Named After My Dad...But He Denies Me?! | KARAMO

You gave your son Rashad's name.

Yes.

Why was that important for you to do?

Because actually that was, I thought that was my only child, Rashad's only child at the time. So when I conceived Rashad, it was when he was about 4 weeks, another baby came apart, you know, so.

And you was heartbroken.

I was, 'cause me and Rashad was in a loving relationship at the time.

Yeah.

And when I conceived Rashad, he had doubts because I had 3 other kids prior to Rashad. I have 6 kids now. And then when I had Rashad at the hospital, Rashad was there. He was there, so he was supportive. He cut the umbilical cord.

Oh, yeah.

But I was still married when I conceived Rashad. So therefore, and I was in Mississippi, by Mississippi laws, my ex-husband had to sign the birth certificate.

Got it.

And so they gave Big Rashad a lot of doubts.

Mm.

Yes, sir.

That makes sense because even though you're naming him, the state law, is what messed everything up, or in the sense of like caused those doubts. Did naming baby after him make him feel any better?

No.

No, it didn't. What happened when his family saw the baby?

Well, actually, when Rashad was about 6 weeks, I moved back to Memphis and his mom came. His grandmom came to see him. She sat on my couch. Rashad was in his car seat. She didn't touch Rashad. She just stared at him the whole time he was there. I mean, she didn't pick him up. She just stared at him. She was sitting like me, he was sitting in the chair in the car seat, she just stared at him. And she was like, "Well, he look like his brothers." Of course, I'm their mother.

Yeah, of course.

You know, so time went by, she told Rashad, "Well, you know, I don't think he's yours." You know, "He look like his brothers." So supposedly it was supposed to been a fake DNA test done. Rashad told me out his own mouth that his mom mouth-swabbed Rashad and that he wasn't his. But they never showed me any results or anything.

Nothing at all?

Nothing.

And I don't think we understand sometimes how for young men who are in a vulnerable mind state, your mother saying something like that is going to just put the stamp of approval on her.

Yes, so she thought maybe it was gonna mess up his, I believe that, you know, with her doing the DNA test and we not getting the results, I think she did that because he was driving trucks at the time and she was so concerned about his trucking career. He had already had one child that's like probably 8 months older than Rashad, 'cause when I was finding out I was pregnant with Rashad, as soon as I got my pregnancy test, I don't know how the other baby mama supposed to have found out, but she found out We was staying together and she came to the door with the baby wrapped in a blanket telling Rashad this was his son. And he instantly, he took accountability of being the father without any DNA test or anything.

Yeah, okay then. So is Rashad still in Rashad's life at all now?

I mean, they talk, I guess they talk, or you know, Facebook. But I know at one time he did cut Rashad completely off. He told Rashad, you know, the only reason why I'm in your life now, you know, we got a bond is because you and your brother made a bond. 'Cause him and his brother, they're like this.

Got it.

They've been friends ever since they known each other.

Got it, got it, got it, got it. Okay. And how does that make you feel the way that Rashad has been treating your son?

To be honest, I've been holding a grudge for years.

And so you called to this show today because you want answers finally?

Yes.

Yeah.

Rashad'll be 19 next month. And you know, and I just want to close this chapter, you know? I just want whatever the results are today, you know, it has nothing to do with me. I just want Rashad and his father to build a bond or whatever happens with them, that's them, you know?

All right, well, Twanna, let's welcome your ex Rashad to the show to hear his side of the story. Karamo, tell us your story. Hey Rashad, how you doing? Thank you for being here. So how do you feel about what was said?

I think she's kind of drawn by some things that really did take place, you know what I mean? When we had Rashad, you know, I was there. I cut the umbilical cord and everything like that, and I was trying to be a family guy, you know, but we had some things that happened in Memphis that really we didn't agree upon. She was already married and already had more kids, so I'm already in doubt for one thing. And I'm young, I'm just outta prison, you know, excuse me, hold on a minute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it was like I wanted to go on with my life, you know what I mean? And do the right thing, you know? And so I was actually in a relationship with somebody else and of course that was my child, but at the same time.

But we were staying together.

Yeah. And then I kind of feel like I was like, you know, going overboard as far as just being in her life, you know? Because I know she probably had her thing, her other guy she was dating, you know, she was married to somebody else.

But we was serious, we was staying together.

But I didn't see no future in it, you know what I mean? So you ain't seen no fruit in it, but I get pregnant, we standing. Am I talking to you or am I talking to him? Who we talking to here? No, you talking to him. So I moved to Chicago, I cut it all off. She said, Rashad, listen, I'm in love with you. She said, you wanna get married? I said, we could do that, we could get married in Chicago if you really serious about that because I just can't come home with all these dudes in my house, in the front porch. I'm working hard trying to be a family guy. Then all of a sudden you pregnant, you know what I'm saying? So I'm like, hold up, man, something ain't right, you know what I'm saying? She must older than me, you know what I'm talking about? So she like, I'm her junior, you know what I'm saying? I wanted to be with her, but I just was reluctant the whole time.

But you were in the hospital, you were there all the way up, I mean, you cut the umbilical cord and you found out you couldn't sign the birth certificate. At that time, why didn't you say, hey—

I was like 21.

Okay, why didn't you say to her in that moment, like, I felt horrible about this, have you ever told her?

We could've did a DNA test then.

I wasn't even worried about that at that time.

You should've been, that's your, I mean, that's a child, that's an innocent child. We could've did a DNA test right then and there. We didn't have to wait this long, we could've did it at the hospital that same day if you really wanted to.

Yesterday is gone, today is here, tomorrow may never come. I'm just here trying to make sure that you doing this for you. It don't even matter, you know what I'm saying? But I just care about Rashad. Me and Rashad got to burn us on break. It don't even matter, you know what I'm saying? I can't worry about yesterday. And that's another thing, I was driving trucks. I had already had my own family. When I would come to Memphis, I would come to Memphis. I can't even concentrate right now. When I did come to Memphis, I would pick him up, I would drop a couple dollars. We'd go on trips. I took him to Cincinnati, Jacksonville, Cleveland, you know what I'm saying? But I couldn't be there every day 'cause I had my own family. She's already married. She got kids prior to me, you know what I'm saying? So how am I supposed to just sit there and just throw myself in that situation now? I was foolish, I was young, it was 20 years ago. I'm 43 years old today.

What made you deny him? I mean, what made you out of all these years—

I never did deny him. Yes, you did. You even told him he wasn't your child.

But you even told him he wasn't your child. You told him the reason why you made a bond with him.

Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. When we went to Memphis, she put me out the house, said it ain't your son.

Oh.

I sure did.

I went to jail and everything.

Yeah, I mean, I did. Okay, okay, okay. Because of what his mama said, okay, then you stopped coming around. I just had to let you know I didn't need you then if you're not gonna be around. Oh, that's what it was about? But you a man though, you still should've been there regardless of what I said.

I couldn't though, I couldn't.

But you took responsibility for a whole nother newborn baby.

I couldn't be in your town, your city, baby girl.

So you had said earlier that you feel like Rashad couldn't be in your life, Rashad Jr. wasn't in your life because of the fact that she was still married. Is that true?

I think it was a personal vendetta against me.

I mean, when my mom did the DNA test, she got this little kid, and it never did, she never did say he wasn't mine. She said the jury's still out on that, meaning that all she had going on as far as her being married and things like that, I wasn't even supposed to be involved with that. She was trying to protect me, not because of my career, but she didn't want me to go back to jail because, you know, the judge told me don't, Tennessee come in my life. So she's doing these things to protect us, protect than you. You damn right, 'cause we was in Memphis together.

No, that ain't protecting us.

When we was in Memphis together, I ain't even trying to hear what she's saying right now, 'cause you married.

It don't matter. It do matter.

It didn't matter when we was married. I was supposed to been staying with you, bro. I was supposed to been staying with you, bro. Let me tell you something. When we was staying in your dad's house. I can only do what I can.

But we was staying in your dad's house.

It don't matter, we talking about Memphis.

No, we talking about Meridian, where it all started.

So I can only do what I can. I can't, I can't, I can't make up for lost time and I can't sit here and pick up the pieces. I'm not. Yesterday is gone.

What I want to go backstage is talk to your son Rashad and bring him out. So I'll be right back. So how you doing? You good?

I'm good.

Yeah, I'm doing good. Nice to meet you, man.

Nice to meet you, man.

So you was watching your parents out there? Yeah, yeah. Potential father, you know? But how did that make you feel?

Man, it made me feel real frustrated. For real, for real.

Yeah.

Like it's just too much going on. Like I ain't got time for all that for real. You know what I'm saying?

What did you want growing up?

Man, I just wanted a happy family. That's it.

So the frustration they had in their relationship came out on you and you hated that?

Yeah, right, right, right. Man, I hope he my father though. For real, for real.

And if he is?

I'm gonna, you know what I'm saying, give him a round of applause. You know what I'm saying? Shake his hand.

Yeah. Is there anything that you need from him? Like acknowledgement-wise, do you need him to say, anything to you for those years potentially he missed if he is your father? I want you to take a moment and think about that. Don't answer that. Whether you know it or not, if he is your father, you need closure from that.

Yeah, for sure, for sure. You know what I'm saying?

So I want you to think about what you would need him to say.

Right, right.

So I think it's time that we go out here and you talk to your parents.

Yeah, for sure.

Or potential father or mother. You wanna sit in the middle of him? You can sit in the middle of him. Here you go. He's nervous. He nervous, that's why. Okay. So, you know, your mother and potential father heard you backstage. Yes, sir. What do you wanna say to Rashad Sr. right now?

You know what I'm saying? What's up? What's going on?

What's up? What's up, son?

So yeah. But for real though, Pop, like why you want that? Like, you know what I'm saying? Once you, like when I hit about 5, you know what I'm saying? Like why you just couldn't, why you just be there? You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? I tried to be there, son. I was there for you when you was born and everything. You know, meet the circumstance, me and your mom, you know, I ain't no excuses for it, but you know what I'm saying? Circumstances with your mom didn't go according, it didn't go as planned.

You know what I'm saying?

We planned on being a family, but it didn't work out according 'cause we two different people in bondage. You know what I'm talking about? At the same time. We ain't gonna throw nobody up under the bus, me or your mama. But you know, I can't, when people married and dealing with people that's not married, it ain't gonna never work. It's gonna always last and end in disaster.

[Speaker:KARAMO] Well, this is what I want. Before we have these conversations, because I think it's important to establish the DNA truth. [APPLAUSE] The thing is that at the end of the day, any excuses or anything or any ways of perceiving it could be valid or might not be valid depending on if Rashad Sr. is your father. This is your truth to open, not mine. Thank you. Here you go. You can take a seat.

He owe me apology.

Hold on.

Take a seat. Come back around this way. Come back around this day. Hold on. He tried to give you a hug. Would you accept that hug? But do you want it with an apology?

Yes.

Would you be willing to give her an apology?

What am I apologizing for?

Ask her.

No, no, no, no, no.

There's been years of confusion.

Something happened in the past, because I'm only a reaction to what she told me.

But hold on, hold on. Like I said, it don't even matter. I get it, I get it. But now what I'm trying to establish for you is because we now know that this is your son, for him to actually get the closure and healing he needs so that he can feel like I need to move forward, this co-parenting journey has to switch because he's unfortunately been the victim of all the dysfunctional co-parenting y'all have had. So at this time right now, there can be no more blame game. What now has to happen is healing if you want his life to be better. So I know you said, she said she needs an apology and you said, for what? That's a valid question because in your mind, what y'all been through in the past, I don't know what I'm apologizing for because I have my reasons for why we established some of those reasons. But you get to express now what you need that apology for and now you get to hear it and start from new fresh ears knowing this is your son.

Yeah, because I mean, after all these years, I told you he was your son and you missed out on a lot. I mean, even though what we went through, It didn't have nothing to do with him. I kept telling you, even when he got older, even when I introduced y'all to each other at the age of 10.

I was not there because I didn't think he was a whole son.

I was there 'cause I was not able.

I had my own child. I understand where this is about to go. Hold on, I got you. We're gonna make sure we make sure this to go this. So you've admitted on this stage that there were several times you told him this is not your son.

Yeah, outta anger.

I know outta anger.

But I knew.

But hold on. We're gonna start there. Out of anger, you did say that, which can cause doubt in a young man's mind. So what I want, because I wanna make sure y'all are both getting the apology you deserve.

I apologize to him for everything, you know what I'm saying? That I didn't fulfill, that you expected of me. I apologize.

Can you apologize?

Hold on, hold on one second, hold on one second, hold on one second.

Can you apologize for saying that to him?

Yes, sir, I apologize as well. You know, like right now it's not about me or it's not about you. It's about Rashad. You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

I got my closure. That's all I need is my closure. Now it's between you and him to make the bond. Like I said, I got what I wanted.

Well, hold on. He was gonna give you a hug. Can you give him that hug? Y'all both got your apology because I want y'all to heal. I want y'all to heal as well. There you go. Now take a seat for me. Take a seat for me. What happened? And I appreciate both of y'all because what y'all first did is those people that was young and had so much confusion and had all of that, I understand both of y'all got confused in that moment. But what y'all both did right there by apologizing is you put the past fully to say, you know what? This is now about this present moment of Rashad Jr. Y'all made a big step. Rashad Jr., how did it make you feel to see your parents apologize and give each other a hug?

It made me feel good, you know what I'm saying? 'Cause it let me know that they really putting everything to the past and you know what I'm saying, moving on to the future. But also we still our own person at the end of the day. So it's like, don't really just let what happened in the past affect you now because you still gotta grow and glow, you know what I mean?

Yeah, good job. Rashard Jr., I'm excited. You know this is your father, you know you got a great mother. Like, build this family, get everything you have. If you have questions that you need answered, feel empowered to ask them because these two people wanna love you and make sure you have all the answers, all right?

Yes, sir, yes, sir.

All right, I wish y'all the best of luck as a family. Thank you for being with us. Make sure to come back next time, fam, so we can keep talking and growing. I love you all.