One Hour of Karamo’s Co-Parenting Advice | Co-Parenting Unlocked | KARAMO

Your ex came to drop him off in that yellow and white car. He came out there and he said— he told me that you had said, hey, listen, this is our friendship. This is what it's going to be. And we got to stay strong for the kids. And he was like, I don't care what she say. I see you. And like, as if like he thought that I was going to do something.

Are you serious?

And got up in my face like he wanted to fight me. What? This in front of my sister's house. This in front of my sister's house.

You never told me that.

Because I wasn't about— again, me telling you that was to cause more drama in your house, which would have caused more drama in our children's house. Wow.

There was no teen pregnancies on my watch.

None.

Because I made sure to get out the way.

None. Break a cycle, bitch. You better break a cycle. Not one. Because you're not.

Not one. Because you're not.

Not one. What's up, friends? This is Co-Parenting Unlocked, and I'm here with my son's mother, my baby mama, Stephanie. How you doing?

I'm doing—

So the reason I brought my son's mother here is because I think there's no better person I should talk to or can talk to about co-parenting, and then talk about our own experiences. Before we get into how we co-parent, let's talk about how we know each other. So Stephanie and I met when we were 15 years old. She was fly. She looked like a damn supermodel. She was like 5'11", 5'— Yeah, you was like 5'— Yeah, whatever I am now. You were tall. OK, you was tall. OK. Yes. I was this tall and fly as well.

Yes.

But we met because our last names were Brown and Brooks. And so we sat next to each other. But I also think that there was a sort of sincerity in the fact that both of us knew that our home lives might not be the best. Yeah. And we felt safe with each other. Would you agree?

I would totally agree with that. Yes, 100%.

And then from there, we started to be each other's support system in every way. Like, I know that you helped me to be more out of my shell because I was a little more rigid. Would you say that? Yeah. Because I was very structured. I was very like, Stephanie, we got to get to class on time. We got to do homework. Yeah. Yeah. Would you not agree?

I do agree with that.

But you was more like, girl, have some fun.

Yeah. And we did. I would say this, that you did have a balance.

Yeah.

But you always knew how to prioritize. Like, it was always about, we're going to handle business first, and then we're going to, you know, do that fun stuff after.

Yeah. But then I sometimes would take the business side and the bookwork too serious.

You did. Yeah. You did.

And then you'd be like, loosen up.

Like, we'll get that project done. Like, relax.

Yeah, relax.

We did.

We did. Yeah. And it still goes into our relationship today, even though we're now in our 40s. From 15, we still the same, where it's like sometimes I look to you to say, hey, can you calm it down, chill a little bit? Can you like, you know? And you still look to me to say—

Can you help me out with more structure? More structure, yeah. Yeah, because I need it.

Being a teen parent, especially with the fact that I wasn't around for those first years, was difficult.

It was.

It was.

Yeah.

Because in that time as well, during the 10 years that I wasn't there, you had 4 other children.

I did.

And this doesn't matter, because I hate when people do this to women, being like, she got different baby daddies. Your baby daddies were all the same. All the same man. It was me and one other guy. But don't you hate that stigma, though?

I do. I do.

During that time, you had the 4 other kids. And so you were a single mother raising 5 kids.

5 kids. Actually, by 24 years old.

24 years old. What was that like?

It felt hard.

Yeah.

It felt— because unlike you, how you get in and we co-parent and you are very much involved, with 5 kids at 24 years old, it was very extremely hard. I think that's kind of like when I went into survival mode, if you will. And it was just all about kids and making sure that we were all right.

Yeah. And then a lot of that, you didn't even have a lot of family support.

No.

It was you on your own.

It was. Yeah, let's talk about it. So again, the comparison between you and he is nothing. So you know our story was we were young. We were kids. We were in love. We were in love with our friendship first.

Yes, of course, you know.

And we did stuff, and we made us a beautiful little brown baby. But it was an innocence there that I just really love and respect. By the time my second father came into the picture, I was still a teenager. Jason was maybe 8 or 9 months old. And at that point, I feel like, you know what, life for me is not going to be any more planning for college and planning for, you know, going away and seeing what I'm going to get. I had this all or none type of theory, and I felt like, well, damn, I'm out of the loop now. I've had a kid as a teenager. I'm out of there.

So that a lot of that comes from a lot of that comes from like the people not being around you, being able to support you like you see.

Exactly.

Yeah. For what you had to go through, most people who watch this can relate because, like, the world should have broken you. Yeah. Like, it should have broken you. And there's a period that you felt like it did break you.

Very much having Jason at 16, I was still a baby. I was still a kid. I mean, I needed guidance. I needed love. I needed conversations, you know, about accountability and responsibility at that. And it was just life was over. Like, I was encouraged to get a job. I was not encouraged to continue on with whatever dreams I had and visions that I had prior to that.

Yeah.

I was looked at in a different way, and I was met with that type of behavior, like, you know, you made a choice, and now you have to suffer for it. And what I could have used instead, when I'm looking back at it now, was I could have used more guidance. I was still a kid.

You still a kid.

And I still needed that help. I needed that protection.

That's what fucks me up about parents.

Yeah.

This is still a child. And I don't understand when parents look at a kid just because they made what seemed like an adult decision, all of a sudden you start treating them like they adults. For 16 years, 15 years, we still don't know what we're doing. We get to 25, we still don't know what we're doing. We get to 30, we don't know what we're doing.

Barely knowing.

And then you at 16, and then all of a sudden it's like, well, you made this choice.

You're grown now. So deal with it.

And it's like a reminder, like, stop that. Support is always supposed to be there as a parent.

For sure it is. And I'm sure that the lack of support kind of led me into— I didn't feel— I don't know. I didn't feel loved.

Yeah.

I didn't feel, again, seen, heard, or like— it changed the image in my mind that said, you know what? Well, maybe she's right. It's time for me to be grown. I was not ready to be grown. I had made it— you know, we had made a beautiful baby. I don't want to say our baby was a mistake because he's not. He's made in love and conceived in love. We love him. But at the time— I was not ready. And my view of what being grown was, I ain't know nothing about that. I just knew that, OK, it's time to get a job, time to pay bills. And oh, now an older man wants to talk to me, which he was 24. I was 16.

It's so funny when you go back in time and you think, you wish. You wish.

What my daughter would have brought her. What if he— if my daughter— and I'm going to say this with all due respect and love— there was no teen pregnancies on my watch.

No.

Because I made sure to get— No.

Break a cycle. You better break a cycle. No, no, what? Now what? Cannot, cannot.

My daughter was not going to suffer my son's—

hold on, this is what I'm talking about with Stephanie. This why we got— listen, this is the things that Stephanie has been through. Again, I say should have broken her, but she was so conscious even in moments of growth that she was like, I'm not doing this. And so what statistics will tell you is that anyone who's a teen parent will make— their kids will usually be teen parents. My father was a teen parent, my grandfather was a teen parent. And so these things sort of replay themselves. And you were, even in that moment, was like, no, none of y'all. None of y'all. And not one of them.

Not one.

Not one of them.

Not one of them did.

Not one of them. There was a lot of moments where you felt down, depressed, you know what I mean? Where you had trifling ass bitches come in your life.

Yep.

We're going to talk about a couple of them later on. Because they talk— that affected our co-parenting journey.

It sure did.

That affected our co-parent journey. You had moments where finances weren't right.

Yeah.

Affected our co-parenting journey.

It sure did.

There was moments where there were family members that tried to influence what happened in your life and my life that, again, affected our co-parenting journey. And that also affected both of the ways that we saw the world.

Yeah.

Those moments got you down. But now people can see that you're in a space where you are thriving. You're making your coin. Yes. Your kids are good.

Yes, they are.

You on your baby daddy's show.

Oh my gosh. What? What?

The mother of my two sons, Stephanie, Brooks, how do you feel about us as your parents? Oh, here we go. This is what we do. This is what we do.

It's feeling so good.

And so what— how did you get to this place? And I know that, listen, growth is a continuation thing.

Yeah.

But what got you here?

One thing that it took was changing my mind. Like, I realized that I had thought wrong about who I was, and I had a bad or negative— a negative spin on who I was as a person. I compared myself a lot to other people and their successes. And oh, well, such and such has 3 kids, and— she's doing this and doing that. And so I said, basically, like you saying, stop the bullshit. There's no comparison in this life. This journey is my own. I have to make the decisions. I have to choose. It's time to start choosing some different things. The choices that I was making was leading me back to the same damn place that I did not want to be in. So it took a made mind to say, you know what, enough of this. It's time to heal and really heal for real. Like, let's heal. So we can move forward empowered and help others.

Let me tell y'all the day I knew that Stephanie was serious about this healing growth. Sorry, and this is going to be a little funny thing. Stephanie, her phone number used to change constantly.

Oh, God.

Girl, it's the truth, though. It is. It's the truth. Your phone number used to change. I had Stephanie in my phone as Stephanie 2005, '06, '10, November of '18. And I remember all of a sudden, the phone number stayed the same.

For a long time. Oh, my God, Karamo.

But I know this may seem stupid to somebody else. But that stability—

Yeah.

—which you then decided to keep for yourself— Yep. —meant I am on a path now where I am accountable for this bill. I'm accountable for everyone being able to contact me, communicate with me. I'm accountable for my life. Yes. And that was a small thing. Somebody else might look at that and think that's stupid. For me, that was big.

Yeah. It was big for me too, shit. I'm the one who was going— listen, the financial struggle was real. Real. So 5 kids at 24 years old, Um, and then like I told you, the dad not being present. So, um, me thinking about my healing, to be honest with you, the way we was raised was not at the top of my list of priorities. It was like, survive. What you talking about? You sad and you need to do this and that and you need— you know, it was pay the bills. And you know, so sometimes in doing that, I dropped the ball. I would drop the ball on stability because financially I couldn't afford it.

It might be times Hold on, stop that, 'cause somebody needs to hear that. I know your daughter didn't use protection, but she still needs your protection. She still needs your attention as well. And I hear you when you're saying you're embarrassed. I'm hearing when you say these things. I gotta be very honest with you. There's a lot of you that I see in myself. And I also understand that feeling of like, I am so overwhelmed trying to work, trying to do every single thing. I'm busting my ass, I'm trying to save every dollar, and I just get flooded. Frustrated because I used to have this issue with my sons. I used to come home and one day I realized that I don't give them the same patience that I gave the rest of the world. Because somebody is right now is judging somebody in their life. Yeah. And they don't realize, they keep saying, why she don't do it? Why he don't do it? What's going on? You could not focus on stability because finances were more important. Right. And people don't get that sometimes. Hello. It's so easy to be like, well, why don't you focus on your mental health? Why you not focusing on this and that? It's like when you're in survival mode, You don't see it.

You don't see nothing but we got to survive.

But you in thriving mode now. Let me tell y'all something. Yeah, sure am. Thriving. OK. So now y'all understand why I love Stephanie so much, why I love my son's mother. We have the best relationship in the world. And so this whole series is going to be about us co-parenting, how we deal with stuff, how we healed. I don't know if y'all can tell why I love her, because we can relate to what she's going through. So make sure you unlock all the co-parenting advice with Stephanie and I. Through this series the entire time. On the next "Co-Parenting Unlocked." So I filed child support in an effort to just locate— Hold on. So I thought the state had did it when you did it. No. You went up there?

Listen, I initiated it, yes. I never knew this.

You just got something brand new.

I did.

I always thought that this was the state. I've told this story a million times that Stephanie did not come after me. The state came after me.

But let's add this. Let's add this, OK? Because there's more. There's more. There's more. There's more. Let me land. It's a little turbulent right now. Let me land.

You didn't ask me for child support. No. But I will say I did think you were stupid.

Why? Because I didn't take it?

Girl, I was like, girl, if I was— the position was switched, I'd have been like, you better cut a check. Hey friends, it's me, Karamo. Welcome back to another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked. I'm here with my son's mother, Stephanie. Hey, we've been having great conversations about how to co-parent based on what we did and trying to give you all advice. So one of the things we want to talk about right now is we know that finances, money, child support is an issue, right? And we navigated that very well. So one of the things is that Stephanie didn't ask me for back child support. She didn't ask me for money. You never put child support, you never did any of that stuff.

I didn't want the money, let me just say that. This was a time before the internet. Uh-huh, yeah. And so I don't know if folks know the story behind us. So we were separated. Karamo was sent to live in Florida, and I stayed in Texas. As a matter of fact, one day I'm on the TV scrolling, I see a familiar face. And I'm like, oh my God, there he is. I had been looking for you. Yeah. So what I did was I filed child support in an effort to just locate—

Hold on. So I thought the state had did it when you did it. No. You went up there?

Listen, I initiated it, yes. I never knew this.

You just got something brand new. I did. Come on, I did. I always thought that this was the state. I have told this story a million times. That Stephanie did not come after me. The state came after me.

But let's add this. Let's add this, okay? Because there's more. There's more. There's more. Let me land. It's a little turbulent right now. Let me land. I'm coming. I'm coming. Wait, wait. So what happened was, which y'all know, and this— I don't know if it's state specific or not, but in Texas, when you file for food stamps or Medicaid, which is the insurance, um, through the state, they ask you, well, you want us to help you? Where's your baby daddy? Basically. Of course. Yeah. And so if you don't give up this information, we're less inclined to help you, right? So I, in my clever thinking, in my young mind, was like, uh, I don't want no child support, but I would love to see my son's dad.

I wanted to locate you. Now that makes sense, because when I got contacted through the state and hadn't talked to you, didn't know where you were, didn't know any of that stuff, literally for me it was given to me that you were not asking for child support. The state— that's what I was informed.

Well, that's what happened. That's what—

yes, it is. Now that makes sense. Now we're landing. So it's still similar. You went in for the benefits.

I went in to— Receive the benefits. —I wanted people to locate you, period. I did not want— I was not seeking— The money. —child support. I promise to God.

You were seeking the benefits from the state. I was. But you weren't seeking child support. No. Well, I will tell you this, and this has been something that we've never talked about because you didn't ask me for child support. No. And when I did come into Jason's life, I stepped up immediately. I started giving money. I took custody. You know what I mean? With Yes Sir. So like, there was no lag time of like, you know, let's not give him help. But I will say, I did think you were stupid.

Why? Because I didn't take it?

Girl, I was like— girl, if the position was switched, I'd have been like, you better cut a check. You better check a check. I mean, don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Like, you know now, I'd like try to drop you money. Anytime I had money, I would be like, here's some money. Take your money, you know what I mean? And even I was taking full custody of the kids. Yeah, you always did. But initially, I was like, she not going to come up.

She not going to come up.

Like, she dumb. I mean, now, as an adult, I will tell you this. I think that allowed our young minds to be able to figure out how to co-parent because there wasn't a stress of the money. Right. Because I don't think we would have been able to navigate those conversations, and it could have caused resentment or issues. Exactly. Exactly. Maybe in your naivete, yeah, it was for the best because we didn't have finances to complicate things.

Yeah, and we didn't. But I'm gonna tell you, you are on a quick ascension. You were going up and like, you know, digging into your career and opportunities.

I mean, I used to say all the time, I'd be like, have a baby by me, baby, be a millionaire.

You know how I translated that? Like, make your own— like, you'll make a way from being this close to someone so driven and so successful, you'll find your own way. In my mind, it was reunite me with my childhood love, that we had a baby but I wanted you. It was never about the money. You are like Karamo, you don't need the money to be you. Like, you are the money, you are it. So I wanted our son to like, you know, like be with—

I meant when I said it, girl.

Do you know how many women told me how stupid I was though for not filing on you? Girl, a lot.

I would have told you the same thing. You ain't gonna do it. I keep it real and y'all know that. Like, I give advice to the women on my show. Yeah. And I give advice to the men as well, but I keep it very real. And the advice that I give them, I always say, is advice that I would either say or do in my own life. So that's why I'm like, yeah, girl, if you would have came on my show and me and you would have been the guests, I would have given you the advice of file. I would have given it to you. Yeah. Yeah. Again, for our relationship, and this is not true for everyone, I'm— yeah, I, I, I think it worked out the best. I do too. And not because I wouldn't have paid because, you know, I'm responsible and those things. But I think what would have happened was, I think that it would have got— I think people would have gotten in our heads. Because one of the things that people have always said, and I've heard this before, and we always have to defend— Stephanie didn't come after me because I was on TV. Never did. She never came. This was way before TV. I had no money. People think, like, you came around because of money. No. This girl ain't never asked me for nothing. She don't come around me for nothing. She don't ever, like— she's never said, can you buy me some groceries? You have never once said, put some gas— Nothing. Nothing. Yeah, you haven't. No, I can't remember a time that you've ever done that. You have never said— I mean, I've helped out because I love you on my own accord when I've seen things. Yeah, but you have never begged, you have never asked, you have never demanded.

I've never wanted from nobody. Like, in life in general, I've never wanted from somebody, like, to take care or to give. I never felt that entitlement. Again, coming from a place where, like, we worked for everything that we had. I always just respected and admired you. Like, look at my friend from the same hood as I am grinding for his position and making his money. I felt like I wasn't with you shooting in the gym. Why I get to scoop in and try to take some money from you?

I'll tell you this. I got a different opinion. Tell me what you think. I think part of the thing that I think in co-parenting situations is that the pride can get in the way. Because I think that's pride. Is it? You just said, like, you said, like, I'm not— I wasn't there to make it, but, like, whatever. I'm not going to ask for it. And for me, you would have had full authority because as co-parents, your security means security of our child. Can I tell you something further, Karamo?

Yeah. From a place of, like, a fear of abandonment, I had been without you for a long time. And it was times when I was struggling, and I probably should have spoken up and said something, but I didn't tell you. But I never wanted you to think that I was money motivated or after something. I wanted your presence, and I was happy that we were united.

I would have never thought that. That's the crazy part. I would have never thought that you was money motivated because you've never given that. You've never given that. You've never given that with dudes you dated. You've never given that. You've never given like, oh, I'm about this money. I'm about this stuff. And I was like, you should be. You should be.

And that's what I'm talking about. That strict and that, like you were talking about, being more stable, making those type of decisions. I wasn't there. You wasn't there.

Ask me to date. OK.

You want to give me some money? Give me some money. You want to give me back pay? We don't have to tell nobody. Like, you can give me some money now.

I said, girl, have a baby by me. I'm going to keep— I'm going to make you a millionaire, girl. I'm going to make you a millionaire, girl. Don't worry about it.

I'll take that. Thank you.

So what type of advice would you give to a woman out there who's maybe running into a wall when it comes to finances with their co-parent, their child's father?

I would say speak up. I mean, just like what we just witnessed here, it was definitely a lack of communication between us and maybe a small pride issue where we could have overcame some small difficulties, some small things. Yeah, easily. Yeah. So I would say definitely to speak up. Yeah. And if you need to file child support, file it. Yeah, file it on them. Like, if you need that and you're not, you know, getting back— it was easy with us because the same as I was not being money motivated, you were definitely motivated to hop in, jump in, like you said, as a father. And so that's what it really made it so easy. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I didn't have to give you instructions on what he needs or whatnot. You offered, you took care of him. It was crystal clear that you was, you know, stepping in and taking care of business. So it was no need to—

Yeah, I think, I think you're right. Having that conversation is something. And I think you got to make sure that you're not having that conversation in anger or ego, right?

Exactly.

Because that's where people start feeling like, you know what, now, oh, you just trying to come after me, you doing something. And that's why I said, like, the way you navigated, unfortunately, was naive. But yeah, it did allow me to feel like She has no— there's no ego or anger here. And so it made me just want to make sure that I always stepped up for you and that you always knew that you never had to worry about— I remember when school would come around, I was like, you don't ask your mother for nothing. I was like, you come to me and that's it. Because I was like, she's not ever coming to me, so you don't need to go to her. You come to me. It was like to remove the stress, you know what I mean?

And it did. Yeah, it helped majorly. Again, it just felt good to know that, hey, I got a real father. Like, my son has a dad. Yeah, for sure. That's gonna be here and take care of business.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think having that conversation is important. And like, maybe I, I guess the real advice is maybe like suggesting like invite someone in who's like, like a third party, not a parent, not a, you know, not a brother or sister, but somebody who can help y'all talk about finances without the ego. Yeah. And if you find yourself talking about finances and somebody's getting angry, yes. Don't settle it right then and there. Yeah, because if you try to settle something in anger, you're never going to do it for the benefit of the kid. And at the end of the day, it's for the benefit of the kid. Exactly. But also, again, like I said, it should have been for the benefit of you as well. Yeah, I appreciate that. It should have been.

I want to just say this too, also. I don't think it's fair when, when the parent— and in some instances, most of them, it's like the, the mother has custody or whatever, the kids are primarily with the mom— I don't think it's fair to be using kids as leverage either. Like, you know, This money is supposed to be used for the children. I don't believe in, like, your hair and nails. You got a boyfriend or somewhere. You need to be using the money on the kid. So when are the actions going to start lining up?

Like when I paid my last child support payment. You don't want me to be that new person. You're stuck on the person I used to be.

I'm craving for you to be that new person.

You know I keep up with you.

You know I keep the relationship open. You know I don't cut her off from talking to you.

So I want you to tell me right now. Hold on one second. Let me tell y'all something. I agree 100%. I agree 100%. And that's one thing that you have never done. I have given you money, and you ain't never again did a hair, a nail, a thing. You was always like, this is going towards the kids. Oh, yeah. Always. That's always been your priority. Oh, yeah. Always, always, always, always, always. Yeah. Always will.

I mean, unless you— again, unless you just want to give me some money. I'll take that. But when it goes back to the kids—

What you want me to get you? I'll get your ass something after this. What you want? What you want? Girl, what you want after this? See, the prize still there. I just asked her what she want.

Shoes. Purse. OK. Yep, it's done.

Done. What? Done. For all the years of not asking.

Yeah, done.

We'll post the picture on Instagram very soon. What? With the shoes on? You want shoes and bag.

Y'all heard this. Witnesses. Y'all—

you know I'm a man of my word, girl. OK, you know I'm a man of my word, girl. You know I'm a man of my word. You want it, you get it. OK? All right, so I want y'all to tell me, when it comes to co-parenting and finances, what do you think the best way is to communicate? You heard how we communicated. Tell us what your thoughts are. On the next Co-Parenting Unlocked. Your ex came to drop him off in that white little white car and came out. He came out there and he said— he told me that you had said, hey, listen, this is our friendship. This is what it's going to be. And we got to stay strong for the kids. And he was like, I don't care what she say. I see you. And like, as if like he thought that I was going to do something. Are you serious? And got up in my face like he wanted to fight me. This in front of my sister's house. This in front of my sister's house.

You never told me that.

Because I wasn't about— again. Me telling you that was to cause more drama in your house, which would have caused more drama in our children's house. Wow. Your ex came to drop him off, and that white little white car came out. He came out there, and he said— he told me that you had said, hey, listen, this is our friendship. This is what it's going to be, and we got to stay strong for the kids. And he was like, I don't care what she say. I see you. And like, as if like he thought that I was going to do something. Are you serious? And got up in my face like he wanted to fight me. This is in front of my sister's house. This from my side. You never told me that. Because I wasn't about— again, me telling you that was to cause more drama in your house, which would have caused more drama in our children's house. Wow. What's up, friends? This is Co-Parenting Unlocked, and I'm here with my son's mother, Stephanie. Hi. Hey, boo. Now, you coming into episode 3. How you feel about this?

I'm feeling real good.

Oh, not the body roll. Not the body roll.

My whole being in it.

This whole conversation is about to be what happens when you have a partner that doesn't like your co-parent, right? And you had a partner that was trifling as hell that didn't like me that affected our relationship.

It did. Oh, it was a mess. So sorry, just to get into the mess, just jump on in it.

Let me tell y'all something, she was dating this dude and this dude was so insecure to me. Oh my God, I mean, I am now fully a homosexual. Like, out. Out. Yeah. With my son's mother. Like, there is no— you ain't got to ever worry about me coming over and me being on the couch thinking that we did something. Not once. No, no. Girl, we in here talking to each other, girl. There's nothing. And this man was so insecure. Am I lying?

No, you ain't lying. You ain't lying. To the fact of did not like us having friendship, did not want us to be hanging out. That's absolutely true. So you just painted the whole story. He was insecure. It's our friendship, Karamo. People don't know how to deal and how to handle this. Like, I get it, you know, with you being openly, openly gay, homosexual— I can say that word? Yeah, girl, it's fine. With you being openly homosexual and having your partners and the love between us not changing anything in the logistics— I'm sorry, except for we don't have sex no more— like, it's hard for people to deal. You are a fine man. Like, you fine as hell. You tall, you chocolate, you got that smell. You know, you look good. Karamo always look beautiful, by the way. Always been this fine.

Look, keep going. Check the baby pictures. Check the pictures, y'all. Put the baby pictures up. No, I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking.

But he was intimidated.

But see, but this is the thing. What I hate is because we was trying to figure out how to co-parent these kids together. And I used to feel like he would always get in the way. Because one of the things for me, like, you know, with my partners, I tell people, like, number one, this is the queen of the house. Yeah, you do. I'm like, Stephanie come in here, she get all— I mean, and I didn't really have to because you just assert a presence of like, I'm here. And also you're just so friendly. Everyone loves you. I've never met someone who doesn't love you. And so I've always set that standard of like, she's it. Yes. You can't say nothing about her. I've never had a partner who's ever said anything to you rude.

No, never. No. Because I would cuss their ass. What? Hello.

In a heartbeat. Hello. And I think that's a priority, is that like how you set the tone with your partner when it comes to co parenting is essential. It is. Because it sets sort of a precedent of you can't do nothing over here. Because this ain't about you.

Hello. Yes.

This ain't about you. Hello. And I know this situation. Like, we have people on my show where, like, they've slept with their child's, you know, their ex and all that.

She told me she cheated. She told me she cheated on him before and that she was sorry.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You said you.

You slept with me, and I came and I told Chris myself that I slept with my baby father that time, didn't I, Chris? Don't lie.

Oh, so hold on. I got to back up because earlier when we talked about it, then it get messy, and it's like, now you muddied it. Yes. But with you and I, when it's not muddy—

Nothing in that, right? It's solid. I've always said this, like, we've already created our mixture. Like, think of it as ingredients, right? We've already put in all the flavors and the seasons that are great and wonderful. We got our pot going, it's stirring, it's steaming, it's smelling delicious. If you're going to be an ingredient that's added in that complements the flavor, great. If not, baby, you can be extracted.

Get up out of here. Come on with the analogy. We are going to extract you. I got this. I got this. I got this. Right on the spot.

Get on out of here.

But at the time when you had this man, he was— he was affecting our co-parenting.

He was. He was affecting our friendship, period. Because again, we're going to say, start with that. We have a great co-parenting relationship because we started off as friends, and he was intimidated by that. And so what I learned at the time— I'm gonna tell you this, Karamo— at the time, I really felt like when it comes to relationships and being in a relationship, I was honoring what my partner wanted, you know, more than what we have established. Yeah. At the time, it makes sense to do that.

Yeah. But what we realize now as adults is that it's It's not about honoring what your partner wants. It's about honoring what's best for them kids.

Hello, that's where I was going with it. Yep, that's exactly right. And that's what's best for the kids.

And, and people need to catch that. It's not about honoring what your partner wants. It's about honoring what's best for them kids. And I think if you can't get to a place— again, everything we say about co-parenting is always going to come back to that. Yeah, that's what I try to teach on my show, is it's about them kids. It is. It's about them. Take, take away you, take away your partner, take away your It's about them kids.

That did not ask to be here. Did not ask for—

they didn't ask for y'all drama because you don't like her and he don't like me and this—

Whatever. Yeah. They don't need to know. Be mature. The way I dealt with that ex-partner of mine that did have a problem was, I don't know if you ever knew this, but I just let him know, like, hey, what's established between Karamo and I is already— it's done. Oh, I didn't know. There's nothing you can do about it.

Oh, I didn't know. I'm going to tell you this. After Chris came and moved with me, Chris started to talk What are you talking about? No, no, no, no, it wasn't Chris. Your ex came to drop him off in that white little white car came out. He came out there and he said— he told me that you had said, hey, listen, this is our friendship. This is what it's going to be. And we got to stay strong for the kids. And he was like, I don't care what she say. I see you. And like, as if like he thought that I was going to do something. Are you serious? And got up in my face like he wanted to fight me.

What? This in front of my sister's house.

This from my sister's house.

You never told me that.

Because I wasn't about— again, me telling you that was to cause more drama in your house, which would have caused more drama in our children's house. Wow. See? And guess who ain't had time for that? See? Because I wouldn't worry about him.

See? But that's a structured side of you.

But no, he came in my face like— and you know I like to fight.

I know you would have probably knocked him out if Christian wasn't right there. What?

Yes, I knew you said that. I did.

Karamo, that's crazy. I didn't never know that. That's wild, man. Yeah. But see, that's that part of you that's structured that, you know? You be keeping it under wraps sometimes when it's most important.

Well, because, yeah, it was important for me to understand that, like, that's not going to benefit. No. There's things that our partners can do that can affect our co-parent. And we still have to make the decision to say, do I share this information?

Yeah.

Because what would that information have done for you? What it would do? Yeah. It would have only caused you more stress. You ain't lying. It would have caused this more stress. Yeah. He was trying to get a reaction. Reaction. Yeah, that's what y'all got to realize. Sometimes people you date, yeah, they've tried to get a reaction. The people that you are supposed to be on your side, they're never going to try to get reaction out of you. But the ones that aren't on your side will try to get reaction. Yeah. And that's what you're trying to do. Yeah. So I'm gonna ask you, Stephanie, what advice do you have for somebody who their partner doesn't like they baby daddy? What would you tell them to say?

I would tell them, one, you want to address them. What type of relationship do you have? Like, making someone feel comfortable about you co-parenting is It's a high priority. One, again, when you don't have a traditional family and you don't co-parent traditionally, meaning you are heavily involved, you know, you have a good relationship with your ex, that it's important that you make clear the boundaries with your partner. Hey, this is already established. You know, I love you, but a high priority for me is to make sure that my kid is raised in love and knows the love between his parents and his entire family. You want to address that. And then why don't your partner like your ex? Like, what's the problem? Like, that's a deeper conversation when it comes to the co-parenting. Because that's insecurities. Yeah, there's insecurity.

There's something there. They're bringing something in from their own past relationship. Now again, if your partner— if you've slept with your ex or your child's parent, yeah, then of course your ex has reasonable doubts. We're not talking about those situations. Those situations, y'all coming to Karamo's show. Yeah, y'all be messy. Okay, y'all be a mess.

So you're not expecting.

So the trust is gone. But for situations where the trust has not been broken and they still have insecurities, I think, like you said, it has to be established quickly. What are the boundaries of the relationship? Understand what it is. Yeah.

Primarily, your goal as a parent is to give your kid a good life. Again, this is a choice we made and not they did. So they deserve it, and we owe it to them. Then when it comes to choosing your partner, choose wise, choose well, because a partner who is against your co-parenting or is coming in with negativity is going to affect your kid. And you don't want that. So not at all.

I just remember all the people that our parents dated that would affect us.

Oh my God.

When you just said that, it gave me chills. Because I just think about— I think that's why we're so conscious of it. Because we know what happened when you had people come in the house that don't need to be there.

The long term. Yeah, hello. Yep. And you know what's something you told me a long time ago? What? When it came to dating, you was like, I'm going down this field. I don't remember who it was I was dating. That sounds like I be dating a lot, but I don't. But whatever. So I was dating at the time. You were asking, girl, date who you want to date. Do the kids like him? And it made me pause, like, um, I don't know if they like— you said you should know that. You remember telling me that? You should know that if your kids do not have a positive reaction or response to the person that you're dating, he ain't the one.

That's not the person for you. That's my feeling.

Straight up, you told me you were right. That's my feeling.

Because the thing, at the end of the day, them kids going to be with you. And so if there's a person in your household that's now affecting the relationship, it doesn't mean that your kids are going to like every person equally. You know, some people are going to think it's more fun or whatever, but there has to be at least a bit of like, yeah, I like this person around, right? Because that like can turn into love, which can turn into a loving family. Hello. But if there's already an animosity there from the beginning, if they already feel like I can't be around that person, What? Yeah. So you know when I was dating, that's how I was like, you like this person? Yeah. And it don't mean that you making a decision for me, but I just need to know how you feel.

Yeah. We always had a little family discussion about it.

We did have a little family discussion. Yeah.

Is he passing the vibe? Is he passing the check?

We all know. Yeah. So if your partner doesn't like your co-parent, do you believe that you should dump them or it doesn't matter? Comment below. We want to know. On the next Co-Parenting Unlocked.

The structure part, I do lean on you sometimes for that. And I think, again, it just benefits our kids because the balance is going to go back to them. And the love and support is there between us.

I knew that already, but it used to get on my nerves. I did? Because I was like, she gets to get all the good time, and I get to have all the, like, you know what I mean? And so for a long time, I resented that.

Karamo, I never knew that. I did. Why didn't you ever tell me?

Because I wasn't going to add extra stress. I always felt like if I add extra stress to my son's mother, that's adding extra stress to my kid's life. Us being on united front, And so always know the priority was the kids. And I think that co-parents sometimes forget who the priority is. Yeah. Their ego becomes a priority.

Yeah. Come on now. Yeah.

Hey everyone, I'm your friend Karamo. Welcome to Co-Parenting Unlocked. I am here with my son's mother, Stephanie. In co-parenting, I'm the more structured one. So if I'm the more structured one, what would that make you?

A little less. A little less what? A little less structured. OK.

Now let's be real. In our relationship, I'm the more structured one. Yes, you are. And you're not that structured. No.

Well, I'm getting there. I mean, I'm getting there.

But— Is this not a deficit or something? Because I think in co-parenting, I think you need both. Yeah. If our sons were to have both of us being structured, they would have probably rebelled more.

Yes, I'm sure. Yeah. I'm sure they would have. I would say this. Karamo, you know that. I don't want to use the word depend, but I depend on you. I used it. I said it. There, I did. Yeah, I'ma say 2 reasons why. First, because of how far our relationship, our friendship goes back. I know you know me real well. I know you don't judge me. I know you've seen every face that I can have, make, and do. And you've always met me with love. So keeping it 1,000 and keeping it real, keeping it real with ourselves, the structure part, I do lean on you sometimes for that. And I think, again, it just benefits our kids because the balance is going to go back to them. Yeah. And the love and support is there between us.

Well, you see, I knew that already. But it used to get on my nerves. I did? Tell me what I did. Because I knew that you depended on me to be the more structured parent. It used to piss me off.

Why would that piss you off?

Because I would watch you having fun with the kids. Like, they called you and it was a kiki on the phone. It was a good time. And then they would walk in the room and I'd be like, see, now you spend an hour on your phone. Now you don't have time to go do whatever you want to do because now you need to get to work. Yeah. Because there's no way you're not gonna go to school tomorrow without your homework being done, blah, blah, blah. And so it pissed me off 'cause I was like, she get to get all the good time. And I get to have all the, like, you know what I mean? And so for a long time I resented that. Karamo, I never knew that.

I did. Why didn't you ever tell me?

Because I wasn't going to add extra stress. You know what I mean? Like, I always felt like if I add extra stress to my son's mother, that's adding extra stress to my kid's life.

Yeah, but then here's where I am with it. You was never adding extra stress. Again, I'mma keep saying it forever because that's what it is. I always had this vulnerability with you, Karamo, that I don't have with other people. And it's coming probably from us knowing each other so long and dealing with each other. But I never wanted to make you feel that way. I just kind of saw a strength in you. In you, and I leaned on that. Yeah. But I didn't know that it was a lot for you, though.

Well, I mean, I appreciate it now. But I think one of the things that when people should realize that I think what could have helped us is because we was young. Yeah. And didn't know no better is how to communicate that.

Yeah. You know what I mean? A lot.

And also, like, the fact of the matter is that I felt guilty. There was also guilt there of not having— not putting stress on you because, like, I wasn't the active parent. I wasn't there for the 10 years. So when you have that, I think sometimes people don't express the guilt. Like, if a parent has not been what the other parent has. Then you're going to say to yourself, like, well, damn, like, I ain't really got to— I ain't got to— I can't say nothing. And sometimes either you— you either go two ways. You either will fall deep in and try to do what I did, which is like, let me just kind of always fill in the gaps, or I'm going to retreat because I don't know how to deal with this feeling. You know what I mean?

Wow. I never knew that. And I apologize for that. I apologize if I made you feel so— am I healing? It was like, it took a long time. I know, but I want to give it to you anyway. Take it. Take it. Because I love you. I just want you to know that in my healing, I didn't realize a lot of that stuff, Karamo. Like, I didn't even— like, it was going right over my head. I kind of was in survival mode, like I told you. So resources abound, which included friends and family, which were scarce. You were always solid. And you was always there. So I didn't realize that I was putting more on you.

But I would say this, I appreciate now as an adult, because like I told you, when we were kids, you were the one that told me to like loosen up. And so I think sometimes in co-parenting relationships, there has to be a new communication about like, hey, let's talk about these roles and how they're going to benefit each of us and how they might be hurting us. Because I don't think men and women know how to do that when there's also been tension. If there's been a tension of us breaking, their relationship always comes first. Instead of saying like, how can we use your strengths, my strengths to make sure that we're better for the kids?

Yes. Look how you just said it like perfect. Like it wasn't even there to me to even think that far. Me either. Like being like, how did we know? Yeah.

And because if we would've sat there and talked to them, I'd have been like, yo, there's too much pressure on me right now because I'm being more structured. Yeah. And then you, you doesn't mean you would've had to change in the moment, but at least we would've had a conversation. Yeah. And could have figured out how to talk about things through that. Exactly. Because there was no malintent on your point.

No, it wasn't. But still, even now— That's what I'm saying.

You need to apologize. I receive it, but you need to apologize because you ain't do nothing wrong.

Well, I ain't do nothing wrong, but I'm just saying that I apologize I didn't hear you in that moment.

Like, I didn't say it for you to hear it, but I wish I would have observed it though.

But I, but I don't want that pressure to be on you like that, the same as I don't want the pressure to be on me that way.

So for me, you know, I told you how me being structured and you not being as structured made me feel, how did it make you feel on the opposite end? That get on your nerves sometimes?

It didn't get on my nerves at all. Uh-huh. But it did have the kid— in my opinion, the kids looked at me to be the more fun parent. So I just felt like that was what I needed to do, like be more fun, more relaxed, because Dad is super structured and it's a schedule, it's going to be strict. I would always be on the back end because we are united front. I would always She's like, listen to what your dad say. If your daddy told you to do that, do it, because he knows what he's talking about. He's forward thinking. He is a visionary.

Listen to your dad. I'm going to tell y'all something right now. That's been the key of our co-parenting, is we've been a united front. Straight up. Even when she get on my nerves, I get on her nerves. Straight up. Literally, when the— coming from them kids, we was always same message. On it. Same message. On it. And I don't know how organically, because neither of us had that model. Yeah. Neither of us had that model. No. I don't know how, but like, literally, I could get off the phone. And y'all know Trey, my best friend Trey. I get on the phone, I'd be like, you know what, Stephanie's got my nerves right there. And I know I got on y'all nerves on stupid stuff as well. You know what I mean? These are not big issues. We didn't have fights. But like, we just human beings. Yeah, right. And then when it was like, hey, it comes to this with the kids, boom. Yeah. Boom. I mean, like—

It never— we never detoured from that. It was never— I don't even think the boys ever called me. And it's been a few times that they called me and was upset with you.

Of course.

Of course. Yeah. Again, at the end of it, I was there to like, OK, I'm going to lighten it up and, you know, give you all this. If y'all want to call it overnurtured, whatever. I'm a love bug. I specialize in that. And so I would just, you know, be giving them good words and softness. But I always said, listen, whatever your father is asking you to do, He's doing that from love. He has a plan. He has a vision.

And the same thing with them. When they would call and be like, Mama said this, and I'd be like, well, this is what your mother said, then this is what needs to be done. And I think that allowed— even though I was structured and you were less structured, I think what that allowed us being on united front is to always know the priority was the kids. And I think that co-parents sometimes forget who the priority is. Yeah. Their ego becomes a priority.

Yeah. Come on. —now.

Yeah, your ego can't be the priority. Your feelings about how you think I'm not right or you wrong can't be the priority. The kids are priority. And I think that's what always helped us while we sitting here today. Hello. And why we had this great relationship is because it was like, no matter if we do things different, what we will always do the same is make sure we keep those kids number one.

That's right, that's right. The interest of our children being happy, living out their dreams, and being successful in life was never had to be a question or something that we need discuss.

What advice do you have for a woman out there or a man out there who has a different parenting style than their co-parent? What would— advice would you give to them to like have the conversation going?

I would encourage you first of all to find the strengths, you know, like we want to remove the emotion. Like, okay, rather you're, uh, we're co-parenting so we're not together in relationship anymore, but you want to remove any negative emotion that came from your relationship. This is no more about your relationship and how you guys are going to continue you in a romantic sense. This is now about raising our kid, still in love, and finding our strengths. So I would challenge a person who has a more structured co-parent to get into it. Like, get into it. If you feel like there's a clear difference of you being way too lenient, then it's probably things that you can learn from that more structured parent when it comes to the communication.

If you're the structured parent and the other one's lenient, what do you got to say to them?

Well, again, I hope that you got a good enough relationship that you can talk to them straight up and just be like, hey, this is a problem. This is what's going on. I need you to get in with me on the same program so that we can, you know, like, how, how we help the kids. Let me get a drink. Sorry.

Okay, girl, help the kids.

Sorry.

Yeah, no, I'm with you, girl.

Yeah, but that's what I'm trying to say.

Yeah. Well, listen, everybody, I, I, I think one of the things you can learn from Stephanie and I is definitely making sure that to keep that united front, no matter if your parenting styles are different. It has to be about the kids. Get rid of the ego. Get rid of the feelings that you have for each other in those moments. Because at the end of the day, those things will bleed into how the kid sees you two. But it will also bleed into how they see themselves. And that's the whole thing that will really screw them up. And so I do appreciate that about you.

That's so beautiful, the way you put that. Thank you, girl.

Girl, you should give me a talk show, girl, because you know how to— You got to know how to put words together.

I guess you have a way with words or whatever.

Yeah, I want to know from you, do you think that it's better to have a structured parent, a less structured parent, or you need both? Comment below. On the next Co-Parenting Unlocked, this is a subject that you and I have never talked about. So as you all know, Stephanie and I have one biological son together, his name is Jason, but she also has another son that I helped raise and took custody of named Chris, who I love to death. But there's been a couple of years that people haven't heard me talk about Chris because Chris and I, our relationship is strange. Yeah. Let me not sit up here and just make it seem like me and Stephanie are the best parents in the world. Jason gonna come on here tomorrow and he gonna tell y'all exactly how he feel about us. Okay. Hey friends, it's me, Karamo. We're here with another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked and I'm here with my son's mother, Stephanie. Hey, baby mama. Hey, baby daddy. So we be getting deep. But this is a subject that you and I have never talked about. So as you all know, Stephanie and I have one biological son together. His name is Jason. Our son Jason is joining us remotely right now from California. Jason, you did— oh, not the cowgirl. But she also has another son that I helped raise and took custody of named Chris, who I love to death. But there's been a couple of years that people haven't heard me talk about Chris because Chris and I, our relationship is estranged. Yeah. Stephanie still sees Chris and talks to Chris. I do, regularly. Regularly, yes. And our relationship has been estranged because at 20 years old, Chris was going through some issues. And I was like, you can't keep doing these things. This was like— Yeah. There was some— I'm going to be real— guns involved. Yeah. It was like—

Yeah, he— yes. So he definitely got under some negative influences. Girl. And, um— Girl. I'm going to say Karamo. You stepped in at a very pivotal time in Christian's life where he was under some influences that were out of my control. You know, at that time, I was single mom working, trying to keep things afloat, doing, you know, handling my business. And that caused for my attention to kind of be more on work and surviving versus Christian's interactions with whoever he was hanging around with and the influences he had. So yeah, he made some very bad choices.

Yeah, I mean, messed up stuff. I love that boy still to this day. Yeah. And the problem is that the last time I saw him, he actually decided to leave my house. I didn't kick him out the house. Right. I told him that he had to start trying and doing better. This was also— he stopped taking medication. Yes. For his bipolar. Yes. And that played into, I think, some of these decisions. Yes. And and he left. Jason and I were at the house, and he was like, you know what, I'm gone. And it was always a heartbreak for me because I was like, I'm not kicking you out. I'm not throwing you out.

Like, I just need you to be—

I need you to be better right now. But you know, he was in that space. And then he kind of went all over the world and made it back home to you.

Yeah. And let's talk more about that, Karamo, then, because you just touched on something that's really important. I don't want us to gloss over it. The fact that he is diagnosed with bipolar, I'll go ahead and say that's coming from my side of the family. I'm also diagnosed with bipolar depression and PTSD. And so again, all of that was learning, you know, for me. And so once I started to learn, I could understand more of where the kids are coming from.

And you've been such a great, great mother when it comes to that. Thank you. You navigate it very well.

But thank you. Karamo, I appreciate that. But I want to say that a number of the decisions, the dramatic episodes, I want to say that they were manic. I want to say that he was off of his medication. I want to say that it was self-sabotage and a number of things going on. But I understand why we had to put some space between you and him because what he was doing was not right.

It breaks my heart though. And the only reason we set that space is because I told him he sends texts and sometimes the text would be, I love you, I miss you. And the next text would be like, If you kick your ass, I'mma— I'mma just get too aggressive. Too aggressive, yeah. And so my— the way I left it was, when you're ready to get help, I'm here. Yes. And as we saw a while ago, he had said he wanted to get help, and I responded immediately. Yes. And then he didn't.

He dropped the ball. He just didn't do it.

And then that changed. And so we're still in this space because I think sometimes as parents, we forget that even though he's a child and I will be here for him forever, and as you will, at what point do you decide that this child who's making decisions, even though they're— they've been told they can get help and that they're here for them, at what point do you say, well, I got to step back because I can't have you sink all ships? Yeah, well, because that's what's starting to go on. It was like sinking Jason's ship. It was sinking—

trying to come for you, trying to come for me. Listen, I 100% understand and get where you're coming from, and that's a hard decision for us as parents. Yeah, but it's, it's a, it's a very necessary one. And I'm gonna say this because on the subject of parental guilt, so we're talking about accountability in adult children, right? So we can't keep on enabling. I think at a point where I may have been thinking I'm exercising grace and being more loving and nurturing, what I was doing was enabling a behavior so that he's lost accountability. He don't know how to come back. And now I'll correct that because I'm handing them, it's OK, you'll be all right. No, when the facts of the matter was, you have boundaries. You can express yourself, but you don't cross the line. When it becomes personal attacks, when you putting threats in the mixture, when you stealing— when you stealing, yeah, when you stealing, you can't even be around me. Let's get that straight. Like, when you cannot be trusted, it's necessary. And yes, it's hard and it hurts. But like you said, for anybody, you have to put space between that situation. So right now, where Christian is in the headspace, he's doing better. He is. I'm going to say that he is coming around. And I think that in the relationship being estranged and like your absence is really giving him time to think about his decisions and how they affect him long term. And you know— He wants to apologize to you. I know for sure, Karamo. He's very— he's hurt. He's so—

can I tell you the thing is, he don't have anything to apologize to me about. You know that. We talked about this. He don't got nothing to apologize to me about. I just need him to say I'm ready to get help. That's all I need. Yeah, I don't need an apology. You're, you're a kid. You don't need to apologize to me. You're still trying to figure out how to grow and do this stuff, but you have to take the step, and I can't take that step for you until— yeah, yeah. And I mean, I miss it, you know, me, Jason, we talk about him every day, we miss him. Yeah, I know. Because y'all don't understand, Chris is my superstar. Like, this is— that boy is— his nickname is Milo because I call him my little one because I believe his personality is so like mine that when we were together, people used to actually think he was my biological son more than Jason. Yeah. Like, I used to get that all the time. People would be like, oh, this your biological son? I'd be like, no, no, no, this one. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there was no difference when we were out, you know, same, but I need him to take that step. Yeah. And the minute he's ready to take that step, just like we did for Jason, I'm going to pay for it. It's going to be ready. Hello. Yeah. It's going to be the best.

What? You going to be on it. Like, come on back, brand new money. Yeah, I think Christian knows that. And I'm going to tell you this, whether you are there or whatever, you and I are one. We are one. So when we're talking, you know, it's a gentle reminder to him.

Oh, I know you do.

You understand why Dad is— you understand what you did, right? You understand how serious this is. Serious this is. So I need you to take full responsibility, accountability for what you did. Yeah. So that we can understand moving forward, none of that.

Like, we don't do that. Well, you do a great job because even though you set really clear boundaries, you allow us to figure out still how to mend our relationship. And I think that's one of the things you do great as a mom, is that you make sure that everybody understands that there's ways. And now let me tell you, let me not sit up here and just make it seem like me and Stephanie are the best parents the world, you know, listen, Jason gonna come on here tomorrow and he gonna tell y'all exactly how you feel about us. Okay. We are good. We're still, you know, we still figure things out. Okay. But I say that to say, even with that, you always are willing to say, and this is me too, we're always willing to say, I gotta be better for them. Yeah. And that's always, I think, what's best. And so I think how we're navigating a child who is doing things or making choices that is hard. You know, in 20 years we might look back at this and say, girl, we messed that up, girl. But right now, you never know. But right now we're trying to make the best decision. Yeah. And all I know is that I love him, you love him. He is surrounded by love. He is. But he has to make a step for himself so that we can then step in. Yeah. So I want to ask you all, do you have a child that's struggling that could be potentially hurting themselves or someone in the family? And how do you deal with that? You know, we're figuring it out ourselves as we're in the thick of it right now. So talk Talk to us about how you feel about it. Hey Dad, it's Milo. I'm very sorry for what I did, and I felt like it just made things distance between us. You didn't kick me out. You didn't tell me I had to leave, which is true. Just felt like I've always had to have this alter ego of me doing everything by myself when I have the father that takes the time to help me, and I push you away. You're always trying to show me, go this path, it's easier this way, but I was always choosing the rougher path in life. And I understand now that you were trying to help me, just show me you don't have to go through a rough lifestyle like I had. I do apologize, and I know it's been a few years because it takes time, because especially when a loved one is coming at you and saying things and just acting a certain type of way when it was never had to go down that direction. So I understand that, and I'm genuinely sorry. If I tell my mom, this is going to get to you eventually because she can't ever keep a secret, and then you just are such an open book that you're going to tell the whole family. Hey friends, it's me, Karamo, and welcome to another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked. I'm here with my son's mother, Stephanie, and we're gonna play a little game right now called You or Me. Okay, me or you? You or me? So we got these signs and we're gonna play a game like when it comes to our kids, who do we think they'd come to, me or you? Okay, let's see. Who do your kids come to for dating advice? For dating advice, I'd say me.

I'm gonna say Karamo too.

You think? Yeah. They come to you? Because Jason calls me a lot for dating advice. Does he call you a lot?

Who is he dating when he got a girlfriend? Cut. You bet he know if I have another girlfriend. Huh? He has another girlfriend? No. If that boy ever had another girlfriend, I would cuss him out. I'm sorry, y'all. I almost got fainted. Hold on.

Hold on. So this is funny. Hold on. We never talked about this. So you— No, Stephanie. Karamo, let me tell y'all something real quick. When it comes to parenting, like, the advice I give on my show, I really give. So like, I actually called our son's girlfriend and told her to leave our son.

He did!

Because he was on some BS. He wasn't going to work. I was like, I told him, I said, hey, by the way, since you don't want to get your life together, you're not going to drag another woman down. Yeah. And I called her while he was sitting next to her and said, hey, clearly my son is on BS. So he's not trying to work. He's not trying to add. He's not growing. So until he grows, you need to find somebody else. So I can't tell you to leave, but you should for your own well-being. And he was pissed for like 3 weeks.

Like, I can't believe you told him to go for a breakup with me.

But guess what? He got it together.

He sure did. He did right after that, Karamo. Like, what? He got together. Quickly.

So yeah, he come to me for dating advice because he know I'm going to keep it real with him. Yeah. OK.

So then that's why I say you. You. Yeah. Dad.

Her dad. Who do your kids come to for financial advice? Dad.

They got a dad.

Let me get one, let me get one, please. They come to me with money advice. They know I'm not— I don't play about my money. I don't play about a coin.

In order. In order, baby.

Who do your kids call when they're sick? Oh, they call you. They call mom when she's that sick. Because like, hold on, Jason was just sick. We just called our son right now and he was sick and she was like, oh baby, you need You got work today? Because I was just like, immediately my mom was like, yesterday you was outside and you was having fun. Yeah, because he was outside skateboarding yesterday and now you sick. Yeah, but you, you go to State Nursery. I do, I do. You do?

Lay right here, lay on Mommy. It's okay, lay right there. Uh-huh.

Who do your kids trust more with keeping a secret?

Ooh. Oh my gosh. Are we showing the same name? No! But you know what?

Hold on, you know what? Hold on. Let's find this out. Let's find out.

OK. Let's find out. No, let's find out. Hold on. Let's find out.

Let's find out. Hold on. Let's find out. This is going to be good. Because I say it's me, and you say it's you. OK, hold on. Let me just call Jason real quick, and we're going to find out. I know, right? Hold on. I'm going to call Jason right now on speakerphone. Let's see. Hey, hello. Hey, Prince. Hey. You're here with your mother and I, and I got a question for you. When it comes to which one of us you trust to tell a secret to, which one of us is it? Is it your mom or me? Just be honest. Who do you believe would keep your secret? Yeah, no, that's a funny question because I can't trust both of you. I think— What? You said you can't trust neither of us? Yeah, if I tell my mom, this is going to get to you eventually because she can't ever keep a secret, and then you just are such an open book that you're going to tell the whole family.

So we both lose.

Oh well, well, that's why we couldn't figure it out. Okay, okay. Well, Prince, well, we love you. Dang. Love you too. Okay, love you back.

I love it, I love it, I'll take it, I will take it.

Me too. We got no secrets over here. Hello? Okay, keep it out in the open. We not playing them games. All right, you got— you telling me we about to talk about it.

Okay, listen, I can keep a secret depending on how serious it is, and if it's serious, it needs to be said. Ain't no secrets.

Ain't no secrets.

Okay, I love that. I love that.

Who is more likely to be manipulated by the kids to get what they want? Stephanie. Them kids not manipulate me. I always be like, so yeah, I fall for it.

I do. You do? So sucker. I'm such a sucker.

It's because you love them. I am. Who would your kids prefer to be stuck in a long car ride with? Stephanie. Stephanie. Who would your kids call if they're going through a messy breakup? I think both of us. You, you— what do you say? I, I— it is both. I would say both.

They always call us both, so we can go like this.

Yeah, they go like— I say both of us because our kids know that We both have different perspectives, but we're always going to be supportive of what they feel. Yes. We're never like, we told you. We're always going to be like, you know.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Who do your kids call when it comes to sex or sexual identity?

What? It's not— I'm saying both and you're saying—

because you know what? I know why. They told me some things, and then they tell you a couple of weeks later. Because you do. You still, Mom, you freak out when it comes to sex and stuff. I don't freak out. I'd be like, okay, let's have a talk about it. You'd be like, what? Yeah, what? You did what? Just a minute ago you thought Jason had another girlfriend, girl. I was about to die.

He better not mess it up. I want him to get married. I love him. But yeah, wow, Karamo, you're not gonna see my answers no more because he's cheating over there.

More likely to forgive the kids for a major screw-up? I said you're gonna hear— it's— I'm a little bit more strict. I mean, I will always forgive them because love is forgiveness, but you're gonna have to show me.

Yeah, let's say that you'll forgive, but it's gonna take like a person have to keep showing. I need to—

I need you to show up. I need you to show up. The words have to come with action and match it. Yeah, yeah, you're just gonna do it just off like, okay, yeah, okay, baby, I love you.

Fresh start.

Yeah, yeah, fresh start. But I think there's healthy in both.

Yeah, the balance.

Who would your kids call if they got arrested?

Immediately. First of all, I'm kind of put it out there, don't call me if you go to jail. You know better.

She already told them, you get in trouble with something, don't call me. Do not do it. And they know that I'm going to be there in 5 minutes. I'm going to have the lawyer there, everything. I'm going to have everything there.

Release my child. Everything settled. Yeah.

But then on top of that, once they got out the house, then they're going to wish they called their mama because the minute—

It's coming with some consequences. What? No, why you? Why you?

Oh my gosh. I think the most enlightening was that our child, the one that we didn't agree on, He let us know why we don't be real. Right. We can't keep secrets.

But that's good. I like that, though. We tell each other what's going on. I'm not going to tell him. Tell me what happened.

What was it? What was it? Brring.

You know what? Jason said, ooh-hoo.

Now you've learned a little bit more about who our children actually will come to, me or Stephanie. Listen, I've been having fun with you, Stephanie. I love us doing this series together.

I love us, period. This is us. This is everything. I love it. Yeah, I love you so much too.