Should I Stay Or Should I Go? | KARAMO

Making decisions to stay in a relationship after trust has been broken is never an easy choice to make. My first guest, Brietta, reached out to the show asking for help with deciding whether she should stay in her current relationship or leave after she discovered her man Curtis cheated on her. Poor baby. I'm ready to dig into this story and find out what's going on. So everyone, please help me welcome Brietta to the show. Hello. Hello. How are you doing?

I'm good.

How are you? I'm good. Take a seat for me. Brietta, you look great, girl.

Thank you.

Okay.

Thank you.

Okay, so I wanna start off immediately because one of the things when I was reading about your story that I loved was that said you have been on a journey of soul searching. Can you tell me about that?

Yes, so I have previous situations like relationships that I had went through and they were toxic. I found myself trying to please those people and change things about me just to satisfy whatever it was that they were looking for. Or I thought changing me would help them change or different things like that. So I just felt myself picking at different parts of me to the point where I just, I didn't know who I was anymore.

Yeah. So tell me a little bit about Curtis.

He's a real sweetheart. He's a gentleman. He knows how to treat you like a woman.

Yeah.

He's a ladies' man, should I say.

Oh yeah, he's smooth. I see it.

Yeah.

I see it.

He's handsome. You know, he knows himself, so. But he has a flirtatious side. You know, he likes to be the center of attention, I would say. He has times where he's just good, but then at the same time, it's like, you know, since the trust has been broken, I just look at him in a different light.

So how were things in the beginning of your relationship between you two?

In the beginning, we started off as best friends.

Okay.

We didn't just immediately start a relationship. We started off, you know, just being friends, getting to know each other. It was really good at first. We didn't separate from the time we met each other. It was just us every day.

And when did y'all become exclusive? Like a year in, 6 months in, a day in?

Probably 6 months in.

Okay, great.

Yeah. And we had an intimate moment where he just kept calling my name and then he said he loved me. And I actually said it back. And after that, you know, he just said that he didn't want anyone else to have access to me. And I said the same thing to him. So, you know, after that, that's when we pretty much committed to the relationship with each other.

So you had that commitment of saying no one else will have access to us, we love each other, but then you caught Curtis cheating. What happened?

Correct. So even after I told him everything I had been through in the past, it was like, you know, a slap in the face.

But you went through his phone and what did you find?

That wasn't the first time actually. But I did go through his phone. I saw text messages between him and other women and it was a lot. It was some women he had saved as men's name, like they were friends. And seeing the messages and everything and the pictures coming through, it was just like, there's no way this is the man.

Yeah, so that very first time you caught him cheating, What was it?

I actually didn't have to catch him. We were out together. There was a woman who walked up to me and she was like, "Are y'all together?" And I looked at her like, "Who?" And she said, "Him, the one that went to the bathroom." I'm like, "That's my boyfriend." So she was like, "Oh well, you know, we messed around not too long ago." And that right there, I wanted to turn up right then and there because after everything that I just went through, It's like you, you turn around and put me through the same thing. So it was like, it just made me feel less than. Like I did all of this work just for you to come and have me put my guards down and then do the same thing. It's like you took that trust away from me. You took it away from both of us. So, but the only reason that—

What's making you so emotional right now?

It's the fact that I actually love him. And so it's just hard just trying to figure out, should I stay or should I leave?

All right everyone, let's go ahead and meet Curtis. Curtis, come on out. Are you sharp? Are you sharp? Nice to meet you. I'm glad I put on a little cute outfit 'cause Curtis said, "I'm not playing with y'all." All right. You say that this is your final stand, like all the accusations of you cheating.

Most definitely.

Okay, tell me why.

Well, I love her dearly. I know I messed up in my past, I know I did, but I'm at the point now where, you know, I done tried my hardest. To build the trust back up. You know, it's like nothing is good enough. It keep being overlooked and it's like, how many more flowers can I buy?

What has that cheating done to you?

It just makes me feel like less of a woman. Like I'm just not good enough. You sit here and you tell me all of these good things, but then you breaking me down.

Do you wanna see her broken?

I don't. I don't wanna see her broken.

Yeah.

At all.

But your cheating is breaking her. She's telling you this right now and you say things like she's your queen. She's your peace, but you're breaking her down.

I don't wanna see you broken, I don't.

But I'm breaking.

I really been trying, I've been trying my hardest. You know, I leave my phone open, I share my location indefinitely.

I don't even think you know 3 months ago I looked through your phone and you were still having a conversation with somebody.

How does that make you feel knowing that she's already seen that you up until 3 months ago have still been talking to girls?

I feel like, how are we gonna grow?

If you don't change. How are we gonna grow if you don't change?

How many times have you cheated?

Oh, about 3 times.

3 times.

3 times.

3 times. Did you know about all 3 of these times?

Yes.

Yeah. Is there any more cheating that we don't know about that you wanna confess to today?

All right, I'm just gonna put it out there.

Is it more?

At the minimum, about 20, 25 times.

Are you serious? Are you serious?

At the minimum.

The minimum?

Baby, listen. All they get from me is just a physical part of me, that's it.

How does that work?

There ain't nothing I'm gonna do more than the words, baby. I promise you, baby. How does that work?

I don't need no excuses. But to be connected to you and you just not, you don't even know yourself if that's the case. You just giving yourself to anybody who would give themselves to you. Why would I wanna be with somebody like that?

It ain't that easy, baby.

It's not that easy.

It's not that easy. It's not that easy. It's not that easy.

Well, you know what? Since we confessing, I did have a friend. For the last 5 months.

What you've been doing to her, she's now been doing to you.

You can't take it? The one person? You just said 25.

Who is this again?

It don't matter.

So this whole time I've been trying to, you know, build my trust and you've been doing the same thing to me?

But she's only done it once. Hold on, because the thing is what we can't do is switch the conversation or gaslight her. You've admitted that you've been doing this 25 times. She says to you now, I confess, I cheated on you once, but you can't sit here and act shocked or surprised and be like, well now damn, you the wrong one. You were clearly in the wrong way before she ever did that. So my question for you is, what is it about your ego right now that makes you feel like you have the right to be upset with her about that?

I just, I would've never thought.

You have no right to be upset at all. You should take it. The same way you want me to take what you're doing and saying they just got a physical part, you should be able to accept that from me too. Because if this relationship is what you want, then we need to be able to do the same thing. What is the point of it?

You said that you feel like she's a classic, classic case of a scorned woman. What do you mean by that?

Oh man, okay, yeah, I cheated and all, but—

Wow.

I mean, okay, she didn't get violent physically with me, but man, I mean, one incident happened, I come home, I come home from a nice night, I go upstairs to my room, I see my whole wardrobe bleached.

You right, I bought those clothes. I bought those clothes, I bought the clothes. If I'm gonna buy the clothes and you gonna go see other women, you not about to see other women in clothes that I bought. Go get your own.

That was bleach that we saw you throwing at her?

Yeah, man, yeah.

That was bleach, yes it was.

Bold enough to leave the bleach bottle, like, all right, yeah. Another time—

I'm not gonna say you should've did more. Okay, I'm not gonna co-sign that. I'm not gonna co-sign that.

Another time, tire, I come outside, my whole tire slashed.

I helped you get those tires. Did you forget? You not about to be driving on these tires that I helped you get to go see other women. No, that's not how this works. That don't make it right. That's not how it works.

That don't make it right.

I don't care if it don't make it right. We just gonna make it even.

But you can understand, like, first of all, listen, I do not agree with the bleaching or the coming to the house. Because for me personally, I look at you and you do have a queen statue about you. And I do believe actions like that come from the traumatic little girl, the trauma inside of you. It doesn't come from this queen. And so I would just tell you to challenge yourself to say, this action, is it coming from me as a strong woman right now? Is it coming from that little girl in me that feels damaged, that feels like she has to lash out? Because at the end of the day, all you had to do was actually, I think it would've hurt more if you would've took them clothes back and got your money back. Okay? It would've been better if you would've got somebody to take the tires off and get your money back. Now that is more of a thing that a grown person should do. But I think destroying property, I think you're above that. She's reacting to you being unfaithful. That's what we're seeing here.

I'm reacting to the pain, the hurt.

Exactly. Do you want to salvage this relationship?

After what I just heard today, I don't think I do.

Okay. Curtis, how does that make you feel knowing that she says she doesn't wanna salvage the relationship?

I think she just talking.

I can show you better than I can tell you.

We done been in this for a minute now.

I can show you better than I can tell you.

You said like you feel like you become the problem in this relationship. Is that what you feel?

You are the problem.

I'm not the problem.

What do you mean you are the problem?

See, this is the problem. Like, I feel like she is a catch. And I feel like I'm a catch as well, you know? I done been there, for one, I cook, I clean, I wash, I provide. I show you nothing but love.

But you not faithful. That's the main thing.

Yeah, but the thing, mistakes. It's a mistake. It's a mistake.

But how many times? I'm crying over spilled milk.

How many times I gotta keep trying?

Are you trying? What did you just tell me?

Then you go on, you put everybody in our business.

Curtis, I wanna know, when you were growing up, were you in a household where you saw the men be committed to their woman?

My mom and my dad separated when I was 1.

So the answer is no. No. So you've never really had any role models of men being committed to women? No. You haven't gotten to a place yet where you even know how, I think, to probably be committed. I do believe when you say all these other things like, I'm a good man, I cook, I clean, I'll do these things, I'll try to do this. But what your partner is telling you is that all those other things don't matter if you can't give her the one thing she wants, which is honesty and monogamy. You have to start practicing how to be more truthful. I do believe that you can be a good man. I truly, truly believe it. Something about, I don't know, maybe it's just 'cause I'm caught up in how fly you are, you know what I mean?

That's what it is.

That's what it is? Yeah. Because I do believe it. I do believe it. I believe you want to, but I believe that you have to get to a place Because you weren't modeled the behavior. And I think that's important to acknowledge. You weren't modeled healthy monogamy. You weren't modeled somebody being truthful. You just said your parents left. You can be that first person. You can even be that person who says, let me recognize truth as being something that I can use to be even better. Can you commit to start being better for yourself by being truthful and not to ever put another woman through this?

I most definitely can. I want to. That's why I'm here. That's why I requested your help. 'Cause I wanna grow with you. I want us to—

Well, I gotta tell you, I believe this is done. This growth is done. This is done. This is done.

This is over. So that one time to make it even?

She done with it. She done with it. She's been on a soul-searching journey. I say it's time for you to go on your own soul-searching journey.

I could clap to that.

Okay. Seriously. 'Cause he needs that. It's time for you to figure out why do you cheat? You gotta figure out why you cheat. Why can't you be honest? This is your soul-searching journey that you have to go on. You gotta start asking yourself those hard questions, 'cause how old are you?

33.

33. Listen, the more that you continue to practice these behaviors, this is gonna be the man you are for the rest of your life. So start to practice right now better behaviors. Seriously, I would actually recommend to you is going 90 days without any women. I'm serious. I'm serious, because that right there can prove to you that literally you can make choices to be healthier, that you can work on yourself during that time. Like, just try it. What's the longest you ever went without going without a woman?

Well, 2 days.

Seriously, maybe 9 days is gonna be too much. Try 15 days.

Yeah.

Try 15. I'm serious. I'm gonna meet you where you at. I'm gonna meet you at— Try 15 days.

Okay.

Try 15 days of just going without a woman and just being with yourself. And just saying, you know what, let me not text this girl back. Let me not do this back. Let me just figure out why in me do I feel like I can't be honest with a woman. The more honest you are, I promise you, you're gonna have women who are gonna even come with value. You've lost a good one here, but it doesn't mean that you can't work on yourself and maybe find someone better. 'Cause she gonna find someone good. She on her journey. You can find someone better too. You gonna take that advice?

Take it. Most definitely.

Listen, I wanna wish good luck to you both, all right? Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more.

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