In this KARAMO episode, host Karamo mediates a heated family dispute between Shannon and his sister Mary. Shannon reveals that his ex‑wife was unfaithful and that Mary, who grew up with him after being adopted, knew about the infidelity but never told him, choosing instead to maintain a close bond with the ex‑wife, whom she calls a “second mother.” Mary admits she witnessed both her brother’s and his ex‑wife’s cheating, and explains her loyalty to both parties left her conflicted about speaking up. The siblings discuss the erosion of their relationship over the past three years, citing missed holidays, poor communication, and recurring arguments over “stupid stuff.” Karamo highlights the grief each feels over the changing sibling dynamic, the impact of the ex‑wife’s role in Mary’s life, and the need to renegotiate boundaries and expectations. Both Shannon and Mary express a desire to improve communication, acknowledge past hurts, and reaffirm their brother‑sister bond despite the emotional turmoil.
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My guest Shannon says his sister knew his wife was cheating on him and she never told him. He says he hit rock bottom and instead of supporting him, she continued a relationship with his ex-wife. Please welcome my guest Shannon to the show. How you doing, Shannon? Can I give you a hug, man? Of course. Thanks for being here. All right, so Shannon, tell me, why are you here?
I've had a tumultuous 3 years that has led to a disheveled relationship with my sister. My ex told me that my sister actually would watch the kids when she would step out to speak to the gentleman that she was pursuing a relationship with.
Okay, and when did you meet your ex?
I was 21 years old.
So how old was your sister when you were 21? 13. So she was a kid. She was a preteen teen.
Right, she was close to her age.
Are you mad that she formed that bond with your ex-wife?
It's not that I'm mad. She was a part of her life too. What I'm upset about is No matter what your relationship is with anybody else, I'm your brother.
Yeah, got it. Okay. What is your relationship like with Mary currently?
We talk over the phone. We've tried to get together for like holidays. It never happens. I just wanna fix my relationship with my sister because to be honest, we're adopted. We're all we have.
All right. And I gotta hear her side of the story. So everyone please welcome Mary to the show. How are you doing, love? Good. Good to meet you. Yeah, let me get up, give you a hug. Nice to meet you. Take a seat. So what's going on between the relationship between you and your brother?
It hasn't really been the best relationship right now.
Mm-hmm. So did you witness your brother's ex-wife cheating on him?
Yes.
You did. And why did you feel like you couldn't tell him?
Not that I don't have loyalty for him, but I also have loyalty for her.
Well, how old were you when you first met her?
I was 10.
Did you ever witness him cheat on her?
Yes.
Okay. So you witnessed him cheat on her and she witnessed her cheat on you?
Yeah, it was a—
So did you expect her to keep your secret?
Never, no, I never would expect her to keep my secret, nor would I ask. This girl asked.
Okay, so when you knew that he was cheating, did you ever get involved in that? Did you say something?
I try to stay out of it, but I would see her cry and all that stuff and it just tears me apart because she was like a second mother to me.
Ooh, okay. Second mother. Did you know that she felt that way about her? Yes. How do you feel about your relationship with your brother right now?
I wish it could be better.
Do you miss your brother?
Yeah, I do.
Tell him.
I really miss you.
What's making you emotional right now?
Because We never sat down and talked.
And why do you think y'all didn't talk?
'Cause it usually just comes to like an argument.
And what are those arguments normally over?
Just stupid stuff. I just don't want him to feel like I'm not loyal to him because I'm loyal to her. I just don't want to be in the mix about anything.
Like, yeah, you watched her go through it. Mary, but nothing I ever did resulted in her losing her home or not being able to eat. You've seen me go through some really tough times and you went through some of those times with me and I'm your brother, Mary. It's us, you know what I mean? Before anything else, it's us. And—
I understand you saying it's us and that is valid and true for your experience. But actually hearing this and hearing Mary talk, I don't think in her mind it's just y'all. Yeah. Which I think is part of the thing that you're grieving right now. You're grieving this sort of like, it's us against the world relationship. And I feel like Mary's over here and she's like, yes, I love you. Yeah. But then there's also other people that I love. The ex was a huge part of her life. She, out of her own mouth, she called her her second mother. Right. Can you acknowledge that? That you brought someone in her life. Yes. You did, you brought it.— that she was able to get close to.
I never discouraged the relationship. I just encourage her to prioritize her relationships wisely and don't turn on the people who would always be there because this person was—
Do you feel like you turned on your brother?
I don't feel like I turned on him. Not that I don't care about him. I'm just very depressed myself.
You're in your own world right now. You're trying to figure things out. I think the part of this relationship right here that is so sad for me is is that y'all grew up in a household where it was y'all two, especially when coming from being adopted, it gives a special bond. And I think part of this is that she was younger and you're looking for sort of this sort of equal reciprocation. Yeah. But that unfortunately, I gotta tell you, that's not how life works. And I think that's what's hurting you right now. Yeah. Because she's still a young woman that has to figure out who she is. Yeah. She's going through her own things. Yeah. She's hurting right now. Yes, sir. I think you have to start to grieve that relationship that you two have and understand it's gonna transition and grow into something different and more beautiful. What do you need from your brother?
To have like a good communication with him. I feel like I'm bashed for certain things or negativity and I just don't wanna be messing with it.
So part of that, him bashing you or in those are your words or feeling like he's bashed 'cause I'm not gonna say you do that. You're grieving the transformation of this relationship and I need you to hear that language. That's what you're doing.
What you would call bashing at times in my reality is being her brother. Like certain things I'm not gonna be down with.
Also, it sounds like you were in such a dad mode before, dad protector mode, all these things. She called your ex-wife her second mother. So if you call my ex-wife your second mother, unconsciously, what does that make you, brother or dad?
She knows I'm the only father she's ever had.
There we go. But you're not her father.
No, I'm not.
And she's not your daughter. Yeah. And she's not required to call you. And she's not required to do the things that you want. Yeah. But I think with better communication, maybe you all can mold this relationship to something that's more supportive for each other. Yeah.
Well, I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel like I was bashing you. This aside from everything we've talked about, things that you tell me that you accept from people I don't accept for you.
But that's not fair to her. It's not. And that's why she stops the communication.
And I'm sorry for that, but I gotta get better with that. But I need you to know I will always be your brother.
That's a beautiful thing. Can you make this sort of commitment to sort of be there for him more?
I will try to communicate to you more.
It's gonna take a while before this actually gets together, but I actually think that the more you allow her to become this woman, the more you allow her to reach out and get the help she feels she needs, the more she's gonna reach out to you and wanna make sure you're okay. You're not a bad guy, you're not a bad woman. Y'all just like, y'all siblings that are going through a lot and are trying to figure out how to grow and change as the world is changing around y'all. You know what I mean? But y'all do have something strong within each other and just remember that. Never let go of that. All right? Y'all gonna be all right. Hopefully I can help a little bit. Okay? Yeah. Thank you so much for being here today. All right? Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.
