Our Relationship Is In Crisis...Help! | KARAMO

Welcome to the show. My guest Phillip says his relationship with Shalana was love at first sight, but since it became long distance, every conversation turns into an argument and they haven't had sex in months. Shalana says they haven't been intimate because he refuses to take an STD test. They both fear the other is cheating and they are here to unlock each other's phones. Please welcome Phillip to the show. Hey Phillip, how you doing?

I'm doing wonderful, wonderful.

Nice to meet you, man.

Nice to meet you, brother.

So, Phillip, talk to me. So you think your girlfriend is cheating on you?

Yeah, man, I really do believe it because in the beginning I was with her like, you know, 24/7. And since, you know, I've been living in a different city or whatever, it's always excuses. But say for example, I might be like, babe, I need to see you, you know? And she might say something like, "Well, I need gas when?" Oh.

So why else do you think she won't come and see you?

I really feel like it's somebody else. It's supposed to be about how you feel about somebody, not necessarily the money.

Yeah.

But she make me feel like, you know, if I ain't got the money, then, you know, she ain't accepting my love.

But she's asked you to take an STD test and you haven't. Why won't you do that?

She won't take me to get it. You see what I'm saying? That's the whole point. You know I ain't got no car.

So you're saying you'll take it.

Right.

She just, you need a ride. Exactly. I get it. All right, so what hurtful things does she say to you?

You know, one thing that hurt is the fact that I really did lose my job behind her. And so it's like I'm being punished because of that. It's like my love ain't good enough.

So you've been working towards being more vulnerable. What do you mean by that?

Well, I just say self-development. I'm just working on expressing myself as a man because society teaches us that a man is not supposed to have emotions. A man is not supposed to feel.

Yeah.

When that's why in real life, that's why so many men react violently because they was told not to express theyself. If you hurt my feelings, I'm not supposed to tell you.

Yeah, yeah. Woo, I love hearing that. That's what it's about. So this is a text that you sent, which is, "That's the only reason I was putting up with all your blank was because you really had my heart. I wouldn't make it with you. You love to argue is a turnoff. That's the issue." I get it. I see the vulnerability in it. I'm gonna give you some points. I see it. But I also understand why she like, "Oh, well, you coming for me as well." You know what I mean? You mixed it. You mixed it. You still did it. I did that.

Yeah, you are.

All right. So I wanna get to the bottom of why the distance between Philip and his girlfriend Shalana seemed to grow further apart. Please welcome Shalana to the show.

I work 2 jobs. I'm always working. He knows that I work in a salon. I'm full-time in a salon, in a nail salon. So if I'm doing a pedicure and you're blowing me up, I can't pick up my phone. And he does never, he never believes me. So I'm not gonna try to make him believe me. He's constantly calling, calling, calling, calling, calling, calling.

Is that true?

You know why? You wanna know why?

Yeah.

Because for example, I'm talking to her on the phone Every time I talk to you, I'm always texting somebody and I get frustrated because I know I'm not. Because the reason I'm thinking like, if she keeps accusing me and if she really do believe I'm cheating, that's going to be why she does it.

Got it. Do you accuse him often of cheating?

Only time I accuse Philip is when he accuses me. I never just come out and say, oh, you're doing this or you're doing that unless he's calling me all the time, all the time, just calling, calling, calling, calling, calling, calling, calling. And that makes me feel like you're doing something as well, especially if I'm on the phone with you on FaceTime. He's like, I can't go nowhere with my friends. If I don't go anywhere with my friends, you know, I mean, if I'm going places with my friends, I gotta come see you the same day. Oh, you got time to go spend with your friends and family, but you can't come see me. And I'm like, no, I don't always have time to come see you because I have 4 children.

Right, but you got time to put your friends first.

My friends first.

You go party with your friends, but you don't come see me.

I don't always party with my friends.

But you do it, period. What about when you do? I don't care, like I said, I don't care if it's one time, but you did that. I offered you money or whatever to come see me. I shouldn't have to, 'cause if you care about me, you're gonna make a way to see me.

Philip, you're a liar. No, it's not even that. See what I go through?

I'm a liar?

Have I called her a liar?

No, no, because you gotta tell the truth.

So what is he being dishonest about right there?

He's just toxic. Like, he'll be so aggressive with me and so mean and then want me to come see him.

Got it. All right, when was the last time you two were intimate?

Months.

Months ago. So he said he'll take an STD test.

Okay. Yes, he did say that, but he never did.

But he needs a ride.

He always need a ride. And I'm tired of that. I'm tired of that. You always need a ride.

You see what I'm saying? You always need this. I don't have a car, right?

You don't have a car?

You supposed to be my woman.

Katyn Turner.

See what I'm saying?

Did you know he didn't have a car when y'all got together?

Yes, when I met him, he didn't have a car, but he was getting a ride I'm not gonna be that person all the time bringing you here every day.

So you said earlier that Phillip is controlling. How?

He's very controlling because he's always want— it's either his way or I'm doing something wrong. Even if I'm at work, I'm doing something wrong.

Say for example, the work thing. In the beginning, when you at work, guess what you do? Call me, FaceTime.

No, I'm not gonna FaceTime you all the time. Now, all of a sudden, now you at work, You running me away like this.

But I be like, "All right, let me just look at you, babe." If you at work, why you can't answer FaceTime?

You was just on the phone with me all day.

So just what you said, "Okay, answer, let me see you, or call me if you really at work. Not in the car, and I'm gonna be okay 'cause I cannot stress out.

Take a picture then." Okay, I was at work. I got people lined up for me. Them is my customers, they are first. So I put my customers first, and he's never been with nobody like me.

If the phone ring, and I don't answer it, it's a problem, right?

Is it a problem if he doesn't pick up? He has a text me phone, so.

If he doesn't pick up, it's a problem. It don't matter if I got a text me phone or not. The thing is, if it's ringing and I don't answer, it's a problem. But I always make sure I answer or call you straight back. Why is it a problem when I want the same thing?

So if he doesn't pick up his phone immediately, do you get upset?

Not all the time, no, I don't. Because I know he's gonna call me back, no.

No?

Sometimes I know he's gonna call me right back.

He's gonna call me back.

Because we have good days.

I get upset because now in society, it's made like I ain't gonna hear from you till the next morning.

We have good days. Every night I don't wanna go to sleep on the phone 'cause I gotta take care of my kids, I gotta cook, I gotta do stuff.

Yeah, but them nights you could at least let me see you. If you were home like you say, let me look at you. You ain't even gotta talk, answer the phone.

Okay. That's it. Have you been cheated on before? Probably. By somebody you really love?

Probably, yeah.

Okay, was it recent?

Nah, not recent.

How long ago was it?

Probably a few years. I done had my little heart broke before.

Yeah, but the reason I asked you if your heart has been broken is because I was listening to what you were saying, the language you were using, I'm not saying that there's not problems in this relationship and I don't know if you've been cheating or you've been cheating, but what I do know is that some of the language you say about like, pick up, show me, is sort of out of an insecurity.

And you don't wanna be hurt.

Yeah, I get that. You don't wanna be hurt again. But you have to remember like, until she's given you a reason to feel as if she's cheating, you can't let the insecurities that this other person who hurt you pop up into this relationship. Right.

Well, it's okay. She done gave me all the reasons. Like say for example, we might be talking, Right? And so she'll bring up what somebody else did for her. And so—

So do you do that?

I have. Because you've been hurt by someone, and I might have been hurt before as well.

Of course.

But when we're together, everything is good. It's just when we are away from each other, he like go crazy. I'm not bringing it into our relationship. I may say stuff, but it's not— because he says stuff. When we first met, he said he wanted two women. He wanted a dumb one. He said, you too smart for me.

And then I— I explained to her why I said that. I need a dummy. The reason I said that was because, listen, everything I do is for a reason. Once we get to know each other, listen, let me finish. I said, look, the reason is because—

Why do you need a dummy?

If you okay with that, but if not, that's cool.

He said, I can't handle you.

If you are gonna be there for me, if you're gonna be everything I need.

That's what he said.

I think it's very important that we just get to unlocking your phones. Because right now I can't even tell if you two really like each other or not. We went through apps, photos, and text messages. When it came to apps, I found zero suspicious things in your apps. When it came to photos, we went through all your photos, deleted, the ones that are current. I found zero photos in your phone. And when it came to text messages, I found two suspicious text messages. Can I show the text messages? Do we have those to pull up? So the first one was on December 10th, you said, "You wanna talk about it? If not, that's fine." You said on the next one, "She doesn't treat me right, so if I find something better, I'm done with her." The last one said, "Facts." So I can't tell if like this is somebody you're talking to. This one right here was the one that caught me. You said, "I love my girl still, so I'm just stay over here and we're gonna work through it." Were you talking to a friend? Who were you talking to these messages?

Yeah, I was actually, it's like somebody that I'm talking to on standby 'cause it's like just in case she do, you see what I'm saying?

So you have somebody on standby?

What I'm saying is I was not on a sexual relationship or nothing like that. We was kind of talking, but this is like just recent because I ain't seen her in forever. Every time I try to see her, it's always an excuse.

You can't go out. So then why don't you just break up? If you don't see her, you feel distant.

Because I'm hoping that I'm wrong and I'm hoping that—

But you're already talking to somebody else.

Yeah, but you see what I said.

Yeah, I get it, but you're still talking to somebody, you know?

Because, I know it's all gonna flip when you pull up her phone and you will see the truth.

Okay, let's go. So I unlocked your phone as well. We went through apps and text messages. When it came to the text messages, I have this up here twice for a reason. I found 37,000 texts between you.

But I'm a liar, I'm the manipulator.

Between you and another man.

Can I say something?

37,000 texts between you and another man that has went on before the relationship and while you're in the relationship. So we have some of the, I have a graphic of one of 'em.

Not true. Not true.

So this is, can I pull up? I'm kid free. Trying to eat that. Zaddy said come through. You said okay. This is in November.

Okay, uh-uh. That's not even me. That's not even me.

Who is that?

That's my friend. Really? 11/25, who was living with me?

Who was living with me? But the text went—

11/25 was the day after Thanksgiving.

Exactly. Who was living with me?

I was living with my mama.

I'm not talking about you, but who was living with me?

So you're trying to say somebody else was using your phone?

Yes.

You never told me she was living with you.

She was though. We can call her.

All right, well then if you're saying this is not you, seems suspicious, but—

Somebody will.

I had, again, I had texts on there twice because I also found 7,800 texts between you and multiple men.

Phillip, you already knew.

But I'm lying, right? Didn't I just tell y'all a liar will call you one? A thief will call you one? Didn't I just tell y'all I didn't call her a liar one time? But, sir, I didn't have even the original phone that you had.

Didn't I tell y'all that?

I didn't call you a liar one time.

He admitted that he was trying to talk to somebody and he said I lied. And I told you why.

But the phone that you got, the phone that you unlocked was not his original phone.

But you can't flip it now because we found stuff on your phone. Well, listen, I'm not done yet. When it came to apps, I found 4 different apps. I found Tagged, which is a dating app. I found Mega, which is another app. I also found that you have OnlyFans verification, meaning you have an OnlyFans account.

No, I don't.

This is a lie.

And then the last app that I found—

This is a lie on your phone.

The last app that I found—

It's a full-on lie now, y'all.

The last app that I found, which there is no judgment here, but I have to express this, I found it's called Skip the Games, which is an escort service profile that you have a profile on.

Karamo, he know what I do. You know what I do.

37,000 texts.

It don't matter. You already know what the other one said.

That's a lot of texts. 37,000 texts. But I'm the bad guy, right? I try. I was trying, you feel me? Boy, bye.

You already know what was going on.

So were you aware that she was talking to other men and that she was also on these other apps?

Yes.

Let's be real. This is 4 months and it has been chaotic for 4 months.

Yeah.

Listen, y'all are not meant to be together at all. Y'all not meant to be together. And it's already clear from the fact that y'all been 4 months and then y'all been distant. Listen, you want to be in a relationship that this is not really what you need. And to be honest with you, I really don't think you need to be in a relationship for a while. I think you need to spend some time, figure out yourself, figure out your situation because for me, a red flag was when you sacrificed yourself to show somebody else that you were actually going to be there for them. I don't think that's a healthy behavior that you should do. You should never sacrifice yourself, your job, your commitments to say, oh, I'm gonna be there for you. I understand the logic behind it, but it's not practical in life. And I will tell you to sit with that behavior, sit with the fact that you've been hurt before, Sit with that, get yourself together, get your life together, figure out what you wanna do before you try to get into another relationship. I promise you that. I think that's what it is. You, no judgment, girl, make your money. You support your family, you support yourself how you need to. But what I would tell you is be more direct. This was clearly not the man for you. He met you at a vulnerable time and I think you were like, okay, I wanna be around somebody. But once you realize this is not the man for you, whether it was because he wasn't making enough money whether it's because he didn't have certain resources, you should have ended it and not strung him along. That was unfair to him. That was unfair to him. But at the end of the day, y'all gotta end this and y'all know it. And I think the best thing for y'all to do is just look at each other and say, "Hey, you know what? It was fun. It was a cute 4 months. Good dog. See you later." Right. So just say, "It's all right. Peace out. It was fun." It was fun.

Yeah, like you say, maybe I should just work on myself.

There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go.

There you go. I told you that.

There you go. Listen, y'all should have broke up after week 2. Okay? Week 1.

We did though.

And then y'all tried to get back together?

Yeah.

It's all right.

We broke up so much.

It's all right.

He know what's going on. He know.

That little smile right there is toxic as hell, girl. But we gonna get that on another episode. We gonna get into that on another episode.

All right? On another episode.

Exactly. All right, listen, y'all. They gonna be all right apart. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more.

Period.