Should We Stay Together For Our Baby? | KARAMO

Welcome to the show, friends. Should I stay or should I go is a question many of us ask at the crossroads of a relationship. My guest Saniya wants my help deciding whether she should stay with her boyfriend Shamar or get out before she's in too deep. She says Shamar has an addictive personality that turned into a gambling problem and a cheating problem. Let's unlock the truth and find out which direction this relationship is headed. Everyone, welcome Saniya. Anaya to the show.

Hi.

Hi.

Okay, jumpsuit with a pocket. It's cute.

Thank you.

Okay, can I have a hug?

Yeah.

40 inches. All right, she said Rapunzel ain't got nothing on me today.

I'm weak.

Okay, you look cute. How are you doing though?

I'm doing good.

How are you?

I'm good, but I heard about what's happening in your relationship. I'm so sorry, but I need the details. So how long have you and Shemar been together?

We've been together for about 2 years now. I mean, it's been official for a year now when I got pregnant with my daughter.

Okay. 2 years, 1 year official. Is he the father of your child?

Yes.

Okay, great. Okay. And so what, how did you two meet? What's been happening?

We met through a mutual friend. My friend picked me up. Well, he was my best friend at the time.

Okay.

My friend picked me up and I wanted cookies and it was kind of getting late, so Insomnia was closed and we ended up going to McDonald's. And Shamari's in the background, he's like, he's in the back seat. And he's like, take me to my car, take me to my car. And I'm like, no, you're gonna sit back and you're gonna wait until I get my cookies. And we just got into like a little argument. He's like, uh-uh. So when my friend actually took me home, I'm like, I kinda like how argumentative he is. So I got his number.

Girl, don't tell me you toxic, girl. Don't tell me you toxic, girl.

So I got his number.

She said, she didn't say, oh, he was cute back there. He smelled good. She said, I like how he argued with me.

Yeah, like.

Tell me about the time you caught Shamarr cheating and what happened.

Okay, so it was like last week. We stayed, it happened a few times before, like probably like, this is like the second time. But he basically came home. He went to his house at, It was like 4:00 AM, he texted me and he's like, I'm too drunk to drive to your house, so I'm gonna just stay home. You can stay on FaceTime though. He FaceTimes me, we're on FaceTime for like 30 minutes, he's talking, then all of a sudden just get quiet. I'm calling his name, he not saying nothing. It don't sound like he was tired. But when I came there, I woke up and I noticed that he wasn't on his phone for like, 8 to 10 hours and like every time he touch his phone, his phone go active on Messenger. So that was kind of weird. I went to his mom house and I seen that he left his phone there and he went to his ex's house.

Speaking of phone, because one of the things I told my producer when I heard your story is I said, well, it sounds like there's questions of what he's still doing. I should unlock his phone. And give that an option for you. And you were like, we don't need to because you go through his phone all the time and you already found some stuff.

Yeah, but before I went to his house, I actually pulled up to her house.

You pulled up to the ex's house?

Yeah, and I seen that his car was outside. I got like a spare key and I opened his car door and I left it open just to like, you know what, like I was here and he could see that I was there. So that's basically what I did.

So you left the car door open. I wanna go back as well to this. You found photos in his phone. You've been through his phone several times. What did you find?

I found like he'll slide up on other girls' Facebook stories. And I noticed that I went through his Snapchat and he posted, "I just want a homebody." Like I don't be at home with the kids all the time. Like, do you not just wanna be with me or you just don't wanna be around me and my kids? Or like, what is it?

Got it. That's a lot.— to have happened in a matter of 2 years, a year?

Yeah, 'cause it's real for me. I don't really know what's going on with him. He say it's real to him, but his actions, I don't know.

And what do you need from me today?

I need you to help me figure out what's best for me and if I should stay with him or go.

Okay then, listen, let's hear his side of the story. So take a look at this.

Karamo, I'm tired of my crazy controlling baby mom. When we first met, she was one of the nicest persons I ever met. But ever since she had our baby, she's been nothing but baby mama drama. I make my own money and I take care of my baby, so I don't understand what's the problem with me gambling. When she doesn't know where I'm at or when I'm not texting her or telling her where I'm at, she go crazy and she usually take it out on my car. She goes and bust out my windows or she goes and scratches out with knives. She popped all 4 of my tires last week. I don't know why she's so worried about my money and I'm spending it all fixing in my car, all the stuff that she breaks. And honestly, I don't know how much more I could take it. If she don't get it together, we're not gonna make it.

Girl.

Okay, hold on. Let's go ahead and hear Shamarr's side. I need to know immediately, did you actually do that to his car? Did you actually? Because you said you just left the door open and I just saw the car getting—

Okay, so no, I left his door open and then I go to his mom's house and he just said something that made me mad and I ended up just stabbing all 4 of his tires. I pulled it out the driveway and I parked it on the side of the street. So, 'cause I had—

Not let me get in it, move it, and then mess it up. Yeah. Yeah. Shamar, so you told my producers enough is enough. Yeah. Uh-huh. What do you mean by that? Outside of the tires.

Enough of crazy acting.

Mm-hmm.

First, This wasn't the first time she did something like this.

Yes, okay.

This has been happening for a long time.

It's not the first time she's done something like this? Oh. Okay, what other examples?

It's something getting messed up. Her, her friends come and they come wreck my stuff. Is that true? Literally. She got a whole bunch of friends. She has her little posse or whatever and they come and just wreck my stuff.

That only happened one time.

That you brought a gang of your friends over and y'all just messed up?

And they didn't even get outta the car. They didn't get outta the car though. They took me to my destination.

They got outta the car, they smashed my side mirror. And my junk was hanging when I seen her.

I did that, but my friends didn't have nothing to do with the situation though. Yes, they do.

No, they didn't. They hype her up to do stuff like that. Okay. They bad influences.

No, I did it because she be doing stuff.

What do you be doing?

I don't be doing nothing. You do a lot. What do I do?

You blow me up. It don't matter if I'm hanging out with my friends. Like before all this stuff, before my baby, I had my baby, she would come like to my friend's house. Okay. Like she'll text me like, where you at? I'll be like, I'm over. "Like such and such." And she'll be like, "Okay, who's all there?" I'm like, "You don't really need to know all that." Tell me about the fights you two have. Yeah, she's physical and I'm not a physical person. So she get mad.

Yeah.

You hit her? Yeah, he hit me too though.

No, I haven't. Hit back my eye. No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

She punched me in the face like 5 times and after like 3 warnings, you be like, "All right, chill." Boom. I chill. Boom. Chill, boom, then I didn't even blow on her face, I didn't even muster, I'm like, yo, chill. And she bruise easy, I could pinch her right now, she'll bruise. I did get physical. Like literally.

He said he pushed me and that's how my eyebrow left.

And people see this, people at her house see her do this stuff to me. Like she does this in front of people. And there's a difference between doing that in private and doing it in front of people. And that's gonna make me even more like upset.

How much property damage do you think has happened? A lot. Like do you think over $500, $1,000?

Like $1,000, 'cause she rips clothes and everything. Like when she fights, she rips stuff. And I got expensive taste, literally. So she rips my stuff. One time, if we get into an argument, I'm not gonna argue with you, I'm just gonna leave. So I'm leaving and she pushed me downstairs. She pushed me downstairs. If you talk to her mom, she literally sees this. So I go downstairs, my thumb is still messed up from this day. I'm trying to get out the door and stuff, she won't let me leave. She like literally fighting me and I fall on my hand. My thumb literally swells up for like weeks. But you know, I'm a man, I'm just gonna suck it up.

No, we did stuff to each other. We not gonna sit here and act like it's all me.

It's just interesting that you two are 21 and 23 and only been together for 2 years and have this many issues.

Yeah. It doesn't even have to be like that, literally.

It don't.

If you tell the truth, then—

I'm like, you mad, just let me leave.

It's like, nah. No, and then back to when he said that I used the baby as an excuse and stuff like that, that's all lies. If a man is not gonna be somewhere they do not want to be, he was basically, I feel like he was lying to me the whole time.

I want you to remind yourself of that statement later on when I give you my advice. You just said a man is not gonna be where he doesn't wanna be. Yeah. Remember that. Yeah, I remember that. Remember what came outta your own mouth, okay?

Yeah, and I feel like he basically, it's either, I feel like he just was lying to me the whole time. Like honestly, maybe the way he felt, well, the way he said he felt for me, maybe it was just all lies because if that's how he feel and how he see it in his head, I don't really know what we was. Like, I don't really know.

So do you, Shamar, do you want out of this relationship?

Nah, I'm cool with her.

You wanna stay in this relationship?

It's like, we wasn't even like relationship. Like, we didn't even like agree. Like, when she had the baby, that kind of like pushed like, so you feel right now you're not in a relationship?

Nah. So you're not in a relationship with her? Uh-uh. Did you hear that?

Yeah, I heard it.

Do you feel like you're in a relationship?

I feel like I was in a relationship because we was doing relationship things.

Things.

Yeah, but I feel like love, why don't I show you love?

It's not like that.

So I just got a ping right now from someone who's sending a message from me. It's actually a message from your mother, Saniya.

And I am delusional if they think that their relationship is gonna work. I love my daughter, but she is tripping over a boy who plays her as a side chick. Like, I don't understand why she's so possessive over him. Sneaking him into the house at night and staying on the phone all night listening to him breathe because she don't trust him. She's too possessive, and that's the problem. And Shamarr, he need to grow up and figure out what he wants and stop playing games with my daughter and his ex. If you don't want my daughter, straight up, you need to let her go.

Let me tell y'all something. Your mama could have a seat right here next to me.

What's your mother's name? Shay.

Shay, where you at? 'Cause you come sit right here next to me because everything Ms. Shay just said is exactly what I tell you all. In all sincerity, we don't gotta go any further with this. I peeped it from 2 seconds into this interview that there was toxicity, girl. I didn't even know the details yet. All I know is that this, you know, there was an old saying back in the day, the way it started is the way it's gonna end. And the way y'all relationship started was on a toxic argument in the back of a car. And here y'all are later and have brought a child into it and y'all still toxic and arguing about stuff. And the only thing that's happened during that time is it's caused you, a beautiful, beautiful intelligent woman, to have trust issues and to become possessive and to start acting out out of rage. And on the flip side, it's caused you to sort of feel stunted Because I feel like as a young man, you should have the possibilities to go out and be free and do what you wanna do. But because you made a choice to continue in this, you've now, and not be honest, you're now not only hurting her, but you're bringing a child into this toxic relationship. And as a man, man to man, you can't do that.

Nah.

You can't do that because then when you grow up and your child's 14, 15 cussing you out, you're gonna be like, well, where did this come from? This is unhealthy from every point way we look at it, every point way. The fact of the matter is he don't even think y'all in a relationship. I know. So the question for me is, is that why are you still attached? And don't say my child and don't say I love him.

I don't know. He don't really have no respect for me.

I do, whole time.

No, you don't. I'm gonna tell you straight up from your actions, you do not respect her. She don't respect you either. Yeah, no. Y'all don't respect each other. So that we're not gonna put this on you just alone, but she doesn't respect you either. All the things y'all do to each other, that's not a sign of respect. That's not a sign of love. That's a sign of dysfunction.

Mm-hmm.

You get that?

Yeah. And I'm gonna ask you, because this is the thing, sometimes when we see people who are 40, 50 and they in these dysfunctional relationships, they don't know how to co-parent, they're still screaming, they're messing around with each other, going back and forth. I wanna know, You're 23. At 30 years old, do you wanna be arguing?

No, I wanna be rich.

Good. Do you wanna be happy?

Yeah. I'm happy right now with my baby. I just wanna take care of my baby. That's it.

I get it. I get it. At 30, do you wanna be out here arguing? At 40, do you wanna be arguing? No. Do you wanna be 40 going around stabbing people's tires?

No, no. And I won't be doing that at 40.

Well, no, there's no guarantee of that if you don't start to learn now. Because let me tell you something, it's easy to say, I'm not gonna be doing that. But the more you practice a behavior, the more it becomes who you are. And that's what I'm saying about both y'all. Y'all are practicing this behavior that's going to become your identities, and I don't want that for you all. You don't have to be a liar. You don't have to be disrespectful with women. You can actually make the choice to tell women straight up before they get emotionally attached, this is where I'm at. The most successful men I know are honest about that. Be honest and stop practicing this. Nah, I ain't being this way. Nah, yeah, I told her I'm over here. We saw a photo of you with your pants off in your ex-girlfriend's house. You can flip that any way you want to. That is not okay behavior. But secondly, for you, you can't grow into this woman who's doing these immature things, hitting windows, hitting stuff, cutting up clothes.

I guess I got tired of telling him how I felt and then it'll be like, I'm sorry.

You are tired of talking, then it means it's time to start —to walk away, yeah. —Yes, but you're not. You keep going back. And so that pattern has to stop. Otherwise, this behavior of who y'all are becoming is going to continue on. And I just asked y'all where y'all wanna be in your 30s. And I promise y'all, if y'all don't stop today and y'all don't reflect and hear some of what I'm saying, we can come back here in 30 years 'cause I'm gonna still be on the air and I'm gonna say, hey, update. I'm gonna say update. And y'all gonna be in this crazy mess.

He driving me crazy. So stop it now.

This is a conversation now needs to happen about co-parenting. What happens when you leave here is you need to make the— 'Cause I was gonna say y'all need to break up, but y'all ain't even together. Right. So y'all both need to realize you're not together and put the baby first. And don't ever, and I'm not saying you did, but don't ever use your child as a pawn. No, I never did. Because I've seen people on this stage who have mothers who use their child as a pawn and the damage it caused later on in life. Trust me, you don't wanna be back here with that.

No, I never did.

He know the truth. Okay, y'all got it? I'm gonna wish y'all all the best of luck, all right? Thank you. You're welcome. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more, period.