Christina's parents use guilt and criticism to control her, even after she invites them to her daughter's birthday. Karamo explains their behavior reflects their own emotional baggage, not her failure, and tells her to set firm boundaries or step back from the relationship entirely.
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All right, you know, a lot of y'all have questions for me, so I'm gonna take it to the comments and we're gonna do something that I like to call Q and K. So anybody in my audience got a question for me?
All right, what's your name?
Hi, I'm Christina.
Hi, Christina.
How are you?
Good.
So my parents aren't talking to me right now. At this point, it's very weird because I'll have this like amazing relationship with them and then like I'll share with them and we'll have like this great connection. And then everything that I share with them, they eventually use against me like it's my weakness. And then when, like, I'm in, like, like there's a moment where I don't, like, call them because I'm, like, dealing with my own stuff and I can't, you know, you just don't want to, like, pour that on people all the time. They get, like, upset if I don't, like, call them every single day. And I'm like, we talked on the phone for, like, 3 to 4 hours one day. Why do you need to, like, Why can't you just understand when I like, I'm taking time for myself? So—
Are you the only child?
I'm an only child.
Yeah, I thought so.
Can you tell?
Yeah, I can.
It feels like a control thing with me. Like it feels like constantly they've been like trying to control me my whole entire life if I don't do something that they don't agree with. My mom, like I love her so much, but she's so freaking judgy and I'm not like a person that—
My baby too, oh my gosh, all the babies in this audience. Come here. Here you go, love.
Mm. So what's going on? So she's judging.
I invited them to come over on Saturday, 3 days before my birthday, 'cause I have a 13-year-old girl. I'm divorced. I wanted family around my daughter just to sing happy birthday for her.
Yeah, of course.
For my daughter, you know?
Yeah, of course.
Called her up. I said, do you want to come over? I left a message. I didn't hear back from you. Saturday comes around, I'm like, I'm not gonna not have anything for my daughter to do on Saturday, so I plan to go to the city. 7:30 in the morning, I say, Ma, we plan to go to the city because you didn't respond back. And it was very polite, everything about it was polite. He can attest to that because I read the whole thing to him. And, um, I said, could you guys come over on Sunday? And it just became No, I don't understand. Thanks for doing this to me again. You're rude to us. You're mean to us. And it's just always like outta nowhere. And I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing wrong all the time.
So first of all, you're not doing anything wrong.
And I'm old.
So old. So hold on.
Why are you so on me?
You gotta say this. I'm not doing anything wrong.
I'm not doing anything wrong.
Yeah. Because the thing is that part of the child in you that's had to always deal with this emotional manipulation, who's always had to deal with this judgment. You're not doing anything wrong. And I think that's the first place that this healing has to start for you is that you have to realize this is their own emotional baggage and their inability to understand how to parent you with love. And so it makes you feel like, am I worthy? What am I doing wrong? Why are you judging me? And as a normal parent-child relationship, you still want to give to them because you're like, I want you around. My parents are alive. I want you here. But then another part of you is like, knows it needs to set boundaries and that's why you take days away. The thing is, is that you have to have some harder conversations with them and you have to understand that when they respond, it's not because you're doing something wrong, it's because they're finally being challenged because you're doing something right.
Can I tell you every time I try to have those hard conversations, it's like a dragon comes out of my mother.
I'm sure.
Now I'm at the point where I'm just like, I don't even need you. Like, you're so toxic to me. Like, I love you. Life is short, so I'm gonna miss out on stuff, but it's like, I'm just like, bye, you know? And I don't wanna be like that.
But you need to be like that. That's what I'm saying. Because part of you is always in this, I understand the dilemma you're in. It's when you have a parent that's still alive and you're like, but I want a relationship with you, but they're not emotionally available to give you the relationship you want. And so that's where you have to make the choice of, is it me Is it my health? Is it my growth? Is it my sanity? Is it my security for myself and my 13-year-old? Or is it me still being 13, reaching out, wanting my parents to be there for me?
Yeah.
It's time for you to make that decision. And when your mother comes with that fire that she used to and always done, that's where you're not a kid anymore. You don't have to stay and listen.
Yeah.
See, that's what you've been doing. You've been showing her, I'm still a kid. I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna shrink and I'm gonna listen to everything you say and I'm gonna keep hearing you and I'm gonna keep inviting you over. I'm gonna say, Mom, please come see my 13-year-old. 13-year-old, "Mom, please come. Mom, please come." No more. Mom, you don't have to come because I'm an adult and you don't need to be here because the love you couldn't give me, I'm gonna give to my daughter. All right, you got it?
Thank you.
So no more. You're welcome, love. Thank you for being vulnerable with Karamo. I don't know who your friend is.
What's your name? Michael. Michael?
Michael was over here like, "Yes, okay." And Yagel was like, "I saw him through the corner. Y'all saw him?" Michael was like, "Okay, we got this." Michael, support her through that, okay? That was beautiful advice and I'll stay here. Y'all got each other.
Yes.
Look at this, I love this. I love this. I love it here.
Y'all take a seat for me. Thank y'all.
Listen, this is what I love about this.
Y'all like this?
'Cause we gonna start doing more of this. All right, cute. All right everyone at home, thank you for joining me on another Q&A and thank you for being with us.
Make sure to come back next time, friends, so we can keep talking and we can keep growing. I love you all. Mm-hmm.
