My Twin Sent Dad To Jail! | KARAMO

I don't know what it's like to have family. When my twin brother and I were born, we were separated. My dad was in jail when I was born. My mom, she was on drugs. She placed us with other family members. I would often see my mom in the streets, and we would literally, like, walk past each other. When I was 9 years old, my great-aunt passed away, and my dad was coming to get us, but we didn't know we were going with my dad.

My dad.

After a while, my dad started to put his hands on me, constantly talking down on me, constantly comparing my brother to me. I was always called a sissy. I was called all of the names. I said something slick to him. He put his hands on me and he was trying to choke me. I thought he was going to kill me. Well, I picked up the phone and I called the police and they arrested him. We were put into foster care afterwards. We were told that our mom was going to come get us, but she didn't come get us. My brother, he was very mad at me because we didn't know where we were going, and we didn't talk for a while.

I never had a chance to just talk about how I felt. I just wished I was loved growing up.

I remember telling my dad something slick about a remote. And he came towards me and he was about to choke me. Like he was going to choke me. And he choked me and I thought he was gonna kill me. Like just the way that he looked, I saw a different person and I was scared. So I called the police.

But when you called the police, what happened? Why does he think that that's the reason? Because the police saw the abuse?

No, the police didn't see the abuse. I had to come up with another reason to get him in jail. The police was like, "Well, we don't see nothing wrong with him just hitting you or choking you." And I was like—

Okay. So then what was the other reason?

So I told the police, I said, "If someone's growing marijuana in the backyard, what happens?" "Well, they can go to jail." So I told them, they tested the plant, then they took us.

And so he went to jail. That's why your brother thinks it's your fault. Yes. Got it, understand. So it sounds like living with your dad during that time was hard. Yes. Like there was a lot of treating you bad?

Yes.

What do you want from your father today that I can help you with?

I want him to take accountability and I want an apology.

Okay.

I think we run away from those things. We need to talk about it instead of just moving on and act like nothing that happened, all smiles. No.

Understandable.

Most of this is lies as I see that.

So you feel like everything he was saying that you heard was lies?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My son could have came to me when times were coming. He's saying he's scared of me and stuff like that.

I was scared of you.

Okay, you was scared.

You know what y'all did. What you did? Let's be real, what I did, I'm a kid. First of all, I was labeled at a young age, oh, you 16. I don't know nothing about that. You know what you did to me. I don't know nothing about that. You know what you did. Y'all used to, because I was so different and not being, I was never heard. Y'all used to push me to the curb and y'all used to favor Rashard and I would say, well, your brother do this. No, my brother shut up and he listened to y'all and put up with y'all. I was always different 'cause I was not gonna— Tolerating it.

You not the adult. You got to listen.

Yeah, and y'all not parents. Just like he said, you need to show respect.

That's your problem.

'Cause he was scared. I was never scared. My mouth got me places.

That's how you are.

Because I didn't allow the. I didn't allow it.

Yeah. Wrong point.

Wrong point. You not the parent.

I want to hear his side of the story if I can really figure out how to facilitate. So tell me from your point of view, is this your first, how long has it been since you all seen each other?

5 years or something.

5 years. Okay, and so you said, how do you feel about what he's saying right now?

I feel like it's all bullcrap. Talking about I choked him and he was scared of me. I'm gonna show you what I did to him. We had a confrontation coming in from the house. We was coming from somewhere. He would take my key and twist it without twisting the knob, and that'll break the damn key. So I said something smart to him about that. He turned around and said something smart, and I just sat him down like this and told him, you're not gonna disrespect me in my house. He started hollering and crying like I shot him, ran outside with the house phone in the rain, called the police, and that's what happened. He figured that they didn't see where I bruised him at, so he went to the marijuana plant thing that I had, 2 plants about that tall in the backyard. He went to that to finally get out. What he didn't know was they was gonna end up with some people that don't give a damn about you more than you thought your daddy didn't.

It's just like, I could see, like, I'm not gonna bash him. I love my father.

I really do.

But it's all about the accountability. I was a kid. You put a kid in the projects and he living free, no structure, no nothing. In those times of just sitting in the projects, I was molested and I feel like that played a part in my sexuality. Like, nobody ever asked me, like they never sat down. It was like—

Ain't nobody never told me that.

No, no, because y'all don't care. Y'all just threw the word sissy and they never care. All I got was sissy and I couldn't even tell my father.

I ain't never called him no sister.

Every side, Mommy and Daddy's side, they sat there letting them people say whatever they wanted about me. I knew from when I was young, I knew from when I was young I was gonna be the kid that nobody liked. I never was liked. It's hard out here. I got into a foster home and they tried to show me what it was like to have a family. And in the beginning it was so nice. I had a family, I had everything. They took me to do sports, sports, things that I never did, travel.

I put you in school.

I was up in the game.

When I put you in sports, you didn't wanna play?

And the thing was, while I was with them, I kept thinking about my mom and my dad. I said, look, these strangers, and they're lesbian, they accepted me, I gotta come out in their house. If why they can do it, why my parents can't do it? Like, come on.

So you two were separated when you were put in the foster care system? What was that like for you?

We were separated later on, like towards the end of foster care system. When we were separated, our relationship, like I know we went like 3 months.

Talk louder.

We went like 3 months without talking to each other at school. Like every day I would see him.

Yeah.

And like during them 3 months, I felt like it was like, how can I say this?

All right.

During them 3 months, it was like, I felt like he was the reason why we was in foster care and why some of the things we went through.

Yeah. Ronquan and Rashad's mother is here today in the audience. Shanika's here right now.

Hello.

Thank you for being here with us. So I'm gonna ask you point blank, we're hearing and you've seen the pain, why didn't you get your kids out of foster care?

'Cause I didn't have the transportation, the ride to get up there to get them.

That wasn't a good excuse. There you go.

That was not a good excuse.

I wanna talk about your actions.

Yes.

Can you acknowledge that maybe you as the mother, as the woman, did not do enough for these kids and played a part into the life that they had? Because I heard you say a couple times that it's just his fault. Can you acknowledge that it was both of y'all's fault, that you played a part in it?

I played a part in your life. I wish we can take it back. Whatever y'all wanna do. I swear, I can't do this.

You're doing a great job. No, no, no, no, you're doing a great job. That's it, hey. Listen, I want you to know something. I know it's hard when it's like, because no one wants to be attacked right now. But at the end of the day, there's 2 kids up here that are like, "I'm just looking for answers." And we forget that as the adults, we got to give them those answers. We got to give them the healings. If these kids right now was 2 years old and ran in here and they were like, "Mom, my leg is cut. I'm bleeding." Are you going to be like, "I can't do this"? Or are you going to run and say, "Let me try to put a Band-Aid on it. Let me try to put a Band-Aid on it. Let me try to fix it." So you can do this. They need you. So you just did a great job. Your sons have said they never heard you say, that you have taken accountability. You just took accountability.

Right.

Apologize.

And you apologize as well.

Yes.

How do you feel about what your mother just said?

I don't feel like it's sincere really. I feel like she got pressured into apologizing. But like, if it wasn't like, if we wasn't around all y'all, she would not say that.

That's so wrong. I'm gonna tell you this. I'm gonna tell you this. I'm gonna tell you this. Because I understand that it's very easy to feel that way. And you're valid for your feelings because you grew up in a household where you always felt like what she's saying is not real, where you can't trust it. And so it's easy for you to say, well listen, it's only because y'all here, there's cameras here. But sometimes we have to acknowledge the little growth because until we can acknowledge the little growth and then say, let's see how you go from here, you're always gonna always be believing the worst. You're never gonna have a chance to heal yourself. So I would encourage you, I know you've been hurt before, I know it's hard for you to trust, but you've gotta at least be able to say, "All right, you know what? You said it and I'm gonna hold it from here." You can hear me?

[Speaker] Yes, sir.

[APPLAUSE] [Speaker] She acknowledged and she apologized. Now this is where you get to say, "You just did that. Next tomorrow, if you don't do it again, if the next day you don't do it, now I can say now it's BS. But right now you have to be able to say, Okay, I see the little growth.

Right.

You understand? She's trying to give you a little something. How do you feel about her apology, acknowledgement?

I accept her apology now.

Thanks. I feel, I always loved my mama, even though I never really got to saw much of her, but I always been a mama's boy. They call me soft, they call me everything. So to hear her even just say that, that moved me because I never heard it. So it was like, that might be my favorite parent, But I never have a relationship with both of them. But to hear her even just say it, that moved me. And I carry that with me 'cause she never said it before. So I know it's not BS.

She says she wants to do better. He's saying he wants to do better.

Yeah, we gotta talk more on this phone, man. We gotta talk, man. I need to be talking to you, man, on a daily basis. Because like I said, if I would've known back then somebody molested him, I don't know if she knew or not. But if I would've knew, I would be still in prison. That's how I feel about mine.

I understand, I understand.

Yeah.

I get it, I get it. So do you feel seen and heard? No. Is there anything else you feel like you need to say?

There isn't really much.

I just want people to, I want people to get from this is talk about it.

Yeah.

I feel like in the Black community, no one ever sit down and talk. They just move on. My friends, it feel like I'm a therapist at times. Even though I'm hurting myself, but I sit and I hear my friends' problems, anybody I talk to, they have issues and it all stems from them, their trauma, not being able to talk. And I came here today to set the record straight for all of those foster children. It's kids that I run across, I wanna show them that you don't have to be fucked up. You don't have to be like the people you came from. You can move forward, get outta that environment and do better 'cause you can. It's never too late.

[Speaker:KARAMO] So listen, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm glad that you got what you needed from your mom. Your father, at least there was a step taken today where both, he acknowledged that he said things to you that was wrong. What I will say to you one thing is that you two, y'all gotta communicate and stick with each other more. You're brothers, y'all gotta be there for each other. Your brother was doing only what he thought was best to protect y'all. And I know it's hard for you because it feels like he caused certain pain in your life. He didn't, he didn't. Both of your parents were in a place in their lives where they couldn't do what they needed to do. And they both have acknowledged that here today. But y'all gotta be there for each other. You understand? And now something for you. You're a very smart young man. You're a very smart young man. You're a smart, smart man. You hear me? You got a bright, bright, you got a future ahead of you. You understand? Like the way that your mind works, I could see you sitting in this seat You hear me? Very smart. You understand? But I want you to take something from your dad. Your father just said he's in a space right now. He's working on his anger. He's working on trying to be there. He just reached over and is holding you right now. Use him as a guide to start to work on your anger. You hear me? Because once you get that fully under control, I promise you the sky's the limit. Sky's the limit for you as well. You understand? How's it feel to have y'all father hugging you? How's it feel?

How's it feel?

Ronquan, how does it feel to have your dad hugging you?

It feel good.

It feel good?

Yes, this is my mom.

You wanna see her?

Let me give her a hug.

Go on up there, go on up there and hug your mom. Come on now.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's all right.

Good job. You can come on up here. You took a big first step. Thank you for being here.

Right, sorry.

No, no worries. You ain't got to apologize. You did You did a good job.

Thank you.

It wasn't about me. Your son dealt with it. I appreciate all of y'all taking a big step today. You two as parents acknowledging what you did and apologizing and for you two finally being able to be heard and seen. All right? Y'all just keep working on this and y'all gonna be stronger together.

All right?

Good luck.

All right?

I'm glad I could be here for y'all. All right everyone, thank you so much for being with us. Come back next time, friends, so we can keep talking and growing. I love you all. Yeah, I got you. Hold up, hold up, where are you going? I know you want to watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.