She Never Asked For Child Support?! | Co-Parenting Unlocked: Ep 2 | KARAMO

You didn't ask me for child support. No. But I will say I did think you were stupid.

Why? Because I didn't take it?

Girl, I was like, girl, if I was— the position was switched, I'd have been like, you better cut a check. Hey friends, it's me, Karamo. Welcome back to another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked. I'm here with my son's mother, Stephanie. Hey! We've been having great conversations about how to co-parent based on what we did and trying to give y'all advice. So one of the things we want to talk about right right now is we know that finances, money, child support is an issue, right? And we navigated that very well. So one of the things is that Stephanie didn't ask me for back child support. She didn't ask me for money. You never put child support— you never did any of that stuff.

I didn't want the money. Let me just say that this was the time before the internet.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

And so I don't know if folks know the story behind us. So we were separated. Karamo was sent to live in Florida. And I stayed in Texas. As a matter of fact, one day I'm on the TV scrolling. I see a familiar face and I'm like, oh my God, there he is. I have been looking for you.

Yeah.

So what I did was I filed child support in an effort to just locate—

So I thought the state had did it when you did it. Did you? You went up there?

Listen, I initiated it. Yeah.

I never knew this. You just got something brand new. I always thought that this was the state. I told this story a million times. That Stephanie did not come after me. The state came after you.

Let's add this, okay?

Because there's more.

There's more. There's more. Let me land. It's a little turbulent right now. Let me land. I'm coming. I'm coming. Wait, wait. So what happened was, which y'all know, and I don't know if it's state specific or not, but in Texas, when you file for food stamps or Medicaid, which is the insurance through the state, they ask you, well, you want us to help you? Where's your baby daddy? Basically.

Of course. Yeah.

And so if you don't give up this information, we're losing clients to help you. Right.

Got it.

So I, in my clever thinking, in my young mind, was like, I don't want no child support, but I would love to see my son's dad. I wanted to locate you.

Now that makes sense because when I got contacted through the state and hadn't talked to you, didn't know where you were, didn't know any of that stuff, literally for me, it was given to me that you were not asking for child support. The state— that's what I was informed.

Well, that's what happened.

That's what—

yes, it is.

Now that makes sense. Now we're landing. So it's still similar. You went in for the benefits.

I went in to— I wanted them people to locate you, period. I did not want— I was not seeking the money, child support. I promise to God.

You were seeking the benefits from the state, but you weren't seeking child support.

No.

Well, I will tell you this, and this has been something that we've never talked about because you didn't ask me for child support. No. And when I did come into Jason's life, I stepped up immediately. I started giving money. I took custody. You know what I mean? With Yes Sir. So like, there was no lag time of like, you know, let's not give him help. But I will say, I did think you were stupid.

Why? Because I didn't take it?

Girl, I was like— girl, if the position was switched, I'd have been like, you better cut a check. You better check a check.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

Don't get me wrong. Like, you know now, I'd like try to drop you money. Anytime I had money, I would be like, here's some money. Take your money. You know what I mean? And even though I was taking full custody, You did.

You always did.

But initially, I was like, she not going to come out.

She not going to come out. Like, she dumb.

I mean, now, as an adult, I will tell you this. I think that allowed our young minds to be able to figure out how to co-parent because there wasn't a stress of the money. Right. Because I don't think we would have been able to navigate those conversations, and it could have caused resentment or issues.

Exactly. Exactly.

Maybe in your naivete, it was for the best because we didn't have finances to complicate things.

Yeah. And we didn't. But I'm going to tell you, you are on a quick ascension. You were going up and like, you know, digging into your career. And opportunities were presenting themselves.

I mean, I used to say to you all the time, I used to be like, have a baby by me, baby, be a millionaire.

I used to say that all the time. And you know how I translated that? Like, make your own— like, you'll make a way from being this close to someone so driven and so successful. You'll find your own way. In my mind, it was reunite me with my childhood love, that we had a baby, but I wanted you. It was never about the money. You are like Karamo. You don't need the money to be you. Like, you are the money. You are it. So I wanted our son to like, you know, like be with—

I meant when I said it, girl.

Do you know how many women told me how stupid I was, though, for not filing on you? Girl, I would have told you the same thing.

I keep it real, and y'all know that. Like, I give advice to the women on my show, and I give advice to the men as well, but I keep it very real. And the advice that I give them, I always say, is advice that I would either say or do in my own life. So that's why I'm like, yeah, girl, if you would have came on my show and me and you would have been the guests, I would have given you the advice of file. I would have given it to you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Again, for our relationship, and this is not true for everyone, I'm— yeah, I think it worked out the best.

I do too.

And not because I wouldn't have paid, because, you know, I'm responsible and those things. Yeah. But I think what would have happened was I think that it would have got in— I think people would have gotten in our heads. Because one of the things that people have always said, and I've heard this before, and we always have to defend— Stephanie didn't come after me because I was on TV.

Never did.

She never came. This was way before TV. I had a month. People think like you came around because of money. No, this girl ain't never asked me for nothing. She don't come around me for nothing. She don't ever like— she's never said, can you buy me some groceries? You have never once said, put some gas, nothing. Nothing.

Yeah.

You haven't?

No.

I can't remember a time that you've ever done that. You have never said— I mean, I've helped out because I love you on my own accord when I've seen things.

Yeah.

But you have never begged. You have never asked. You have never demanded.

I've never wanted from nobody. Like, in life in general, I've never wanted from somebody, like, to take care or to give. I never felt that entitlement. Again, coming from a place where, like, we worked for everything that we had, I always just respected and admired you. Like, look at my friend from the same hood as me. As I am grinding for his position and making his money. I felt like I wasn't with you shooting in the gym. Why I get to scoop in and try to take some money from you?

Like, what? I'll tell you this. I got a different opinion. Tell me what. I think part of the thing that I think in co-parenting situations is that the pride can get in the way. Because I think that's pride. Is it? You just said, like, you said, like, I'm not— I wasn't there to make it, but, like, whatever. I'm not going to ask for it. And for me, you would have had full authority because as co-parents, your security means security of our child.

Can I tell you something further, Karamo?

Yeah.

From a place of, like, a fear of abandonment, I had been without you for a long time. And it was times when I was struggling, and I probably should have spoken up and said something, but I didn't tell you. But I never wanted you to think that I was money motivated or after something. I wanted your presence, and I was happy that we were united.

I would have never thought that. That's the crazy part. I would have never thought that it was money motivated, because you've never given that. You've never given that. You've never given that with dudes you dated. You've never given that. You've never given like, oh, I'm about this money. I'm about this stuff. And I was like, you should be. You should be.

And that's what I'm talking about. That strict and that, like, you were talking about being more stable, making those type of decisions. I wasn't there.

You wasn't there.

To ask me to date.

OK. You can give me some money.

You can give me some money. You want to give me back pay. We don't have to tell nobody. Like, you can give me some money now.

I said, girl, have a baby by me. I'm going to keep— I'm going to make you a millionaire, girl. I'm going to make you a millionaire, girl. Don't worry about it.

I'll take that. Thank you.

So what type of advice would you give to a woman out there who's maybe running into a wall when it comes to finances with their co-parent, their child's father?

I would say speak up. I mean, just like what we just witnessed here, it was definitely a lack of communication between us and maybe a small pride issue where we could have overcame some small difficulties, some small things.

Yeah.

Easily.

Yeah.

So I would say definitely to speak up.

Yeah.

And if you need to file child support, file it.

Yeah.

File it on them. Like, if you need that and you're not, you know, getting back— it was easy with us because the same as I was not being money motivated, you were definitely motivated to hop in, jump in, like you said, as a father. And so that's what really made it so easy.

Yeah.

Like, I didn't have to give you instructions on what he needs or whatnot. You offered. You took care of him. It was crystal clear that you was stepping in and taking care of business. So it was no need to—

Yeah, I think you're right. Having that conversation is something. And I think you got to make sure that you're not having that conversation in anger or ego.

Right, exactly.

Because that's where people start feeling like, you know what, now, oh, you just trying to come after me. You doing something. And that's why I said, like, the way you navigated, unfortunately, was naive. But it did allow me to feel like she has no— there's no ego or anger here. And so it made me just want to make sure that I always stepped up for you and that you always knew that you never had to worry about— I remember when school would come around, I was like, you don't ask your mother for nothing. I was like, you come to me and that's it. Because I was like, she's not ever coming to me, so you don't need to go to her. You come to me. It was like to remove the stress. You know what I mean?

And it did.

Yeah.

It helped majorly. Again, it just felt good to know that, hey, I got a real father. Like, my son has a dad for sure that's going to be there and take care of business.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think having that conversation is important. It is. And maybe— I guess the real advice is maybe suggesting invite someone in who's like— like a third party, not a parent, not a, you know, not a brother or sister, but somebody who can help you out, talk about finances without the ego. Yeah. And if you find yourself talking about finances and somebody's getting angry, yes, don't settle it right then and there. Yeah. Because if you try to settle something in anger, you're never going to do it for the benefit of the kid. And at the end of the day, it's for the benefit of the kid.

Exactly.

But also, again, like I said, it should have been for the benefit of you as well. Yeah.

I appreciate that.

It should have been.

I want to just say this to also— I don't think it's fair when the parent— and in some instances, most of them, it's like the mother has custody or whatever. The kids are primarily with the mom. I don't think it's fair to be using kids as leverage either. Like, you know, this money is supposed to be used for the children. I don't believe in like your hair and nails. You got a boyfriend or someone. You need to be using the money on the kid. So when are the actions going to start lining up?

Like when I paid my last child support payment. You don't want me to be that new person. You're stuck on the person I used to be.

I'm crazy.

For you to be that new person. You don't want me to be that new person. You know I keep up with you.

You know I keep the relationship open. You know I don't cut her off from talking to you.

So I want you to tell me right now. Hold on one second. Let me tell y'all something. I agree 100%. I agree 100%. And that's one thing that you have never done. I have given you money, and you ain't never again did a hair, a nail, a thing. You was always like, this is going towards the kids.

Oh, yeah.

Always. That's always been your priority.

Oh, yeah.

Always, always, always, always, always.

Yeah. Always will. I mean, unless you— again, unless you just want to give me some money, I'll take that. But when it goes back to—

What you want me to get you? I'll get your ass something after this. What you want? What you want? Girl, what you want after this? See, the prize still there. I just asked her what she want.

Shoes, purse.

Okay. Yeah, it's done. Done. Done.

For all the years of not asking.

Yeah, done. We'll post the picture on Instagram very soon. What?

With the shoes on?

You want shoes and bag.

Y'all heard this. Witnesses. Y'all. You know I'm a man of my word, girl.

Okay. You know I'm a man of my word. You want it, you get it, okay? All right, so I want y'all to tell me, when it comes to co-parenting and finances, what do you think the best way is to communicate? You heard how we communicated. Tell us what your thoughts are. On the next Co-Parenting Unlocked. Your ex came to drop him off, and that yellow white car came out. He came out there and he said— he told me that you had said, hey, listen, this is our friendship, this is what it's going to be, and we got to stay strong for the kids. And he was like, I don't care what she say. I see you. And like, as if like he thought that I was going to do something. Are you serious? And got up in my face like he wanted to fight me. This in front of my sister's house. This in front of my sister's house.

You never told me that.

Because I wasn't about— again, me telling you that was to cause more drama in your house, which would have caused more drama in our children's house. Wow.