimes I really have to take myself away from you because I don't ever want us to get to the point like you and Shawna. I don't want that for me. I'm just being honest. It's toxic. This your first time ever sitting here even telling me this, man. When we at the house and we talk everything, And then, Mom, that goes back to, you listen to what you feel like is beneficial for him.

I need you to hear something, okay? And I need you to hear this first.

Okay.

Your daughter just said something, but before I address what she said and how it meant to her, I'm gonna say it to you. Your daughter said, "Look at the shit you put me through." But before we address how it is for her, I wanna address for you. And I mean this, so please stay with me.

Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry for the shit people put you through. I am deeply sorry for the young girl who was innocent, who was dreaming of a life, and met people who put her through situations, introduced her to substances that she didn't deserve to be introduced to. I'm sorry for the shit people put you through that made you feel like I have to, I can't pay attention to this, I gotta just keep on trying to survive and keep my head above the water. And I don't think enough you've gotten that in your life. You should have been protected, you should have been loved. Someone should have listened to you when you said this is the shit they put me through and I mean it, I am sorry. And I wish that more people in your life gave you that apology and told you that. Here you go, Mom. Here you go, Mom.

Here you go.

Here you go. Now there's a reason why I started with you, because you deserved it first. But now, the same way I did that for you, your daughters have been asking the same thing. For them. Just hear them. They're both you. I see the quiet side in you. I see the side in you that's processing, that probably has stayed in relationships longer than you need to because you're, you're, that you don't feel, you feel scared, you feel alone. I see the side of you that's like, oh, I'mma fight back. I'mma fight for what's mine. I see both of your daughters in you. But both of those sides of you that need to be healed are sitting in front of you and you have an opportunity to heal them.

If I need my mom and I'm calling out for you, I need you to be present and show up like you show up for everybody else.

Okay, so let me stop right there 'cause this is important. Because when somebody says shows up, I heard it earlier when you said, but we hang around each other, we together. See, showing up can get confusing to somebody because she thinks in her mind as a mother, I'm there with you, we hanging out.

All the time.

I got it, I understand. But what she's not asking for is physical presence. She's asking for a deeper connection. So instead of just saying, I need you to be there, I need you to get something, she don't know what it is. This is where I'm asking you to just put a little bit of your empathy hat on. She don't know what it is. So you have to walk her through it a little bit slower.

Like when I say be there for me, it's on so many different levels. Loyalty, understanding, like, mentally, emotionally. You physically there? Yes, you are. We physically, we cool, but mentally you're not here for me. I really don't have the words. It's just like, be a mother. Like, that's all it is.

So hold on. So this is my ask for you. When you leave this stage, I need you to get clear on what that is.

Right.

If your daughter gets clear about what she needs, can you not be defensive and can you listen and give it to her?

Always.

We got something here. Let's go to the other side of you. She crying and she hurting the same way you hurting. Every child you have, and this is, I believe that's true, there's always gonna be one child that's gonna really show you who you are so that you can grow. That's usually the one that you buttin' heads with.

That's been for years though. But yeah, I understand what you're saying.

No 20-year-old wants to fight like this. See that reaction right there?

'Cause it's not, it's so much deeper than this. I wish you understand.

I just showed you that I understand.

How are we leaving here?

You gotta let me tell you some things you gotta start doing. Let me tell you some of the things you gotta start doing 'cause I've witnessed it and I'm gonna tell you this right now. First of all, you gotta stop rolling your eyes and saying mean things to her. You're the mother. You are right. If you don't like her behavior, Set your boundary. Don't match her energy.

Oh man, this shit is crazy.

Do you want a relationship with her?

No. No. And she should be slapped for that, right? Not at all. Better be lucky I can't hit. Nope. I don't, 'cause it's the same old patterning. She sad. She sad. I even tried. How do you sit in a seat and tell that you don't want a relationship with your daughter? I tried. I tried so many times. And that's exactly why I don't let her try it right now. I tried so many times. That's exactly why. 'Cause you would not hurt my child how you hurt me. You would not get a chance to do that. You would not do that. You would not do that. Going through the raping and the physical abuse. How many times I tried? I'm tired of it. I'm tired. I'm tired and I'm sick of you.

How many times I tried? I wish, I wish.

Yes, I do wish she would've took you instead of my daddy. I swear to God, I hate you. I do. Okay. I hate you. I really hate you.

Thank you so much for being on my stage. I appreciate you telling your story. I appreciate you listening to me. We'll have you go back to your group.

That's fine.

Okay? Thank you for being here.

Okay. Yeah, don't clap.

I am so sorry. I could literally burst into tears right now for you. I am so sorry. And you didn't deserve that from your mother. I'm so sorry. You do not need to be on a stage to be belittled by her. You do not need to be on a stage where she is telling you she doesn't want a relationship. And that is why I asked her to leave. Me asking her to leave is your protection. I thought there was a chance that they could get there, which is why I allowed this to go on so long. If I would've known that's where her heart was, I would've stopped it earlier. So I'm so sorry. So there's two things what I need to talk to you all. Mia, I have to ask you if you can make a commitment to not allow your mother to talk to you negatively about your sister. Okay? You can make that commitment? Do you believe her? Look at your sister. Say it to her. I commit.

I commit.

That I will not be in the middle.

I will not do that.

I will not allow mom to talk negatively about you.

I will not let mom talk to me negatively. I could go back to her.

Yeah. Come closer to your sister.

Come closer.

Now this is the last thing, and this is where the real work is gonna start. You two unfortunately have to grieve the definition of mother. Because she will never be that. I know it's hard. I see the tears coming down because no one wants to redefine their mother, but this is the first step in y'all's healing. I promise you. I'm so sorry we couldn't get a real resolution here, but hopefully you got a little something that can help y'all when you leave this stage. Yeah? Definitely. Good. Thank you for being vulnerable again, Michael. Everyone, stay with us, friends. We'll be right back with more.