In this episode of KARAMO, host Karamo interviews Ashley and her husband Brandt about a series of betrayals that unfolded over the past summer. Ashley, a 41‑year‑old single mother of three boys, recounts how Brandt, a 31‑year‑old former Air Force member, began drinking heavily after transitioning to civilian life. His alcohol abuse led to a restraining order against Ashley, the loss of the home she had built for her children, and three instances of infidelity involving two women—one incident captured on video by Ashley’s teenage son and another occurring in the couple’s foyer. After confronting Brandt about text messages that hinted at his affairs, Ashley learned he had indeed cheated. Brandt admits his actions were self‑sabotaging and driven by intoxication. He entered rehab in September, emerging sober for about three months at the time of the interview. The couple discusses how they have begun to rebuild trust through communication, but Ashley still experiences frequent emotional triggers tied to the physical spaces where the betrayals occurred. Karamo offers therapeutic guidance, urging Ashley to allow her feelings to flow, prioritize her own healing, and maintain boundaries with the other women involved. The episode blends personal testimony with counseling‑style advice, highlighting themes of addiction, legal conflict, family impact, and the complex process of reconciliation.
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So talk to me about the cheating instances that happened this past summer.
Going from the Air Force life, he was in there for 10 years and previously married, to civilian life, into my life, being a single mom with 3 boys, it was very devastating to him. And when I say devastating, that's an incorrect word. Overwhelming.
Okay.
I felt that he would've acclimated better than he did.
Mm-hmm. Why do you say that?
Because we just, we connected. We were like, not like, we are soulmates. He's an amazing, beautiful human. I just don't know if he was ready for my fast-paced world. I'm a decade older than him.
Okay.
So I'm 41.
Yeah.
He's 31. Our birthdays are 7 days apart.
Okay. What happened in July?
He started, it was okay, so that was last July. For a year until the July that we're speaking of when he started cheating, he was drinking.
Drinking, okay.
That was his way of escaping reality.
Got it.
So July 14th, I hear a knock on my door and it's police officers and he put a restraining order against me.
He put one against you?
Yeah, he kicked the boys and I ass outta the house that I had previously bought prior to him and moved him and his kids into.
That's extreme. Was there something else going on in between that time? Were you two fighting?
We were fighting. Oh yeah, we were fighting. Arguing? He would leave, arguing, fighting. He would leave, he would come back. At no point did I ever speculate that he would cheat on me.
So how many times did he cheat on you?
So it was 3 times with 2 girls.
Okay.
Unfortunately with the first gal, my, Well, he's not our boy. He's a 19-year-old kid that we allow to stay with us. Him and my 13-year-old had walked in and recorded it.
Recorded him having sex with another woman?
She had just finished on our couch.
So they caught video of him getting still naked with this woman also naked on the couch.
She had a shirt on.
She had a shirt on.
On my couch.
Was that the first time you knew that he had cheated?
That was the first time he actually, he cheated. It was really challenging. We rearranged our furniture in our house. Like I try to recreate this space in our home because the second girl that he did was in our foyer and I laid the tile in that house. I literally built that house for the boys and I.
He had sex in your foyer? Uh-huh. On your tile? Yeah. So you catch him cheating, he puts a restraining order on you.
He put a restraining order on me prior to cheating.
Okay.
And so I had to fight with the courts to get my home back 'cause now my boys and I are displaced.
Yeah.
Keep in mind, again, this is a home that I had built for my children prior to meeting him.
Yeah.
So that was very devastating. Come to find out later, time had gone on and the restraining order was squashed. He still was proceeding to drink. He had left his vehicle running and his phone unlocked. But I saw some pop-ups of this girl. It was like, "You treat me like a queen. Thank you so much." And that was really heartbreaking. And so I called her and she answered and we had a great conversation. Honestly, she pretended, she's like, "Oh yeah, I see you all the time. I'm at the store and, you know, I know about her boys." And she never gave me any inclination that there was anything going on. They were just friends. But I didn't bring up the text message that I saw about being treated like a queen. So then I approached Bran about it and I kind of, well, I totally, not kind of lied, I totally lied. And I was like, this girl told me this, this, and this. And he's like, you're right, I did do that.
Hmm, okay.
And then I lost my shit.
How did you reconcile after the cheating?
It's not easy and that's kind of what I'm here for because I unconditionally love my husband.
Got it. And you're back together now, right?
We are, correct.
And he's still drinking?
No. Oh no, no, no, no.
He stopped drinking?
He went to rehab.
Okay. And so how long has he been sober now?
So he got outta rehab on September 15th, so it hasn't been very long.
So about 3 months?
Yeah.
Okay. Well everyone, let's see what Brandt has to say about all this. So welcome Brandt to the show. Hey, thank you for being here. Good to meet you. Yeah, great to meet you.
Yeah.
Okay. So how do you feel about everything that was just said?
It's the truth.
It's the truth.
Yes, sir.
So why did you sleep with these other women?
I was self-sabotaging and there was no want or like lust after those women. I just, not thinking clearly with, I was drinking heavy, heavy at that time. I mean, there's over the past, time, even before that, there's times that I don't remember certain things. And so yeah, I just, not good decisions. Decisions I would never make in my life, I was making throughout my drinking period.
Makes sense. So you're sober now?
I'm sober.
Congratulations. Yeah. Thank you. So do you think these women were giving you something that you're missing from Ashley?
No, nothing.
Okay. So talk to me about this restraining order.
Well, she's a very persistent woman, like very persistent. And when she sets her mind on something, she goes for it. I mean, she spent hours and hours, probably at this time weeks of all cumulative research on how to help me. And I knew she wasn't gonna give up on me. And meanwhile, all I can feel is I'm bringing this amazing woman down. And so that's why I did the restraining order. Like, well, if she can't talk to me, then she'll move on and she'll be happy.
That doesn't make a lot of sense.
It doesn't. That's the thing. I wasn't making any decisions at that time that were making sense.
So how did you two get back together?
Well, communication a little bit, like talking about it.
Did she get upset learning new information? Yeah, learning.
At times.
Yeah, at times.
That is the truth.
So how have y'all been in this time period of sobriety? Are y'all still arguing? Is there any issues? Other than when you get triggered.
Other than when you get triggered, no.
Yeah, but you get triggered often, which makes sense.
So when I say, when you say often, my often and your often might be different.
What's your often?
When he tries to make out with me on the couch. Can't do that.
Yeah.
There'll be times when we're in the kitchen because our foyer, when you walk through our front door, leads right into our kitchen.
Well, that's often for me. And the reason I say that is because I knew it has to be a lot. Because all the infidelity happened in the home. So no matter when you walk through, it's recent.
The energy.
And the energy's gonna be there. You're gonna look and see that. It's up there.
It's a mental wreckage.
Yeah, it has to be. Have you acknowledged really what she could be feeling with this betrayal?
I have.
And what do y'all talk about?
I don't have responses or reactions. I kind of just, like, I'm trying to, you know, 'cause I understand, like, she's gonna have emotions and feelings about it and it's, fair to her, like she needs to get those out.
Have you thought about divorce?
We've used the word, which is divorce is such a nasty word. And in my opinion, when somebody uses the word divorce, I think of it as imagine the other person dying.
Yeah.
Because when you get a divorce, you don't get to call that person, talk to that person. They're gone. And I already lost, almost lost Brandt. From drinking once. I had to call his family and tell him like, we're not sure if he's gonna make it. I know that feeling of losing him.
Of course, of course. But the betrayal has been deep enough that you've thought about it.
No.
You haven't thought about it?
We just used it in, I use it in like just like almost a threatening way.
I get it. You gotta speak your truth. I understand what you're saying about the death and that it might not be a real possibility. What I think I'm trying to establish here is that I understand that you wanna be with this man. There's a protection of what happened and a protection of him that is not allowing you to actually have the validation of what you experienced so that you can actually heal.
That's what I want to work on.
Yes, but that starts off by here when I ask you these questions about like divorce. I'm not saying you wanna get divorced. I'm not even gonna suggest that. I see how close you're holding your man. So I know you are like, I lost you once, I don't wanna lose you again.
Correct.
But you also have to be real with yourself of saying, this was fucking hurt.
Oh, it's hurt. You know?
And I know, and I know, and I know you get spicy and I'm using your terms.
I am.
But the thing was that we called on this show about your betrayal.
Right.
And I don't think you're acknowledging it enough. I think you let it build up.
Yeah.
And you let it come out. Yeah. And that's the unhealthy part.
And then harbor it again.
And you harbor it again.
And then it builds up.
And it builds up. And then I harbor it and— But the way to get over that is just It has to be, let it be fluid. If you keep blocking the river with this dam and then like the water gets backed up, then of course you're gonna burst. You gotta let those feelings continuously flow. Like you found your man, you didn't even find him, your kids found him, which cuts even a little bit deeper as a parent. If my child caught the man that I'm in love with, there's a bit of embarrassment, there's a bit of a shame, there's a bit of guilt. These, all these things. And I know you felt that. And they're natural. And I don't think you're allowing yourself to let those feelings flow all the time because again, you're in protection mode. You're in caretaker mode. You're in I love you mode. I want you to be better. But I don't think there's enough time being spent on you being better.
There's not.
I wanna empower you to know the betrayal you're feeling, if you don't continue to let that stream flow of knowing that you deserve for your feelings to be heard consistently, consistently, again, you're talking about 3 months ago, 4 months ago, then you will never get over it. You will always be triggered and they will always come out as outbursts. And when they come out as outbursts, you won't heal.
That is what is happening right now.
I'm outbursting. I know, I know.
You have to allow me to do that.
I have no problem with that.
And you can't stop me when I do these things.
You don't call that little girl ever again.
I've always been the one to help her.
Don't ever talk to her. Don't ever talk to her ever again. And the next time you see her wanting to talk to her, You said, "Ah, hang up that phone.
Hang up that phone." Well, I actually did make him call her and apologize to her.
Yeah.
Yeah, I made him call her on speakerphone and apologize to her for being kind of a drunk.
What should have happened, let me tell you what should have happened in that situation. He should have just been apologizing to you and she, her feelings. I'm sorry, this is not, This is not, her feelings in this moment don't matter to me. She decided to come into your home where I'm sure you have beautiful family photos and look at your family photos and have sex with your man. Her feelings don't matter. You deserve to start, in order to get over this betrayal, not worry about anybody else, not talk to these people. You've given him the support and love that he deserves and needs so that he can know that his woman's gonna be by his side. You've given him that. You've given him that, but now it's time for you to get that. If I can leave you with any advice today as we leave, is that I want you to start to practice allowing your feelings to flow and for you to put yourself first. And you deserve it. And the same grace you're giving him is the same grace you have to give yourself. And you have to be first. You have to be first. I appreciate you for coming here and allowing her to be able to talk about these things openly and having the confidence as a man to stand by her and not gaslight her, not, you know, you made your mistake, you're owning your mistake, and you're doing the work to get better, and I appreciate that. But right now—
