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Should this mother allow her daughter to have a relationship with estranged father? #karamoshow

27 May 2025 · 2 min

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In this Karamo Show segment, callers and hosts discuss a complex family situation. Christina, a Filipina mother from New York, explains that her 18‑year‑old daughter, who looks Black and is embracing a Black identity, wants to connect with her estranged Black father who abandoned the family twice after the birth of her younger sibling. Christina worries about potential rejection and seeks guidance. Host Stephanie advises against giving the father another chance, emphasizing the mother’s right to protect herself and her children while supporting the daughter’s exploration of her Black heritage, possibly through other relatives. Host Karamo acknowledges the importance of giving the daughter an opportunity to meet the father, suggesting that involvement of extended family could provide a safer context for a reunion. The conversation balances protective boundaries with the daughter’s desire for identity discovery, highlighting themes of parental responsibility, racial identity, and the role of extended family in mediating reconnections.

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Christina from New York says, "Hi Karamo, hi Stephanie. My daughter is 18 and a freshman in college and now has an interest in connecting with her father who left us when she was still an infant. My ex and I were together for a bit, but my pregnancy was a surprise. I decided to keep my baby and he left me, but we reunited after I gave birth to my baby. Soon again, he left and never looked back. I didn't wanna bring him to court for child support because I didn't want to leave my newborn with him or his family." But now, 18 years later, my daughter is curious about this man. And because he is Black and I am Filipina, she's interested in knowing him as she embraces her Black identity more and more. She looks Black, by the way. I want to support this decision, but I am terrified she would just be rejected by him again. What should I do? Ooh, girl, that was a lot there.
Girl, that is a lot. I would say this. You already gave him 2 turns to hurt you and your baby. Don't give him a third. In my opinion, his decision was made, and let him rock with that. He want to be over there, let him be over there. You be fully present. About your daughter learning her Blackness, that is not an issue. It's never going to be an issue unless you guys make it one. If she have other relatives that are present, if they represent his side of the family, okay, great. I would be all for setting that up. But as far as him, I would not— I would encourage that.
I would give you that advice. So this is the funny part. So this is the funny thing. I agree with you to some piece. So like the part you said about the relative, I agree with the relative being involved. But I also do believe that she as a daughter does need her opportunity to see if this man is going to show up. Because most of the— Yeah, because most of the decisions were made. I think about our situation. Jason could definitely feel like I abandoned him.
How? No, how?
Because I wasn't there. It doesn't matter what our situation was. As a child, all he knows is my dad wasn't there. And so when I came back in his life, the opportunity was given to me to show up for him.