Please Help Me, I Put Hands On My Wife!| KARAMO

Jason, tell me, why are you here?

Well, my wife cheated on me about a year ago.

Yeah.

We decided to mend this one more time, fix it, try to work on it. And over the past year, I've been struggling how to get past this.

Yeah, how did you find out that she cheated?

Well, it was coming up to the holidays and we had some money put back. You know, we start our Christmas shopping a little early. We had some money put back and she's supposed to been took care of some stuff and it never did come through the mail. And so I questioned her about it. She gave me a bunch of excuses. Went to the bank to see why this money is gone and I haven't received nothing. To make a long story short, she messed the money up. I look at my other account and I had about $300 missing. So at that point I just snapped. She left the house. I thought maybe she was going to blow off some steam or whatever. She was gone for a few hours with my kids. After she hadn't came back with my kids, now we got a problem. So I had took her phone from before she left the house. So, you know, after she left, hadn't returned, I hadn't heard from her, something ain't right. So I started going through her phone. Phone and that's when I ran across the messages on Snapchat from another guy the same day giving her his address.

Got it. Okay, understand, understand.

So that's where she ended up going and at that moment I was in a very dark space.

So she left to go see this other guy?

She now tell me it was just to get away.

Yeah. What happened after she knew that you found out she cheated? Did you all separate?

Yeah, we separated. We separated for a month because I ended up getting domestic abuse charge. You know, the night that that stuff happened, I pushed, I shoved. I ain't gonna sit here in front. I just snapped. I went to pushing, I got in her face, you know, and it hurt me 'cause my kids was standing right there hollering, "Daddy, don't do that." You know?

Yeah.

That night, I didn't know I had put a mark on her. I didn't know until I went to court 30 days later. When my lawyer showed me the pictures, you know, it broke me right there. But that night she left. I didn't see her for 30 days. By 10 o'clock that night, the police come knocking at my door. I didn't really put my hand on her to bruise her and didn't think I was going to jail. I just thought he was coming to get my side of the story. He ended up arresting me.

I got it. So what was going through your mind after the domestic violence and you went to jail for that night after you shoved her, you said, and you separated? What happened?

I didn't have no contact with him for 30 days. So I didn't know what was going on with them. So I seen messages where she was conversating with her daddy talking about maybe coming back up there. So I immediately got me a lawyer. I'm finna divorce you and I'm finna get joint custody of my kids.

Okay then, so at that point you were like, "I'm done." I'm done. Yeah.

I'm done. I mean, it's prior to that, I had dealt with this before. This ain't the first time.

That you've dealt with her cheating?

This ain't the first time.

Not the first time. She's cheated before on you in the past?

Mm-hmm. Mm.

So then why are you giving her these second chances? I love my wife. Especially if you're saying that it took you to a place where you got to shove her and there was domestic violence, why would you take her back? Why not just leave? I know you said, "I love my wife," but what else?

I mean, my kids, you know, I want my family to stay together. I don't want my kids to go through the things I went through, you know?

I hear you. So why do you want me to unlock Alyssa's phone today? 'Cause it sounds like you already know that she cheated.

I know she cheated. That was before this year. Like I told her, if you still doing it, I'm done. It's it. This is it. I'm over.

Got it. I understand now. Well, listen everyone, I'm ready to meet Alyssa and hear her side of this entire situation. So everyone, please help me welcome Alyssa to the show. So do you admit to cheating on Jason?

Yes, I have. I regret it and I've apologized. I don't like hurting him, disappointing him.

You say you don't like disappointing him. That's interesting language. Was it emotional or physical cheating?

It was emotional in the beginning and then it turned into physical.

Okay then. And he said that you cheated several times. Is that true?

Yes, it is. I have.

So how were those relationships different than the one that you were in with your marriage?

Just the emotional was just, you know, making me feel good. The good morning, hello, asking me how I am. I don't necessarily get that from him all the time.

Jason, you don't do that for her?

I don't. And it was because some I just wasn't used to, you know, like I said, you know, growing up, you know, after doing 13 and a half years, I was just accustomed to that lifestyle, you know? I guess that was just an uncomfortable thing for me. I didn't know how to, I guess.

Yeah, I get it. I understand that. I have to ask you a question. Have you ever cheated on her? I'm gonna take that as a yes.

Yes, I have. I have.

Did you know he cheated?

No, I've had my, I have my thoughts and my doubts. Oh wow. I never spoke on them though. I just have it in my head and I don't like questioning him 'cause I don't want that.

I felt like she wasn't questioning me 'cause she know I have an anger issue and she don't know how to, she don't know how to come at me with her questions or anything.

'Cause she's afraid that you get angry?

I feel like she afraid of how I react to it.

When you all argue, does it get Physical?

Not all the time.

Not all the time.

It gets. It has.

Or you've hit?

I have put my hand on my wife a few times before this.

Okay, okay. Is that true?

Yes, it is.

What's making you emotional right now, Jason?

Having to sit here and tell y'all that I put my hand on my wife. I know that's not right. I was raised by women. It just, I have a bad anger issue, man.

Yeah, yeah.

So I don't want to abuse this. I love this woman here. That's not what I want her to go through. "And if that's something that I'm gonna do, then yeah, we need to." And I done told her that if I got to continue to do this, my anger get the best of me like that, then we need to go our separate ways.

[Speaker:KARAMO] And how's your relationship right now?

[Speaker] I mean, we get along.

[Speaker] We have our—

[Speaker] We have our ups and downs. See, I don't hang out. I go to work and I'm home. I'm 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. That's all I do. I don't got no friends, don't want no friends, don't care about none of that. All I care about is taking care of my family, my kids, making sure they don't do the things I went, you know, go through the things through things I went through. And so, you know, Rhett and I, I mean, the relationship between us is good. Yeah, we have our ups and downs.

When he's home by himself though, he has—

I get isolated.

His moments where—

What do you mean?

I shut down.

He shuts down, he'll—

Pull myself away from everybody. I go in my room, I isolate myself. I don't talk to nobody. My kids feed off of that. They know that. So they stay away from me.

Is that a direct result of prison?

Yeah.

Of you feeling like when things are troubled, I gotta go be by myself? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

'Cause I mean, for the last 4 years that I was in prison, I was in a one-man cell by myself. Got it.

Okay, I understand. All right, so Alyssa, we unlocked your phone, you know, and for me, the reason I came up with unlocking the phone was always to say, to be able to give couples answers that sometimes you need to see physical proof to say this is what's going on. Because if you can see it, then you can believe it. So are you ready to know what we found in your wife's phone?

Yes, sir.

So listen, when it came to your phone, we searched several things per what you asked. We searched for phone records to see if you were speaking with anyone, locations. We looked at apps to see if you were talking to anyone, especially since you said the original cheating came from Snapchat. And we also went through all of your text messages. You know, our investigator goes back to see even things that you could have deleted. So we went back to see. All right, so when it came from phone calls between you and any other numbers that could be suspicious that were outside of the norm, we found zero phone calls. When it came to locations that were outside of your home or any of the places that you were telling us that she could have been, We found zero location. All right, when it came to apps, we looked for any suspicious behavior on apps. We found one thing. Snapchat and Instagram have been deleted since the time of the incident, which is great. Your fears about her communicating with Snapchat or on Instagram with anyone, she has Facebook on her phone that's still there, but we scrubbed it and there was nothing found on there. So when it came to text messages, We did find 3 text messages, but the text messages were one conversation about sex on Alyssa's phone, but it was between the 2 of you. That was the only sexual conversation she had on her phone. There was no other sexual conversation on her phone. I told you, I told you. You're gonna make it, you're gonna make it. But my producers are telling me that they Scroll up and they found some other messages between you two that they needed me to see right now. Put my ring over there and don't ever ask me for anything again. You are very ignorant. Now you're ass got so much to say, but you're so scared to open up your mouth when it's being discussed on the phone. Knowing if I'm coming home, you're not even going to open your mouth. Okay, you're not worthy of the dirt on the bottom of my shoes. I'm done with you. Okay, so you wrote those? Okay. What was going on there?

Like I said, I do petty stuff. I get in my feelings and then I try to hurt her just like I was hurt.

Okay.

Just hurt, man. Do I think that of her?

No.

Hell no, I love my wife.

Well, she needs to know that when you really do it.

I know. I'm wrong.

When you say it, when you say it, that's when I shut down. 'Cause you say it, That's what I believe.

[Speaker:KARAMO] So you said something very earlier. You said you don't want your kids to go through what you went through. And you also said, your exact words were, "All I do is care about is my family." I do believe that is your intention. I truly do. But I need you to understand that the impact is different than your intention. Your intention is to make them feel as if like, I'm here for them, I'm doing them. But when I hear things like you say, like your kids, kids got to see you doing that way. You're actually having them go through almost similar to what you went through as a kid. Because I know for a fact, young Black man put in prison, you said you don't have any family. I can see the hurt. I understand it. I understand where the anger issues come from. So I'm gonna let you know that I do understand that. I get it. And I'm sorry that the life that you were given was not what you deserved. Because you deserve to have love and you deserve to have support and you deserve to have all these things. But at the end of the day, you now are a man that's still making the choice to repeat a cycle because your kids are seeing it. What are you thinking about right now?

I just need some tools, man.

Yeah.

I watch you all the time, Karamo. All the time. I'm tuned in every day, you know, before I go to work. I've seen how you kind of give people the tools to try to better themselves.

Yeah.

That's what I need.

Yeah, I hear it. I would love to give you resources like some therapy. Absolutely. So that way, so that you can talk about the anger issues.

Thank you.

Now, you got the answers. So now you know. Your wife is not doing anything. Your wife is not doing anything. And as you already know, 'cause you've said it already, putting your hands on your wife has to stop.

You already know that. It's not okay. That's not okay. I know that.

Okay, got it. Listen, I do wanna spend a little time with your wife alone. So would you mind stepping backstage and I can spend some time? But I really do appreciate you.

I really do appreciate you. Thank you, Karamo. I appreciate you.

So I grew up in a house where my mother was beat up and was abused emotionally and physically. And you know you're in an abusive relationship. Talk to me from your heart. What's going on?

I know that I am. I see that, but he said, I don't want my kids to be in a separate home from mother and dad.

Yeah.

I was, I seen my father do it to my mother. Yeah. So I don't want my kids to go through what I went through either.

I get it. I get it. And I'm sorry because if anything I could do is the same thing that the little boy in me wanted to say to my mother, when she was younger is that, "Mom, you deserve better." And you deserve better. And I know that you think you're doing this for them, but it's not, it's not for them. Because at the end of the day, I'm telling you, your kids would rather see you happy. So when I took the break, I went over there and I Googled the Domestic Violence National Hotline. And this is their number.

Okay.

And I'm giving this to you to you alone to put in your pocket. And the day that you feel like you're ready and you have the strength, I want you to have this resource.

Okay.

Because I know right now, if I said to you, please leave your husband, it's not happening. So I'm not gonna even sit here and pretend. And I also know, and the reason I asked him to leave is because I also know that you have to fly back home with him.

Yeah.

There's a better life for you. Okay? Thank you. Come on. Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.