In this episode of The Karamo Show, host Karamo mediates a family intervention with a Haitian/Caribbean family whose oldest brother (Speaker B) has been using corporal punishment and controlling behavior toward his younger siblings, a pattern he inherited from his own father. Karamo shares his personal experience with corporal punishment, acknowledges the cultural pressure placed on eldest children to act as caretakers, and repeatedly emphasizes that love should never be “tough.” He creates a safe space by asking the siblings to leave the stage, allowing a focused conversation with the brother. Speaker B admits his mistakes, apologizes, and expresses remorse for failing his siblings and his sister Katie. Karamo reframes the brother’s guilt, highlighting that he lacked the tools to break the cycle, and offers him supportive strategies to become a better brother. The discussion expands to broader themes of intergenerational abuse, the expectations placed on eldest children in Caribbean families, and the importance of accountability, open communication, and breaking the “tough love” myth. The episode concludes with Karamo encouraging viewers to recognize that cultural traditions do not have to dictate abusive behavior and to seek healing, while also promoting his show.
Chapters
I heard y'all Haitian.
Yes.
We're not gonna go too far. I'm a mess. This is heartbreaking in all sincerity because it's like, I know these Caribbean families. I know when they're just so tough and like, They feel like this is the way that you train a child up to be the best. Like, I remember the first time I heard the term corporal punishment from someone who was white. And I was like, what are you talking about? They're like, you experienced corporal punishment. I was like, you mean I got a whooping? And it was like, what? And it was like, you know, like this idea, because I grew up in a household where this was normal. It was like, you get a spanking if you do something wrong, you get hit. And of course now as an adult, I don't agree with it because I'm like, you could have talked to me. You didn't have to like knock me out. Like the conversation would have easily helped me to learn. Like think about it. And I always said, I said this to my parents now, I'm like, when I'm in school, there's no teacher knocking me out if I get a wrong answer. And so you didn't have to knock me out to teach me not to do something in the house. Like you could have just had a conversation. I would, you know, the kids take a while to learn something. And so, It's hard for me because I understand this brother's position to a degree of like, this is how he was raised. He's the oldest and we put this pressure on oldest siblings to sort of be the one to take care of everybody. You gotta protect the kids, which also blows my mind. It's like, just because a child is 4 years older than their younger siblings doesn't mean now all of a sudden that they should have the responsibility of making sure they're safe, making sure they're responsible, making sure they're this. It's like, I remember now going back in my own childhood, my oldest sister's 10 years older than me. She's a 10-year-old and she was forced to watch me. I was like, she didn't know no better. And it was like, watch your younger siblings. It's like, she's still trying to figure it out. But it's also sad for these other siblings who just want their brother to be their brother, to love them and to take their side and to realize that what dad did was wrong.
I'm like, I didn't wanna hit you. But the thing is, you forcing me to. You need to listen. You need to listen. I give her many chances. I give her many chances to listen, but she didn't listen to me. You see, with my culture and stuff, when we give so many chances and stuff, we have to spank the child in a way to listen. If we give too many chances, sometimes you just gotta give 'em tough love.
I mean, bro.
Sometimes. But the way you guiding Katie.
How am I guiding Katie? Yes, it's good.
Listen, listen, it's good to give her love, but sometimes you're being too nice and stuff. And guess what?
She never disrespected me. But is it? It's how you speak to them. It's not about how you, it's not about, it's how you speak to them. It's how you correct them.
It's not.
Let me tell you something. This young woman, to be able to be in a household with all these strong men and to have to experience this stuff was, Difficult, difficult. I can only imagine. You can even see the body language of how these siblings are over here and this one's over here. And it was important for me just to release them because I needed to talk to this older brother because I need to like acknowledge, like I understand what you go through being the oldest in this Haitian household and give you the support and tools so that you actually could be a better brother. You're not a dad. I have so many— And that was important. I asked your siblings to leave the stage because I want to have a productive conversation with you right now. Yes. What I was listening to you, if you noticed, there was no judgment coming out. Yes. It's very easy for people to judge where you're at and the things you have done. What people forget is that when you're a child and you receive a certain type of abuse or behavior, it becomes learned behavior that you then pass go on and think that it's okay. Yeah. You are in a situation where you had to escape. So you know something is wrong. You know the pressure was wrong. You know that you had to leave because something wasn't good. Yes. It was hard for you when you got hit. This was so great. He received it immediately. He understood that things were wrong and he got it and he wanted to be better.
I failed Katie. I did.
You failed her.
I failed my brothers, to be honest. And it all happened so quick that I didn't even know what else to do.
I'm gonna tell you something right now. I'm gonna remove that guilt and that language from you. You didn't fail them because you can't fail somebody when you didn't have the tools to succeed yourself. What you did is you did what you thought you needed to do because there's still hope. There's still a scared little boy in you that still remembers your father hitting him. And I see you get emotional because you know it's true. You didn't fail them. But the fact that you can acknowledge that you need to do more and that you can say I'm sorry will start to mend this relationship. So when your family comes out here— Let me tell you, one of the things I love on my show is that we do this split screen. It's cute. It don't seem like we sitting right next to each other. That one little bar, whatever editor came up with that, I love.
I thought I was giving you tough love, but it was not the right way. Truly, truly sorry, okay? Sorry I wasn't there, okay? I thought I was doing the right thing. Just accept my apology whenever you think about it, that's all.
So this was big. For him to acknowledge to his siblings, "I'm sorry," and that, "You did the right thing," was a big growth moment. And I think it's gonna help other people to realize Like if you see something like going on in your house, just because your parents are like, this is how we were raised, doesn't mean that y'all have to accept it, that y'all can be better together and support each other. I need you three to understand that I'm not excusing any behavior that he's done to make you feel a certain way, but you have to remember he was a kid that experienced the same thing you all experienced. The memories aren't vivid for you all because you weren't there yet. So there was abuse and things that were happening before y'all came around and before y'all could even understand that he went through. There was ways that he taught, was taught of how to like talk to people, of how to treat people before y'all even came around. No excuse for his behavior. But what he's trying to do right now is realize it and make amends. He received, and I truly believe that he received it. And that's why he individually said to each of you all an apology. Him saying, I thought I was giving you tough love, something I always tell y'all, love should never be tough. Love should never be tough. Be tough. So if you hear somebody saying, I'm just trying to give you tough love, say to them, love should never be tough. It's like asking for a teddy bear and the teddy bear be tough. Who want a tough teddy bear? Nobody. Not me. But this is a family that started to heal, and they took a big first step, and I appreciate it. I appreciate this family. I'm curious if they're still doing good and if they're still taking the steps. I feel like they are. But you know, when you, you spent years learning a behavior and And then you have cultural expectations. It takes a long time to break out of it, but I'm hopeful for this family. I'm really hopeful. Want more unlocked phones, DNA reveals, and family drama? Then make sure you're subscribed to the Karamo Show YouTube.
