Part 1: Did Mom Trade Me For Drugs? | KARAMO

Welcome to Karamo, friends. My next guest, Lex, is about to meet her mother for the very first time face to face and is hoping to get answers to some very painful questions. You see, her mom, Chrissy, spent a good part of her life addicted to hard drugs and in that time gave birth to 16 children. One of them is 27-year-old Lex. Please welcome Lex to the show. Aren't you beautiful?

Thank you.

How are you doing?

I'm good, how are you?

Nice to meet you.

I'm good, Lex.

So there's actually two reasons that you're here today. What's the first one?

The first is to get answers from my mom, for her to hold herself accountable for basically abandoning me when I was a baby.

Yeah. And what is the second one?

And the second one is to see if my dad is really my dad after all this time.

Wow. So you're here to first meet your mother for the first time and for a DNA test to find out if this man is your real biological father.

Yes.

Wow, so there's a lot at stake for you here today.

A lot is an understatement. This is my life.

So let's go back to how you grew up.

I was raised by a lady who was very loving. Yeah, she—

That's you? You's adorable.

She definitely made sure that I had everything growing up. I didn't have to worry about anything. We went on trips. The family was family-oriented. I was well loved growing up.

Good. How did you find out that you were adopted?

Actually, when I was 12, she left her papers out on the bed.

This is your adoptive mother?

Yeah, my adoptive mother. She left her papers out on the bed. You know, I'm 12, I'm nosy. So I go through the papers. I go through the papers and my name is all over them. Growing up, I had some family members that would say things like, you're not really our family anyway, so it doesn't really matter. You know, different things like that. Wow. When I found those papers, one of the papers in there was a handwritten letter.

And what did you learn from that letter?

Basically, it was my mom writing to my adoptive mom that she can have me.

Lex has a lot of questions for her long-lost mother, Chrissy, and Chrissy has come prepared to answer all of them. Everyone, please welcome Christy to the show.

I love you so much.

I'm sorry. Chrissy, thank you for being here. Here you go.

Thank you.

Yes. Okay, so this is your first time meeting face to face. Yes. What is this moment like for you?

Oh, it's amazing. It's amazing. She's beautiful. She looks like me.

So why didn't you meet her before today?

I was going down the wrong path. No, not going. I went down the wrong path. I got hooked up to the wrong people. Thought they was there for me and they really wasn't. They was just there to take me down with them.

Yeah. And how bad was your addiction for the first part of your life?

Oh, it was horrible.

It was horrible.

It was horrible. It was new to me and so much, I had so much introduced to me that, you know, I was young.

How old were you when you got addicted? When you started using?

I'm gonna say 18.

18.

Yeah.

Yeah, so you're still a baby.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I had no directions.

Got it, got it. Who's the first person who introduced you to drugs?

It's a friend of mine.

A friend of yours. Are you still friends with him today?

No, no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just wondering. At this moment, you're clean, I've heard.

Oh yes, I've been clean for 9 months.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Congratulations.

Yes, I completed the program and I have I have not been high since and I don't even think about it.

So the person that you ended up living with, so it didn't go through the adoption agency, this is someone you just met on the street?

Oh no, no, no.

Who is this person?

It was a friend of mine's.

How did that go about? I'm just trying to understand.

There's like, I can't.

You gotta.

There's no excuse.

It's not about the excuse. What happened? How did I end up with them?

Just because I felt like I was going— I wasn't doing good at all. The last thing I wanted to see my kids is go through this same shit I went through.

I hear you.

So why not give me to whoever you gave the other ones to? I'm like in the middle.

Listen, listen. The other ones are way older than you too.

But I'm also in the middle, so there's, there's— There's some that are like right before me, and then there's some that are like 10 years older than me.

By the time it got to you, I was not dealing with diapers anymore.

Okay, but what about a family member? Some of my siblings went to family members, or like the family of the dad or something. Something. Not just a stranger.

At the time, at the time, I was—

That makes no sense.

It doesn't make any sense. But at the time, I was on drugs heavy. I couldn't even help my damn self.

So why keep having kids?

I didn't believe in abortions.

And I don't believe in abortions either, but also I know—

I'm not getting rid of my kids.

But you did.

No.

It's the equivalent. You aborting us, in my opinion, is the same thing as you giving me to a stranger, 'cause you didn't know.

You felt like it was a stranger 'cause you didn't know him.

Exactly. Exactly, but in reality, it still was a stranger.

How old was Lex when you gave her to this person?

She was 1 year old.

So she was a baby.

Mm-hmm.

I heard younger.

No, you was 1 year old.

I heard younger.

She was 1.

And this is the same woman that ended up raising you?

Yes.

Yes. Okay. And you said before you found out, you had a pretty good childhood.

Yeah, I had a really good childhood. She made sure I had everything. I didn't want for nothing at all. Even she had kids, but Because she was so older, her kids were already grown with kids and stuff like that. They considered me their sibling. I never felt like I wasn't family until I went around outside family members who was like, "Yeah, well you're not even related to us." Yeah.

So what else do you wanna say to your mom?

I just wanna know why. And like, why'd you go the direction with me And then after me, you went back the direction you went before me.

My life was a roller coaster. So—

Mine was too.

That's how I was raised. I had no guidance. Nobody to tell me that's wrong, this wrong. The only thing they would show me was the bad things.

But you gotta break the cycle.

I broke the cycle. I've been 9 months good. I'm starting, I started 9 months ago. And I promise you I'm not going back. But if you give me a chance, another chance to be in your life like I'm supposed to, I know we're a little older, but if you please, please give me another chance.

Lex, well, you're about to meet your sister Marquita for the first time. Do you have a relationship with her?

We have a relationship. It is what it is sometimes, you know, that's my sister. I done cussed her out a few times.

She done blocked me.

So you've talked on the phone?

Yeah, we talked on the phone.

You've never met in person?

Mm-mm, we video chat.

Yeah, Chrissy, do you have a relationship with Marquita?

Yes, I do.

That's her favorite.

Why does she think that's your favorite?

I don't have a favorite at all.

That's her favorite.

I don't have a favorite.

She kept her close.

Did you keep her close?

Yeah.

Okay, got it. So everyone, please welcome Marquita to the show. Marquita, come on out.

Hey baby.

Hey mom.

How you?

Good, good.

You okay?

Yeah.

Marquita, welcome to the show. I'm so glad you're here. Yes, thank you. I'm glad you come. So thanks for being here. Why do you argue with your sister? 'Cause I know y'all didn't grow up together. So what's going on?

My sister very aggressive, first of all. Yeah. And if she aggressive, I'm aggressive. It's like I don't hate her or nothing. I like the aggressiveness 'cause that's how I came up, real aggressive. So it don't really affect me like that. She be getting mad at me 'cause I be laughing at her. I like that though. Like I don't really like—

It's not bothering you. You feel me? Got it. Are you close with your other siblings?

I always try to have a relationship with everybody. It's just we all over the place to the point we can't even really like mesh together like that. It's too much going on.

Why do you think your sister disrespectful to Chrissy?

She's disrespectful to her 'cause first off, my mother wasn't a mother. You feel me? I can't be mad at her.

I just wanna know how I'm disrespectful to her.

I mean, you express your feelings how you gonna express 'em because you able to feel how you wanna feel.

Yeah.

I mean, you angry, you upset, you sad, and if it's coming out the wrong way, it is what it is, but—

Well, I wouldn't call it disrespectful.

It would be disrespectful only 'cause that's your mother. You feel me? Everybody say you only got one mom. But you not being disrespectful in my eyes because I feel as though you feel the way how you wanna feel.

What is the main answer you're looking for? 'Cause I heard you say it over and over again, but I wanna see if you're clear about it.

I don't know, honestly.

'Cause that's what's blocking any relationship you're gonna have with your mother.

I just don't know why I was different.

I feel as though she wasn't different though because—

But you feel that way and she kept you close. And she sent me with some random people.

I'm not looking at my situation, sis. I'm looking at all y'all. No, you're not the only one.

I'm the only one.

You're not the only one that been given away though, sis.

It's not about how I was given away. It's about—

But don't make it seem like anybody else's life is way better.

I'm not taking away from none of my other siblings.

'Cause we all been told it's 16 of us, so.

None of y'all.

What I'm saying is— Don't make it seem, but you keep saying everybody else though.

'Cause everybody else, was kept close in some sort of way. In some sort of way, you could reach out and touch them. You didn't know where I was! I can only reach out—

You didn't know where I was! I was the only one that met you.

You didn't know where I was! I found y'all! Y'all wasn't looking for me!

How am I looking for somebody— I don't even know where you at. Exactly! She couldn't even tell you where I was. That's not me, though. You can't get mad at me.

I'm not mad at you! I'm mad that you like to downplay my shit!

I'm not downplaying shit.

I'm downplaying everybody else's stuff. And all I'm saying is I'm different because I'm special. Y'all, they, she, your mother, 'cause that's what you like to do, my mother, your mother.

I'm just using my mother because you ain't been around all my other siblings around. Exactly, I haven't been around. You really proving my point right now. You really proving my point. That's not my point, my mother is the asshole. You really proving my point right now.

Everybody else has been around and I'm not around. I'm not downplaying nobody else's stuff.

Story.

I'm just saying I found y'all, I went looking for y'all, and can't nobody say that they was looking for me. And if they could say that—

Ain't nobody on here saying that.

That's what— I didn't say that y'all was.

Lex, Lex, I hear you.

Like, that's crazy.

I've been taking notes and I hear you. Your question is, why was it me that was given away this way? And why was it— But that question is—

You didn't even do it legally. You did it illegally to where if you— if Swishy changed my name, you couldn't even find me.

But the bigger question "Why didn't you look for me?" So listen, she's just saying, "Why didn't y'all look for me? Y'all put me in a place where none of y'all could even find me." And that is hurting her because that's a deeper level. I know you do. I know you do. But there's a deeper level of abandonment. There's a deeper level of abandonment. And so what happens is that when y'all two have the conversation, you're saying from your pain, like, listen, I didn't have it either. I didn't have it either. But what she's saying to y'all is—

Is I would've wanted what you had even if it was bad. I don't care. You still had reach of her. I know.

It's crazy in our minds when someone sees our side is greener and it's like, you wouldn't have wanted what I had either. But what she wanted was to know that somebody was searching for me, that I was important enough to know that somebody cared and was looking for me.

But it was messed up that we all wasn't together. I feel as though we all was together, brothers and sisters. It would've been a lot better for us, right?

The person that can handle that now who's in a clearer mind is you. Your daughter is telling you that I needed you to search for me. And then what has happened is that every time you made a false promise, every time you didn't show up because you were on drugs, I understand why, it only reaffirmed that nobody cares about me. No one's gonna search for me. No one's gonna be there for me. Can you assure your daughter now that you're clearer in mind that you're gonna do the work to search for her, to make her know she's important enough for you to look for her, for you to go to her, for you to find her. She needs to hear that from you.

I just want her to give me a chance. I just ask for that chance.

She can't give you a chance until she hears that you're going to give her a chance by searching for her.

I'm gonna be there for you. I'm never leaving. You look just like me. You my twin. She's my twin. Y'all is my twins. I got you.

Listen, you gotta just show her now because the thing is, is that she's showing you that she'll give a, she'll get a chance to give up the anger, but the anger is going to be based on if you can show up for her. That's all she's been screaming this entire time. I want y'all to look for me. I want y'all to search for me. I wanna know that I'm important enough for y'all to wanna look for me.

Right.

That's what she's been screaming since she walked on the stage.

But she can't be guarded up 'cause everybody not gonna take it.

But the thing is, is that she can though. The reason she can, I'm not saying it's right, but the reason she can is because first her story has to be validated. And when she's doing that, she's just looking for validation of her experience. And so what happens is when we're children of trauma, especially siblings of trauma, you end up saying, well, mine was bad too, mine was bad too. Instead of just saying, "Yeah girl, yours was bad." That's all she wants to hear is like, "Damn, your stuff was bad." And then the same for you. Your stuff was bad too. Because all of y'all are victims to someone who's in a cloud of drugs who's trying to be better now.

I'm so sorry.

And so part of it is that what happens—

I'm sorry to you, I'm sorry to her, and I'm going on camera to the rest of my kids. I am so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Okay, so there's still more to this story that I just had to get y'all to a place first where we could at least hear each other and see each other there. There's more to this story that we have to get to, which is because you wanna confirm your father. You wanna know if this man is your father because your mother, she was using drugs then. And so you're still confused of what's going on. All right, so let's get to that. So tomorrow we will find out if Chris is Lex's biological father. Come back. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more. Period.