Our Polygamy Relationship Turned When Our Son Was Born! | KARAMO

So I'm gonna start off 'cause my producers told me something happened 2 nights ago, but they didn't tell me what. So what happened 2 nights ago?

2 nights ago he calls me.

Uh-huh.

And he tells me that his girl wanna talk to me. Mute. I ain't got nothing to say.

Yeah.

I'm stuck for a second. So, and I said, about what? He's like, I don't know. Passes the phone. She asked, she was like, have you been talking to Andre? I'm just, I'm staring. I ain't said nothing yet. I'm processing 'cause I was like, is she questioning me? I said, yeah, a little bit. There's a conversation.

Yeah.

And then I hear Johnjay in the background say, don't lie, be honest. Then she proceeds to say, well, I know, you know, how he feels about you. I know that he loves you. Do you wanna be in a relationship with Andre? I always wanna be in a relationship with Andre. That ain't—

That's not changing.

What? What are we saying? She's like, well, I love him and he loves me. Do you wanna join our relationship?

Join?

Huh.

How did you feel about that when she called you asking if you wanted to?

You see, this is it. This is all of the feelings.

So you were shocked? You were shocked and surprised?

Baby, I'm stuck. And then here go Dre. He was like, that's the quietest she done ever been.

So did it change your feelings towards him?

I love him. I love him bad.

You love him?

I love him without sense. That has not changed. It might have altered my trust, but love—

Still there.

4 years. Like, that's 4 years.

Was he in a relationship when you met him?

Yeah.

He was?

He was in a relationship.

Okay. He talking about, oh.

All right, all right.

Based on judging, I love him.

Let me be clear. I knew of him. Operated in different circles.

Yeah.

He slid in the DMs. For me, it was answering a curiosity.

Yeah.

So we linked and after we was, you know, spending time together, he made it clear like, hey, I do poly. That is my thing. And I also have a girlfriend, but I like you. I like spending time with you. I wanna keep you.

Yeah. So he was upfront about it?

Yeah, he was upfront.

Okay. And then you made the choice to say, because you liked him and you were curious, you were like, I can go for it.

I ain't say all that. What I said was, a big thing for me is security. So when I gave it my first attempt without Andre before we crossed paths, I at least trusted wholeheartedly without fail. I had a good strong, with at least one of those partners. You know what I'm saying?

So you were in a poly relationship before?

Uh-huh, I had given it a go. So I already knew how I felt You know what I'm saying?

Got it, got it.

So I already had a clear understanding of—

So then if you already had that clear understanding, why didn't you just say, Andre, nope, let me just go ahead and end this now before we even go anywhere?

Well— 'Cause you love him bad.

Okay, 'cause you love him bad.

Because—

'Cause you then stayed in it for 4 years.

See, now we— so when this started, it was clear like, oh, I don't know if I wanna do that. I ain't gonna agree. I ain't gonna say yay. I ain't gonna say nay. So here you go, you have the 4 years. that nice little bubble over there with her. I don't— she don't wanna talk to me, I don't wanna talk to her, so that's fine.

Got it.

You doing 50/50? Cool. I'll give 50% for you and I will give 50% to the streets since you got 50% for your girlfriend and 50% for me.

Got it.

Cool. Great. That did not last long because we got lost in the sauce and now we got a baby coming.

Got it.

And now, oh, well, the girlfriend gotta go.

Have you had the baby yet?

Yes.

You got a baby?

We have a 3-year-old son.

It's a 3-year-old son.

So.

Okay.

I don't know.

So did you and Andre become monogamous?

Yes, like after a certain turn of events, like we got there.

Got it, okay.

But before we got there, it was a bit of a struggle. Some words were said, some actions happened, and He went into it shaky. I went into it, you know, a little—

Not trusting.

You know, like, can he really?

So how long did y'all stay faithful to each other?

I held out. My son was about a year and a half, 2 years. A year, okay then. For him, I feel like it was never really a thing. There was always someone. It was always another one there.

But this stays true to what you said. You said why the first poly relationship didn't work is because security is important to you. So even if after your child was born, you were like, hey, let's try to make this work, the security, you still had that insecurity.

I didn't even get to finish my pregnancy before it was in my face again.

Got it.

Because he had already been having conversations with—

With somebody else.

With somebody and—

So let me be clear now. Are you two together now?

No, I guess no. No.

Yes, kinda no. It's kinda like gray area.

No.

Okay. Do you wanna be with him full-time? Yes.

Okay.

And did he see your son when you were apart for a year?

Yeah.

Okay, all the time?

Yeah, I mean, that's one thing he wasn't never gonna waver on was his son. There might have been little stints where it was like the whole restraining order thing and all that. So like maybe a month where he didn't see him.

I didn't know there was a restraining order.

That's gone, it's over.

Okay, got it.

That's gone and that's over.

After that it was all good?

Yeah, after that.

Well, I wanna meet Andre and hear his side of the story. So everyone please welcome Andre to the show.

For a year, I held off. The year when I ain't make it, for a year.

How you doing? I held off for a year.

You did not.

Andre, so do you still wanna be in a relationship with multiple women? Let me ask you that.

I mean, yes. I grew up in polygamy, man.

Oh, you grew up in polygamy?

I really did.

Oh, okay.

One of my family members, he had a house full of children, about 16 to be exact. And all 6 of his children's mothers was there with him.

Got it.

And they had a unit where towards everything worked. This is before I even knew about sex. I'm like 9 years old.

So for you, when you were younger, you saw this as community and family.

Yeah.

Got it. It makes sense now why this is your mindset. Okay, you truly believe in this lifestyle. It's not just about sex for you.

Nah, man. And it's being vilified now. And it's crazy that it is because you got a bunch of knucklehead-ass dudes out here.

Yeah.

That's taking it—

But with knucklehead moves.

But I mean, yeah, I mean, that's what I'm saying.

Even if it's not just for sex, it's still how you handle and how you move.

Do you feel like he's handling it? 'Cause from what you said, it sounded like he was upfront with you from the beginning.

Thank you.

He also, when this girl called the other day, 2 nights ago—

Just because you are upfront about what you want, you also need to be upfront about the moves you gonna make to get there, baby.

Oh, so you're saying that he wasn't upfront about those?

You love to leave bits and pieces out. You might say, hey, this is the big picture, but you forgot how we got to this big picture.

Andre, so what is your ideal relationship in your mind?

Shoot, in my mind, my ideal relationship is like I said, what my family member had. That community, like they say, it take a village, man. And I grew up in a village. So for me seeing that, I know it worked. And I know it's happening all over America, man. It ain't a perfect village, but— It worked.

It worked?

It worked.

For them.

Okay.

It worked for them because they had understanding. Whatever paths they chose to make that work, they did that.

Understood.

Did you wanna be monogamous with Deja after your son was born? Did you wanna be?

I did.

I gave it a shot.

You gave it a shot?

I most definitely put my best foot forward at that.

She don't feel like you put your best foot forward.

But did you? Man, you know I did. Did you?

I don't do that. Did you? When some residual things of what Daijah had done before the monogamy came to light.

The residual things, like the hospital trip?

The residual things, like I said—

That I had to take from you and old boy? Those residual things that I ain't recover from? Yes, that residual thing.

You did not emotionally recover from that. And then because you did not emotionally recover from that, you immediately went back to what you know. Your conversations, your flirting and all of that. And when I looked up, then here you go, Hey, I like her. I want you to meet her. Where the fuck did she come from? What do you mean? Who, her?

Got it. That's why you always like the details of it. So did you bring another woman into your house when you were supposed to be committed to Daijah?

No.

No, none. No woman ever came to the house. Okay then.

No.

She did not.

Were you intimate with Daijah last night?

No.

Okay.

Don't make that face.

Hold up now.

Okay.

Have you tried to get back together?

I mean, there's been talk of it, like, and I love her, man. I really do.

Yeah.

But you are not aligned. So why are you trying? 'Cause you say you want a community and she telling you right now, I do not want a community. I want to be the only one. Do you wanna be in a relationship with Deja?

Not at the risk of his community though. Ah.

The silence speaks louder sometimes.

Not at the risk of the community.

Not at the risk of your community.

'Cause I gave her that.

You barely gave me.

So what needs to happen to make the relationship worse?

Barely gave you, or did I give it to you?

You did.

Or did I not give it to you? Which one is it?

How is giving me that me pregnant going on dates?

So we're here to unlock phones, right? Why are we unlocking the phones? What were you hoping to find in his phone?

The truth. You never gave me that. So you want to understand conversations during your timeline. is foggy. Once you got that truth, you started back having your little flirts, your little conversations. Then you had baby girl. Then we went on the dates with baby girl. Baby girl fell through. All right, cool. But you still kept trying after that, Dre. You did not stop. You did not stop.

You expect somebody to react to that?

And then you say, get out your feelings and get some money instead.

So this makes sense. So you're unlocking the phone because you want to know the details of what happened. Because again—

Man, I got the gist of the details, but I just—

But you wanna know the details.

He need to see your timeline. I wanna see your timeline.

Okay, well—

You keep saying you gave me that, you didn't give her.

And then we unlocked your phone so that way it'd be just outta, to make sure that it was full transparency. All right, well it's time to unlock phones, so here we go. Deja, we didn't come here for you, you wanted for him, but we still asked you to unlock your phone for the transparency. And Deja refused to unlock her phone. Why did you refuse?

Don't all now.

Don't all now. Why do you refuse?

I refuse because—

Okay, they say you're not playing right.

I am playing right.

Okay.

My truth don't matter right now. It's about yours.

Okay.

My truth don't matter. My truth, you've had it all. I ain't lied about nothing.

You said, hold on right here. You have some opinion about this. You said right here, I'm talking to you. No, right? You, yes. What's your, what's, what you think that she's not playing right?

She not, definitely not. You better unlock her phone.

Oh, they not on your side, girl. They are not on your side.

Listen, listen. Well, listen.

All right, well, we're here for Andre because Andre, the woman that you were in a relationship with and you share a child with wants transparency. She wants to understand the timeline so she can, and help you to understand the timeline of why things don't feel secure. So Andre, we unlocked your phone.

You unlocked my phone?

And Andre refused to unlock his phone.

Nah, I locked nothing.

And why you didn't lock the phone?

Because, like, I ain't gonna do it.

Okay.

Like she said, we both ain't playing fair at this point.

Listen, you said you both ain't playing fair. I'll tell you this, what I realized immediately in hearing the stories is that you two want very separate things. You're not on the same page. He was transparent with you from the beginning that this is what he wanted, but I do believe that details were left out along the way. And for somebody whose security is important to them, and that is a foundation of what you need in a relationship, he broke that security. And I don't think you fully understand that. That she's saying to you that if we are going to be in each other's lives, I need to know all the details so I can feel safe. I can't just know the end result. I need to know how we're getting there. That's including her in it. And until you're at a place where you can do that, which I don't think you're ready to do that yet. I know you're not ready to do that yet. No, no, no. So knowing that he's not ready to do that, you have to, I know you love him real bad, but you have to just be the best co-parents and not in a relationship. Because at the end of the day, I know you're both great parents. I know whatever the case may be, but he's telling you he wants a community. So no matter how much you love him bad, that love will never change. What he wants and the man he is. And I think sometimes people forget that. They feel like I love somebody so bad. Maybe if I just stick in there, maybe we just keep on trying. We cat cat cat cat cat. It ain't happening. It ain't happening. He gonna still be the man he told you he is, which is somebody who wants to be in a poly relationship and build a community of women. So you just have to make the choice to say, "I love him," but I love the life that I want for myself more. And so I have to leave it alone and just co-parent from here.

Hmm.

You don't feel that? 'Cause from my point of view, the only relationship you two need to share is the one with your child. That's the only one. Listen, I appreciate you both being here. I also actually appreciate you shining some light on polygamy and helping people to understand it's not just about sex. It is about community and love if done properly with all parties on the same side. That's the key.

Mm-hmm.

All right, well, listen, everyone, make sure to come back next time, friends, so we can keep talking and growing. I love you all.